through a broken mirror for theshield_agent

[beenunmade]

Reminding himself daily of his duties was something that usually made Clint sober up when it came to things he dealt with off the clock. Even if there truly was no 'off the clock' for SHIELD agents. Let alone an Avenger. If he wasn't suited up to save the world from some impossible villain, he was an agent of SHIELD. And SHIELD infiltrated

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[theshield_agent]

Phil frowned. There was never apathy when Clint was concerned. He'd been worried about Clint for a while now. He'd hoped that, with time, Clint would be able to move past whatever was doing this to him, but it was only getting worse with time. When he'd heard about Clint cleaning out Agent Stillson's room, he'd been concerned, to say the least. The fixation Clint seemed to have was unhealthy and he'd nearly gotten involved himself before thinking better of it. He knew that what had happened when Clint was under Loki's control had weighed heavily with him. No amount of assurances seemed to convince him that what had happened wasn't his fault

[theshield_agent]

Phil eyed Clint. "No, not just for the Initiative. Although, yes, they depend on you, too, but you've been a member of SHIELD longer than there has been an Initiative for you to be part of. You're a good agent, Clint, and I plan to keep you around for a while longer." And as a friend, of course. He hoped that that went without saying.

"I'll tell you what, you rest yourself until medical okays it and when you're okayed, I'll go shoot with you." Phil hadn't held a bow since high school, but he could probably hit some part of the target and it might even cheer Clint up to watch Phil miss it so much.

[beenunmade]

Clint eyed him back. "Then I have to stay fit for SHIELD." It was logical he supposed. "I can think of a few choice words Fury will say if "The Hawk" is out of commission. Other than trying to find another sniper half as good as me." Clint knew he was truly the best in the world. Otherwise the other guy would be part of the Avengers and Clint would just be a normal agent. He pursed his lips together, looking like he was getting lost in thought as he patted Coulson on the shoulder. "I've decided you're stuck with me for a while. Just until I find something better...or a grappling hook fails and I'm a pancake. Which will never happen. Just running random scenarios in my head." There were other things that could end him first before that ever happened

[theshield_agent]

"I promise, but I'm not exactly going to give you any real competition." Not that anyone could, really. Clint was far and beyond the best. It wasn't just his skill with a bow that put him there, but the way he handled himself in the field. He was quick on his feet and quick to think his way out of sticky situations. He'd come far in SHIELD since Phil had recruited him, but he still had further he could go.

"Do you promise? Because I could think of worse things than getting stuck with you." He smiled. "You're not so bad when you stop talking." He paused for a minute, thankful that Clint had calmed down. "There has to be something you want to do that doesn't involve physical exertion. Name it. I'll do it with you."

[beenunmade]

"Competition is competition, Phil. No one else will do it." Because they couldn't stand Clint bragging for months about winning. He was sure he wouldn't do the same to Coulson, however. He did, after all, respect the man and everything he did. "Plus, it'll be fun and you know it. Once we're both healed up that is. Can't have you pulling any stitches and bleeding all over the place, now can we

[theshield_agent]

"You need competition like a hole in the head. I half-expect you to shoot your arrow through the middle of mine, even if I miss the target entirely." If anyone could pull off something that difficult and ridiculous, it was Clint. "When we're both healed up, though I think you're going to be okayed before I am." Honestly, Phil was just looking forward to when he will just be stiff. Won't that be nice?

"I do so love your dulcet tones. Do you think you could sing for me later? It would just make my day." He smiled. "You can't think of a single thing that we can do that won't injure either of us?" Actually, Phil was coming up pretty blank himself. Netflix was about the only think keeping him from complete madness. He's caught up on the last five years of television and counting.

He sighed. "Maybe we can just stare at the wall until we pass out."

[beenunmade]

"I might just to see the look on your face." Clint smirked as he looked over to him, shrugging a bit. "I don't have to deal with a gaping chest wound." He tapped Phil's chest, right where Loki's specter had sliced right through the man from behind. Acknowledging the injury usually made a feeling in Clint's chest twist. "I didn't come back from the dead, but you never know. You'll heal up from this, I'll probably be back in medical one more time before you're okayed." He honestly knew he shouldn't look forward to being injured once again. But it was bound to happen. Clint was reckless

[theshield_agent]

"Can you do me a favor and go a whole two months without getting yourself injured again? I'll give you a reward." Really, Phil just wanted to go a few weeks without worrying that Clint was going to go and get himself snapped in half somehow. He worried more about Clint than nearly everyone else combined.

"I don't know what Halo is, but I'm willing to do anything legal, as long as I'm physically capable of it. I've watched so much television the past few days that I'm about ready to swear off the whole thing."

He smiled. "And you know that most adults play chess, right? Checkers is for kids." Not that he thought Clint would care about either one. Phil liked chess, but he was realistic about the fact that Clint wouldn't want to play it.

