MERCY (12/??)
Title: MERCY (10 Minutes)
Length: Chaptered.
Pairings: Daehyun/Youngjae
Rating: NC17
Genre: drama, thriller, angst
Summary:
He wasn't supposed to fall in love with the enemy.
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this fic will be graphic with drug use, violence, etc anything that would possibly need a warning will probably be in this fic.
XII.
Youngjae cried out sharply, his hands desperately grabbing for anything to hold onto as Daehyun pounded into him relentlessly, burying his face into the pillow to muffle his cries of pleasure. It was too hard, too fast and he couldn't keep up. He could feel Daehyun's fingers digging into his hips as he pulled them back to meet his powerful thrusts. He'd cum a long time ago and it felt like the older man would never cum.
Daehyun let out a long grunt before finally releasing inside of his lover. Youngjae felt Daehyun let go of his hips but he was too weak to hold himself up as he fell flat onto his stomach on the bed with a soft grunt. “Daehyun.” He weakly breathed and when the man didn't reply, Youngjae forced himself to sit up and face his lover. It hurt, it hurt so much to see the man already dressing and getting ready to leave. “Where are you going?” He asked but he knew the answer.
“I have an appointment.” Daehyun replied, barely glancing over his shoulder to look at him and Youngjae felt his heart sink. Part of him wondered if he should even feel sad anymore. Daehyun had suddenly turned so cold and so distant. Youngjae didn't know what was wrong - he thought the older man was finally opening up to him. “Here.” The younger man looked up from his hands and stared at the money in his lover's hand. “You may leave today, to go shopping but only with Yongguk.”
Youngjae looked up to meet his dark eyes. “I don't want it.” His voice was barely above a whisper as he trailed off. “You've given me enough.” He'd been given countless gifts and money in the three weeks of living with Daehyun - but no affection or love. None. He watched as Daehyun's eyes softened for a moment before turning cold again, putting the money on the bedside table. “Tonight we're going to your apartment to gather some of your things.”
Why are you so cold to me? Youngjae wondered before slowly nodding his head. He wanted to refuse; he wanted to tell the older man he didn't want to live with someone who treated him so coldly but Youngjae couldn't get the words out. “Daehyun.” He called out softly when the older started to turn away. “Be safe.” Youngjae watched as the corner of his lips twitched upwards before he finally let a small smile appear on his face.
“Of course.” Daehyun murmured and leaned forward to place a soft kiss against his forehead. “See you tonight.” He whispered against Youngjae's warm skin before leaving the younger man alone in the bedroom.
Youngjae leaned forward and held his face in his hands. He just felt so used and hurt. He closed his eyes, remembering how the older man's face had softened and the gentle kiss against his forehead. How could the man change so quickly? He let out an annoyed groan, knowing this shouldn't be his focus. He should be more concerned about the fact he had been locked up in Jung Daehyun's apartment for almost three weeks and he hadn't advanced with the case in any way. All he'd done was sleep, eat and have sex. Youngjae inwardly cringed, wondering what everyone would think if they knew. It was almost too much to even think about.
He sighed softly, throwing his legs over the edge of the bed to get up, pausing just a moment to stare at the money Daehyun had sat there. He didn't want to take anymore of the older man's money or accept anymore gifts though the idea of getting out of the apartment was a welcoming thought. After a quick shower, he snatched up the money and hesitantly called for Yongguk.
- - - - - - - - - - -
Youngjae took in a deep breath before getting out of the car. Maybe it was because he'd been locked up for so long but it was almost terrifying to be out in public, in the open again and he wanted to go back to Daehyun's apartment where he felt safe. His hand subconsciously reached up to touch the bandaged wound through his shirt, remembering how quick everything had happened. He hadn't even had a chance to dodge it.
Youngjae wasn't stupid; he'd known coming into this job that his life would always be on the line but he thought no amount of training could ever truly prepare someone for a life like this. He found himself watching people from the corner of his eyes, taking in every little movement they made, afraid that if he looked away for just a moment, he'd be killed. “You look crazy right now.” Bang Yongguk's voice broke him out of his thoughts and he pressed his lips into a thin line. “Relax a little.” Youngjae glanced at the man before slowly nodding his head. He needed to stay strong, for his own sanity and for the case. But, it was hard, it was so hard to stay sane in this situation. He could do it - he had no other choice.
