New Horizons Part 4
On to Part 4!
Part 1 here http://angelzfurys.livejournal.com/19495.html
Part 2 here http://angelzfurys.livejournal.com/19713.html
Part 3 here http://angelzfurys.livejournal.com/20200.html
1996
Jensen couldn’t help but caress his rounded belly as he looked at himself in the mirror. He had stretch marks and his veins stood out of his pale skin and his belly button was sticking out. It wouldn’t be long now till his baby was born. He was unsure of what would happen when he went into labor, his parents had shared nothing on this matter. He wondered if they would help in some way or if he would have to do it all alone. That thought scared him and as much as he hated his parents he wanted whatever help they would give him when the time came. He was both scared and looking forward to the arrival of his baby in the near future.
He thought back to when he had first discovered that he was pregnant. He was just as scared then as he is now, actually more so because there was no joy in knowing that the baby would be born. He had thought at first his parents would make him get rid of it. But as much as his parents hated the idea of their son being pregnant and gay the hated abortion more. So they had kept him in seclusion and lectured him about the living sin he was and that the baby was going to be. His father had even beaten him a few times when Jensen had started to speak up and argue back. He now firmly believed that being gay wasn’t wrong and that he couldn’t be a sinner. He had not chosen to be gay he just was, as for sex it had been forced upon him so that wasn’t his fault. The baby wasn’t to blame as it could have decided to become anything on its own. Also, if gays were bad because they laid with other men and wasted their seed by not reproducing as his father and the preacher they saw lectured about, then he was exempt as he was after all able to lay with another man and produce children. He also argued about women not being able to have children and them not being looked down on. That particular argument had not gone over well at all, in fact it had led to a particularly bad beating in which he had feared for the health of his baby after.
Five days later Jensen woke from his afternoon nap with his stomach on fire and wet sheets. His water had just broken and he was in labor. He was so scared and didn’t know what to do so he just sat there and started crying. When the next contractions came he cried out and tried to curl up but the pain was too sharp to let him do so. Just after the contractions had subsided his door opened and his mother stuck her head in. She came in and to his side as soon as she saw what his condition was. He reached out for her but she pulled away from him and his heart skipped a beat.
“When did this start? She asked him, still keeping a little of the distance she had put between them.
“Just a few minutes ago,” he panted as his back and stomach muscles tightened again but no contraction came.
“Try not to scream,” his mother said before going back out the door closing it behind her as if he might try to follow her.
He was alone for about an hour thinking that he was going to have to give birth alone and that he was going to die when he was surprised by the return of not only his mother but the company of his father and another woman. The other woman it turned out was a midwife and when it came time she was to help him deliver the baby.
He spent the rest of the day in labor with the midwife watching but not helping and under the eye of both or one of his parents. After many hours he was exhausted and in such pain that he thought he imagined that the midwife had come to help until he felt her strong grip on his legs pulling them apart. He tried to struggle but she spoke to him for the first time and he stopped in shock before her words registered.
“Pull your knees up pointing out and put your feet flat on the bed boy it’s almost time and I need to see.”
He flushed at the thought of the woman seeing his private area before a wave of pain hit with a contraction and he struggled to do as she wanted knowing that the baby was coming. When he finally got into the position she wanted after the contraction had passed he noticed that she already had her hands on his boxers and was pulling them off his hips and up his legs. She had just cleared his thighs when she reached down and her hand came back with a pair of scissors. She cut away his boxers and replaced the scissors before donning gloves from what he finally noticed was a bag next to her. He closed his eyes and tried to calm down and breath deep as her hands touched his ass. He tried to close his legs as she prodded at him but she kept them apart with a firm grip. Another contraction hit and she pressed on his stomach a bit and he wanted to hit her but didn’t, instead gripping the sheets firmly with both hands and trying not to scream.
“You’re ready, it won’t be long now,” she addressed him before turning to look at his parents. “I’ll need my birthing bag and fill my bowl with hot water as well as the tub in the bathroom.”
His father went out and returned a minute later with a large bag which he gave to his mother and left again, presumably to get the water. His mother opened the bag and pulled out a large sheet that crinkled like plastic and handed it to the woman. The woman folded the sheet and placed it on the bed instructing him to push his hips up so she could wedge part of it under him. He had trouble complying with her demand but managed and the sheet felt cold and rough under him when he was back on the bed. The woman arranged his legs so that they wouldn’t be on the sheet and turned back to his mother who had pulled a bunch of wrapped supplies from the bag.
“In a few minutes you will feel the urge to push, you might have felt like it before but I want for you to wait until I tell you you can,” the woman instructed. “Donna, I need you to help Jensen sit up when I tell him to push.” The woman looked over at his mother with a serious expression.
He didn’t think that his mother would do it and he could tell that she didn’t want to, but she did. When the next contractions came the midwife told him to push and he did. It was very hard and it hurt worse than anything he’d felt before. It seemed to go on forever that he was having to push when the waves of pain came. In reality it was only minutes. With each push after the first three he felt like he was being torn apart and he did scream a few times. But after a while the room was filled with not his screams but that of his newly delivered baby. The midwife had unwrapped and was using some of her supplies which looked like a couple of pairs of odd pliers and a pair of scissors before using a towel to bundle the baby in. As soon as she had the baby secure she got up and backed away.
“My baby, my baby,” he was still in pain and felt weak but his baby’s cries were so loud and his heart raced at what could be wrong that the tiny thing could make such a noise. His father was blocking him from completely seeing the midwife and keeping her from returning to his side with his baby. His mother was keeping a firm grip on his shoulders and he was too weak to push her off and get up. He could only wiggle around to try and get a better view but it was impossible. The midwife took the baby out of the room and he let out a cry as what felt like another contraction hit him. Why was this happening? Was he having twins? He pressed his feet onto the mattress as he had done when he delivered his first baby and pushed a little. Nothing came out and he was granted a minute or two reprieve before the next contraction came but it was much weaker than the previous ones. He didn’t push but it was a close thing and he wanted the midwife back to help him with the second baby. She came back in a minute later and came to check on him speaking before he got the chance.
“You are almost ready for the after birth, I want you to push on the next contraction even if you don’t feel like it.” The midwife got back into the position she had been in when she had helped him deliver his baby.
