a friend breaking up a relationship
I tried hard to think of a good subject for this and I can't come up with one. Anyway, here is my situation:
I've been friends with a girl for about 15 years. We haven't lived in the same city for the past 7 or 8 years but we still talk/ text/ or facebook message every day. Maybe it is weird for a guy to have a female as a "best" friend, but I'd consider her that and I'm probably not a typical guy in that regard.
She is however absolutely beautiful and I think early on I was intimidated by this and didn't make a move and ended up squarely in the friendship zone. I'm definitely okay with that now and while I am interested in her physically (I'm a guy and we do have those thoughts) I'd never do anything to destroy our close friendship.
Over the years we have both been involved in various relationships, but remained close.
Once or twice or year we have been meeting up in NY for weekend trips. She is in PA and I'm in Boston and its a good midway point for us to get together and hangout, plus, we both like the city. When we go to NY, we stay in the same hotel room and have even shared the same bed on more than a few occasions (with nothing happening).
A few months ago, we had planned to go back to NY after the holidays. I've been going through a rough time personally and could have used the vacation to see my friend and hang out to get my mind off of all the drama. I was excited about it. However, about a month ago, this person began dating someone and it got very serious very quickly. They are already talking about marriage, etc.
When this guy found out that she had plans to go to NY with me, he absolutely freaked out. He couldn't get it out of his head that a girl could spend a weekend with someone, in the same hotel, and have it be "platonic". We dropped our plans to go to NY, but this guy can't let the issue drop. He keeps bringing it up and he keeps saying hurtful things to her like "how many times has he seen you naked?", etc. In general, this guy seems like a manipulative dirtbag, but be that as it may, he just keeps causing drama.
He knows who I am by name and when he saw me make a facebook comment to something she said, the issue was back on again. She is in this rollercoaster now where they have a few good days and then out of the blue he will bring up the fact that she "crossed the line planning to spend a weekend with another guy". It is like he is using it to make her feel bad.
She doesn't want to break up but it feels like this is going to happen. I just want her to be happy. My friend knows I don't like this guy for several reasons, but she keeps giving it another chance.
I'm in the middle of it and I don't really know what to do. I know this is sort of rambly but any advice or perspective on the situation would be helpful. I'm torn because I hope they break up because the guy is an asshole and she is miserable but if they do break up it will be because of me and that is not cool either.
If you were me, what would you do? Should I say something to this guy?
I've been friends with a girl for about 15 years. We haven't lived in the same city for the past 7 or 8 years but we still talk/ text/ or facebook message every day. Maybe it is weird for a guy to have a female as a "best" friend, but I'd consider her that and I'm probably not a typical guy in that regard.
She is however absolutely beautiful and I think early on I was intimidated by this and didn't make a move and ended up squarely in the friendship zone. I'm definitely okay with that now and while I am interested in her physically (I'm a guy and we do have those thoughts) I'd never do anything to destroy our close friendship.
Over the years we have both been involved in various relationships, but remained close.
Once or twice or year we have been meeting up in NY for weekend trips. She is in PA and I'm in Boston and its a good midway point for us to get together and hangout, plus, we both like the city. When we go to NY, we stay in the same hotel room and have even shared the same bed on more than a few occasions (with nothing happening).
A few months ago, we had planned to go back to NY after the holidays. I've been going through a rough time personally and could have used the vacation to see my friend and hang out to get my mind off of all the drama. I was excited about it. However, about a month ago, this person began dating someone and it got very serious very quickly. They are already talking about marriage, etc.
When this guy found out that she had plans to go to NY with me, he absolutely freaked out. He couldn't get it out of his head that a girl could spend a weekend with someone, in the same hotel, and have it be "platonic". We dropped our plans to go to NY, but this guy can't let the issue drop. He keeps bringing it up and he keeps saying hurtful things to her like "how many times has he seen you naked?", etc. In general, this guy seems like a manipulative dirtbag, but be that as it may, he just keeps causing drama.
He knows who I am by name and when he saw me make a facebook comment to something she said, the issue was back on again. She is in this rollercoaster now where they have a few good days and then out of the blue he will bring up the fact that she "crossed the line planning to spend a weekend with another guy". It is like he is using it to make her feel bad.
She doesn't want to break up but it feels like this is going to happen. I just want her to be happy. My friend knows I don't like this guy for several reasons, but she keeps giving it another chance.
I'm in the middle of it and I don't really know what to do. I know this is sort of rambly but any advice or perspective on the situation would be helpful. I'm torn because I hope they break up because the guy is an asshole and she is miserable but if they do break up it will be because of me and that is not cool either.
If you were me, what would you do? Should I say something to this guy?