“How is it healing?” Yongguk asked and motioned towards his shoulder.
The younger pursed his lips thoughtfully. It still hurt a lot and he'd woken up more than once during the night in tears from the pain and he wondered if it would hurt for the rest of his life. “It's okay. Still hurts a lot.”
The older nodded his head in understanding as he looked ahead. “I was shot once.” He smiled when Youngjae looked at him in surprise before continuing. “Yep. I accidentally shot myself when I was a teenager.”
“Are you serious?” Yongguk was so good with a gun, it was hard to believe he could accidentally shoot himself. “Where did you shoot yourself at?”
“My foot.” He laughed. “It was my father's gun and I had stolen it to scare this asshole who would always harass me on my way home from school. I ended up shooting myself though I think I did manage to scare the asshole pretty good.”
Youngjae couldn't help but smile; this was one of the only real conversations he'd ever had with Yongguk. His thoughts turned back to Daehyun and he wondered if he'd had any real conversations with him but he couldn't even think of any. He didn't understand his own feelings; how he could be so in love with someone he barely even knew or understood. But, he was and he hated himself for it. Maybe it really was the sex that made him fall in love.
Maybe.
He wondered how differently things would be now had they never had sex that night. Would he have even gotten this far with the case? Would that first night been his first and only encounter with Jung Daehyun? He had so many questions but he didn't know the answers to any of them. It didn't matter either way. He couldn't go back in time and change things. Youngjae thought that maybe if he had the choice to go back in time he wouldn't. The crazy, irrational side of him never wanted to change what he had with Daehyun even though he himself didn't know what exactly they had to begin with. The thoughts were driving him insane and he felt so confused.
Youngjae didn't even know who he was anymore. Before this case, he was Yoo Youngjae, a cop who just wanted to change the world and be respected. Now all he wanted was Jung Daehyun, to be protected and loved by that one man.
The feeling was so suffocating and it didn't help with how cold the older man was being towards him. He wanted to understand Daehyun, he wanted to know everything about him but it wasn't for the case anymore. Maybe it had never been. Who am I? Kept repeating round and round in his head. Youngjae really felt like he was going to explode, the feeling of frustration building up inside him. “Where is Daehyun?”
Yongguk pursed his lips. “He's at an appointment.”
“Is he safe?”
The older man snorted. “We're never safe, Youngjae. You should know that by now.” Youngjae shot him a death glare and Yongguk's expression softened ever so slightly. “You care about him, huh?” The younger looked towards the ground and refused to answer him. “He's relatively safe. Boss has some of the best men in the business with him. Minus me, of course.” A cocky grin spread on his lips when Youngjae rolled his eyes.
“So, are we just going to aimlessly walk around or go into any stores?” He motioned towards one of the shops. “There's a nice lingerie store - I'm sure Daehyun would love it and hell, you can model some for me, baby.”
“I'm going to punch you in the face.”
“Feisty.” Yongguk let out that obnoxious laughter of his and Youngjae felt his lips twitched upwards ever so slightly. He had felt so lonely these last few weeks and even though he would never admit it, it felt good to be with someone seemingly so carefree and joking. He needed this right now before he went back to that lonely apartment of Daehyun's.
- - - - - - - - - - -
Himchan tapped his fingers nervously against his steering wheel, debating on whether or not this was a good idea. He wanted to know if Youngjae was okay or not - it was eating him up alive not knowing and he'd finally snapped and drove to the apartment complex where the younger man was currently living. He hadn't heard anything from the younger. This was so dangerous. He could be putting both himself and Youngjae in danger but he just needed to know.
Himchan gently pushed open his car door and slowly got out, shoving his hands into the pockets of his jacket as he walked towards the elevators, nervousness taking over as he removed one of his hands to press the button and then he was waiting. Time seemed to be moving so slowly, making his anxiousness grow worse and worse as he waited.
This was a bad idea.
He had never done an undercover case before but it was terrifying. The nervousness, the anxiety - everything was awful and he wondered if Youngjae always felt like this. Was he okay? Was he safe? Himchan hoped this visit would answer all he questions. He needed to know how his best friend was doing and he couldn't wait until the next hotel visit.
