through a broken mirror for theshield_agent

[beenunmade]

Reminding himself daily of his duties was something that usually made Clint sober up when it came to things he dealt with off the clock. Even if there truly was no 'off the clock' for SHIELD agents. Let alone an Avenger. If he wasn't suited up to save the world from some impossible villain, he was an agent of SHIELD. And SHIELD infiltrated

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[beenunmade]

"Bed time story. The newspaper maybe." Truthfully, Clint was sure either or would put him to sleep. A comfortable, familiar noise of Phil's voice echoing through the room. He hadn't had a restful night's sleep in so long without some sort of "natural" assistance. Be it watching infomericals until stupid o'clock or a pill the psych doctor had prescribed when Clint finally came out and said he kept on waking up during the night.

"The Junior Agents. Williams likes ghosting me a bit. He wants to be the next Hawkeye." He scoffed. "Like that's ever going to happen. But the kid can dream." The only reason why Clint knew Williams's existence was because he had taken the room he had cleared out himself. Stillson's room. Clint failed to tell him who lived in that room prior to his recruitment, but by the way Williams and several of the other new agents looked at him. He knew. "Or your niece. MTV, stuff like that. There's a long list of people who want to take my title, Coulson." They just never did a good job on getting to that point because if there was one thing Clint was most protective of -- it was his position in Phil's life.

Sure, Phil was his handler. A sense of duty right there. Clint found the harassing, the teasing, and all-around joking something that kept the two of them connected. That Phil knew Clint was there. Caring in his own little way. Continuing with the beginning of the conversation, Clint pursed his lips together. "I can't sleep, Phil..." He figured, if there was anyone he could talk to about it. It was Coulson. He didn't even really want to talk to the doctor about it, but if he wanted to be cleared for field duty. It was a must.

[theshield_agent]

Fighting back the urge to roll his eyes, Phil gave Clint a serious look. "I can tell. Come on. Let's see what we can do about that. Is anything helping?"

He shook his head. "And Williams has a long way to go before he can even come close to your skills, both as an agent and a pain in my ass. Let's worry about getting you rested and healed so you can just do what you do best; Do your job annoyingly well and annoy me like it's your job." Sure, other people annoyed him, some more than Clint, even, but Clint always had this charming way of making Phil enjoy being annoyed. His niece was really the only other person who came close, but you can't not love your annoying family members. Clint was just... Clint and Phil didn't want to think about not having him there to make his life more complicated.

"What can we do to get you back to top shape so you can focus on ruining my paperwork and making more paperwork for me instead of just making me worry about you?" Not that he didn't always worry, but his current level of worry was definitely higher than usual.

[beenunmade]

"The doctor prescribed some pills." He scowled a bit, looking over at the other man. "Then working usually drove me to exhaustion. So I slept then." He paused for a brief moment, folding his arms in front of his chest. "I keep on waking up at night. I keep on picturing...everything." He was slowly starting to remember everything that he had done under Loki's command. He knew it wasn't something he linger over.

He tried not to laugh, shaking his head. "Well, I'm glad I'll keep the reigning title of being a pain in your ass." There was a certain level in the official titles he carried. But the one that was jokingly between the both of them was something he cherished. He didn't have relationships like this growing up. Nothing that seemed so... permanent. Regardless of the Avengers. Nat and Phil were part of his family. "I could still annoy you. Sleep and healed or not."

[theshield_agent]

"Clint... I think we both know that you being tired and achy isn't what I'm really worried about here. I'm not sending you out on any missions if I don't know whether or not you're going to come back. That's not going to change. Our jobs are dangerous enough without me worrying that you're going to help get yourself killed." He didn't have to ask what Clint was remembering or what was keeping him up. He knew and he wasn't sure what he could tell Clint that would put him at ease.

"What can I do to help? I will really read you that story if you think it will help." He frowned. "And how many of those pills have you been taking? A lot of those are habit-forming." It was the last thing any of them needed.