[beenunmade]

"I make no promises, Phil." He smiled as he looked over at his handler. Unsure if he should attempt to ease the man's mind when it came to sending him out on the field. After all, Phil wouldn't be grounded forever. The moment he was cleared from medical, Clint knew where he would be. Either directing the Avengers or various SHIELD agents on the field once again. "But, for you, I'll try harder not to end up a vegetable. If that'll make you feel a little better. If the reward is good." He wouldn't really know what to say about Phil worrying more about him than anyone else. He knew Nat worried a great deal about him. Fury and Hill had too. He was an investment. He figured it would be the same for Coulson as well

[theshield_agent]

Phil laughed. "You want me to read to you? Like a bed time story? I haven't done that in a few years." For some reason, the idea of doing that for Clint didn't actually sound all that bad. There was something strange about the idea of seeing Clint vulnerable in sleep outside of when a mission required it, though. He tried not to poke too hard at that idea

[beenunmade]

"Bed time story. The newspaper maybe." Truthfully, Clint was sure either or would put him to sleep. A comfortable, familiar noise of Phil's voice echoing through the room. He hadn't had a restful night's sleep in so long without some sort of "natural" assistance. Be it watching infomericals until stupid o'clock or a pill the psych doctor had prescribed when Clint finally came out and said he kept on waking up during the night.

"The Junior Agents. Williams likes ghosting me a bit. He wants to be the next Hawkeye." He scoffed. "Like that's ever going to happen. But the kid can dream." The only reason why Clint knew Williams's existence was because he had taken the room he had cleared out himself. Stillson's room. Clint failed to tell him who lived in that room prior to his recruitment, but by the way Williams and several of the other new agents looked at him. He knew. "Or your niece. MTV, stuff like that. There's a long list of people who want to take my title, Coulson." They just never did a good job on getting to

[theshield_agent]

Fighting back the urge to roll his eyes, Phil gave Clint a serious look. "I can tell. Come on. Let's see what we can do about that. Is anything helping

[beenunmade]

"The doctor prescribed some pills." He scowled a bit, looking over at the other man. "Then working usually drove me to exhaustion. So I slept then." He paused for a brief moment, folding his arms in front of his chest. "I keep on waking up at night. I keep on picturing...everything." He was slowly starting to remember everything that he had done under Loki's command. He knew it wasn't something he linger over.

He tried not to laugh, shaking his head. "Well, I'm glad I'll keep the reigning title of being a pain in your ass." There was a certain level in the official titles he carried. But the one that was jokingly between the both of them was something he cherished. He didn't have relationships like this growing up. Nothing that seemed so... permanent. Regardless of the Avengers. Nat and Phil were part of his family. "I could still annoy you. Sleep and healed or not."

[theshield_agent]

"Clint... I think we both know that you being tired and achy isn't what I'm really worried about here. I'm not sending you out on any missions if I don't know whether or not you're going to come back. That's not going to change. Our jobs are dangerous enough without me worrying that you're going to help get yourself killed." He didn't have to ask what Clint was remembering or what was keeping him up. He knew and he wasn't sure what he could tell Clint that would put him at ease.

"What can I do to help? I will really read you that story if you think it will help." He frowned. "And how many of those pills have you been taking? A lot of those are habit-forming." It was the last thing any of them needed.

[beenunmade]

"I'm not going on missions with a death wish, Phil. You don't have to worry about that. Things happen in the field, we both know that. Occupational hazards and all that. SHIELD just has them at the bucket fulls." Clint was trying to ease Phil's mind just a tad. Self-destructive behavior aside. Which honestly could lead into death wish if Phil wanted to point that out. The biggest thing was that Clint? Knew what people wanted to hear and right now, he knew Phil wanted to hear this right now.

He thought on it for a second. He'd been coming back from missions and the only thing he truly wanted was some company. The only thing he wanted was someone there. Admitting it was half the battle. "I think you just being there might help." His brow shot up, looking over to Phil with an incredulous look. "So now I'm a junkie with a death wish?" He laughed a little. "Really, Phil. I don't usually take anything they give me anyway."

[theshield_agent]

"I never said any of that. I'm just worried about you. You've been acting off for a while now, Clint. Let's work on fixing that." He tried to force a smile. "One thing at a time, though. You need sleep, so let's go back to your room. I'll stay as long as you need me to." He couldn't fix all of it, not right away, but he could try to help with what he could. If Clint thought that having Phil there would help him sleep, Phil would stay with him.

He didn't want to think about Clint's self-destructive behavior or the fact that he was pretty sure that Clint was lying about it, because when it came to Clint, sometimes his worry turned into anger and that wasn't going to help either of them right now. Now, he just wanted to focus on getting Clint healed and rested and then he would work on the rest. The fact that Clint was willing to talk about it could be a good sign, but it could also mean that he was a lot worse than he was willing to admit.