through a broken mirror for theshield_agent

[beenunmade]

Reminding himself daily of his duties was something that usually made Clint sober up when it came to things he dealt with off the clock. Even if there truly was no 'off the clock' for SHIELD agents. Let alone an Avenger. If he wasn't suited up to save the world from some impossible villain, he was an agent of SHIELD. And SHIELD infiltrated

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[theshield_agent]

Phil frowned. There was never apathy when Clint was concerned. He'd been worried about Clint for a while now. He'd hoped that, with time, Clint would be able to move past whatever was doing this to him, but it was only getting worse with time. When he'd heard about Clint cleaning out Agent Stillson's room, he'd been concerned, to say the least. The fixation Clint seemed to have was unhealthy and he'd nearly gotten involved himself before thinking better of it. He knew that what had happened when Clint was under Loki's control had weighed heavily with him. No amount of assurances seemed to convince him that what had happened wasn't his fault.

The fact that Clint seemed to resist any kind of team-building with the other Avengers didn't help Phil's worries. It was concerning that even Natasha moving in with the rest of them hadn't swayed Clint. He was more alone than ever on the base, Phil wasn't sure if Clint had a single friend who didn't live somewhere else. Not to mention this last mission. He still wasn't sure whether Clint was purposefully taking dangerous risks on purpose or not, but he was worried, both as a handler and a friend.

"Sometimes I even get to sleep." If Phil was married to the job, he couldn't even imagine what Clint was. At least Phil had his own place to go back to. Even if his friends all worked here, he still had friends, which wasn't the case for everyone in SHIELD. All in all, Phil had a better balance than most of the people here and certainly better than Clint.

"Should you be moving around this much?" So help him, Phil would taze Clint and make someone else drag him back to his room if he had to.

[beenunmade]

There was a small hope that apathy could be involved when it came to him. He honestly didn't think that anyone could put too much worry into the most human member of the Avengers. Hell, there were points in time that Clint felt as though Coulson would make more of a functioning member of the Avengers than he would. Coulson; the man he imagined could drop a guy with a paperclip. Hardly even trying. He knew among Nat and Phil, they would always see past any facade that he would try to put up. They knew him more than anyone else in SHIELD -- possibly knew him better than anyone else in the world.

The sniper felt the weight of all the deaths that occurred while he was commanding Loki's people in his absence. Even if the orders came from the rogue "god"; everything beyond Clint's control. But he still kept that on his own shoulders as something he could have done differently. He wished he had been different. He wished he had fought through the haze that had been created by the specter. But it generally wasn't something that he would open his mouth and say he blamed himself. Tasha told him not to do that to himself, that it wasn't him. A part of him didn't know if he believed it or not but he went along with it for her sake and for the sake of the mission that had been currently at hand. They told him he was part of the Avengers, after all. It didn't necessarily mean he had to be their buddy after all was said and done.

Even if a small part of him felt as though he needed to try to fit in with the rest of them. Trust. Shit like that would become essential when they were out on the field. Clint did most of the things. But it was like everything he approached in life, he saw things better from a distance. He felt more comfortable from a distance. It would have been surprising for him to hear Coulson say that he was more married with his job then the other SHIELD agent. But it was probably the truth. Even more of the truth was more than likely claiming that it was his life. But Clint didn't want to get into labels and such. It might have made him come to the realization that SHIELD had become everything that he had. The way he built the connections he had. There was not a single person he knew that had tomorrow promised to them because they were out of harm's way. Everyone he would regularly see could be the next person they cleared a room for.

"Well, guess I have to check off 'Coulson's a robot' from my list." He joked briefly, stifling a laugh that would rattle his chest in a way that would make him wince. No matter the painkillers the doctor's prescribed him. There was still some sort of dull ache there, reminding him of the state his body was in. "Aw, yeah. I'm fine." He looked down at himself before giving a small shrug. Not putting strain on his body, that was going to be left for what laid ahead for him. "The doctor wouldn't release me if they didn't think I could move on my own, sir." Clint had taken a couple steps forward, an attempt to cut conversation shorter than it usually would run to go to the gym.