[beenunmade]

"I'm not going on missions with a death wish, Phil. You don't have to worry about that. Things happen in the field, we both know that. Occupational hazards and all that. SHIELD just has them at the bucket fulls." Clint was trying to ease Phil's mind just a tad. Self-destructive behavior aside. Which honestly could lead into death wish if Phil wanted to point that out. The biggest thing was that Clint? Knew what people wanted to hear and right now, he knew Phil wanted to hear this right now.

He thought on it for a second. He'd been coming back from missions and the only thing he truly wanted was some company. The only thing he wanted was someone there. Admitting it was half the battle. "I think you just being there might help." His brow shot up, looking over to Phil with an incredulous look. "So now I'm a junkie with a death wish?" He laughed a little. "Really, Phil. I don't usually take anything they give me anyway."

[theshield_agent]

"I never said any of that. I'm just worried about you. You've been acting off for a while now, Clint. Let's work on fixing that." He tried to force a smile. "One thing at a time, though. You need sleep, so let's go back to your room. I'll stay as long as you need me to." He couldn't fix all of it, not right away, but he could try to help with what he could. If Clint thought that having Phil there would help him sleep, Phil would stay with him.

He didn't want to think about Clint's self-destructive behavior or the fact that he was pretty sure that Clint was lying about it, because when it came to Clint, sometimes his worry turned into anger and that wasn't going to help either of them right now. Now, he just wanted to focus on getting Clint healed and rested and then he would work on the rest. The fact that Clint was willing to talk about it could be a good sign, but it could also mean that he was a lot worse than he was willing to admit.

[beenunmade]

"Something similar to it though." Clint noted the forced smile in the back of his mind as he started walking towards his room, fully expecting Phil to follow after him. "You know me, Phil. You have to trust in me that whatever's going on is going to pass sooner or later." Hopefully sooner rather than later. For Phil's state of mind, he might make an extra attempt for it to be sooner. He turned around, walking backwards so that he could look the agent in the eye.

"...I'm not acting that off, am I?" His brows furrowed a bit with concern. Obviously, the only one else he knew who could point it out was Nat. The others he usually found himself around figured it was him...being himself.

[theshield_agent]

Phil did follow after Clint, studying his face and the way he was moving. "I don't think anyone else has noticed, if that's what you mean. You're my agent. I'd be worried if I wasn't the first one to pick up on things like this." He just wanted to get Clint back to where he should be so that they could get back to working together. He wanted to believe Clint that it would pass, but he was still so worried that it would get him killed before it was through.

He wondered if living with the other Avengers would help or make it worse, but he wouldn't suggest it until he was sure it wouldn't make him worse. That was the last thing he wanted. If Clint was happier here, Phil was happy to have him close, where he could keep an eye on him and get to him easily if he was needed.

[beenunmade]

Clint's smile seemed to grow at that, eyes on Phil as he kept on walking backwards. Folding his hands behind his back as he does. "You're my friend too," he pointed out quietly. "On top of being my handler." There was really only one person in his mind that could have roped him into joining SHIELD initially. At that point in his life, Clint would have laughed in Fury or Hill's faces if they ever showed up under the big top to recruit "the world's greatest marksman"; who at the time was just a circus act. A better one than most people. "I'm pretty sure the others will only know if I'm acting weird is if you or Tasha point it out. We're not exactly braiding each other's hair every nig--well, they might be." He laughed a bit. Clint really didn't know what the others did back where they all lived in the Avengers headquarters.

Clint was somewhat glad that he had decided to stay in the SHIELD apartments. It seemed like it would be more loud if he had decided to go live with Tony and the others.

The archer still kept walking backwards with a smile on his face before nearly falling over a trash bin. Catching himself by performing a quick little backflip so he didn't look like an idiot. Now he just looked like a talented idiot. The action immediately sent a jolt of pain through his upper body. "You think you could warn me next time, Coulson?" He hid the look of pain on his face as he just moved...to walk forward, side by side with his handler.

[theshield_agent]

"I didn't see it. You were kind of in the way." Mostly true. He'd only had about five seconds between noticing it and Clint banging into it. Maybe now he'd finally learn not to walk backwards, but Phil was pretty sure that that lesson was only going to stick for a few hours at the most.

