I think you are asking for advice. Almost all of my best friends have been girls so I think I'm qualified to answer.
I'd say to stay out of it. Tell her you think this situation is totally screwed up but you don't want to cause any trouble for her so you'll back away if that's what she wants. Then back off. If this guy really has jealousy issues, it's going to come out. And if your friend can't see that, it isn't up to you to make her see the light, in fact it would probably just push her away from you.
I guess I didn't ask a specific question, sorry, I edited the post.
Yeah, I've back out of it as best I can. She still tells me all about the dumb things he does and asks for my advice and I'm certainly biased in that regard.
She has been the one bringing up how manipulative he is and the things he has been doing (even outside of this situation with me). I've told her what I thought about the way he behaves and she was ready to break up with him but now they are going to try to work things out.
Its hard to not give your opinion (and I told her I think he is being very manipulative and jealous).
I can't say what I'd do, but I can say something to this: but if they do break up it will be because of me and that is not cool either.
No, if they break up, it's because the guy's being an asshole about a fifteen year old friendship. He could have come on to the scene and said "Hey, I'm not totally on board with this, but I know y'all have been friends for a long while, can we negotiate some new boundaries?" He could have tried to make friends with you or asked to come along or invited you to PA for a visit. Instead, he's tackling things in the worst possible way, and so if they break up, it's because he's being an ass, not because of you.
I wouldn't say anything to her boyfriend. Also, I wouldn't say anything to her about her boyfriend being an asshole. This is something she needs to find out for herself. If she marries him then your friendship may have to go underground or into dormancy. Even if she breaks up with him and calls you crying and telling you what an asshole he is, be very careful not to say negative things about the guy because it will be uncomfortable if she gets back together with him. If it takes 20 years for her to realize that he's an asshole, then you will have to wait for the friendship to resurrect.
I understand a friendship like this. All my boyfriends have been cool about the close long-term platonic friendship I have with a member of the opposite sex. I have been lucky in that regard.
I'm sort of already in this position because for the past week she has been telling me how posessive and manipulative he is about a range of things and has asked my opinion. I've told her what I thought. Yesterday she told me she was going to meet up with him one final time to end it and it turns out they talked and are going to "try to work things out". Now I feel stupid.
Hrm... OK, I don't think this dude is handling this in the most mature way possible, but on the other hand, I can kind of see why he has an issue with the friendship. I'm sorry, but my response if my significant other wanted to be taking these weekend trips away alone with some female friend and didn't think there was anything wrong with the two of them sleeping in the same bed if they felt like it? I would have major issues with it. MAJOR! My SO would be livid if I expected to do the same with a male friend though, so we're legit on the same page there
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To me the issue was not that he has a problem with it, its how he responded to it. My friend didn't say she was going to do it, she just mentioned that this was something we did in the past and had tentative plans to do after the holidays but she wanted him to know about it. We made these plans before she started dating him and when she did start dating him we discussed not doing this because of the appearance it would give
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If she asked you your opinion, I think it's fine that you gave it and I think it's preferable that you told your honest opinion. If people don't want to know what others think, they shouldn't ask.
I don't know this dude and for all I do know, he could well be a douche. However, for what it's worth, I can't promise that I wouldn't be feeling similarly in his shoes because of my personal feelings about boundaries and whatnot. I like to think I'd be acting more maturely than this guy is, but to be fair, I know I'd feel jealous and that I would probably at least wonder why the boundaries in that friendship were set up the way they were. It would look strange to me and I wouldn't be able to help obsessing about it. I'm only human, after all
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I think you are asking for advice. Almost all of my best friends have been girls so I think I'm qualified to answer.
I'd say to stay out of it. Tell her you think this situation is totally screwed up but you don't want to cause any trouble for her so you'll back away if that's what she wants. Then back off. If this guy really has jealousy issues, it's going to come out. And if your friend can't see that, it isn't up to you to make her see the light, in fact it would probably just push her away from you.
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Yeah, I've back out of it as best I can. She still tells me all about the dumb things he does and asks for my advice and I'm certainly biased in that regard.
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Its hard to not give your opinion (and I told her I think he is being very manipulative and jealous).
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No, if they break up, it's because the guy's being an asshole about a fifteen year old friendship. He could have come on to the scene and said "Hey, I'm not totally on board with this, but I know y'all have been friends for a long while, can we negotiate some new boundaries?" He could have tried to make friends with you or asked to come along or invited you to PA for a visit. Instead, he's tackling things in the worst possible way, and so if they break up, it's because he's being an ass, not because of you.
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his insecurities are going to be what ruins their one-month-talking-about-marriage relationship, not the fact that you're her best friend.
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I understand a friendship like this. All my boyfriends have been cool about the close long-term platonic friendship I have with a member of the opposite sex. I have been lucky in that regard.
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I don't know this dude and for all I do know, he could well be a douche. However, for what it's worth, I can't promise that I wouldn't be feeling similarly in his shoes because of my personal feelings about boundaries and whatnot. I like to think I'd be acting more maturely than this guy is, but to be fair, I know I'd feel jealous and that I would probably at least wonder why the boundaries in that friendship were set up the way they were. It would look strange to me and I wouldn't be able to help obsessing about it. I'm only human, after all ( ... )
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