Himchan looked over his shoulder hearing footsteps and his eyes widened slightly when he saw them. Youngjae and Jung Daehyun. A relief washed over him; Youngjae was alive. He was okay. But, the relief was quickly squashed back down when he realized there was no where for him to hide now. He'd already been spotted by Daehyun. He stared forward, shoving his hands back into his pockets as he stepped onto the elevator, pressing the button and hoping it would closed before Youngjae could see him too.
He nearly let out a groan as the doors started opening again before fully closing and then there he was. Youngjae. Himchan held his breath when Youngjae's eyes widened ever so slightly at the sight of him before gently being pushed onto the elevator by Jung Daehyun. Himchan really felt like he couldn't breathe as Daehyun stepped on, followed by another man. “What floor?” Himchan said, keeping his voice calm and posture casual.
“Five.” Youngjae answered and it felt so good to hear his voice again.
Himchan could feel Daehyun's eyes on him and when he glanced over, it was only to see the man wrapping his arms around Youngjae's waist and pulling him closer, almost as if to say mine. He couldn't help but feel a little relieved that Daehyun just thought he was some pervert eyeing his lover but Himchan still wanted to pull Youngjae away, to keep him safe from such a horrible man. He met eyes with the man who'd gotten onto the elevator after both his best friend and the drug lord. His eyes were so dark and full of warning that Himchan's breath caught before he finally broke the eye contact and got himself to move again.
It was only when the doors had shut that he realized who that man was.
Bang Yongguk.
- - - - - - - - - - -
Youngjae felt like he was in a daze as Daehyun guided him through the corridor before stopping in front of his apartment door and motioning for him to unlock it. The man fumbled with the keys, trying to keep his hands from shaking as he unlocked the door. He'd never expected to see Himchan and it had him feeling so shaken up. He walked inside the apartment, kicking off his shoes and walking inside. Snap out of it. He told himself as he turned around to look at Daehyun and Yongguk who had followed him inside. “Your shoes.” He motioned to Daehyun's expensive dress shoes. “Take them off.”
Daehyun raised an eyebrow in amusement but before he could say anything, Yongguk was speaking. “That man in the elevator gave me a bad vibe.” The older man pursed his lips. “I should go speak with him-”
Youngjae felt a panic rush over him and he opened his mouth to say something, anything to distract Yongguk from Himchan but he was quickly cut off by Daehyun. “That's not necessary. We need to get what we came here for finished.” Yongguk didn't look too pleased but he sighed and nodded his head.
Youngjae nearly let out a sigh of relief as he turned around and started walking through the apartment and towards the bedroom. He never thought he'd think of this place as comforting or almost homely but it felt good to be back in here. It was nice to be back here, for once. The man glanced over his shoulder at Daehyun who was following close behind. “What all things am I supposed to get?” Youngjae asked.
“Mostly your clothing.” Daehyun replied as they walked into the bedroom.
Youngjae nodded his head, watching as his lover sat down on the edge of his bed. He couldn't help but admire the older man's good looks before he walked towards the closet and got his suitcase from the shelf at the top. “You didn't take off your shoes.” He casually spoke as he unzipped the suitcase.
Daehyun chuckled before bending over and removing his shoes. Youngjae felt a small smile appear on his lips as the older stood up and left the bedroom, going back to the front door to put away his shoes. Youngjae grabbed all his clothing by the hangers before dropping them onto the floor beside his suitcase, his thoughts turning back towards Himchan.
Why had Himchan been here? Was something going on? He had no idea and it made him feel nervous. What if something had happened to his family or - Youngjae shook his head. It was probably nothing like that. After all, he'd wanted to see Himchan and almost had gone to see him a few times. Maybe that's all that was to it.
His thoughts didn't put him at ease, not even slightly. It made him feel almost sick to know Daehyun and Yongguk knew Himchan's face now. He couldn't stand the thought of something happening to Himchan because of Daehyun. . . because of his lover, Jung Daehyun. Youngjae always knew his relationship with the older man was wrong but it was times like this that he realized just how wrong this was.
How did things ever end up like this?
The younger man smiled at Daehyun when he walked back into the bedroom, his heart warming up at the sight of his lover sitting down in front of him to help fold his clothing. Youngjae desperately wished stupid things like this wouldn’t affect him so much. Even just the slightest bit of affection from Daehyun had him weak and out of focus. “What did you buy today?” Daehyun asked casually.