Expelling the after birth took the rest of his strength and his mother let him fall back and left his side as the midwife began to clean him up. He was out of it with pain, exhaustion and sadness as the woman worked. When he focused again he was cleaned and had been moved and a blanket had been put over him, the bed had been stripped and the room had been cleaned. The midwife was talking in hushed but angry tones with his parents at the door of the room. When they noticed that he seemed to be aware of what was going on they moved away from the door.
He was left alone for the rest of the night and he fell in and out of a restless sleep. The next morning his parents, besides allowing him pain pills and more time in the bathroom, went on as if nothing had happened. By some luck he found a small piece of paper that had gotten under his bed that the midwife must have written. He learned that the baby he had given birth to was a boy and that she had considered him healthy. He asked about his baby but got no answer and his father hit him and told him to shut up about it before the week was out. He became depressed as time wore on and he was still confined to his room. He figured that if he was ever going to get out of his room and the house was if he played by his parent’s rules.
It took months for him to convince his parents that he was getting better and that he wasn’t inclined to males anymore. He didn’t really think he was either, at least not sexually. He never wanted to feel the kind of pain he’d had the first time he’d had sex and he defiantly didn’t want to go through pregnancy or birth again.
The first time that his parents left him alone in the house without being locked in his room he was tempted to run but he didn’t realizing that it was a kind of test. He hated to wait but he knew that if he ran then that he would end up back with his parents as he was still a minor and they would be called if he was picked up on his own. His depression grew and his parents needed less threats and pressure to keep him in the house. By the time his eighteenth birthday came he almost felt like not leaving.
**************
Present
A week after their talk with the studio people a press release was issued that Jared had been in contact with his child and the child’s other parent. They asked for privacy and that more information would come later when the parties involved were settled. Rumors ran rampant in the fan community and Supernatural’s ratings jumped. Luckily a new news story eclipsed theirs, at least in the major news. A plane crashed into the Hudson River in New York. The smaller media and celebrity oriented press stopped being interested two weeks later when singers Rihanna and Chris Brown failed to show up at the Grammys.
Jared had gotten to be present via video conference when Colin was told that is other parent was found and was in fact his other father and not his mother, but that his identity would be revealed later. Colin had been shocked but had agreed to waiting to know the answer. His parents took a little longer to convince and a date would be set at a later time so that all parties involved could have more time to digest and process the news.
Jensen had agreed to meet and talk with Colin the next time he came up to see Jared. They had been talking and getting close again after Jared had confronted him about Colin. He had moved back into the house and after almost a month started sleeping in their old bed. Jared was patient with him like when they had first gotten together and let Jensen lead in their relationship sexually which for Jensen meant just hand jobs for the moment. He had tried to steer clear of talk of Colin but Jared wouldn’t drop it. Jared never pushed him really hard but slowly chipped away at him. At the same time Jared also encouraged him to talk about their past and find a therapist to work things through. He was still uncomfortable about anyone knowing what had happened to him before, during and after New Horizons. If he did talk about it, it was often after lots of alcohol and only with Jared.
One week before Colin was going to visit them since everything came out he got plastered with Jared and opened up like he hadn’t in the past.
“I would have given it to you you know,” he slurred, as he looked at Jared who was on the opposite end of the couch a box of pizza between them.
“Given me what?” Jared wasn’t quite as hammered as Jensen was.
“My virginity. I believe if we had been there longer and not been discovered I would like to think that I would have given you my virginity. I would have liked very much for you to have been my first. I…I loved you. Even back then I loved you.”
Jared smiled at him. “That means a lot to me and I am still sorry for the way it worked out but I am glad that I was your first. We wouldn’t have Colin other wise and I would have hated to see what Russell would have done if I hadn’t done…it.” Jared’s smile was gone and his voice was low and he had a faraway look in his eyes as his words ended in a hesitant stutter.
“God he was a real piece of work wasn’t he, I was so scared of him and what he was going to do. Looking back I don’t know why I didn’t scream or anything to draw attention to us. It was two of us against him and there was no way of proving anything. I was so afraid of what they would do to us if they knew but in hind sight it was nothing that they weren’t already doing.”
Jared didn’t answer for a moment but when he did he sounded sober and serious. “I know you may not want to hear this and it won’t make anything any better but I think that he liked you. And that sooner or later he would have made some kind of move on you. If he hadn’t caught us and threated you I think he would have tried to...to…well to try and be with you and he wouldn’t have cared how either.”
He wanted to deny it but he knew deep down that it was most likely true. Chris had said something of the sort the only time that he’d told him what had happened to him when he was smash drunk and depressed to the point that he was playing with the idea of not going on. Chris had tried everything to console him and point out that nothing was his fault and had stayed with him for a week to get him straightened out.
“I don’t want to talk about it anymore.” He turned slightly away from Jared to look at the TV, which had a game on in mute. “I understand what you are saying and I can understand your logic but I don’t want to talk about it right now.”
Jared frowned, but after a moment nodded. “Not now, but later. Someday.”
He jerked his head in a little nod of confirmation and found the remote to turn on the volume. They spent the rest of the evening watching the game and the highlights show afterward before going to bed.
******************
When Colin came for his visit Jared made sure that Colin’s parents and lawyer were there. Jensen’s lawyer was on standby, as was his should they be needed, but he didn’t think it would be necessary. Jensen had given him permission to tell Colin and his parents that he was Colin’s other biological parent and that he would be willing to take a test to prove it even though he had all the papers collected by the P.I.
Colin’s parents were not thrilled by this revelation and demanded that the papers be produced and a new DNA paternity test was performed before Colin would be allowed to visit. It took all of Jared’s patience and charm along with Colin actually throwing a mini tantrum for his parent to allow Jensen to see Colin now. They of course wanted to be present but agreed not to be if another person was involved. Jared knew that Jensen would not go along with that so he decided to play it a bit fast and lose.
Since they were on the set of Supernatural and just on a break Jared would grab someone on set and he set his eyes on Kim Manners. Kim had proven to be an awesome guy and both he and Jensen had a good relationship with the guy. Also, Jensen was as close to comfortable as you could get without smashing into his personal inner walls with Kim. A plus to this was that Kim was in the middle of previewing some now soundtrack pieces today. He would make sure that Kim was present for the meet up but that he had his work so that he, Jensen and Colin would have some privacy if Kim kept his headphones on and the music going. There was no way Jensen wouldn’t agree to that he figured.