Though he did frown when he saw that Clint was in pain. He definitely made the right call about the gym. "You're my friend, too, Clint, but I'm not braiding your hair. I draw the line at tucking you in."

He didn't really try to think too much about what the other Avengers were up to. He imagined that Stark and Banner spent a lot of time doing science and that stark spent the rest of the time antagonizing Rogers. He couldn't imagine Clint or Natasha getting involved in either of those situations. The fact that Natasha seemed to be doing well there was surprising, but good. He wasn't so sure that Clint really would do as well, but he could hope.

[beenunmade]

"Liar. You see all." He laughed as he continued walking beside him, tucking his hands in his pockets as he walked next to his friend. Phil was right when it came to prohibiting his occupation of the gym. If one backflip was enough to cause pain. Then doing anything else would have just done more bad than good. Not that he would say his handler was "right". He liked imagining that whatever Phil said was wrong.

If Phil had asked him to move into the tower, Clint would have. The fact that he hadn't yet made him feel a little better about where he was. "If you did want to braid my hair. I might need you to get your temperature checked, Coulson. Or see if there was any shapeshifting aliens around."

[theshield_agent]

"So your current theory is that I just enjoy watching you trip over trash cans?" If Clint wasn't hurt, that theory wouldn't be so far off, but Phil never liked seeing Clint in actual pain. He preferred mild humiliation and only because Clint put so much effort into his posturing.

"I'm not the one asking for bedtime stories." He smiled, though. It wasn't as if he minded at all. If Clint needed someone to take care of him, Phil would do it gladly. It's what friends did and friends were rare in this line of work. Phil was careful with the ones he had and the fact that he could count Clint among them meant a lot, not the least of which because Clint had some serious authority issues that Phil was always surprised to have somehow managed to sidestep.

[beenunmade]

"Better than breaking my dreams that you're omnipresent." He smiled, trying to hold back the laughter at the ridiculousness of the statement he just said. "Plus, I didn't trip. I have the reflexes of a cat." Even though his reflexes didn't exactly do him any favors, nor did his circus tricks.

Clint's nose wrinkled up as he looked over at his friend. "I'm just trying every avenue. I usually fall asleep listening to your voice drone on during debriefings. A bedtime story shouldn't be any different, right?" Clint just felt comforted in the presence of Tasha or Coulson. Having either in the room would have caused him to get some sleep rather than forgo it altogether. "I'd ask Tasha to read a bedtime story. But she'd just give me one of those judging looks and go about her business." He tried to mimic the look Nat usually gave him when he did something questionable. But it didn't have the same intensity if, say, Tasha did it herself.

[theshield_agent]

Phil laughed. "Or worse, she'd tell you some creepy Russian story and then you'd really never sleep." If anyone else told him that his voice put them to sleep, he might have been insulted, but this was Clint and that already gave him a pass. Plus, he'd just tripped over a trash can, which must have been hurting both him and his ego. Besides, if he could help Clint sleep, he would consider it a win. Poor guy clearly needed it.

"And I'm not omnipresent. I'm just all-knowing. There's a difference." And that difference was that one simply involved a lot of hidden cameras and observation. He wasn't God, but he did take a professional interest in the eating, sleeping and social habits of his agents. One could never know too much about their coworkers.

[beenunmade]

"She has done that before. I was in the infirmary and couldn't escape." So he had just used the 'morphine' button instead to make himself knock out. A pleasant escape. He didn't mean any harm in saying Phil's voice put him to sleep. It was familiar. One of only a couple things in the world that Clint categorized as 'safe'. In his eyes, nothing could go wrong when he had Phil around. He had been his handler for many years. His friend for a shorter time than that.

"Well, I guess that's a reasonable difference. I'll accept it." He laughed as he continued walking, stopping at the door to his little room. "By all knowing do you mean, you spy on all the little agents? Or are you really...a robot?" He joked haphazardly. Knowing exactly which buttons hit where when it came to Phil. Clint was still amused at the assumption that Coulson was a robot by many junior agents.