i hate what i feel right now. it is wrong but it feels so right. how can i turn my back to the very thing that makes me happy and complete? i try to rationalize my feelings. tried out one by one all the defense mechanisms i have learned since childhood. denial, projection, reaction formation...... the list could go on and on. yet all these ego ( Read more... )

haay life!!!!

here i am again, bitching against everybody. i seem to make it a habit nowadays. just came back from our college sportsfest. i play basketball... haha as if. but of all disasters that could happen, our opponents didnt show up. so we were winners by default, how freakin pathetic... well c'est la vie!!!!

we ate at gary's and mother of ( Read more... )

i really love this piece of poetry...

this one is by pablo neruda, one of my favorite artists...

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.

Write, for example, 'The night is starry
and the stars are blue and shiver in the distance.'

The night wind revolves in the sky and sings.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me ( Read more... )

Seven things that scare you ( Read more... )

hay naku... one bloody bitchy day!!!

first i was late for school.

then we had a boring seatwork in humanities while my f*cking groupmates arent participating...

then we had another boring lecture in geology. add to that, i was annoyed by my freaking classmate. well she had no right to shout at my face.

then my new ballet flats are killing my feet ( Read more... )

i miss him... i dont know the hell why but i miss him. that is what ive been afraid of all this time. na there will come a time that i will regret what ive done. really bad karma...

i feel shitty but i try to think of a sensible reason why i miss him. i dont actually miss his presence, i think its just the attention that he has been showering me. i ( Read more... )

i want to go home. i want to see my friends. i want to go to the beach. i want to...

dammit... im stuck here in this awful place... pathetic thing is, i cant even go to the mall or see places.

no bread kasi.....

buti na lang there is lots of food... at least i dont feel deprived in that aspect....

i cant even write a piece of decent verse... maybe ( Read more... )

something happened.. ever felt that rush of adrenaline through your heart.. and for what it seems like eternity... you remain speechless... numb??? it just happened to me. with reasons i cant even fucking write in my journal... i wasnt able to sleep last night. i just stared at the ceiling.. incoherent thoughts buzzing around my head... they never ( Read more... )

its been a long time ( Read more... )

grabe, the talk is over... but still im not over with my guilt.. its like im the most wicked witch there ever was...

i really hated doing that.. telling him to stop... telling him its over...

telling him were better off as friends... but hell... hypocrisy wont solve my problem.

i wanted to justify my actions but i stopped myself.

whats the use ( Read more... )