Kim was confused by his request at first but agreed when he figured out that it was important to the boys. So he stowed away his work in his bag, met with Colin’s parents and sat down in a chair in the little room that the meeting was going to be in. Colin was there before he could get Jensen in and he was kind of glad as he shut the door as soon as they entered and Jensen would have to get through him to leave.
Jensen looked pretty panicked when he saw Kim and Colin but calmed a little as Kim pulled his work out and put on a giant pair of headphones that surrounded his entire ears. Jared made sure that Jensen had to sit in the chair closest to Colin and farthest from the door. Jensen sat on the edge of his seat as if he would jump up and run away at any moment.
They all sat in silence for a few minutes before Jensen got up the nerve to speak first.
“Um so I guess Jared told you that I’m your...um...” Jensen couldn’t quite finish his sentence and title on what to call himself in his relationship to Colin. He wasn’t female so he wasn’t Colin’s mother and the title of father usually went to the male in the relationship but as Jensen and Jared were both male it went to the partner providing the sperm.
“That you are my other biological parent,” Colin supplied, his voice flat and even. He seemed to be getting over the shock of Jensen being his birth parent quite well for having found out only an hour or so earlier.
“Yeah.” Jensen rubbed at the back of his neck and sat back a little further in his chair but still seemed ready for flight at any moment.
“Are you going to be honest with me? Jared already promised to answer all my questions.” Colin sounded hopeful and he tried not to wince as Jensen looked over to him.
“I am going to be as honest as I can be. Remember, there are somethings that aren’t quite appropriately suitable for you to know just yet,” Jared tried to ease Jensen’s fears of what would be brought up and at the same time set limits for Colin and the expectation that some things might be off limits without having to lie about them.
“I guess I can do that.” Jensen’s voice trembled a bit and he seemed to hunch in on himself as he said it.
He got the impression that Jensen was waiting for a blow or like he was a few steps away from an executioner’s chopping block. “So I have told Colin a little about what my life was like around the time he was born. I can repeat it if either of you want or we can just go on and I’ll answer questions from both of you.” He put emphasis on the word both. He wanted Jensen to know that he would be honest with him too, about anything. He hoped that Jensen would not only talk here with Colin but later with him alone and know that he could have the answers he wanted or needed.
“So, I know that you were young when you had me but since you didn’t get rid of me before I was born why did you after? Why didn’t you contact Jared?” Colin didn’t hold back and asked a pretty hard question.
“I grew up in a very strict religious house and abortion was not an option and my parents wouldn’t stand for that despite the hate they had for my condition. I was a minor as you have probably figured out so keeping you or not was not up to me. As for contacting Jared we were only together once and I didn’t really have the opportunity to do so since my parents had me under pretty tight control at the time after they learned I was pregnant.” Jensen couldn’t look at Colin as he spoke but he sat back in his chair.
“I know that Jared didn’t know about me but did you ever try and find me or what to know what happened to me?” Colin went right on with the hard questions.
“I didn’t get to have time with you after you were born, my parents wanted you out of the house. I am not sure what your parents told you but from what I know the person who helped me have you took you to a hospital and left you there. There was no way I could track her or find you at the time and afterwards I didn’t have the money or the knowhow. I did hope that you were okay and that you were being raised alright. After a while I just wanted to put everything about it behind me. If I didn’t acknowledge it it didn’t happen. It was just easier that way, I don’t know if you can understand that but it’s all I can give you on that.”
They were all silent for a moment and Jared was worried that this would be it. Not that it hadn’t been illuminating but he felt as if they shouldn’t end things just yet. He didn’t have to worry for long as Colin wasn’t done yet.
“Can either of you tell me how you met and why you decided to have sex?”
Jared grimaced and so did Jensen but he was determined to answer and beat Jensen to an answer. “We met at a camp, and not a fun one. It was a place that neither of us should have been at and shouldn’t have existed. It doesn’t exist anymore but the damage they caused goes beyond us. As to why, well that answer I don’t think you’re ready for and I for one am not quite ready to talk about.”
“I’m with Jared on the last bit and I am not quite sure I would call that place a camp it was more like a cult prison but that is just my opinion.” Jensen had an angry hateful expression on his face.
He had to remember that Jensen had been at New Horizons longer then he had and he was unsure of how things had gone after he had left.
“Let me ask you something, Colin.” Jensen sat forward again and actually looked Colin in the eyes. “I will admit I was messed up back then but that kind of goes with the territory of being in that camp place, which is where you were conceived and having you so young and all. Hell, I am still a little messed up from the whole thing. So what I want to know is what do you want out of all this in the end? You seem to have great parents and are well adjusted and I could never be your parent. I can only give you so many answers about the how and why you were born and I have no family ties to give you besides myself. Medically speaking I can cover my family history for you if you ever need it.”
Colin didn’t look hurt by the words Jensen said but he appeared to be taking in Jensen’s words and thinking them over. Colin bit his bottom lip and looked at him before addressing Jensen’s words to a spot between him and Jensen. His voice was a little sad but his eyes were clear of tears. “I want to get to know Jared and so far he wants the same. He has already stated that he doesn’t want to take over for my parents and wants to know about my life. I want to get to know him as well and hopefully we can become good friends. I would hope to have the same kind of relationship with you, but if you can’t…” Colin didn’t get to finish.
“I would like to get to know you, very much,” Jensen interrupted earnestly. “I do know a little because I hired a P.I. but nothing really personal just professional. I am sorry about that if it weirds you out but I was looking into what the press called Jared’s child at the time. I’m not so sure that you would like to have anything too close once you figure out some of my past. It’s going to take some time for that, by the way, I’m not all that fond of being open.”
“I’ll take what I can get.” Colin smiled a little. “Jared’s told me his past isn’t a walk in the park either but I figure if you made it this far living it I can stand to hear it when you’re ready. I want to know but I think if I were in your shoes I wouldn’t want to be pushed so I won’t push you. Just…don’t make me wait too long.”
For the rest of the meeting they talked about things on set, the possibility of Colin’s coming back and how they had all gotten into acting. His and Jensen’s answers had been a little similar and the fact that they had both met their best friends doing it and it was them that had found ways to help them cope would be downright laughable if it weren’t for the serious matters those reasons covered up. When they were done they alerted Kim who must have gone through the music recordings several times over while waiting. Everyone agreed that they wouldn’t meet up again until after the studio execs and lawyers had been brought up to speed and a press statement released and the majority of any fall out was over. With some convincing the Ford’s agreed that Colin’s name could be released and Jensen agreed to. When the Ford’s left with Colin Jared decided that they should get all the necessary people together in the next day or two. Best to get things over with as quickly as possible and move on to a hopefully brighter future.
