bullets before bed

[babycatcher33]

* Tonight I emailed the clinical dean of my school to ask for help and advice about securing another clinical placement.   As much as I know I need to do this, I'm resisting the idea of leaving my family and going to the US again.

* Tomorrow I will contact a midwife/practice in SLC and hound ask her for the opportunity to get some primary births.  I

Comments

[lululily]

It's so sad, but it is so wonderful that you all remember Abby's birth and death together. It's impossibly sad, really, but I can't help but think how much better it is that your children can share this with you, and grieve with you. My aunt had two stillborn daughters, and she never talked about it (they just didn't, in those days) and I only knew her as an angry, bitter old woman. I only learned after her death the burden she carried. I'm probably not saying any of this right, my heart truly breaks when I think of Abby, and your family's pain, but I do... well, I do think you have done something so amazing, in keeping her memory alive, and really sharing the whole experience with your daughters. It's hard on them, but that's their sister too. You have such a lot of love, all around you, all of you. ((Hugs))

[babycatcher33]

I think, I *know* I would be certifiably bat-shit crazy if I didn't talk about Abby, if I felt pressured to forget her and never speak her name, KWIM? My daughters will *never* forget her, and even Charlotte will grow up knowing about Abby, without feeling like she's living in Abby's shadow. The only difference is that Charlotte was spared the grief of having Abby and then losing her, the way the rest of us were.

Bittersweet, as always.