Black Women and Interracial Dating Blogs

[bana05]

My friend spent the weekend with me and she's a PR person, so we talked about what I needed to do as an author to get my name out there more.  She suggested I find sites and blogs that talk about interracial relationships and comment while leaving a link to where they could find my books.  And I did some searching this afternoon, but few of these

Comments

[bana05]

even though I've sworn off American white guys, but that has more to do with unexamined privilege than race

Some examples.

Maybe it's easier for black women to "call out" black men on it since we're supposed to be in it together, but white men are considered more "neutral" or something, I don't know. But then you remind yourself white men are at the top of this whole hierarchical structure so why do they get a pass but black men don't? And I get more about why black men don't date black women, too, but I don't think most black men think that way or even most black men aren't worth crap.

[bana05]

We're taught from such an early age that white people are varied and brown folks are monolithic, I'm sure that has a large part to do with it-- the internalization of that standard.

Exactly this, and I guess that's what's bothering me about these blogs, the reinforcement of that thought process; and honestly, I don't get it. Because you're going to run into a situation when the privilege is stark and showing, and oy. We gon' have to have some discussions!

And I agree with you, some of my most insightful conversations about race have been with people not American (regardless of race, and then nonwhite).

[box_in_the_box]

Why is it necessary to tear down one group of men to "justify" why someone should look to another.

That has concerned me, whenever I've dipped my toes into interracial romance stories, because a certain amount of it seems to be either Mighty Whitey Saves The Coloreds From Themselves or A Person Of Color Briefly Dallies With A White Devil Before Going Back To Their Own.

The difference between preference and prejudice is that you prefer one thing, but you don't outright dismiss another.

Yes. Of course, in my case, I have so many competing preferences that it's a bit unlikely I'm going to find Middle-Aged Full-Figured Red-Headed Woman Of Color Who's Also A Sci-Fi Nerd, unless Jennifer Hudson, Catherine Tate and you were spliced together in a Jeff Goldblum-style telepod accident. ;)

[bana05]

That has concerned me, whenever I've dipped my toes into interracial romance stories, because a certain amount of it seems to be either Mighty Whitey Saves The Coloreds From Themselves or A Person Of Color Briefly Dallies With A White Devil Before Going Back To Their Own.

Yeah, that's not what I want to read at all. I really and truly want to read it an "option" not an option with a loaded reason behind it. And I try to be very cognizant about that; but sometimes a dude is a douche, and the douche might be the same race as you, but then you find the person meant for you a different race. And unfortunately, it won't be without some baggage, but it's a shame we haven't reached that place in our society yet.

And, I don't think the splicing would end well for anyone...

[box_in_the_box]

I always get that sense from your stories, that it's not about "choosing sides," and I suspect this is one of the reasons why so many folks respond so well to your stuff.

And you're probably right about the splicing, but you with red hair and a British accent would be interesting. ;)

[bana05]

Maybe. :)

As to your second point--LOL, that would be a hot mess!

[ribbon_scythe]

I think I'm biased. I've known far too many good black men to blast them. My father is a good black man who's been married to Mom for 22 years. My brother is a sweet black guy, all my cousins range from quirky to classy black men. I know such a range of good (and bad) black guys that I can't say they're all bad or all good. It's like any other race to me.

I know that what I'm looking for in a man is so very specific and rare that I can't afford to be choosy about what race he is. I've got to take him in whatever wrapping he comes in. It just so happens that for me, most of the guys who have come close to what I'm looking for aren't black. The guy who may be exactly what I need may be black.

I've never understood that "I'll never date a [insert race here] woman/man" mentality. I just really can't.

[bana05]

I understand it; it's just insulting and then they might be passing that poison on to their children. Not a good look.

[bana05]

He's gorgeous. Guh....

[yalegirl03]

That annoys me too. When I read interracial romances I most enjoy the stories where race is a secondary consideration. I.e. there is no black woman having to get over her reluctance to date a white man or her being burned by bad black men and only seeking white guys or the reverse of a white man looking for an exotic nubian goddess. To me, people are people. I've been romantically interested in black, white, asian, latino, and native men. I think most interracial blogs that have the bent you speak of are populated by people who are struggling with their own issues of self hatred. I can understand them a little--our culture just feeds us the notion that white is normal and the ideal and that black is the polar opposite of that.

[bana05]

I.e. there is no black woman having to get over her reluctance to date a white man

Ha, my fiction deals with this often, because I think you have to if you are from a particular generation or were primarily raised by a particular generation (like I was). You can't turn that off, especially when you don't see black women in the media being treated with respect by anyone, let alone white men. Maybe in your community you see black men doing the damn do (like a father, brother, cousin, uncle, teacher) but you don't see white men doing that or other-race men doing that. I don't ignore that fact in my stories, but there are also other issues they have to deal with as well. And in some stories, it is secondary. All depends on the characters, honestly.

But word, white is right and black is the devil and you need whiteness to mitigate that (why else are the "beautiful black women" are always "mixed" with something?)

Also--serious icon love!

[abydosangel]

My relationships with white guys and have always been based on the premise that it is DESPITE the fact that they are white. I am not ashamed to say that their whiteness is a bug and not a feature, which mostly fucks them up when they find out Mamma to Aby is white. Hey - not my problem.

In regards to the mindset you see, I think the fact that our pairing up with white men being voluntary given the history of the country brings an extra layer to people expressing the sentiments they do, along with Black men being historically threatened to the point of the pain of death for eyeballing white women has to be closely examined.

Am I going to conduct said examination? Prolly not, because I am not that impressed with *anyone* who thinks white partners = better than them nigra's over there.

[bana05]

because I am not that impressed with *anyone* who thinks white partners = better than them nigra's over there.

This. All day.

I think the fact that our pairing up with white men being voluntary given the history of the country brings an extra layer to people expressing the sentiments they do, along with Black men being historically threatened to the point of the pain of death for eyeballing white women has to be closely examined.

They seem to conveniently forget about all that. That black sexual/romantic history with white people ain't pleasant at all. And as for me, I'm all about any man genuinely being in love with a black woman because word on the street is we aren't capable/worthy of such an emotion. Which is utter bullshit.