[theshield_agent]

It would really depend on the man and the paperclip, but nine times out of ten, Phil could drop a man with one. He was definitely a capable fighter, even if his body didn't always appreciate it. He liked being a handler, though. He was good at thinking quickly and he cared about his agents. He cared about what they did. He cared about Clint. That just brought him full-circle to worrying, but he wasn't even sure how to approach the topic with the man.

"I could still be a robot. Maybe I'm lying." Speaking of lying, he tried to assess Clint's injuries, but it was difficult to see what stage of healing they might be in. Either way, he knew Clint wandering around at night meant he was either doing something bad or there were things on his mind he couldn't escape. "Where are you heading this late at night?"

Sometimes Phil was almost glad that Clint was here instead of with the other Avengers. It might have been selfish, but at least he could keep an eye on Clint this way. He knew Natasha would keep an eye on him, too, but it would be harder with their new teammates around. He still was't sure if Clint was really being self-destructive or not, but it seemed like he might be. Phil was just glad that he had some time to figure it out while Clint was on medical leave. He cared about all of his agents, yes, but Clint was one of the ones he cared about the most, even if he tried not to show any favorites in the job.

[beenunmade]

Clint, by all means, knew Phil was a capable fighter. It was one of the reasons why he got along with him so much and far beyond any of the other agents. Phil didn't look physically strong, and people could get the impression he was just some mild-mannered pencil pusher because of the missions Fury sent him on. But Clint knew differently. He didn't do anything without hearing it over the comms first, from Coulson's voice. He didn't respect anyone else. Just Coulson, after all -- the man was his handler from the beginning. He was one of the people who had been sent to retrieve the man with a trick shot from the circus when all others had failed before him. After all, SHIELD wouldn't have had him if they didn't fight for him.

Clint squinted his eyes a bit, looking up and down at his handler. "You're not a robot. But I know a couple junior agents who'd believe you if you put a straight face on and a couple wires up your sleeve." It was no hidden fact that a bunch of the junior agents respected Phil. A lot of people did. Clint just hid his respect very well as his head snapped at attention when Phil asked his next question. Explaining to Coulson that he couldn't sleep because he still had everything from before on his mind wasn't a bad idea; having someone to talk to might actually help him considering the fact he refused to talk about it to anyone else. Even Natasha. It had been that one moment when he was snapping out of Loki's spell that he had even spoke to her about it, he hadn't since.

He considered a lie. What he told was the truth. Or part of the truth.

"I'm heading to the gym, actually." He patted Coulson on the shoulder. "I'd ask you to join me, but considering your fragile state you might want to lay low some more, sir." He joked light-heartedly as he moved forward even more stepping closer to the door to the gym.

[theshield_agent]

Phil actually didn't look half-bad under his suit, either. It's just that no one ever saw him without it. He was in pretty good shape for someone his age who wore a suit every day. He worked out and he did more physical things in his job than a lot of people realized.

"I'll keep that in mind next time I was to play with some of the junior agents." He really wouldn't. The last thing he needed was more people making robot jokes about him. It was bad enough Clint made them and he didn't need any of the junior agents thinking that they could get away with what Clint could.

He stopped himself from rolling his eyes at that answer, but just barely. "You are not going to the gym. You haven't been cleared yet for it." He wasn't going to let Clint hurt himself further while he was still healing. The self-flagellation was getting old. If Clint wanted to mentally beat himself up, there wasn't much Phil could do, but physically? Phil had a professional and personal need to stop it. "And don't lie to me about that, because you know I get copies of everything. If you can't sleep, you need to find something else to do until you've healed more."

There. Now Phil just had to be ready for the inevitable fight that was coming. He knew Clint and Clint never gave anything up without a fight. He actually felt bad for people that Clint didn't like if this was the hard time he had to expect from the man.

[beenunmade]

For anyone who worked in SHIELD -- they had to look good. SHIELD had a tendency of making the uniforms skin-tight for all sexes. Something that Clint honestly didn't have to worry about, he had a lean body regardless if he worked for SHIELD or he didn't. He'd still be part of the circus if Coulson hadn't come around. Not exactly something he probably would have been proud of. But something he would have loved any way it went.

