Uhhh, well I feel like I'm going backwards. I'm moving back in with my dad and I have to stop going to school. BUT. I'm getting a job. And I might be moving up to Pennsylvania. Might. That's the part that makes me feel like it's all gonna be worth it in the end. It keeps me smiling and enjoying myself even though I know I'll probably be completely ( Read more... )

This journal was started when I was on medication. I had clear thoughts and ideas, and positive outlooks. I miss Prozac so fucking much. Now everything's a jumbled, obsessive mess. Again. Fuck this bullshit. Why can't my body handle medicine??? WHY? Were the side-effects really that bad...? They must have been, if I made a clear and conscious ( Read more... )

I am an ordinary person in extraordinary circumstances. If you don't believe me, if you think it's the other way around, take a look at yourself.
I'll be home soon. I don't know what to feel. It'll never be the same.

I don't know who to follow. Yes I need to follow. I can't go my own path because there's nothing left in me.

I feel like it's enough, ( Read more... )

 no matter what you do the dust of the past is still there, just a faint outline of everything you've seen, felt, and done. a maddening feeling of brimming on the edge of death, the beginning of your life as it is now rushing back and every moment stabbing into you and opening a new wound where the scars were. i wake up and wonder what my thoughts ( Read more... )

My whole life has been spent cheating death. If I let go I'm afraid it'll win so easy. Maybe that's why I'm always on edge.

I think about her every day, I swear it, I can't get her off of my mind because I'm still in love with her, I still feel like there's something forbidden and maddening about her and everything that surrounds her. I think I'm ( Read more... )

Have you ever talked to someone and just known it's not the same? And I mean really...really known...?
Finals do this to a lot of people, right? I can't be losing her for real. We had a normal conversation. I wouldn't go as far as to say it was friendly, but it was normal. I don't know how pleased she was with me by the end of it but it didn't end ( Read more... )

everything has changed. in two days, nothing is the same. in two days i've been reborn.

my sweet friend who i lost not too long ago...not too long after I gained her...she came back to me last night.

but i lost my anchor. the one person who i always always could count on. i lost her for good.

and the girl who wanted me dead about a year ago. the one ( Read more... )

I give a rare, strange love.

I am not pleased with myself, I am often not pleased with the world

I hate people, but I can't stand for one to die, even if I never saw them in my life.

I will do anything for my friends knowing they will do nothing for me,

But when they do nothing, I am lost.

I have been betrayed,

Hurt,

Tortured,

Used,

Lied to,

I've even had ( Read more... )

I want suicide encouragement to never again be spoken or typed or implied.

Whether the person is 'emo', 'scene', an 'attention whore', or 'faking it'...
This should NEVER be done, I can't imagine a single excuse.

I will never get my wish. I'm not asking a lot. Or maybe I am? Is humanity that sickeningly heartless?

I have been having a shit ton of sex lately.

And so I find it strange that I still look at her pictures and know I can never love again. I won't ever find someone who I can look at, and feel like I do when I see her. She really was perfect. Lies can kill.