The Earth is protected by a beagle

[ask_arealdoctor]

Torchwood is what stands between Earth and alien threat? We're doomed

Comments

[ask_captainjack]

THANK YOU for mentioning the paperwork, my Martha.

Ianto fairly persecutes us! Write the story in this box, Jack. Describe what the alien looked like and "blue" is not sufficient, Jack. How many bullets are left in your candy dish, Jack?

I have to use my language and math skills every day at work and it's difficult. Give me something for the pain. A croissanwich, or a cold compress? Some candy beans? Did you bring me any sweeties from London or what?

[ask_arealdoctor]

What, the little red UNIT caps I gave you and Ianto aren't sufficient prezzies? Have they no sweets in Cardiff?

Your language and math skills are more than sufficient, Jack. Anyone who can program a vortex manipulator to interface with the TARDIS, or sweet-talk a Lnatkeian senator into performing karaoke, has no call to plead ignorance.

[ask_captainjack]

Heh. That's true, I am pretty awesome with my skills.

I love Ianto's red cap!!!

He won't wear it outside the Hub because it's "private, Jack!"

Oh please, how am I supposed to show him off? Just because we both have enormous erections is no reason not to take our caps for a nice walk in the park.

[ask_arealdoctor]

Too Much Information.

[ask_aboutcoffee]

Max is pretty good about not going where he knows he's not supposed to, but sometimes he's chasing a vole or Jack's laser-pointer dot and he gets carried away. He has proven immune to almost everything he's licked, if it's any help.

The paperwork gets better from here out, but Owen had a backlog and there's always a ton when we hire a new employee. Just because we're outside the government is no reason not to leave tidy records! timeagency will tell you, they'll appreciate them a few millennia from now.

Thank you for the UNIT cap. I'll take very good care of it.

[ask_arealdoctor]

I'll give Max the benefit of the doubt for now. How can I not when his tail is so waggy? :)

I am not going near Owen's backlogged paperwork. For one thing, it's unethical for me to write up necropsies and experiments I had no hand in performing. For another, he wrote his notes on takeaway menus and junk mail envelopes. There's a whole drawer full of them, and half of them are undated!

You and Jack looked so adorable in the UNIT caps. Gwen showed me the CCTV footage this morning. It seems she doesn't quite filter out as much as you think.

[ask_captainjack]

There's a filter? Stupid Gwen and her twinges of conscience.

Martha, my puppy's name is Theresa. Ianto has been mispronouncing it with his Welsh-like lisp so I see how you could get confused.

[ask_arealdoctor]

Max, Theresa -- they do sound similar, don't they? It's a good thing the pup seems to answer to both names, so there's no confusion.

Gwennie is not stupid; she's a good agent and a good friend, Jack.

[askfor_bananas]

If it makes you feel better, they haven't blown up the world yet. Come a bit closer than I'd like perhaps, but it's mostly been mishaps with things getting in my TARDIS and that bit in Snowdonia I'm trying not to look at too closely.

I think you've got the Theresa half of Max-Theresa. After we find the other one I'm fairly confidant that I can make them back into a single beagle again.

I'm the Doctor by the way. Who are you?

[ask_arealdoctor]

You're not the Doctor. I travelled with the Doctor and you're not --

Oh my God, you ARE the Doctor! I've seen your photo in your dossier!

[ask_aboutcoffee]

Warned you.

[askfor_bananas]

Are you someone else who I-

Ah, right. I can see the little thingie in the top right corner now.

So, er, hello? You're not going to stare at me soulfully as well, are you? I mean, if the hardest part was med school...

[bone_lady]

Martha, I will pay big money or exchange research data if you stick John and Jack with lidocaine...srsly...and take pictures. Of course Jack will say he'll look sexy regardless, which is probably true, but still....

[ask_arealdoctor]

Usually I'd be more than happy to share research data in any case, but I don't think I'm allowed to anymore. National Secrets, you know. Besides, it wouldn't do you much good if I gave you any data because I'd just have to Retcon you after.

[bone_lady]

No...no..I don't want retcon. I hear nausea is a side effect. I'll pass.

I was going to share *my* research data with you :). I've an arsenal of tertiary skeletal syphilis here that defies explanation.

[ask_aboutcoffee]

I was going to say "I've had all the syphilis I want in this lifetime" but that sounds bad. I've never had syphilis (MARTHA, PLEASE NOTE).

But we did have to deal with an alien who caught it once. That was un-fun.