"I always keep it in mind when I play with the junior agents. They do provide for endless entertainment." Clint had managed to talk the bulk of them into thinking Coulson was a robot, Captain Rogers was a jerk and didn't like anyone, that Tasha was an alien. And that Thor had moonlighted as a stripper. Something of which some of the female junior agents were curious to find out where he went to work when he wasn't in Asgard or among the Avengers. It was all good fun, really. He didn't take it so seriously and he knew the other Avengers would have a laugh about it. Tasha probably wouldn't laugh outright, but the amused glow in her eyes would be enough for Clint.

He narrowed his eyes a tad, not even hiding the annoyance in his eyes. "No offense, sir. But I don't really give a damn. They won't let me go on a mission, you can't just lock me out of the gym." Even though he was sure Phil could just have his clearance revoked. "I'm fine. I don't need you or anyone else telling me that I can't do something that I'll end up doing. Gym or not." Clint somewhat preferred the quiet of the gym, but if that was taken away from him he had other ways of doing what he wanted to do.

[theshield_agent]

Phil knew about most of Clint's pranks and for the most part, he ignored them. It was kind of fun having a bunch of kids think he was a high-tech robot, although getting stabbed probably had ruined that illusion. The one about Rogers was... strange, but the others were in good fun. Phil might have gotten a little defensive about that one, actually. You can never totally kill the fanboy in him.

Now, though, Clint wasn't really being all that funny. "I can lock you out and I will. It's my job." He frowned. So much of his focus was turning to Clint lately, just worried about keeping him alive.

He closed in on Clint, moving into his personal space with an imposing stance. "Obviously you do need someone telling you that you can't do it, since you seem intent on re-injuring yourself. You're fine when I say you're fine." It had been a long time since he'd had to talk to Clint like that, but he wasn't going to back down.

If this was what Clint needed to stay in one place, Phil would give it to him. If he wanted to get angry at Phil for it, that was fine, but Phil was going to keep him in one piece. He was half-way to pulling him from active duty pending a psychological screen, not that he was going to warn Clint about that.

[beenunmade]

Well, coming back from the dead seemed to put a staple in the 'Coulson's a robot' theory. Clint was still refining another rumor that Coulson was a high-functioning zombie. Contagious only when he didn't get a chance to eat his share of junior agent brains in the morning. But it still had it's clinks. Such as high-functioning zombie, even though he was sure if he paid the geeks in R&D they could forge some files stating the fact that it was possible. He figured Coulson would defensive slightly over the rumors he created about the Captain -- which is why they were mild compared to the things he could say. He didn't exactly want Coulson to end up trying to kill him after all.

"Your job is just making sure we can fight. The state we're in doesn't really matter." He didn't think that there was much attention getting turned his way at all. "It's not my intent. If it happens, it happens. You act like I haven't worked or trained injured before, Coulson." Not that Coulson knew much about the facts of that gem of a statement. Clint stepped closer into his violated personal space, squaring his shoulders.

[theshield_agent]

He met Clint's eyes, staring him down in a way that would reduce many of those junior agents to tears, not that he ever expected to have that effect on Clint. "Not under me, you don't. An injury like that could make the difference between you making it through a mission alive. You're not doing anything until medical clears it." Phil would have Clint strapped to a bed if he needed to, at least he might if he didn't think Clint would find a way to hurt himself even more with that.

"I'm not letting you get yourself killed because you're too stubborn to rest an injury." Phil understood that stubbornness. He had some of it himself, but even he was taking it easy. "And on a personal note, I think you need to work on your attitude and the way you talk to people who can put you on the bench."

[beenunmade]

Clint had seen that look before. When he had begun at SHIELD, it used to cause him to lose his train of thought. Out of fear, some weird wave of respect. But over the years, he always met that gaze with a challenging one of his own. The agent did the same as he did before. He wasn't going to back down from his stance. "A couple broken ribs isn't an injury, it's a pain in the ass, Coulson." If he was going to prove himself as a person worthy of being a part of the Avengers he had to do whatever it took. He had been the last to become a part of them because he had been too busy being a tool in the plot to end humanity. Regardless of what anyone said, if Selvig could have developed a fail safe. Clint Barton could have held back in some way.

