Um... help?

[ask_arealdoctor]

Sorry to interrupt, but if anyone's around could you possibly come down to the morgue? That noise you're hearing is all the LOCKED drawers slamming open and there are dead people crawling out and I'm trying to push them all back in and pile things against the doors but I'm running out of chairs and boxes and HOW MANY DEAD PEOPLE ARE DOWN HERE

Comments

[ask_captainjack]

We didn't have a Myfanwy when Alex was in charge.

He was strict. In a sexy way. Funny story, he wouldn't let us have a goldfish.

I know, can you believe it?

So, I was on him every day, "Alex, for fuck's sake can't we have a

SHIT IANTO DUCK!

[ask_aboutcoffee]

NO MORE FIRE NOW OKAY THANKS JACK

Go help Max round them up, I'm going to uh.

Well.

I'd been needing a haircut anyway...

[ask_captainjack]

Fighting these zombies cost you tufts of your hair!

I won't forget your sacrifice, Ianto.

I WON'T FORGET!

[ask_captainjack]

HA HA HA! YES! NICE ONE, CAPTAIN JACK.

[gwen_e_cooper]

SNAP! Hey, you can't snap your own snaps!

[ask_captainjack]

I can too.

It's like how I chuckle at my own jokes.

It's because I'm so fucking funny, Gwen.

[gwen_e_cooper]

I'll give you that. You're pretty goddamn amusing, Jack. Still, it loses impact if you dont wait a beat for the audience to catch up with the-

SHIT. HOW MANY CORPSES DO WE HAVE IN HERE?

[ask_captainjack]

I shot 36 in the face! That's 17 more than you got.

I've been keeping score.

Beat. HA HA HA.

Hey do you say "beat" or just whisper "beat"?

[gwen_e_cooper]

Don't let them bite you!

Sorry, Donna! I know you've had a rough unlife. And um, also a nightmare wedding. But.

You don't deserve this, but I've gotta shoot you in the face for your own good.

[ask_captainjack]

STOP APOLOGISING TO THE ZOMBIES

It's fucking with your aim

You need remedial target range training

[gwen_e_cooper]

Yeah, I know. Out of practice.

Maybe later, after we kill all of these zombies. We could uh...

OVER THERE, opening the drawer!

[ask_captainjack]

I put stickers on these corpse drawers.

SPECIFIC STICKERS.

They say DO NOT OPEN and PROPERTY OF TORCHWOOD.

It's like none of the dead are paying attention to the sticker I assigned them!

[gwen_e_cooper]

They're ZOMBIES!

They can't read labels!

This is why some instructions have diagrams. Zombies!

NEXT TIME, PICTURES WITH LINES THROUGH THEM. NO OPEN!

[ask_aboutcoffee]

BUT NOT THROUGH MY FACE FIRST PLEASE

I'm never going to stop showering once I get out of this

[gwen_e_cooper]

Me either!

Chamomile shower soap in the stalls, BTW. New. Matching scented lotion in the dispenser. Check it out later.

*BLAM!*

[ask_captainjack]

You little fuckers

I'm going to tear your beaks from your fuzzy little faces!

I've pinned the big one with a fork, guys!