New Horizons Part 3
On to Part 3!
Part 1 here http://angelzfurys.livejournal.com/19495.html
Part 2 here http://angelzfurys.livejournal.com/19713.html
1995
It was the end of the year when everything went wrong and Jensen would never forget how such a beautiful day could go so horribly bad. They had been granted a day of rest for all the progress they had made and because the start of added school work was to be coupled with their regular lessons now that Christmas was over. He and Jared had decided to go for a walk around the edge of the property as there were some trees and it could be considered a kind of nature walk. Part of the property was secluded from the main part by a large grove of trees. You wouldn’t be able to see who was there unless you got real close. He had planned to use that alone time with Jared to try some kissing which Jared had introduced him to just the week before, after one of their morning jerk off sessions.
Russell, one of New Horizon’s lead councilors, and their main councilor, had caught them sharing a kiss and was furious. He had hit Jared and pushed Jensen away when he’d tried to help Jared. Now he was before them holding a large branch and threatening them. More specifically, he was threatening Jensen.
“You just can’t be redeemed can you, I could turn you in but I think I’ll help you. If you want to be a degenerate sinner you might as well go all the way. You can share in your sin together or I can do it for you.” Russell waved the stick at him.
“You’re crazy!” Jared placed himself between Jensen and Russell.
He could see that Russell meant business and he feared what would happen if the directors of New Horizons found out. He didn’t know if he could take more of the electric shocks and ice baths and restriction to his privates and guilt trips. He was sure that there could be worse things they could do him. He really didn’t want to experience any more than he was subjected to now. Also he didn’t want Jared to have to go through the torture as well.
“Just do what he wants Jared, please,” Jensen tugged at Jared’s arm trying to get Jared to look at him and not Russell and the branch he’d picked up.
“No, I can’t let him tell and I won’t do that to you or let him.” Jared kept his eyes on Russell and the stick.
“It’s okay Jared.” He knew that he would have to convince Jared he wanted it. “Russell is right. I am bad because I do want it. I have been leading you along because I thought you were an easy target to give me what I wanted.” It hurt him to repeat Russell’s stinging and twisted words, to pretend to agree but the alternative was worse in his mind.
“You really want…” Jared started looking at him with a hurt and confused expression.
“Yes I want it.” The ‘I want you’ part he kept to himself because he hoped that Jared would get it and he didn’t want Russell to know just how much he loved Jared that he would be willing to give himself to only Jared. Both Jared and Russell started at him before Russell took a step towards him. Jared flinched and pulled him close and glared at Russell.
“Fine, we’ll do it.” Jared started pulling at his t-shirt to take it off with an angry manner that suggested he wasn’t as fine with it as he said he was.
After Russell gave him a hard glare he started to get undressed like Jared. Even though Jared had seen him naked in both in the showers and in their bunk house this was embarrassing for him. Because of what they were about to do he was very aware of his body. He could hardly look at Jared when he was done and he couldn’t appreciate Jared’s body now like he had in the bunk house.
“On your knees, you’re on top Jared” Russell sneered Jared’s name as he directed them.
He got down onto his knees and he began to shiver but not from the cold. He didn’t want to do this but he would, and he most certainly didn’t want Russell to watch. His breathing picked up and his heart raced as Jared got behind him and started touching him. There was no way that this was going to be pleasurable like the times they jerked off in the bunk house in the late nights and early mornings. He wanted to get up and run when he felt Jared at his entrance but he couldn’t he was too scared to move. He had only a moment to think that Jared’s penis felt slimy before it began to push in.
It hurt and tears sprang to his eyes and he tried hard not to cry as the burn increased as Jared pushed farther into him. He knew that in the end he wouldn’t succeed in keeping quiet but he would do his best not to let Jared or that bastard Russell know just how bad it was. He didn’t want Jared to feel bad or stop because he feared that Russell would follow through on his threat of using the branch. There was no doubt in his mind that it would hurt a lot worse and he was sure Russell would make sure of it.
It didn’t last too long as the mood was forced and no matter how good it may have felt for Jared it was too much. Jared pulled out as soon as he could when he had finished and started gathering their cloths.
“Enjoyed it, didn’t you? Well there will be a price to pay later for your disgusting ways. Maybe this will set you straight.” Russell tossed the stick away angrily and turned to leave. “There is no way you could say anything to the directors without damning yourselves and perhaps you have learned a lesson but I’ll be watching you just the same.” He walked off back to the main area of the camp.