Youngjae stared down at the shirt he'd just finished folding before shaking his head. “Nothing. I just walked around for a while.”
“Nothing at all?” Daehyun's voice sounded a little surprised before he continued. “Was there not enough money?”
“I don't want your money, Daehyun.” Youngjae's voice was so quiet the older man almost didn't catch what he said. I want you to love me, to care about me, to actually show me I'm not some fuck toy. He thought, thumbing the shirt in his hands before putting it away in the suitcase. When he looked up, it was only to meet Daehyun's dark and cold eyes.
The older man stood up from the floor and left, leaving Youngjae utterly confused. What had just happened? He didn't know if it was ever going to be possible to understand Jung Daehyun. Why was he so damn cold? He would go from relaxed to cold in a split second and it was driving the younger man insane.
He finished packing up his things before zipping up the suitcase and pulling it out to the living room and his heart jumped into his throat when he saw the laptop full of information about Jung Daehyun and the case sitting on the coffee table. It was close, way too close to the two men he was betraying. It was password protected but Youngjae wasn't stupid. Computers weren't difficult to hack into - that thing had to go but he didn't know how to get rid of it. He picked up his computer bag from underneath the coffee table and shoved it inside the bag.
“I'm ready.” Youngjae said, avoiding both Daehyun and Yongguk's gazes.
As the three men went towards the door, it really set in what he was about to do. He was really moving in with Jung Daehyun. Sure, he'd been staying with the older man for almost three weeks now but this was different and it made everything official. The foolish part of him was happy and excited. He was moving in with Daehyun, his first lover - his first everything, really but the logical side of him quickly squashed down his feelings of happiness.
- - - - - - - - - - -
Home. This was home from now on, Youngjae thought as he stared at the clothing he'd finished hanging. It was so strange to see his own clothing hanging next to Daehyun's but even though Youngjae didn't want to admit it, he liked the sight. He wondered if things would change any from how they'd been the last few weeks now.
Would Daehyun continue to be so cold? He desperately wanted to voice his feelings, to ask the older man what was wrong but he just couldn't. Youngjae sighed softly and walked out of the grand closet, shutting the door behind himself and going to find his lover. After searching everywhere in the apartment, he finally found Daehyun out on the balcony smoking a cigar. “Hey.” He called out softly.
Daehyun looked over his shoulder, staring at him for a moment before giving a small nod in greeting. Youngjae took in a deep breath before moving behind the older man. It took him a moment to gather his courage and Daehyun almost turned around to see what he was doing but before he did, Youngjae's arms were wrapped around him. He felt his lover tense up before relaxing and letting out a soft chuckle.
Youngjae closed his eyes and rested his cheek against Daehyun's strong and toned back, letting out a sigh. This felt so intimate. He was prepared, he knew this wouldn't last for long before the older would turn cold again so he was determined to enjoy this. I love you, I love you kept repeating round and round inside his head and god, he just wanted to say it so badly.
But, he wouldn't allow himself. He would never allow himself to say those three words to Jung Daehyun. Never.
Daehyun gently removed the younger man's arms and turned around, opening his mouth to say something but nothing came out as their eyes met. The two stared at each other for what felt like an eternity, neither knowing what the other was thinking. “I'm going to work out.” The older man finally spoke.
Youngjae licked his dry lips before forcing himself to speak. “Can I come too?” He didn't want to be alone right now.
“You're in no shape to exerci-”
“I just want to be with you.” He cut the older man off, watching as his expression immediately softened again before he nodded his head. Youngjae closed his eyes as Daehyun leaned down and placed a soft kiss against his lips. I love you. He could feel the words on the tip of his tongue, threatening to come out anytime now.
- - - - - - - - - - -
Youngjae looked up from the expensive electronic the older man had given him to keep him busy while he was exercising. He was trying not to watch but the sight of Jung Daehyun lifting weights was addictive. The younger man sat the iPad aside and finally allowed himself to give in to the temptation. Daehyun's expression was so focused and concentrated, his plump lips pursed as he breathed out heavily and sweat ran down his arms. He was gorgeous, absolutely gorgeous and Youngjae hated himself for liking the sight so much.