******************
1996
Jared didn’t seem to care where his life was going because no one really cared about him or where he was going either. He had been home for about two weeks with his parents either fussing over him about every little thing or ignoring him and fighting about what had been done to him. They told him that they didn’t mind him being gay but wouldn’t listen to him talk about Jensen who he was worried about. They went overboard on the sexual education for his safety but didn’t want to know what he thought about it or who he saw. They led a case against his uncle and New Horizons putting him through much embarrassment by making him talk about what happened there in detail then ignoring it when it was all over. They wanted to give him space, to which he used to get in trouble, then showed disappointment when he did something they didn’t want him to and didn’t expect. Finally, the last straw was when he got busted for public indecency by making out shirtless with an equally shirtless girl in the bathroom at a ball field. It was either detention in juvie or family court-ordered therapy. By then he had been running wild for over a year and he was the definition of a teenage terror. His parents stuck him in therapy.
He had rebelled at first but he got lucky and the therapist he had been sent to stuck with him and didn’t give up. Slowly he worked getting Jared to find other better and safer outlets for his anger, guilt and depression besides sex, minor drinking and theft. Drawing out his emotions came with drawing out his memories of what had happened to him while he was at New Horizons. He finally told his therapist something that he had only told his parents when he had first gotten out of New Horizons. He told about Jensen and what he’d been forced to do to him. After that first time he never brought it up again until Chad and it was the bare bones preferring to leave the past in the past.
One of the outlets that he found while in therapy was acting. He was good at it since he was good at lying and pretending to be something he was not. Mainly innocent when he was or at the time had been the opposite. When he turned eighteen he felt comfortable enough with acting and his ability at it to try it for a profession. He’d been hired for a show on the WB called Gilmore Girls right away. It was then that he met Chad Michael Murray and somehow they had just clicked. He had never considered Chad dating material and even though he was good at covering up his sexual orientation Chad managed to figure out he liked men. Chad never made too much of a big deal about it and after one incident where he freaked when Chad brought it up as a joke Chad never discussed it again around him in public. In private they would sometimes talk about it, especially after their friendship held strong when Chad left Gilmore Girls.
Chad teased him about his fake relationship with Sandra McCoy, who he met on the movie Cry wolf, but was confused by her absence when they filmed the remake of House of Wax. He had just met Jensen prior to filming House of Wax and had intentions of pursuing him. He had broken if off with Sandy because their relationship was going nowhere and he wasn’t a cheater. Sandy had never known about his inclinations towards men and he kept it that way. She had even guest starred on Supernatural later and they kept in touch more after that.
****************
Present
The studio executives just about shit a brick when Jared and Jensen told them that they together were the parents of Colin and wanted to let the press know. The lawyers asked hundreds of questions and wanted everything done to document this and the media team was going to have to stretch their creative truth twisting talents and actually have to earn their money for a change. Kripke, Singer, and Manners were very relaxed and somewhat thrilled by the announcement that their two stars were so connected. Kripke even joked that it was fate and he couldn’t have come up with a better story if they were actually Dean and Sam acting out the lives of ordinary people. The boys found it a little creepy.
Of course everything was going to be done to protect Colin’s privacy as well as the private relationship between Jared and Jensen. There would be a press release that yes Jared was a father and that he was in a relationship with the child’s other parent and that they wished for privacy and would not answer questions. Filming would begin again in full swing from the scattered bits they were doing now a few weeks after the story was out and it was just a little behind their usual post-holiday time line, although there would be fewer episodes for the season. Everyone prepared for the worst and hoped for the best. Right before the press release the core crew members who had been there since day one and had signed on for the next season or two had been told in confidence that Colin was Jared’s son. They all agreed not to speak to the press but had the right to know as Colin would be back for further episodes at a later date.
True to form, the fans and media went nuts when the confirmation by Jared and the studio the news that Jared was a father and that he was apparently off the singles market. For the most part the fans respected the privacy of Jared and the rest of the Supernatural cast and crew but there were a few who called for the right to know more. The media hounded them all for a little while until the next big thing came along.
Jared had arranged to give Jensen some space after the press release and they mainly had contact on set while they waited for everything to settle down again. Jensen got over it a lot quicker this time and they were back to sharing a room before the two week mark was up. Colin planned to visit at the end of the filming season in the early spring. Jared hoped that an invitation for Jensen to meet up with him and Colin would be a good time to work up their relationship again. He gave Jensen the date and time and asked if Jensen would bring some photos for Colin to see. He himself was bringing photos and planned to talk about family stories. After that it was all up to Jensen and he hoped that everything would turn out well considering Jensen would have a harder time opening up and probably wouldn’t mention his family.
When the date came Jared was so proud that Jensen had shown up and was willing to try and make the best of a future together. Colin was already inside the hotel suite they had arranged to meet in so Jared held the door open for Jensen to come in before shutting them in. He gave Jensen a big smile as Jensen waited nervously, gripping a large envelop. He led Jensen into the tiny kitchen were Colin was waiting and they all sat down at the table. Jensen opened the envelope and took out a stack of photos placing them in front of him.
Jared and Jensen sat at the table across from each other with Colin on the side that wasn’t facing the living room. Three piles of pictures were on the table showing three very different sets of lives. A single picture of the three of them sat in the middle of the table were soon the rest of the pictures would be placed after being passed around to mingle much like the lives of those who had brought them to share.
The End.
Not Really….
Epilogue
In the following year and a half Jared and Jensen got back together and their relationship was stronger than ever. Jared and Jensen went to therapy together and Jensen was opening up emotionally and finally facing his past. With only their family and friends they secretly married and got to share joint custody of Colin with his parents who thrived with his new relationship with his biological parents. Colin’s adopted parents became part of the family as well, getting along with Jared’s parents after a few meetings. Jensen never did reconcile with his parents and no one really worried about that. Supernatural got over the scandal of its lead actor having a child and keeping it all private and the show is going strong. A charity was set up to help those young men and women who were gay and weren’t accepted by their parents or relatives with which they lived. They kept their involvement low key and managed to do a lot of good.
