Refrain.

[astrophel_]

(My parents hear this at semi-regular intervals... every few months, perhaps.)
After I complete this Masters degree thingy--(just got back to Karlsruhe from CT yesterday; it smells like summer outside. Germany and Italy share a certain wonderful summer-scent, I think)--I shall change careers, get a postbacc and go to medical school.
Reasons (today's

Comments

[astrophel_]

(extended navelgazing below)
I was looking forward to your response, and I wasn't disappointed--you've given me a lot of interesting things to think about. The stand-out question here, about connecting to other people, is one that is on my mind often enough as a musician as well. I'm definitely not the hide-in-the-lab-specialty type; I really do enjoy interacting with people, much more than some of the things I've written may suggest. I thrive on a stage--performer, or English teacher (how an American in Germany pays his rent), or even host of a party--which is entirely about interacting with the 'audience', albeit in a very specific and empowered way. I would imagine that the physician is in a somewhat similar role (and I don't mean that of the doctor-as-egotist stereotype). It remains to be seen--in either situation--whether I also have the requisite empathy. But I won't make a very good musician if I don't, either. And people seem to come away from my performances with the impression that I do, even if they've been impressed by an illusion?
I'm intrigued by your suggestion of neurology, as I finally (at long last!) picked up Sacks' The Man Who Mistook his Wife for a Hat and am absolutely captivated by it. The missing element for me, though (and I could be way off the mark, here) is the thrill, the adrenaline rush akin to what I feel when performing. That's my escape from the cerebral (no pun intended)--I can spend months poring over articles and books and musical scores, preparing to step out on stage, but once there's an audience there, it's all execution. Is there an element of this in neurology?
I've probably read this some years back, but I've forgotten--what did you study in your undergrad?
And, most importantly (pardon my rudeness for not having written this earlier--)--congratulations on your match! Sounds like you have very exciting things awaiting you in Chicago. Best of luck, and best wishes to you.

empathy, or lack thereof

[astrophel_]

In 7th grade, my history teacher (someone I admire greatly) scolded me for "lacking in EQ whatever I had gained in IQ." This has bothered me ever since. I think I've learned, in the decade-or-so since, to consider things from others' perspectives. I may have taken it to an extreme--I'm now sometimes paralyzed by the fear of upsetting or disappointing or inconveniencing someone else. But I'm not quite convinced that it's an -emotional- understanding of "the other," just a better intellectual appreciation of their desires/needs/fears. Though I'll jokingly assert that I have no emotions, I know that is absurd... and I find myself brought to tears by the strangest things (and with surprising frequency)--just almost always fiction, and seldom my own personal life. The movie The Lion King will make me cry; my grandmother (who I loved dearly) passing away did not. So I conclude that I still have some empathy-deficit, or at least a deep avoidance of it.
I'm not going to sing a very good "Die Schöne Müllerin" if I can't actually assume--to some degree--the needs and desires and fears of the young miller of these songs, will I? And yet people tell me that my performance of it had them crying by the end. This baffles me. But I'm convinced that this deficit will, eventually, catch up with me.
Which makes me wonder: would I actually care about my patients? (And isn't the illusion of caring enough? Just as it seems to be enough, for now, in singing? And don't I actually care a lot more than I think I do, and this is all some jumble of nonsense with which I'm littering your inbox and my comments page?)
Also: there are some very successful singers who have patently fake emotions on stage. And the job of the performer is not to have an emotional effect upon himself but upon his audience. So I'm not sure what's bothering me here either.
See? you've managed to find the holes in all my arguments today. :)

[aparecida]

You're actually correct about the physician-patient encounter: it's a controlled environment, which does make it easier for me (I'm naturally introverted, but do extremely well one-on-one in a quiet room).

I think that most neurologists would probably say that their thrill comes from the "aha!" moment of solving a problem, and from the intellectual excitement of seeing new problems and new presentations of old problems. If you turn out to feel that's not enough, there's a subclassification of neurology called "neurointensivist," where you're in the (neurosurgical) intensive care unit dealing with really sick patients, often trauma victims.

There's also neurosurgery, even, if you're willing to work ridiculous hours for seven years of training. Anesthesiology might be a good fit for you, too; it's not just "putting people to sleep," but rather achieving complete control over human physiology, keeping your patients alive during life-threatening surgeries.

There tends to be a tradeoff between adrenaline and developing relationships with your patients. The more acute specialties, like anesthesiology, surgery, emergency medicine, etc., tend to save a life in a few moments, but then the patient passes out of your life forever after hours or days. Specialties where you have more of a relationship -- primary care, psychiatry, neurology -- tend to have fewer moments of excitement because you're dealing with them over a longer span of time, usually in office visits. A few specialties offer a mix of the two, notably ob/gyn, urology, ophthalmology, and family medicine if you do hospitalist work / procedures / obstetrics as part of your practice. But really, choosing a specialty is for later; for now, the question is just whether you could see yourself doing something in medicine.

I did women's studies as an undergraduate. I think it was a marvelous preparation for medical school because it taught me about the human condition, and it gave me the tools to understand what's going on in my patients' lives in a way most of my classmates can't match.

When I started the premed requirements, I took Chemistry 1 over the summer; Chemistry 2 and Biology 2 in the fall; and then Organic Chem 1 and Physics 2 (I'd already taken Physics 1) in the spring. I took the MCAT that spring.

A good thing for you to do now (or as soon as you can) would be to try to get some sort of medical exposure, by volunteering in a hospital or clinic (I volunteered at Planned Parenthood, which was awesome), and to consider taking introductory chemistry. That'd start to give you an idea of how you felt about that setting and whether you can get back into science.

*EDIT: I think bexi's point is a good one, too; it's important to try to figure out why you keep questioning yourself as a musician: is it more about music, or more about you (a possible tendency of yours to lose focus or become bored with any single pursuit)?