Bleh

[avball]

I'm having a rough time right now. That same calling I felt that brought me to enlist in the first place hasn't died out, nor has my personal shame that I was issued a challenge to be a Recon Marine and fled from it. On the other hand, if I can get surgery/rehab/whatever it takes to get back, I will be most likely be deployed to war at least twice

Comments

[thefrank]

Dude, I'm only Army National Guard and I'm experiencing a small portion of what you're feeling. Would it be possible to go back as a generic Marine MOS without having to latch on to the Recon MOS? Anything to get that monkey off your back IMHO. I'm trying to go back to school and have volunteered (and been turned down) for two deployments. I feel dishonored sitting on my *ss while others are in the fight.

[avball]

I think after being selected for Recon, I may not be satisfied without giving it another go at the full Monty.

As for your situation, I understand how you feel, but hell man, you volunteered twice... maybe with this next surge they'll send you. If they do, train your ass of during the work up, remember your training and keep your head down.

Maybe if I hadn't been dropped from my unit's deployment roster at the last minute, I'd feel a little differently, but at the moment, yeah, I'm thinking I need to get back into RIP and go all the way. Besides, the better training I get before going in country, the better chance I have at coming back in one piece.

[avball]

Thinking for about twenty seconds further on it... I think you might be feeling very nearly exactly what I'm feeling. It sucks having volunteered and knowing that other people are in the fight while we sit back here wondering... knowing we would have made a difference, but wondering how much. Lots of guilt... I think it would be hard to explain to somebody not in the same boots.

[panamapapa]

Dishonored??? Regardless of what you do in the Guard, you ARE supporting the mission. Witout you and 1000's of others like you, those who are in the sh*t, would not be able to what they do. Be proud of it. But, also be prepared for the oders that could be dropped in your lap at any moment. Train, learn and prepare for it like you know it will happen tomorrow.

Thank you for your service.
PapaPanama

[avball]

I'd also like to add that my wife has not actively tried to talk me out of this course. She is very supportive, it's just that at the same time, I can quite easily tell that it's the last thing she wants me to do. I think she'd be happier with me being a useless bum than with me being active duty again and deploying to a combat zone.

[northernflights]

I have nothing but respect for your work, and I admire your will to re-enlist: not just because it's hard-core, but because I believe that in the end you can never go wrong by following your heart. I also care very deeply for our country and its future, and I am deeply concerned that our leadership might be repeating past mistakes, squandering the strength of the U.S. Armed Forces -- built as it is on the foundation of courage and honor exemplified by your commitment to the Marine Corps -- in pursuit of ends far less noble than the men and women who have given their lives in service. As a citizen, I feel like it's my responsibility to "question why" in large part because I respect those who have surrendered that freedom.

As for political views in general, I'm one hell of an Independent. As Americans, we all ought to be libertarians at heart: the foundational principle of a free nation is the idea that people have the right to live as they choose, so long as they don't harm others in doing so. For whatever crazy reason, people

[avball]

Thank you. It's so seldom I meet somebody I peg as a "liberal" and find out they are actually thinking... makes me feel bad for interpreting you that way ;)

I suppose I just get really used to "filtering" a lot of what the "Bush haters" have to say most of the time because it is so constant lately (not without cause).

Anyhow, thanks for your support and understanding. It seems the more we talk, the more like minded we seem to be (perhaps despite appearances - at least to me).

[panamapapa]

Wanna talk. Send me an email, I'll call you. It may help you to deal with it. What I will tell you here is that after a 10 year career in the US Air Force, both enlist and commissioned and having been separated for 23 years (damn am I that old?)....The F***ing feeling in your gut does NOT go away. Every time you see or hear of injustice in the world or a need to stand and be counted on, the small fire that ever burns deep inside will become a raging inferno with a sense of purpose and desire to strong that it is all consuming

[jakethrash]

Get used to the feeling son, for it is and will be as close to you as Mandy, you ARE married to it. Be proud of it within yourself, reach out to those who are actively serving and let them know you appreciate what they do, even if it is not a combat zone role, for those who sit and wait also serve.

I think this sums it up pretty well.

Even if you can't serve (in the role/MOS you'd hoped) you can still do things to support the troops. Certainly there are ways to put your activism to work to help keep our brothers (and sisters) in arms properly supported and appreciated.

[leesalogic]

You've never struck me as particularly conservative, or at least one of "those" conservatives that calls anyone slightly to the left of the far right a "radical leftist communist" or whatever. You seem to fit in well wherever you land, which to me is a very valuable trait! Like when we first met you, that crowd of folks could not be more liberal.

I tend to be left of center and green, but sometimes I feel like I'm less liberal than I am definitely NOT conservative by the current administration's standards. It's kind of like my liberalness is a response TO such attitudes. I'm more about the the people--all of them, not just the rich--rather than big business and corporate interest, so I guess that makes me a green populist?