trying to reframe the day

[babycatcher33]

I I went to bed early last night and unfortunately, I woke up early too.  It's hard to see the numbers on the clock this morning.

"0655. babe expired"

Expired.  Like she was a jug of milk or something.  It's hard to think of her death for obvious reasons, but it's also hard because it still makes me angry that we were kept from Abby for so many hours

Comments

[carcar45]

You are not alone in Abby's world.

[ourlittlemonkey]

I'm glad you have the day to be at home with your family.

I always dreaded the anniversary of my sister's death and her birthday because my mom grieved SO hard on those days especially and needed so much from me that I had NO idea how to fulfill... But I tried to be there for her, and still do. Hope your husband and children will be there for you too!

[mayflowermama]

You carried her within you and you gave her life. No one will ever be able to fully identify with you except for another woman that has been through the same thing. I miscarried at 5 months along over 27 years ago. It amazes me that when I go back there in my mind, I am still brought to tears all these years later. It has to do with love for a child you knew before anyone had the chance to. So go ahead and quietly grieve. You are not alone. And I must say my heart goes out to you for not being able to hold her in your arms when she passed. That was just plain wrong and some wrongs can never be made right. When you are a midwife, you will have the opportunity to make sure that someone is there to stand up for another that is in a similar situation. You can make a difference because these sad things can and will happen again and again. Be there Janice to make sure another woman doesn't have to suffer the way that you have. ((((Hugs to you)))

[birthingway]

I have been able to ease many griefs by doing things differently for someone else than they were done for me. I think that mayflowermama is right--there will be a time when you can ease that passage for someone else, and it will turn a key in your heart forever.

I am not saying that suddenly everything will be rosy--of course not--but it will be powerful, of that I am sure.

I have thought of Abby often over the past few days. (I didn't tell you this at the time, but when we passed Wilkie on our way into Unity in April, I shared a few tears with Sim as I explained that this was approximately where Abby died in the ambulance, and how messed-up it was that she wasn't in your arms when it happened.)

[babycatcher33]

Thank you D, I'm glad you told me that. I've shed many a tear along that stretch of road myself.

[tesslouise]

(((hugs)))