Refrain.

[astrophel_]

(My parents hear this at semi-regular intervals... every few months, perhaps.)
After I complete this Masters degree thingy--(just got back to Karlsruhe from CT yesterday; it smells like summer outside. Germany and Italy share a certain wonderful summer-scent, I think)--I shall change careers, get a postbacc and go to medical school.
Reasons (today's

Comments

[aparecida]

Eh. No scoffing. I think this is a pretty interesting idea. Do I think you can do it? Yes, with the proper motivation. Should you do it? That's a different question.

I think you probably already know that the first four reasons aren't good reasons to go. They pretty much boil down to "To prove I can." That won't be enough to keep you going when you've been studying every waking moment for a week, or when you're hauling yourself out of bed at 4 AM. If you go to medical school, you have to go for you.

I actually don't believe medicine is about science, or that people who are "good at science" or "like science" should be physicians. It's really about humanity, the human condition. The practice of medicine requires you to connect with people from every imaginable background, in every imaginable position. Is that for you? I don't know, given your tendency to hyperanalyze and to feel uncertain in social interaction. (With that said, there certainly are fields -- radiology, pathology, anesthesiology -- that are chosen by precisely those

[astrophel_]

(extended navelgazing below)
I was looking forward to your response, and I wasn't disappointed--you've given me a lot of interesting things to think about. The stand-out question here, about connecting to other people, is one that is on my mind often enough as a musician as well. I'm definitely not the hide-in-the-lab-specialty type; I really do enjoy interacting with people, much more than some of the things I've written may suggest. I thrive on a stage--performer, or English teacher (how an American in Germany pays his rent), or even host of a party--which is entirely about interacting with the 'audience', albeit in a very specific and empowered way. I would imagine that the physician is in a somewhat similar role (and I don't mean that of the doctor-as-egotist stereotype). It remains to be seen--in either situation--whether I also have the requisite empathy. But I won't make a very good musician if I don't, either. And people seem to come away from my performances with the impression that I do, even if they've been impressed

empathy, or lack thereof

[astrophel_]

In 7th grade, my history teacher (someone I admire greatly) scolded me for "lacking in EQ whatever I had gained in IQ." This has bothered me ever since. I think I've learned, in the decade-or-so since, to consider things from others' perspectives. I may have taken it to an extreme--I'm now sometimes paralyzed by the fear of upsetting or disappointing or inconveniencing someone else. But I'm not quite convinced that it's an -emotional- understanding of "the other," just a better intellectual appreciation of their desires/needs/fears. Though I'll jokingly assert that I have no emotions, I know that is absurd... and I find myself brought to tears by the strangest things (and with surprising frequency)--just almost always fiction, and seldom my own personal life. The movie The Lion King will make me cry; my grandmother (who I loved dearly) passing away did not. So I conclude that I still have some empathy-deficit, or at least a deep avoidance of it

[blackbirdwhite]

I have no doubt that given serious dedication and application you could do med school. Like the above msg, it's not a question of proving that you can. I'm sure you could.

The only thing I think I can respond to is the final question of why one keeps doubting the commitment to the life of the musician; rolling out of my final year here at RISD I'm seeing exactly which folks keep their intended pursuit going within a year of graduation and which ones abandon ship for more lucrative pastures. I think overall this is a very honest and self-examining post, but one thing I saw that might be missing is, in the question of the career of the musician, is: Do I even want to put up with the starving lifestyle? Do I want the jaguar for myself (and not just for my dad)?

[astrophel_]

(I must be in a really contemplative mood today; pardon the prolonged response!)
It is so good to hear from you, and--once again--so thought-provoking a response. The truth is that this whole matter has been nagging at me for years; it tends to come to the fore whenever I'm not actively preparing for my next performance. I have my first voice lesson in nearly a year tomorrow. Most likely that will have a similar effect to the recent performance of Nozze di Figaro that I saw--I'll "realize" that of course I want to be a singer. I do love singing; I do love music; I do love everything about the craft of being on stage. That I don't doubt. And yet this refrain. Usually medicine, occasionally theoretical physics, philosophy, art history {i'm jealous of my sister, who is having all the fun studying medieval art}, musicology. And, of that list, the one that does recur most often is the only one that pays a dime. I'd be lying if I didn't say that this music career terrifies me for that very reason. I'm used to a very different

Re: this is said with loving bluntness

[astrophel_]

Hurrah for scorn! Truth be told, the whole starving-artist idea is rather unrelated, and not a particular worry. (It worries my parents, though.) I think I could lead a fine life as a singer, I'm just very confused as to why I constantly want to do something else. The problem being that I want to do something else... _too_. Not in place of. Neither medicine nor singing tend to make much of a part-time career. I want to do everything, and I want to do it all now

switches - they hurt

[anonymous]

I switched from theatre to engineering as an undergraduate, and it was very difficult. Three years later I had achieved my goal, but I felt like a Vietnam veteran coming home from the war: my family did not appreciate my work (I too have the "they worked so hard for me to have opportunity" guilt), I was financially impoverished (I do not think anyone will pay you to go to med school), and I was permanently scarred (I got a raging hemorrhoid at the tender age of 20 from the catch-up work and stress

Re: switches - they hurt

[astrophel_]

Dominique--how good to hear from you. How are things?

The response to your message turned into such a rant that I decided to post it as a new posting. Unfortunately, I made a delightful quip about cat-o'-nine-tails that I had to cut because it didn't make sense out of this context. So it goes, no?

Meanwhile, I hope all is well. Really, it is good to hear from you--I've wondered what you've been up to these last several years.
All the best,
-j