Attn: .STARK.

We are in dire need of your help. We are losing it, can't you tell? We have deviated from your watch. We have fallen victim to carnal impulse. We must revert to the past to restore the future. We must feed the gaping jaws of death. We do not desire any other brand of solidarity more than solitude itself. We DO NOT CAN NOT WILL NOT ( Read more... )

100.8 this morning! Yaaaayy! i feel like my body is invincible on this fast. i hardly sleep and my primary fuel source is juice/water/caffeine. i'm on a roll. i'm celebrating this so blatantly because my friend revealed to me last night that my boyfriend is contemplating a break-up. The funny thing is that i originally called her to tell her that i ( Read more... )

Today is day 2 of my 10 day fast. i have never felt so lucid and free as i do right now. Why don't i do this more often? Why do i choose to be a miserable slave to food when i can be liberated through self mastery? i guess lessons are only learned through experience. The only annoying part of fasting is how frigid the world becomes. Being at school ( Read more... )

April, 2005 - 127 lbs ewwwww

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i've managed to place my savage soul back on a manic sense of structure again. Thanksgiving was nothing short of an unpleasant tragedy, and that is all i'm going to say about it. In short, i ballooned up to 104 from my own foolishness. Shortly before that i had reached my STGW of 99 lbs and *SNAP* the biological promptings of survival obliterated ( Read more... )

My friend's ex-anorexic sister died 2 days ago. She was so beautiful and emaciated.

What sickens me is that this makes it all the more appealing...

The Boy finally gave me a very procrastinated call last night at about 12 a.m. after 2 days of complete silence and all is right with the world now. i really cannot figure out his cynical yet fascinating personage, but i'm grateful to be with him nonetheless. We are both so abstract and passionate that we cancel each other out oftentimes but i find ( Read more... )

i really hope my scale is somewhat accurate (it's an electronic scale by WeightWatchers). i reluctantly stepped onto it this morning and it said 98.8, which basically defies all the laws of physics in my reality. i checked it numorous times and it read the same number. Optimistic events such as these never strike me dumb with joy. Instead, the ( Read more... )

After scrupulous consideration, i decided to begin another fast in Geometry class today (at last i managed to give that class some actual purpose). i suffer through too much stress and emotional turmoil when i attempt to restrict my eating habits. i either lack the self control or i simply do not find any personal dignity in restricting. Fasting is ( Read more... )

i feel rather devious right now. i just bought laxatives and some new diet pills. No, i do not plan on combining the two because i still have a brain. However if i had a rational mind i would not have purchased those supplements and i would live life on a 3-meal-a-day basis and let them rot within my bowels while i actually accept food as an ally ( Read more... )