so aparently i have bdp which is kewl i guess. at least i know why roach exists.

on the other hand.

theres been alot of shit going on that im not found of. i dont know wether we should go to tx or nc. theres just too much with both. ppl are being babies in bethel. and all if it is pissing me off. my hand is swolen because i slamed it into a light ( Read more... )

i've been fighting with myself with myself all day and last night. i cant make it stop. and i still dont know who the orignal is but god help me if its not her. at this point i just wish i had health insurance so that i could go see a shrink. as much as i hate shrinks i think it might actually be helpful. theres gotta be something wrong with me.  

you get upset when i am attacked by the memories of him ( Read more... )

so far we've gotten lost, pulled over for speeding, and almost died. yeah that's right we almost fucking died. we were going through Tennessee and this storm hits with tornadoes n everything. there was one forming right next to us as we were trying to run from all this shit. it was fucking scary as hell man. it wasn't kewl. i mean i've never prayed ( Read more... )

today is tweek's funeral service. i dont wanna go. mostly because i dont want to have to say goodbye to him.  itll be so hard to be there and i dont think leech is having a easy time with it either. i dont really wanna be in ct. i havent wanted to be here for a long time now and now that things are getting much much worse i dont think i can handle ( Read more... )

i dont even know what to say. today and lastnight were just terrible. i cant express my sorrow for the recent deaths of our loved ones.  with every breath i take i can feel my heart breaking.

my dearest grim... you were only a year and a half old. i cant imagine what i did wrong in order for you to have gotten so sick in the first place. im sorry i ( Read more... )

its kinda boring here. nothing ever happens. nothing new at least. im getting kinda tired of my mother's constant yelling. in the years that i've been gone from here she hasnt changed at all. to be honest i dont think she ever will change. im not quite sure what makes her so unhappy. it doesnt seem to matter what is going on or who she is with. she ( Read more... )

i'm not sure if i want to be grown up. most of it just isnt fair.  in a few years my friends will be dropping like flies. n then suddenly... i'll drop too.  dont get me wrong. my death really doesnt bother me that much. its everyone else's that  i'm not ok with.  and other than that i can't seem to get out of my fucking mother's house. 

 i find it interesting that some of us are ok with our own death but not with others. where other people are ok with others death but not with their own.  i guess the big question is why? what is it about letting go that is hard for some and yet so easy for others ( Read more... )

sometimes i regret the things i have done in the past. at some point i think everyone does. but there are other times  where i realize i just might be like everyone else if i hadnt  gone through those expirences. im not real sure which is better. lol. but i do know that this is what makes me... me. now maybe my life would be easier if i was normal ( Read more... )