Comments | applyingtograd: Statement of Purpose

ennifer_jay in applyingtograd

Statement of Purpose

Oct 30, 2011 18:32

Hi all ( Read more... )

sop help, statment of purpose, sop., curriculum vitae, statement of interest, statement of purpose format, statement, statement of goals, sociology, statment of intent, sop, cv, statement of pupose, sop's, statement of intent, soi, statement of purpse, education, statements, sop-drafts

Comments 15

shanrina October 30 2011, 22:50:30 UTC

Overall I think this looks really good. I just have a few minor comments:

1. You can cut "It is my belief" in the second sentence. It wouldn't be in your SOP if you didn't believe it.

2. I'm not sure about "vitally imperative." Obviously it's not wrong, but it sounds a little intense, maybe too intense.

3. "Monumental" in the second paragraph reads a little odd to me. Maybe use something like "instrumental" instead.

asleep_awake October 30 2011, 23:23:42 UTC

"vitally imperative" is a problem because it's so redundant. Just say "vital" or "imperative" and you're good to go.

asleep_awake October 30 2011, 23:28:42 UTC

Other things that stand out:
"All parties" would be better than "both parties," as you never narrow down 2 particular parties, and there are certainly more than 2 involves in a person's education.
Is " English Language Learner students" a term I'm not familiar with? If not, it reads awkwardly as "learner" and "student" are redundant.

I've found the best way to figure out how to write a CV is simply to look at a bunch of CVs of professors at the school you want to attend. Obviously, don't just copy the format, but look for which choices appear to optional and which things are universal.

shanrina October 30 2011, 23:31:50 UTC

Good point, both about vitally imperative and English Language Learner students--OP could use "students learning English as a foreign language" or something along those lines. I should have picked up on that since I'm an EFL teacher.

seasontoseason October 30 2011, 23:41:07 UTC

if you're going to a program that is theory-heavy (do these exist under the heading of "education" departments? I dont know, it's not my field. But if you're applying to any rhet.comp. programs they do exist) you may want at least acknowledge in your SOP that the idea that "knowledge is power" thing has been called into question by much of recent theory. just a thought.

agentdanger October 31 2011, 04:38:33 UTC

That was my thought, too -- if we're in theory-mode, "knowledge" and "power" are both quite loaded terms.

seasontoseason October 31 2011, 09:31:47 UTC

What has recent theory said? I mainly draw my teaching practices from Freire and critical pedagogy.

ennifer_jay October 31 2011, 09:36:04 UTC

That was me, the OP lol. I forgot to sign in.

Thread 8

tisiphone October 31 2011, 08:11:51 UTC

This is really pretty good. I'd just give this a good going-over with Strunk & White's rules, get rid of unnecessary words, etc. Given your opening statement, I'd also suggest working in Paulo Freire and liberation pedagogy, which takes "knowledge is power" from a tautology to something meaningful. (Use a light hand, but I especially recommend it for Umass Amherst. Given your interests, also, you might be interested in their social justice education program.)

ennifer_jay October 31 2011, 09:20:13 UTC

That's the program I'm applying to, actually haha :)

tisiphone October 31 2011, 09:32:01 UTC

Excellent! My advisor was in that program and really, really loved it. Good luck! (You should definitely, definitely add Freire to that list, then.)