A POSTCARD FROM THE 53rd CENTURY!
HELLO FROM THE FUTURE!
It's been about a week (our time), probably mere minutes (your time) since you last heard from Torchwood.
When the sub-etheric resonator exploded, we found ourselves vortexed into the future!
I'm well. The kids are okay. So, how are you?
The 53rd is brilliant. I'm going to answer your first two questions right away:
a) YES we have flying cars!
b) YES we have silver unitards!
As it turns out, there's plenty for us to do in the future. Interesting people to scream at. Genetically engineered coffee beans to grind....
...And the aliens. There are many deadly aliens that need to be shot in the face. The Borg, for instance. They're aliens that come in cubes. They're adorable. I'll try to send you pics, you'll LOL.
So what are we going to do with the rest of our awesome lives?
I have a lot of opinions. To everyone's surprise, Hart's ship turned out to be more space-worthy than it looks. He and Martha are zooming off on holidays to the "Pleasure Peninsulas". It probably sounds as gross to you as it does to me.
Rhys discovered he's amazing at driving a flying truck. He's doing long-distance hauls between the Medusa Cascade and Manchester. If you're wondering, do they have chip vans in the future? The answer is yeah, and it took Rhys and Andy ten minutes to find the first one.
As for me and the team, Torchwood is settling nicely into 53rd century Cardiff. When we found the Hub, it had a padlock on it and a note from the Doctor. "Dear Jack, the toaster still works. The key to the Hub is under the Matt."
We hunted around until we found the right Matt, pulled the key off the bottom of his shoe and re-opened the Hub!
Gwen is finding out that tearful compassion works on humans in the future just as well as it works on humans in her own time. The major difference is that the mascara is so much better here. Doesn't run at all. I could sleep with mascara on and wake up looking fabulous, that's how good the formula is.
Ianto was having trouble adjusting for the first few days. I fixed his homesickness with my cock. Technically I guess it was the first problem I solved in the 53rd. The first of many, I can tell by the cases of Rift-related trouble piling up on my desk.
By the way, in the future your "desk" has a powerful computer built into the surface. I was thrilled to see this piece of tech again. FINALLY, an interactive desk!
You know the Welsh, they're never impressed. "That's a flat-screen television with legs on," said Ianto to Gwen.
Another question you are bound to have, "Do they have croissanwiches where you are, Jack?" Uh, I have no clue.
All I know is Ianto and Gwen took Theresa for space-walkies and came back with space-grocery sacks. In the end I was served a croissanwich for lunch. How it got on the space-plate I have no idea!
Incidentally, for you fashion fiends, Ianto's enjoying the wealth of strange fabrics available from the Allied Worlds. He's made himself a waistcoat that sparkles when you think "sparkle!"
I've already bought 10 or 11 bolts of this magical cloth, and sent T & Jenny out to find more. I discovered that I'm as massively wealthy in the future as I am in the past. Huzzah!
Got to go, don't know how long this Rift pocket back to the 21st will last.
We've got important Torchwood business coming up today. We're taking the Torchwood Viper to Coruscant for a meeting with the Prime Minister and our own QEII. I'm excited to scream in his face about how he should follow my orders. I've got a royal decree on my side, after all.
It's going to be LULZY as he's ruled with an iron robot fist for centuries and probably remembers the last time I screamed in his face (the 51st).
If he was human, he'd piss himself with fear. Torchwood administrative work is never done!
Yrs helpfully from the future,
Cpt. Jack Harkness
PS: I'm letting Ianto fly the Viper. I'm too full of Pimms to steer.