Part 1 here http://angelzfurys.livejournal.com/19495.html
Part 2 here http://angelzfurys.livejournal.com/19713.html
Part 3 here http://angelzfurys.livejournal.com/20200.html
1996
Jensen couldn’t help but caress his rounded belly as he looked at himself in the mirror. He had stretch marks and his veins stood out of his pale skin and his belly button was sticking out. It wouldn’t be long now till his baby was born. He was unsure of what would happen when he went into labor, his parents had shared nothing on this matter. He wondered if they would help in some way or if he would have to do it all alone. That thought scared him and as much as he hated his parents he wanted whatever help they would give him when the time came. He was both scared and looking forward to the arrival of his baby in the near future.
He thought back to when he had first discovered that he was pregnant. He was just as scared then as he is now, actually more so because there was no joy in knowing that the baby would be born. He had thought at first his parents would make him get rid of it. But as much as his parents hated the idea of their son being pregnant and gay the hated abortion more. So they had kept him in seclusion and lectured him about the living sin he was and that the baby was going to be. His father had even beaten him a few times when Jensen had started to speak up and argue back. He now firmly believed that being gay wasn’t wrong and that he couldn’t be a sinner. He had not chosen to be gay he just was, as for sex it had been forced upon him so that wasn’t his fault. The baby wasn’t to blame as it could have decided to become anything on its own. Also, if gays were bad because they laid with other men and wasted their seed by not reproducing as his father and the preacher they saw lectured about, then he was exempt as he was after all able to lay with another man and produce children. He also argued about women not being able to have children and them not being looked down on. That particular argument had not gone over well at all, in fact it had led to a particularly bad beating in which he had feared for the health of his baby after.
Five days later Jensen woke from his afternoon nap with his stomach on fire and wet sheets. His water had just broken and he was in labor. He was so scared and didn’t know what to do so he just sat there and started crying. When the next contractions came he cried out and tried to curl up but the pain was too sharp to let him do so. Just after the contractions had subsided his door opened and his mother stuck her head in. She came in and to his side as soon as she saw what his condition was. He reached out for her but she pulled away from him and his heart skipped a beat.
“When did this start? She asked him, still keeping a little of the distance she had put between them.
“Just a few minutes ago,” he panted as his back and stomach muscles tightened again but no contraction came.
“Try not to scream,” his mother said before going back out the door closing it behind her as if he might try to follow her.
He was alone for about an hour thinking that he was going to have to give birth alone and that he was going to die when he was surprised by the return of not only his mother but the company of his father and another woman. The other woman it turned out was a midwife and when it came time she was to help him deliver the baby.
He spent the rest of the day in labor with the midwife watching but not helping and under the eye of both or one of his parents. After many hours he was exhausted and in such pain that he thought he imagined that the midwife had come to help until he felt her strong grip on his legs pulling them apart. He tried to struggle but she spoke to him for the first time and he stopped in shock before her words registered.
“Pull your knees up pointing out and put your feet flat on the bed boy it’s almost time and I need to see.”
He flushed at the thought of the woman seeing his private area before a wave of pain hit with a contraction and he struggled to do as she wanted knowing that the baby was coming. When he finally got into the position she wanted after the contraction had passed he noticed that she already had her hands on his boxers and was pulling them off his hips and up his legs. She had just cleared his thighs when she reached down and her hand came back with a pair of scissors. She cut away his boxers and replaced the scissors before donning gloves from what he finally noticed was a bag next to her. He closed his eyes and tried to calm down and breath deep as her hands touched his ass. He tried to close his legs as she prodded at him but she kept them apart with a firm grip. Another contraction hit and she pressed on his stomach a bit and he wanted to hit her but didn’t, instead gripping the sheets firmly with both hands and trying not to scream.
“You’re ready, it won’t be long now,” she addressed him before turning to look at his parents. “I’ll need my birthing bag and fill my bowl with hot water as well as the tub in the bathroom.”
His father went out and returned a minute later with a large bag which he gave to his mother and left again, presumably to get the water. His mother opened the bag and pulled out a large sheet that crinkled like plastic and handed it to the woman. The woman folded the sheet and placed it on the bed instructing him to push his hips up so she could wedge part of it under him. He had trouble complying with her demand but managed and the sheet felt cold and rough under him when he was back on the bed. The woman arranged his legs so that they wouldn’t be on the sheet and turned back to his mother who had pulled a bunch of wrapped supplies from the bag.
“In a few minutes you will feel the urge to push, you might have felt like it before but I want for you to wait until I tell you you can,” the woman instructed. “Donna, I need you to help Jensen sit up when I tell him to push.” The woman looked over at his mother with a serious expression.
He didn’t think that his mother would do it and he could tell that she didn’t want to, but she did. When the next contractions came the midwife told him to push and he did. It was very hard and it hurt worse than anything he’d felt before. It seemed to go on forever that he was having to push when the waves of pain came. In reality it was only minutes. With each push after the first three he felt like he was being torn apart and he did scream a few times. But after a while the room was filled with not his screams but that of his newly delivered baby. The midwife had unwrapped and was using some of her supplies which looked like a couple of pairs of odd pliers and a pair of scissors before using a towel to bundle the baby in. As soon as she had the baby secure she got up and backed away.
“My baby, my baby,” he was still in pain and felt weak but his baby’s cries were so loud and his heart raced at what could be wrong that the tiny thing could make such a noise. His father was blocking him from completely seeing the midwife and keeping her from returning to his side with his baby. His mother was keeping a firm grip on his shoulders and he was too weak to push her off and get up. He could only wiggle around to try and get a better view but it was impossible. The midwife took the baby out of the room and he let out a cry as what felt like another contraction hit him. Why was this happening? Was he having twins? He pressed his feet onto the mattress as he had done when he delivered his first baby and pushed a little. Nothing came out and he was granted a minute or two reprieve before the next contraction came but it was much weaker than the previous ones. He didn’t push but it was a close thing and he wanted the midwife back to help him with the second baby. She came back in a minute later and came to check on him speaking before he got the chance.
“You are almost ready for the after birth, I want you to push on the next contraction even if you don’t feel like it.” The midwife got back into the position she had been in when she had helped him deliver his baby.
