(Untitled)

[purpleashes_lp]

Hi all!
I'm planning to apply to the master of my dreams this december, and I'm currently writing my statement of purpose. Unfortunately, I didn't do spectacular in college, so I don't have many qualifications to write about.

Here is my second draft, I would greatly appreciate your help. I want this letter to be the best it can be.

Latest draft

Comments

[shanrina]

I don't have time to do something very thorough, but one quick note--I'd take out "My most genuine thanks for considering my application, and I look forward to your acceptance." and the "Sincerely yours" followed by your name. An SOP is an essay, not a letter.

[purpleashes_lp]

Heheh, I wrote Statement of Purpose because I saw that's the common term around here, but it's actually called Letter of Intent. I'm not sure if there's any difference...

But I do understand what you mean. I'll follow your recommendation :)

Thanks!

[indicolite]

First of all, is the 'country of master's' the United States or Canada? If not, this is the wrong community for you

[purpleashes_lp]

Enormous thanks for being thorough and taking the time to read my letter. I didn't know this was a community for USA and Canada only, I was referred here by a member of another forum.

When I read your review I got dissapointed in my letter, but it's alright, that's what it takes to make it better.

I will do the appropriate corrections today and post the 2nd draft tomorrow.

[purpleashes_lp]

Also... Are there any paragraphs or phrases you think I SHOULD keep?

[67threnody]

It seems a little thesaurus-driven. I would suggest cutting down on some of the five-dollar words and just use plain language. The admissions committee is going to be reading a lot of these kinds of statements; you'll want yours to be straightforward and to the point. You want your statement to be memorable for its substance, not for its flowery language. As it is, it's a little hard to follow. You don't want your readers trying to make sense of your writing--you want them to understand your ideas right away

[purpleashes_lp]

Thanks for your comment, it was very kind and helpful. See, my greatest disadvantage is that I don't have much going on for myself, except for the enthusiasm

[cosmicwonder]

No offense, but your concerns about your past performance makes me beg the question (and I'm sure of the admissions committee): why do you think this program is a good fit for you? Fit isn't just about being excited about the program, fit also means that your interests match well with theirs and that you are well-prepared to enter the program.

I simply don't know enough about the program you're applying to, your background, or your field to advise whether to apply to the program, nor how to explain your past performance. But I strongly suggest that you carefully consider these questions:

1. What exactly do you want to study in this program? As bluetourmaline notes, you need to be very specific about your interests. Once you hone them down, then see if the program can support it. You can find this out by looking at the research interests of the professors and contacting the program directly.
2. How are you prepared to begin studies in this program? Answering this can be trickier because - at least from my experience - requirements for a program can

[purpleashes_lp]

This is my lates draft. Do you guys think it's better?