Advice for Long Distance Relationships

[riverunner]

WARNING: THIS POST CONTAINS SENSITIVE INFORMATION AND DISTURBING CONTENT. DISCRETION IS ADVISED

Comments

[old_cutter_john]

Maintaining a false front in an intimate relationship, even in a friendship, is a strategy doomed to failure. It's too strenuous. Everyone who tries it has to stop eventually, and the truth becomes apparent. If you're grumpy by nature, the effort of maintaining the false front will make you even more grumpy. Relax and be yourself. If it drives your lover away, so be it: the relationship wouldn't have lasted anyway. There are people, including suitable lovers, who will like you as you are. You can explain yourself or not, as you like. Explaining yourself might be a good way of making the transition from the false front to a more natural and honest presentation

[polydad]

When Old Cutter gets there first, I rarely have much else to say. So -- yeah, that.

best,

Joel

Bizarre afterthought

[old_cutter_john]

You know, it occurs to me, that if you were a virgin, he might have been a virgin too, even if he chose not to let on. If that's the case, you might do well to just let him believe that your vagina is about what he can expect. The worst-case scenario is that there really is something about your vagina that would be problem to a man with some experience, but he has none, and would have accepted you as you are. You ask your question, and he tells you he didn't notice anything unusual, and then he sets about getting a practical education elsewhere. You're better off not asking. All you need to know about any man is whether he likes you as you are (assuming, of course, that you like him). There's nothing you gain by knowing whether any particular man finds your vagina objectionable. It doesn't tell you what to do next. Don't worry abut a possible physical defect until someone remarks upon it

Re: Bizarre afterthought

[kisekileia]

I've had the making out while watching a movie situation with a guy who wasn't a virgin, though I was. The movie got forgotten and then the last half re-watched :D.

[flamingnerd]

hey, we ALL go through the phase where we worry about our genitals. Your question is not innappropriate by the way. You can just say, "I think I may have not been at my best during your visit. I hurt my vagina as a child, and wonder if you notice anything different. I felt self conscious."

warm wishes!

[eriktrips]

I may be wrong, but seems like your question feels awkward or weird to you so you are hesitant to ask. I'll just say that lots of people have asked all sorts of questions when it comes to intimacy, whether physical, emotional, or both, because that's when there's nothing but you, without your everyday defenses and perhaps without even your clothes, in the room with the person you are so close to

[haldane]

Personally I would say nothing to him about your vagina; if he found something radically different to what he was expecting he would probably have mentioned it.

Then make an appointment with your local family doctor and ask him/her about it. There are lots of advantages to this approach: for a start, your doctor has seen a lot more of everything, and will have a good idea of "normal". Also, you can keep the exchange on formal ground, and if you feel awkward, well, it's not like you're going to be spending time with them in the future. Most group practices will be able to get you a female doctor if that makes it easier for you.

But certainly tell your partner you don't like making out to movies. Any two people have to work out what's right for them as a pair, and only speaking about it will let that happen.

[kisekileia]

This. The doctor would be able to tell the OP whether there is actually anything unusual going on.