Expelling the after birth took the rest of his strength and his mother let him fall back and left his side as the midwife began to clean him up. He was out of it with pain, exhaustion and sadness as the woman worked. When he focused again he was cleaned and had been moved and a blanket had been put over him, the bed had been stripped and the room had been cleaned. The midwife was talking in hushed but angry tones with his parents at the door of the room. When they noticed that he seemed to be aware of what was going on they moved away from the door.
He was left alone for the rest of the night and he fell in and out of a restless sleep. The next morning his parents, besides allowing him pain pills and more time in the bathroom, went on as if nothing had happened. By some luck he found a small piece of paper that had gotten under his bed that the midwife must have written. He learned that the baby he had given birth to was a boy and that she had considered him healthy. He asked about his baby but got no answer and his father hit him and told him to shut up about it before the week was out. He became depressed as time wore on and he was still confined to his room. He figured that if he was ever going to get out of his room and the house was if he played by his parent’s rules.
It took months for him to convince his parents that he was getting better and that he wasn’t inclined to males anymore. He didn’t really think he was either, at least not sexually. He never wanted to feel the kind of pain he’d had the first time he’d had sex and he defiantly didn’t want to go through pregnancy or birth again.
The first time that his parents left him alone in the house without being locked in his room he was tempted to run but he didn’t realizing that it was a kind of test. He hated to wait but he knew that if he ran then that he would end up back with his parents as he was still a minor and they would be called if he was picked up on his own. His depression grew and his parents needed less threats and pressure to keep him in the house. By the time his eighteenth birthday came he almost felt like not leaving.
**************
Present
A week after their talk with the studio people a press release was issued that Jared had been in contact with his child and the child’s other parent. They asked for privacy and that more information would come later when the parties involved were settled. Rumors ran rampant in the fan community and Supernatural’s ratings jumped. Luckily a new news story eclipsed theirs, at least in the major news. A plane crashed into the Hudson River in New York. The smaller media and celebrity oriented press stopped being interested two weeks later when singers Rihanna and Chris Brown failed to show up at the Grammys.
Jared had gotten to be present via video conference when Colin was told that is other parent was found and was in fact his other father and not his mother, but that his identity would be revealed later. Colin had been shocked but had agreed to waiting to know the answer. His parents took a little longer to convince and a date would be set at a later time so that all parties involved could have more time to digest and process the news.
Jensen had agreed to meet and talk with Colin the next time he came up to see Jared. They had been talking and getting close again after Jared had confronted him about Colin. He had moved back into the house and after almost a month started sleeping in their old bed. Jared was patient with him like when they had first gotten together and let Jensen lead in their relationship sexually which for Jensen meant just hand jobs for the moment. He had tried to steer clear of talk of Colin but Jared wouldn’t drop it. Jared never pushed him really hard but slowly chipped away at him. At the same time Jared also encouraged him to talk about their past and find a therapist to work things through. He was still uncomfortable about anyone knowing what had happened to him before, during and after New Horizons. If he did talk about it, it was often after lots of alcohol and only with Jared.
One week before Colin was going to visit them since everything came out he got plastered with Jared and opened up like he hadn’t in the past.
“I would have given it to you you know,” he slurred, as he looked at Jared who was on the opposite end of the couch a box of pizza between them.
“Given me what?” Jared wasn’t quite as hammered as Jensen was.
“My virginity. I believe if we had been there longer and not been discovered I would like to think that I would have given you my virginity. I would have liked very much for you to have been my first. I…I loved you. Even back then I loved you.”
Jared smiled at him. “That means a lot to me and I am still sorry for the way it worked out but I am glad that I was your first. We wouldn’t have Colin other wise and I would have hated to see what Russell would have done if I hadn’t done…it.” Jared’s smile was gone and his voice was low and he had a faraway look in his eyes as his words ended in a hesitant stutter.
“God he was a real piece of work wasn’t he, I was so scared of him and what he was going to do. Looking back I don’t know why I didn’t scream or anything to draw attention to us. It was two of us against him and there was no way of proving anything. I was so afraid of what they would do to us if they knew but in hind sight it was nothing that they weren’t already doing.”
Jared didn’t answer for a moment but when he did he sounded sober and serious. “I know you may not want to hear this and it won’t make anything any better but I think that he liked you. And that sooner or later he would have made some kind of move on you. If he hadn’t caught us and threated you I think he would have tried to...to…well to try and be with you and he wouldn’t have cared how either.”
He wanted to deny it but he knew deep down that it was most likely true. Chris had said something of the sort the only time that he’d told him what had happened to him when he was smash drunk and depressed to the point that he was playing with the idea of not going on. Chris had tried everything to console him and point out that nothing was his fault and had stayed with him for a week to get him straightened out.
“I don’t want to talk about it anymore.” He turned slightly away from Jared to look at the TV, which had a game on in mute. “I understand what you are saying and I can understand your logic but I don’t want to talk about it right now.”
Jared frowned, but after a moment nodded. “Not now, but later. Someday.”
He jerked his head in a little nod of confirmation and found the remote to turn on the volume. They spent the rest of the evening watching the game and the highlights show afterward before going to bed.
******************
When Colin came for his visit Jared made sure that Colin’s parents and lawyer were there. Jensen’s lawyer was on standby, as was his should they be needed, but he didn’t think it would be necessary. Jensen had given him permission to tell Colin and his parents that he was Colin’s other biological parent and that he would be willing to take a test to prove it even though he had all the papers collected by the P.I.
Colin’s parents were not thrilled by this revelation and demanded that the papers be produced and a new DNA paternity test was performed before Colin would be allowed to visit. It took all of Jared’s patience and charm along with Colin actually throwing a mini tantrum for his parent to allow Jensen to see Colin now. They of course wanted to be present but agreed not to be if another person was involved. Jared knew that Jensen would not go along with that so he decided to play it a bit fast and lose.
Since they were on the set of Supernatural and just on a break Jared would grab someone on set and he set his eyes on Kim Manners. Kim had proven to be an awesome guy and both he and Jensen had a good relationship with the guy. Also, Jensen was as close to comfortable as you could get without smashing into his personal inner walls with Kim. A plus to this was that Kim was in the middle of previewing some now soundtrack pieces today. He would make sure that Kim was present for the meet up but that he had his work so that he, Jensen and Colin would have some privacy if Kim kept his headphones on and the music going. There was no way Jensen wouldn’t agree to that he figured.
