that's not my name

[beggar_always]

So the other day, my mom and I were having a discussion on various pet names/terms of endearment. James had called me and I answered with "Yes dear" as I've taken to doing and my mom went into this rant about such things. She finds terms of endearment to be rude, in any situation. I tend to not even notice them when they come from complete

Comments

[geeky_ginger]

I'm really not bothered by any of them...having grown up in the south, I heard a lot of these terms growing up, but they were always meant as terms of endearment, never in a condescending manner....but my friends who didn't grow up here seem to get offended if I use them towards them...for instance if I say, "Well, sweetie (sometimes I use Darlin')...." they tell me I'm being condescending...and I just don't get it. I'm meaning it as a term of endearment because I love my friends.

Guess it just goes with the difference in culture.

[beggar_always]

It's weird; I grew up in the Midwest, where I think it's usually portrayed in media that we say "hon" and "sweetie" and such...but most people don't (the people who do usually didn't grow up here). Then I lived in Central New York for a few months, and it was pretty commonplace to say "hon" or "dear" and such out there. So I moved back used to saying it, and I got funny looks. Here it seems to only be acceptable if you're an elderly woman. Otherwise, it's seen as patronizing.

[geeky_ginger]

Yeah....so when I move I've definitely going to have to get out of the habit of saying darlin' because I don't want people to think I'm patronizing them.

[beggar_always]

Yeah I've learned to edit my conversations around most people because I know it sounds weird to them.

[geeky_ginger]

I'll have to learn that too.

[xela_fic]

You know, I grew up in the South and I find most generic pet names insulting (I give all of my friends unique pet names, which I suppose makes them more like nicknames). I see it as a very visible way that Southern culture is structured to marginalize women--particularly when a man says it to me. Eesh, that gets my feathers all ruffled.

But it does depend, to a certain extent, on who says it. An older Southern lady who calls everyone Sweetie, including my dad? Not as insulting as the Southern lady who's using it to emphasize (whether consciously or not) my age/social status in relation to hers.

But different people read differently into the same cultures. It all has to do with the individual. One person's condescension is another's endearment :) Except babe and baby. I cannot stand that, regardless of the circumstances. *shudder*

[geeky_ginger]

See I can see where they can be degrading but in my home my mom used such terms like "sweetie" and "darlin" in loving ways so I learned to use them like that. I never found the harm in loving pet name but to each their own I guess. :-)

Picture

[geeky_ginger]

Awwwww I LUV your picture! Its adorable! I usually get sorta offended when old people call me sweetie, other people not so much. I also don't like my family using pet-names. Anyone else I don't really mind unless they say babe or baby. >:P