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[wherearethebees]

Do you have any tips on writing a eulogy or what makes a good eulogy?

I know my general thesis already but I've never done this before so I might be overlooking basics of form or length or whatever.

Comments

[porcelain72]

Personal anecdotes are always good. I gave my grandmother's eulogy, and mentioned how much she enjoyed cooking and taking care of animals. A humorous story can go over well, but of course make sure it's clean and not going to embarrass anyone, including the deceased.

[spazzy444]

Agreed. While it wasn't a person giving the eulogy, the priest speaking at my young (16) neighbors funeral talked extensively about the things he would not get to do and then the kicker. He was telling a story (about the priest himself not the deseased) and the punch was "Gentlemen monkeys do not masturbate". AT A FUNERAL. It's been more than 12 years and I still remember this and in what bad taste it was. I was embarrassed for the family. The priest also kept calling the deceased's sister the wrong name.

[wherearethebees]

Oh my god! That's so over the top it's hard to believe!!!

[spazzy444]

You can't make that stuff up! After he said that everyone was laughing nervously or jaw dropped.

[bonoffee]

Just speaking from the heart & saying what you mean. That's more important that getting it 'right' or perfect. At least, that's what I think. I cried while I read my short piece about my grandma at her funeral, but I don't think that spoiled it, it was just showing how much I meant it.

[wherearethebees]

How long was the piece?

[bonoffee]

Hmm, not very long. Three paragraphs? It was less than one side of A4 when I printed it off and it was a standard size of text, 10 or 12. I didn't think I could handle much more than that to be honest. I hate public speaking at the best of times, and combining that fear with the fact it was my beloved grandma's funeral ensured I tried to say what I wanted in a succinct 2/3 of a page. But it might depend how comfortable you are talking, how well you knew the person, how much you want to say. I don't think there's a hard-and-fast rule about it. Probably you could just ask whoever is in charge about timing etc.

[bonoffee]

Also, I'm sorry for your loss.

[hourglasscreate]

Leave them with a chuckle. You don't need to be flippant, but if you can say something that gets a smile at the end it will keep the eulogy from being a downer.

My daughter was 10 when a friend committed suicide. Several people got up to speak. She was one of them. By gum, she managed to get a chuckle and it made people feel better.

[dawgdays]

I did the eulogy for my mother's funeral

[sunshinesarah]

Sorry you're having to do this.

I've given two in the last year, and it's so difficult. I think a good time is about 5 minutes.

Going with a theme helps, and you also have to keep in mind the person's personality and the "tone" of their death, if that makes sense. For example, for my grandmother, she lived to be very old and had a great life, so my eulogy was light-hearted, because the funeral was more a celebration of her life than sadness over her death. I went with the theme of what she had taught me, which was how to be a lady and what being a lady really means. For my father, he died young and in a really tragic, drawn-out way, so my eulogy was more serious, telling stories about his life and his ambitions and how great of a father he was.