Kim was confused by his request at first but agreed when he figured out that it was important to the boys. So he stowed away his work in his bag, met with Colin’s parents and sat down in a chair in the little room that the meeting was going to be in. Colin was there before he could get Jensen in and he was kind of glad as he shut the door as soon as they entered and Jensen would have to get through him to leave.
Jensen looked pretty panicked when he saw Kim and Colin but calmed a little as Kim pulled his work out and put on a giant pair of headphones that surrounded his entire ears. Jared made sure that Jensen had to sit in the chair closest to Colin and farthest from the door. Jensen sat on the edge of his seat as if he would jump up and run away at any moment.
They all sat in silence for a few minutes before Jensen got up the nerve to speak first.
“Um so I guess Jared told you that I’m your...um...” Jensen couldn’t quite finish his sentence and title on what to call himself in his relationship to Colin. He wasn’t female so he wasn’t Colin’s mother and the title of father usually went to the male in the relationship but as Jensen and Jared were both male it went to the partner providing the sperm.
“That you are my other biological parent,” Colin supplied, his voice flat and even. He seemed to be getting over the shock of Jensen being his birth parent quite well for having found out only an hour or so earlier.
“Yeah.” Jensen rubbed at the back of his neck and sat back a little further in his chair but still seemed ready for flight at any moment.
“Are you going to be honest with me? Jared already promised to answer all my questions.” Colin sounded hopeful and he tried not to wince as Jensen looked over to him.
“I am going to be as honest as I can be. Remember, there are somethings that aren’t quite appropriately suitable for you to know just yet,” Jared tried to ease Jensen’s fears of what would be brought up and at the same time set limits for Colin and the expectation that some things might be off limits without having to lie about them.
“I guess I can do that.” Jensen’s voice trembled a bit and he seemed to hunch in on himself as he said it.
He got the impression that Jensen was waiting for a blow or like he was a few steps away from an executioner’s chopping block. “So I have told Colin a little about what my life was like around the time he was born. I can repeat it if either of you want or we can just go on and I’ll answer questions from both of you.” He put emphasis on the word both. He wanted Jensen to know that he would be honest with him too, about anything. He hoped that Jensen would not only talk here with Colin but later with him alone and know that he could have the answers he wanted or needed.
“So, I know that you were young when you had me but since you didn’t get rid of me before I was born why did you after? Why didn’t you contact Jared?” Colin didn’t hold back and asked a pretty hard question.
“I grew up in a very strict religious house and abortion was not an option and my parents wouldn’t stand for that despite the hate they had for my condition. I was a minor as you have probably figured out so keeping you or not was not up to me. As for contacting Jared we were only together once and I didn’t really have the opportunity to do so since my parents had me under pretty tight control at the time after they learned I was pregnant.” Jensen couldn’t look at Colin as he spoke but he sat back in his chair.
“I know that Jared didn’t know about me but did you ever try and find me or what to know what happened to me?” Colin went right on with the hard questions.
“I didn’t get to have time with you after you were born, my parents wanted you out of the house. I am not sure what your parents told you but from what I know the person who helped me have you took you to a hospital and left you there. There was no way I could track her or find you at the time and afterwards I didn’t have the money or the knowhow. I did hope that you were okay and that you were being raised alright. After a while I just wanted to put everything about it behind me. If I didn’t acknowledge it it didn’t happen. It was just easier that way, I don’t know if you can understand that but it’s all I can give you on that.”
They were all silent for a moment and Jared was worried that this would be it. Not that it hadn’t been illuminating but he felt as if they shouldn’t end things just yet. He didn’t have to worry for long as Colin wasn’t done yet.
“Can either of you tell me how you met and why you decided to have sex?”
Jared grimaced and so did Jensen but he was determined to answer and beat Jensen to an answer. “We met at a camp, and not a fun one. It was a place that neither of us should have been at and shouldn’t have existed. It doesn’t exist anymore but the damage they caused goes beyond us. As to why, well that answer I don’t think you’re ready for and I for one am not quite ready to talk about.”
“I’m with Jared on the last bit and I am not quite sure I would call that place a camp it was more like a cult prison but that is just my opinion.” Jensen had an angry hateful expression on his face.
He had to remember that Jensen had been at New Horizons longer then he had and he was unsure of how things had gone after he had left.
“Let me ask you something, Colin.” Jensen sat forward again and actually looked Colin in the eyes. “I will admit I was messed up back then but that kind of goes with the territory of being in that camp place, which is where you were conceived and having you so young and all. Hell, I am still a little messed up from the whole thing. So what I want to know is what do you want out of all this in the end? You seem to have great parents and are well adjusted and I could never be your parent. I can only give you so many answers about the how and why you were born and I have no family ties to give you besides myself. Medically speaking I can cover my family history for you if you ever need it.”
Colin didn’t look hurt by the words Jensen said but he appeared to be taking in Jensen’s words and thinking them over. Colin bit his bottom lip and looked at him before addressing Jensen’s words to a spot between him and Jensen. His voice was a little sad but his eyes were clear of tears. “I want to get to know Jared and so far he wants the same. He has already stated that he doesn’t want to take over for my parents and wants to know about my life. I want to get to know him as well and hopefully we can become good friends. I would hope to have the same kind of relationship with you, but if you can’t…” Colin didn’t get to finish.
“I would like to get to know you, very much,” Jensen interrupted earnestly. “I do know a little because I hired a P.I. but nothing really personal just professional. I am sorry about that if it weirds you out but I was looking into what the press called Jared’s child at the time. I’m not so sure that you would like to have anything too close once you figure out some of my past. It’s going to take some time for that, by the way, I’m not all that fond of being open.”
“I’ll take what I can get.” Colin smiled a little. “Jared’s told me his past isn’t a walk in the park either but I figure if you made it this far living it I can stand to hear it when you’re ready. I want to know but I think if I were in your shoes I wouldn’t want to be pushed so I won’t push you. Just…don’t make me wait too long.”
For the rest of the meeting they talked about things on set, the possibility of Colin’s coming back and how they had all gotten into acting. His and Jensen’s answers had been a little similar and the fact that they had both met their best friends doing it and it was them that had found ways to help them cope would be downright laughable if it weren’t for the serious matters those reasons covered up. When they were done they alerted Kim who must have gone through the music recordings several times over while waiting. Everyone agreed that they wouldn’t meet up again until after the studio execs and lawyers had been brought up to speed and a press statement released and the majority of any fall out was over. With some convincing the Ford’s agreed that Colin’s name could be released and Jensen agreed to. When the Ford’s left with Colin Jared decided that they should get all the necessary people together in the next day or two. Best to get things over with as quickly as possible and move on to a hopefully brighter future.