He felt himself turn red as Daehyun grunted, the muscles in his lover's arms becoming more and more apparent. Youngjae could feel himself growing hard and he mentally scolded himself for being so affected by something like this. He bit down onto his lower lip and forced himself to look away. Daehyun was the only man - only person who had ever made him feel like this.
Why him? He wondered, trying to get himself to focus back on the iPad in his lap but Daehyun's grunts kept distracting him and a particularly loud one made Youngjae whimper. He felt himself heat up again, biting down harder onto his lower lip as he silently prayed the older man hadn't heard that. Youngjae inwardly cringed when he heard the older man setting the weight back down and then he was walking towards him.
He couldn't get himself to look up as Daehyun squatted down in front of the couch where he was seated. “Youngjae.” He called out, reaching to cup the younger man's face. “Look at me.” Daehyun gently demanded as he tilted his lover's face up to meet his own. Youngjae's face was so, so red and he was looking anywhere and everywhere except at Daehyun. The older couldn't help but smile at the sight. “Is there something wrong, baby?” He asked, his tone of voice teasing.
Youngjae finally forced himself to look at Daehyun, his voice quiet as he spoke. “I want you.” He breathed. “I want you so bad right now.” And then Youngjae felt himself being pulled to his feet.
- - - - - - - - - - -
Youngjae stepped under the warm shower, the older man following not too long after. He turned to look at Daehyun, allowing his eyes to wander over his body. “It's healing nicely.” The older man murmured as he reached out to stroke the delicate skin around the stitched up wound. Daehyun looked up from the wound and pulled Youngjae closer, pressing his lips against the younger man's own.
Youngjae closed his eyes, leaning into Daehyun's strong body. He felt so safe like this even though he knew he should feel the exact opposite of safe. The warm water raining down onto their bodies made him relax more and more and then the older man was pulling away from the kiss. He stared breathlessly as the older man kissed his way down his body, taking his half hard cock into his mouth without any hesitation.
He allowed his hands to tangle into Daehyun's wet hair, pulling softly as the older man's head bobbed. “Daehyun.” He moaned softly, his hips bucking ever so slightly. I hate myself for loving this. Youngjae thought as he forced his eyes to stay open and watch as the man took him deeper into his mouth - He felt so good. The older man looked up and met eyes with Youngjae, his throat tightening around his cock. It was such an erotic sight and the eye contact made it almost unbearable for the younger man to watch any longer as he finally allowed himself to close his eyes and just feel.
He was so close but before he could cum, the man pulled away and kissed his way back up his body, stopping to kiss and worship the skin around the wound. “Does it hurt?” Daehyun murmured without looking at Youngjae.
“Sometimes.” Youngjae breathed.
“I'm sorry I couldn't protect you.” Before Youngjae could say anything he felt himself being violently spun around, Daehyun's arms around his waist and body pressed up behind him. He let out an involuntary gasp at the feeling of Daehyun's cock pressing into him. “Need anything?” Daehyun whispered hotly into his ear and he shook his head. “Good.” The man muttered, spreading Youngjae's legs with his knee just enough so he could get himself inside the younger man's body.
Youngjae cried out softly, his hands wrapping tightly around the older man's own as Daehyun moved so hard, so fast inside of him; all of the tenderness he'd had earlier was gone. Why was it gone again? Who was this cold man? The younger let his head lull back onto Daehyun's shoulder, moaning and whining as they moved. “Daehyun-” He gasped when his lover wrapped one of his hands around his cock, stroking him as he moved. “I'm close, please-” Youngjae breathlessly begged. “Don't stop.”
Daehyun gently bit down onto the younger man's neck and that was all it took to finally send Youngjae over the edge as he came into Daehyun's hand, panting softly as the older continued to fuck him. His lover finally let out a loud groan before releasing inside of Youngjae. The two stood like that for a moment before the older finally pulled out of him, making Youngjae let out a soft whimper.
“I've got to go.” Daehyun said without meeting Youngjae's eyes. “Finish bathing and then get some rest.”
Youngjae opened his mouth to call out for him, to beg him to stay, to ask him why he was acting like this but like so many times before, nothing came out. It wasn't until he was certain Daehyun was gone that he sank to the floor of the shower and allowed himself to cry.