I’ve noticed that a lot of BDSM books seem to go to extreme lengths to stress the importance of safety, safe-words, Safe-Sane-Consensual, etc. Important!: I do not think that this is a bad thing! But it seems to be at odds with some of the older BDSM traditions. For example, in my experience, there are many in the leather lifestyle (and especially ( Read more... )

As a top, guilt has been my constant enemy. Psychology, the church, popular media… our culture at large tells us pretty point-blank that you’re sick if you like inflicting pain on someone else; if you enjoy having absolute power over them; if you enjoy degrading them.  These things are bad - never mind if the other person wants and even asks for ( Read more... )

The idea of informed consent is one of the core principles of BDSM. It’s in the two most common acronyms, SSC (Safe, Sane, and Consensual) and RACK (Risk-Aware Consensual Kink). Without consent, what we do is immoral and illegal - well in many places, what we do is illegal even with consent, but I digress.

Anyone who knows me knows that I do not ( Read more... )

I made a post discussing whether giving oral sex is a dominant or submissive activity.  A concept somewhat related to this, which I’ve been mulling over lately, is that of “service tops.”   This is a term that means a top that is in service to their bottom, doing exactly what the bottom wants, and nothing else - allowing the bottom to “top from the ( Read more... )

Okay, so this one isn’t exactly BDSM-related, and it’s from a while ago (I just now saw this post laying around in my drafts folder) but I still find it noteworthy.  Researchers in London claim conclusive proof that the idea of a G-spot is subjective (which is basically saying that it doesn’t actually exist).

I’ll preface this by saying that I have ( Read more... )

At first blush, it seems like giving oral sex is a submissive activity. You’re giving pleasure to another, and it’s as simple as that.

Or is it?

When I first started thinking about this, I had heard people in the past talk about how giving oral sex is a sign of dominance. The first time I heard it, I was sort of confused as to how that could be ( Read more... )

Okay, I know I haven’t posted in a while, but… FetLife.com is doing a “Sit on Kinky Santa’s Lap” promotion and giving away nearly $25,000 worth of kinky toys and equipment. So if you haven’t already, get on there and fill out your kinky wishlist!

Originally published at BDSM Weblog. You can comment here or there.

I am a very accepting person - my philosophy is, “If it makes you happy and is done with the informed consent of everyone involved, then wonderful!”  However, there are some things that I think are flat-out wrong even if they make one happy.  One of these things is some people’s idea of the ideal master/slave relationship.

On various online BDSM ( Read more... )

It seems to me that in any lifestyle, or hobby, or philosophy, many people tend to think that their way is “the right” way. If you’re doing something differently, it might work for you for a little while or a long while, but if you did it their way, then you’d definitely be better off. I suppose this is sort of related to my post “Your Kink is ( Read more... )

It seems that it is a common thing among bottoms and submissives to naturally wish they could give more (”giving more” meaning take more pain in the case of bottoms).  Being a sadomasochist, I’ve experienced it from both sides of the coin.  Yet still, it’s somewhat confusing to me.

When I take pain, it’s to find release.  When I took a singletail ( Read more... )