rant rant rant?

[apiphile]

My brain is still doing a weird thing which is making it hard for me to actually experience emotions on an emotional level (ie: I am having a big BPD, but the Asperger's is sitting in the aux sends and adding Big Logic to all my insane flailings; unfortunately since the signal coming through the sends is BPD the information itself is faulty and

Comments

[apiphile]

And possibly have dealt with mentally ill people in a position of power over them who made life fucking awful as a direct result of not owning their issues and acknowledging that sometimes their behavior was insane because they were.

Point. I keep running into posts/comments about BPD which boil down to "the people who suffer most from BPD are the people around those EVIL SELFISH MANIPULATORS" which makes me LOL somewhat as I seem to recall it's the people with BPD who end up committing suicide, not the people AROUND US. (Although I would not like for anyone to be dependent on me. They would suffer, I am pretty sure of that).

Why Can't I Subsist on Rice&Beans Like A GOOD PersonNo, subsisting on rice & beans is an eating disorder. That's what I did when I was anorexic: rice, beans, oatcakes. Sometimes cucumber. x2 Oatcakes with optional cucumber slice and a line of speed for breakfast, speed for lunch, and a bowl/half-bowl of rice & beans for dinner. I remain convinced that limiting your options for reasons other than allergies is

[apiphile]

Don't make me bust out my issues with the concept of Good People, G. I will do it. I will slap you with them. :D

[requiem2adream]

I'm almost afraid to ask 'what Gwyneth Paltrow thing?'

[apiphile]

A lot of classist bullshit about food.

[shoiryu]

Yeah my mother's favorite thing to do is take me complaining about anything that's annoying or hurtful and tell me I'm "letting it get to me" like that's something awful. Complaining about the insanely awful FOOTBALL CULTURE!!!!! the US suffers from and how shitty and violent and mindless that is, or about the OMG TEH MILITARY IS THE BEST WE ARE PROUD WARRIORZ AND IT'S GOOD THAT THAT DRILL SARGE HIT ME IN THE FACE WITH A RIFLE BUTT SO HARD IT LEFT A SCAR BC I LEARNED AN IMPORTANT LESSON!!! bullshit means I'm "letting it control me". Ironically, I complained about Paltrow near her once recently, and got the usual immediate knee jerk defense of the thing I was complaining about, along with "You're so MEAN, Laura, gosh! :o Wow!" response

[apiphile]

So your mother is nuts. I mean, I figured your parents were not necessarily wholly on the level on account of SENDING YOU TO BOOT CAMP WHAT THE EVERLIVING FUCK but ... ugh. "Letting it get to you". The world EXISTS. We are PART OF IT. How many drugs do you have to take to be completely oblivious?

"Oh, come on, let's go get some food and let her work it out" and to then tell me while we were at said food that she'd been deliberately withholding payments on a mutual bill between her and my (now) partner because it was "teaching her an important lesson about money".

Well there is a nice abusive controlling fucking psycho who needs to have her cunt kicked in by a mule. *rage*

[shoiryu]

Yeah, she is. The problem with her is that it's this "benign" fucking kind "i just love you so much!" bullshit, she's like your mom but with this "totally reasonable" way of trying to force me to do shit. We had a screaming fight the other week because she is insistent that I see a doctor. Like... she and my dad essentially bought me a brand new car, recently. And on the surface that sounds awesome, and in some ways it is, but getting things I need from my parents (and i needed this car, we don't really have public transport in the middle of the cow fields here, etc etc) usually entails doing something that pleases my mom and calms her down and soothes her and makes her feel all right, which is why so often when I'm in dire financial straights, they aren't the ones helping me, even though they totally can. It's because I just don't have it in me to placate and pet and smile and coo at the moment

[wolfy_writing]

I do have a theory that people who sound genuinely angry when they talk about how "mentally ill people need to SHUT UP" are probably suffering from a mental illness themselves and feel unable to face up to it.

I've seen a lot of people who will flat-out tell you that they're angry because 'those people' are getting help and support and "No one ever helped me!" So it wouldn't surprise me if a lot of people who are resentful of the fact that some people with mental illness aren't hiding it are desperately clinging to their "Keep ignoring it and telling myself it's not a problem, and I just have to carry on!" strategy and feel jealous or threatened by the fact that other people are admitting to problems and seeking help.

Listen, I don't care what your idiot superstition tells you, me saying "I want X to happen" won't make it happen unless I take steps to make it happen.I've seen people bring that up in RPF fanfiction. I mentioned once that I'd done a fic involving Richard Hammond and a car accident, and someone was all "What kind of

[apiphile]

I encountered - or rather observed, I didn't want to touch it in case I caught something - many years ago a person who was convinced that everyone who self-harmed, whether or not anyone else was aware of their self-harm, was a selfish attention-seeking weakling and "no one ever helped me" and NOW I just find that sad. Either they asked for help and didn't get it, in which case the fault is with the mental health services and/or their "friends", or they couldn't ask for help, in which case it is extremely sad and I'm sorry no one around them was perceptive enough to help anyway. What there was NO NEED FOR was attacking other people who had problems for not dealing with them in the same fucking way. Which goes for EVERYTHING. Not just mental health issues.

[/rant]

"What kind of energy did you put into the universe? Did you make him crash the jet car?"

*eyeroll* Yes, with your magical universe-altering powers that you have. I wonder if cats and dogs can change the universe too, with their positive or negative thoughts? FFS. I hate

[wolfy_writing]

That does sound like a sad, ugly mess. And going after other people because they got help doesn't make anything better.

[apiphile]

It was kind of useful to see, though, because it gives some perspective. I mean, it stops me a little from the occasional pointless black rages at people who have families that they LIKE or can at least stand to be in a room with; it's not their fault mine doesn't work, and it's very unfair of me to be angry with them because theirs does. Being able to draw parallels always helps.

[origamicage]

Believing you can control the universe with your thoughts is a symptom of mental illness.

Whoa. I never thought of it that way. I know it's a bunch of fucking woo (which my sister is getting into ugh) but I never thought about it that way.

[apiphile]

Believing that you can do something which is not actually possible is a delusion, delusions are a sign of mental illness. :)