I had my English professor review it, and want to get opinions from all of you as well. My main concern is my first paragraph. How can I make it more interesting
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I couldn't be bothered to read the whole essay because the first paragraph was so uninteresting. I imagine I won't be the only person with that reaction...
thank you for commenting in-depth. they ask what personal experiences have pushed us to pursue this degree, but i'll definitely take out the whole part with my mom and just leave in the part with the friends. i thought a bunch of parts of the essay sounded awkward, and i'm glad you say they were
Reading your edits, the sentence in the first paragraph "Finally, I like the different positive aspects about the sizes of the campuses." makes no sense. Again, let me emphasize - grad school application committees do not care whether you like the campus. Only comment on the program's strengths and why it appeals to you.
- The first paragraph can go entirely. The first two sentences repeat the content of the second paragraph, and the rest is not information they care about. - The second and third paragraph is on the same topic. It could be combined. Ditto for the three paragraphs about TA, RA, and volunteering. - I specifically want to work with people whose ages range from children to middle-aged adults - This is not specific. It's like, the opposite of specific.
This is very rambling and disjointed, and it's confusing to read. I'd suggest a total rewrite, basically. Make an outline. Use the questions as a guide and write a single paragraph that succinctly answers each of the questions. Don't worry about word count, just get it on paper. After you've got that as a basic framework, then decide where you need to elaborate. For the "Why [program]" question, I would suggest focusing on faculty and academics, not your personal comfort or knowledge of the campus.
Thank you. I wanted to narrow the people I want to work with to only children, adolescents, and teenagers, but thought maybe they'll think I'm not covering enough ground. I realize now that it's better to focus on a narrow topic than a broad one. However, I do want to keep some detail about my experiences (TA, etc.), so I know I will write more than a paragraph for those.
Any suggestions on what to include in my intro? I wanted to begin with why I want to attend the school, so I should I write about the academics and professors as a second paragraph?
For who you want to work with I would suggest focusing on kinds of people (those with eating disorders, say) rather than a specific age group, unless you really have a specific age group in mind. It's not so much about narrowing your discussion, but more about organising your thoughts and picking out what's really important to you. Focusing on your experience in some detail is good, but make sure that you can both tie it together and really show how it reflects on your future plans. This isn't really about the cool stuff you've already done (which should be explained in some detail on your CV anyhow) - it 's about showing how that stuff has informed your desire to go to the program you're attending. You need to focus on that.
As for what to include in your intro, I would suggest focusing only on the academic and professional benefits of the school and give a brief statement about what you bring. It's like writing the introduction to a paper - you need to both summarise (briefly) what you're going to talk about and draw the reader in
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IA. This SOP is simply unfocused. I understand why: you're directly answering the questions. Instead, try answering these questions:
What do you plan to study in the program? In other words, what are your research interests?
How are you prepared to study these research interests in the MSW program? How has your background informed your decision?
How can Rutgers MSW program help you study your research interests and prepare you for your intended career?
I don't have personal experience applying for an MSW, so you should probably talk to someone who successfully has or a professor in the program. That's because I'm not exactly sure how focused you need to be in your research interests. I'm also not sure about how much of your personal background is alright to bring into an MSW statement.
After you address the questions I listed, then check whether you also address the questions in Rutgers' prompt.
I just wanted to say, I'm looking at Rutgers too! I'm moving with my bf (military) to northern Delaware so trying to find the closest commute haha. Either there, temple, or university of maryland-baltimore. Where are you applying? Good luck!
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i have to find out what to put in to make it more interesting
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- The second and third paragraph is on the same topic. It could be combined. Ditto for the three paragraphs about TA, RA, and volunteering.
- I specifically want to work with people whose ages range from children to middle-aged adults - This is not specific. It's like, the opposite of specific.
This is very rambling and disjointed, and it's confusing to read. I'd suggest a total rewrite, basically. Make an outline. Use the questions as a guide and write a single paragraph that succinctly answers each of the questions. Don't worry about word count, just get it on paper. After you've got that as a basic framework, then decide where you need to elaborate. For the "Why [program]" question, I would suggest focusing on faculty and academics, not your personal comfort or knowledge of the campus.
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Any suggestions on what to include in my intro? I wanted to begin with why I want to attend the school, so I should I write about the academics and professors as a second paragraph?
Reply
As for what to include in your intro, I would suggest focusing only on the academic and professional benefits of the school and give a brief statement about what you bring. It's like writing the introduction to a paper - you need to both summarise (briefly) what you're going to talk about and draw the reader in ( ... )
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I don't have personal experience applying for an MSW, so you should probably talk to someone who successfully has or a professor in the program. That's because I'm not exactly sure how focused you need to be in your research interests. I'm also not sure about how much of your personal background is alright to bring into an MSW statement.
After you address the questions I listed, then check whether you also address the questions in Rutgers' prompt.
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