Bleh
I'm having a rough time right now. That same calling I felt that brought me to enlist in the first place hasn't died out, nor has my personal shame that I was issued a challenge to be a Recon Marine and fled from it. On the other hand, if I can get surgery/rehab/whatever it takes to get back, I will be most likely be deployed to war at least twice for seven months at a time. That was no problem when I was single; hell, that was the point. Go abroad and stop the enemies of my people from killing more of my people... sounds simple enough, right? If how I performed in training scenarios is any indication, I'd be pretty good at it.
Right now Mandy is on a one week deployment for a class on some Navy medical computer system. I'm going out of my God damned mind with her gone. It's kind of weird, when you think about it... for almost the first entire year of our relationship I left her in Maryland every Sunday night to go back to Camp Lejeune for a week. It always sucked, but I think I've gotten used to being with her all the time...
I don't know what to do now. For that matter, even if I made the choice my heart is telling me is right, I don't know for sure that my body, the rest of my heart, and the system will cooperate.
I don't know... but my Creed keeps running through my head...
Realizing it is my choice and my choice alone to be a Reconnaissance Marine, I accept all challenges involved with this profession. Forever shall I strive to maintain the tremendous reputation of those who went before me.
Exceeding beyond the limitations set down by others shall be my goal. Sacrificing personal comforts and dedicating myself to the completion of the reconnaissance mission shall be my life. Physical fitness, mental attitude, and high ethics -- The title of Recon Marine is my honor.
Conquering all obstacles, both large and small, I shall never quit. To quit, to surrender, to give up is to fail. To be a Recon Marine is to surpass failure; To overcome, to adapt and to do whatever it takes to complete the mission.
On the battlefield, as in all areas of life, I shall stand tall above the competition. Through professional pride, integrity, and teamwork, I shall be the example for all Marines to emulate.
Never shall I forget the principles I accepted to become a Recon Marine. Honor, Perseverance, Spirit and Heart.
A Recon Marine can speak without saying a word and achieve what others can only imagine.
Especially those bits about conquering all obstacles...
I actually called my Master Sergeant on his cell phone a couple of months ago. He told me that what I'm feeling and going through is completely normal for every Marine who is discharged, and I should be proud of what I have accomplished. He said that though they didn't get a chance to send me to war, I still contributed and still excelled in what I did. He also said that he understands though, because he did the same thing - got out and went back later. Top told me that if I still want to come back in a few months, I should call him back, and he'll write whatever recommendations he can for me to get back to Recon and hope for the best.
A couple weeks ago, Mandy and I attended a party with some folks who happened to be a bit left of center... we had a good time. I usually get along with both ends of the spectrum pretty well, and I can play devil's advocate (or fake it) in most discussions. I felt pretty ashamed afterward though, because while I was there I felt defensive and some of my commentary regarding my service came across as if I didn't believe in what I was doing at times. I did mention that I was considering going back to the host, but I actually said that I probably wouldn't. I hate being dishonest, and especially about something so important to me.
Myles, if you're reading this, I definitely had a great time, and I want it very clear that I have no problem with the political or idealogical beliefs of yourself or your friends. In fact, I feel they are critical to the health of this nation - from dichotomy comes truth, and without dichotomy, how can we claim to be a free people? However, one thing I will always be proud of is having the opportunity to be a United States Marine. I will most likely do everything in my power to get back to active duty... unless my wife talks me out of it ;) For that matter, most of my friends are "liberals". If there was any doubt (or if you haven't read that far back in my journal), I would consider myself closest to libertarian.
My current plan is pretty much to get some school done, make some money doing IT stuff if possible, get surgery if needed, rehab, PT, and re-enlist in a couple years - most likely when Mandy gets out.
Am I lapsing in my duty to my wife when I turn the other way to follow a calling I heard before I met her?
Right now Mandy is on a one week deployment for a class on some Navy medical computer system. I'm going out of my God damned mind with her gone. It's kind of weird, when you think about it... for almost the first entire year of our relationship I left her in Maryland every Sunday night to go back to Camp Lejeune for a week. It always sucked, but I think I've gotten used to being with her all the time...
I don't know what to do now. For that matter, even if I made the choice my heart is telling me is right, I don't know for sure that my body, the rest of my heart, and the system will cooperate.
I don't know... but my Creed keeps running through my head...
Realizing it is my choice and my choice alone to be a Reconnaissance Marine, I accept all challenges involved with this profession. Forever shall I strive to maintain the tremendous reputation of those who went before me.
Exceeding beyond the limitations set down by others shall be my goal. Sacrificing personal comforts and dedicating myself to the completion of the reconnaissance mission shall be my life. Physical fitness, mental attitude, and high ethics -- The title of Recon Marine is my honor.
Conquering all obstacles, both large and small, I shall never quit. To quit, to surrender, to give up is to fail. To be a Recon Marine is to surpass failure; To overcome, to adapt and to do whatever it takes to complete the mission.
On the battlefield, as in all areas of life, I shall stand tall above the competition. Through professional pride, integrity, and teamwork, I shall be the example for all Marines to emulate.
Never shall I forget the principles I accepted to become a Recon Marine. Honor, Perseverance, Spirit and Heart.
A Recon Marine can speak without saying a word and achieve what others can only imagine.
Especially those bits about conquering all obstacles...
I actually called my Master Sergeant on his cell phone a couple of months ago. He told me that what I'm feeling and going through is completely normal for every Marine who is discharged, and I should be proud of what I have accomplished. He said that though they didn't get a chance to send me to war, I still contributed and still excelled in what I did. He also said that he understands though, because he did the same thing - got out and went back later. Top told me that if I still want to come back in a few months, I should call him back, and he'll write whatever recommendations he can for me to get back to Recon and hope for the best.
A couple weeks ago, Mandy and I attended a party with some folks who happened to be a bit left of center... we had a good time. I usually get along with both ends of the spectrum pretty well, and I can play devil's advocate (or fake it) in most discussions. I felt pretty ashamed afterward though, because while I was there I felt defensive and some of my commentary regarding my service came across as if I didn't believe in what I was doing at times. I did mention that I was considering going back to the host, but I actually said that I probably wouldn't. I hate being dishonest, and especially about something so important to me.
Myles, if you're reading this, I definitely had a great time, and I want it very clear that I have no problem with the political or idealogical beliefs of yourself or your friends. In fact, I feel they are critical to the health of this nation - from dichotomy comes truth, and without dichotomy, how can we claim to be a free people? However, one thing I will always be proud of is having the opportunity to be a United States Marine. I will most likely do everything in my power to get back to active duty... unless my wife talks me out of it ;) For that matter, most of my friends are "liberals". If there was any doubt (or if you haven't read that far back in my journal), I would consider myself closest to libertarian.
My current plan is pretty much to get some school done, make some money doing IT stuff if possible, get surgery if needed, rehab, PT, and re-enlist in a couple years - most likely when Mandy gets out.
Am I lapsing in my duty to my wife when I turn the other way to follow a calling I heard before I met her?