******************
1996
Jared didn’t seem to care where his life was going because no one really cared about him or where he was going either. He had been home for about two weeks with his parents either fussing over him about every little thing or ignoring him and fighting about what had been done to him. They told him that they didn’t mind him being gay but wouldn’t listen to him talk about Jensen who he was worried about. They went overboard on the sexual education for his safety but didn’t want to know what he thought about it or who he saw. They led a case against his uncle and New Horizons putting him through much embarrassment by making him talk about what happened there in detail then ignoring it when it was all over. They wanted to give him space, to which he used to get in trouble, then showed disappointment when he did something they didn’t want him to and didn’t expect. Finally, the last straw was when he got busted for public indecency by making out shirtless with an equally shirtless girl in the bathroom at a ball field. It was either detention in juvie or family court-ordered therapy. By then he had been running wild for over a year and he was the definition of a teenage terror. His parents stuck him in therapy.
He had rebelled at first but he got lucky and the therapist he had been sent to stuck with him and didn’t give up. Slowly he worked getting Jared to find other better and safer outlets for his anger, guilt and depression besides sex, minor drinking and theft. Drawing out his emotions came with drawing out his memories of what had happened to him while he was at New Horizons. He finally told his therapist something that he had only told his parents when he had first gotten out of New Horizons. He told about Jensen and what he’d been forced to do to him. After that first time he never brought it up again until Chad and it was the bare bones preferring to leave the past in the past.
One of the outlets that he found while in therapy was acting. He was good at it since he was good at lying and pretending to be something he was not. Mainly innocent when he was or at the time had been the opposite. When he turned eighteen he felt comfortable enough with acting and his ability at it to try it for a profession. He’d been hired for a show on the WB called Gilmore Girls right away. It was then that he met Chad Michael Murray and somehow they had just clicked. He had never considered Chad dating material and even though he was good at covering up his sexual orientation Chad managed to figure out he liked men. Chad never made too much of a big deal about it and after one incident where he freaked when Chad brought it up as a joke Chad never discussed it again around him in public. In private they would sometimes talk about it, especially after their friendship held strong when Chad left Gilmore Girls.
Chad teased him about his fake relationship with Sandra McCoy, who he met on the movie Cry wolf, but was confused by her absence when they filmed the remake of House of Wax. He had just met Jensen prior to filming House of Wax and had intentions of pursuing him. He had broken if off with Sandy because their relationship was going nowhere and he wasn’t a cheater. Sandy had never known about his inclinations towards men and he kept it that way. She had even guest starred on Supernatural later and they kept in touch more after that.
****************
Present
The studio executives just about shit a brick when Jared and Jensen told them that they together were the parents of Colin and wanted to let the press know. The lawyers asked hundreds of questions and wanted everything done to document this and the media team was going to have to stretch their creative truth twisting talents and actually have to earn their money for a change. Kripke, Singer, and Manners were very relaxed and somewhat thrilled by the announcement that their two stars were so connected. Kripke even joked that it was fate and he couldn’t have come up with a better story if they were actually Dean and Sam acting out the lives of ordinary people. The boys found it a little creepy.
Of course everything was going to be done to protect Colin’s privacy as well as the private relationship between Jared and Jensen. There would be a press release that yes Jared was a father and that he was in a relationship with the child’s other parent and that they wished for privacy and would not answer questions. Filming would begin again in full swing from the scattered bits they were doing now a few weeks after the story was out and it was just a little behind their usual post-holiday time line, although there would be fewer episodes for the season. Everyone prepared for the worst and hoped for the best. Right before the press release the core crew members who had been there since day one and had signed on for the next season or two had been told in confidence that Colin was Jared’s son. They all agreed not to speak to the press but had the right to know as Colin would be back for further episodes at a later date.
True to form, the fans and media went nuts when the confirmation by Jared and the studio the news that Jared was a father and that he was apparently off the singles market. For the most part the fans respected the privacy of Jared and the rest of the Supernatural cast and crew but there were a few who called for the right to know more. The media hounded them all for a little while until the next big thing came along.
Jared had arranged to give Jensen some space after the press release and they mainly had contact on set while they waited for everything to settle down again. Jensen got over it a lot quicker this time and they were back to sharing a room before the two week mark was up. Colin planned to visit at the end of the filming season in the early spring. Jared hoped that an invitation for Jensen to meet up with him and Colin would be a good time to work up their relationship again. He gave Jensen the date and time and asked if Jensen would bring some photos for Colin to see. He himself was bringing photos and planned to talk about family stories. After that it was all up to Jensen and he hoped that everything would turn out well considering Jensen would have a harder time opening up and probably wouldn’t mention his family.
When the date came Jared was so proud that Jensen had shown up and was willing to try and make the best of a future together. Colin was already inside the hotel suite they had arranged to meet in so Jared held the door open for Jensen to come in before shutting them in. He gave Jensen a big smile as Jensen waited nervously, gripping a large envelop. He led Jensen into the tiny kitchen were Colin was waiting and they all sat down at the table. Jensen opened the envelope and took out a stack of photos placing them in front of him.
Jared and Jensen sat at the table across from each other with Colin on the side that wasn’t facing the living room. Three piles of pictures were on the table showing three very different sets of lives. A single picture of the three of them sat in the middle of the table were soon the rest of the pictures would be placed after being passed around to mingle much like the lives of those who had brought them to share.
The End.
Not Really….
Epilogue
In the following year and a half Jared and Jensen got back together and their relationship was stronger than ever. Jared and Jensen went to therapy together and Jensen was opening up emotionally and finally facing his past. With only their family and friends they secretly married and got to share joint custody of Colin with his parents who thrived with his new relationship with his biological parents. Colin’s adopted parents became part of the family as well, getting along with Jared’s parents after a few meetings. Jensen never did reconcile with his parents and no one really worried about that. Supernatural got over the scandal of its lead actor having a child and keeping it all private and the show is going strong. A charity was set up to help those young men and women who were gay and weren’t accepted by their parents or relatives with which they lived. They kept their involvement low key and managed to do a lot of good.