An annoyed growl escaped his throat as he pushed Coulson away, moving towards the gym door. "Put me on the bench. See if I give a fuck, Phil." He continued walking, not bothering to look over his shoulder at his handler as he swung the door open.

[theshield_agent]

Phil winced at the pain in his back, but he otherwise ignored it as he reached out and grabbed Clint's arm, vice-like. Truthfully, even with his injury, Clint could wipe the floor with him in a fight, but he was banking on Clint not putting up one. That wasn't to say that the want to hit Clint wasn't there. The man deserved a good punch right now, but neither of them would benefit from a fight.

He fought for the right words, trying to find a way to talk him down rather than wind him up further. "You don't mean that. Just... wait until medical clears you, okay? So I can have peace of mind. I need to know that you're healing, Clint." If he couldn't pull rank, he could be honest and pull the concern card. It wasn't like it was a lie. He was concerned.

[beenunmade]

Even without his injury, Clint could possibly wipe the floor with him. Maybe not if Coulson was armed with a taser however. Clint had been on the receiving end of that at least once and it was an accident. Clint's head snapped in Phil's direction when the agent grabbed his arm.

"And do what?" He didn't bother trying to pull his arm away from Phil's grip, which might be the only reason why Clint hadn't tried to punch him. That and he was aware of Phil's still own healing wounds. "What do you know about what I mean or not? I could be perfectly fine with being benched." The look in his eyes soften a tad, slowly trying to pry his arm away from Phil. "I'm healing, Phil. Don't worry about that."

[theshield_agent]

Phil always had a taser, but that was beside the point.

"Clint, you don't want to be benched anymore than I want to bench you. So let's go find something else for you to do." He didn't want to push, but he was going to have to if Clint kept heading down this road. Ever since that first day back when he'd found Clint wearing himself out on the range, he'd been watching the man and he didn't like what he was seeing. Clint wasn't taking care of himself and Phil could only do so much to counter that before he really did have to step in and do something.

[beenunmade]

Clint honestly see the end of the storm right now. It wasn't generally like him to linger on these things too long. Missions failed, people died. It was something all SHIELD agents were supposed to get used too. Clint had thought it was long since passed him him to keep these things on his mind. But it was turning out to difficult for him to shake off. He paused for a brief moment, sighing. "...yeah. But this is all I've got that's keeping me from doing something ridiculously stupid." Such as base jumping off of tall buildings to prove he was a worthy asset to the Avengers and breaking a couple ribs to prove such a thing.

He paused.

"If it's paperwork you can just forget it, Coulson. That's your idea of a good time. Not mine."

[theshield_agent]

You think that I think paperwork is fun?" He gave Clint an incredulous look. Jokes were one thing, but he really hoped no one thought he really did like the office parts of his job. They were just necessary.

He shook his head. "We'll find something. I'm not going to let you do anything stupid and that includes slowing your own recovery. A lot of people are counting on you to take care of yourself and I'm at the top of the list." Phil just hoped that the message actually got through to Clint this time. So many people believed in him, but to Phil it seemed like Clint never really believed that. It was like he didn't want to see how capable and strong he was.

[beenunmade]

"Well, yeah. Not the point where you run to your office to get started on them, but you make it seem like it's a good way to pass the time." Unless Coulson was trying to sell it. Clint, fortunately, was not buying. Making him do paperwork was like pulling teeth. He did it, but not without a fight.

"Shooting a bow is actually therapeutic. You should give it a try one day, Coulson." But then again, Clint would take it as a personal challenge to wipe Coulson out with that as well. He blinked for a moment, glancing over at his handler. "For the Initiative right? I think the Avengers couldn't be without their sniper. I'm like the glue." Which wasn't the case, but he was attempting to sound...confident. It was effortless for Clint the majority of the time. But if he had to think about it. Coulson had honestly been the one to bring and keep them together.