He got dressed as quickly as his sore body would permit and tried to stem the flow of tears that had been running down his face since the moment Jared had been fully inside him.
Jensen had been left to stumble back to his bunk house with Jared trying to help but afraid to touch him. After everything that had happened in the months that he had been here he just wanted it all to be over and he didn’t care what fell into that category of all. He didn’t know what to think anymore so he just let his mind go blank and started working on auto pilot. He and Jared made it back to the bunk house and he tipped himself into bed. He was so uncoordinated as his body began to shut down when he was face down on his mattress that Jared had to cover him up with his blankets. He had flinched when Jared had placed his hand on his shoulder and wanted to cry but he seemed to have used up all his tears earlier and instead just closed his eyes and lay. It wasn’t long until he was pulled down into the blackness of unconsciousness so deep if he had nightmares he didn’t wake and didn’t remember them.
When he finally did wake he felt horrible and feverish and was in a daze. Jared was there, he could hear him and feel his light touch from time to time. He was sure he drifted in and out during the day, not able to pull the world into focus. The counselors came in at one point and there was an argument but he was too out of it to pay attention. That night he slept fitfully and the next day someone came to care for him. When he was finally able to be awake and somewhat back in focus the night after that Jared was gone and no one would talk to him about it. For two more days he was sick and had to be watched but after that he was returned to the normal routine of the place.
Jared was a forbidden topic and he refused to talk about what had happened to him. He was still a bit sore and had a hard time going to the bathroom. It was about a week later when he was reaching his limit to when he felt he had to do something when New Horizons was raided by the police and a bunch of social workers. He thought that things would get better but he wasn’t as right as he thought. Sure getting away from the hell hole New Horizons was made it look like there was light at the end of the tunnel but in reality it was out of the frying pan and into the fire. After two days of being questioned again and again and a doctor’s checkup he was sent home to his parents.
He was kept in confinement of his parents’ home and it was almost as bad as New Horizons. But it got worse when after two months of being at home he got sick. He had no idea what was going on and he started to have mini panic attacks that maybe something serious was wrong and he was going to die. But his mother, who had at first been nervous and in his dreams maybe scared for him, figured it out after almost two weeks. She made his father watch him as he peed on a stick-like device and give it to her. Ten minutes later he found out that he was pregnant and was confined to his room. He would come to spend the rest of his pregnancy in his room or the bathroom with the very rare trip to the kitchen.
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Jared felt like the worst thing that existed for the moment and he didn’t see how he could ever make it right again. He had hurt his friend, his love in such a way he was nauseous and probably would have thrown up if he wasn’t using his mind to think of what to do now instead of dwelling on what had just happened. He had raped the one person he cared about besides his mother, father, brother and sister. He had been forced to do it by the very counselors who were supposed to be stopping them from having any feelings or thoughts to do something like that with another male minus the force.
Russell had been a thorn in his side ever since he got here and Jared had had a theory. He had never brought up this theory with Jensen for two reasons. First, because at first he was unsure of Jensen’s feelings towards the whole ‘gay is a disease and you could get better’ thing and second, when his feelings for Jensen began to turn into love and they grew closer together he was unsure how Jensen would take it and if it made him sound like a jealous teenage girl. He had suspected that Russell wasn’t quite the reformed success story that New Horizons thought him to be. That Russell was still in fact very much into boys and had a thing for Jensen. Russell saw Jared as competition and a threat and made Jensen all the more a temptation to Russell.
He watched over Jensen and tried to help him as best he could that night and the next day. Some councilors arrived when he and Jensen failed to show up for their lessons and he got into a huge fight with them. Jensen was so out of it that he didn’t seem to know what was going on and he hated that everything was making Jensen agitated and panicky. He was removed from the bunk house when he’d finally told them what Russell had made him do. He was sure that he was going to be punished but he was saved from that when his parents showed up with a lawyer that evening. His parents were so angry that he couldn’t get much of a word in with them while they argued with the directors of New Horizons. In the end his parents took him home that night. He never got to say goodbye to Jensen or even get his things, a counselor did that as his parents, the lawyer and New Horizons directors made the final arrangements and handed over papers.
When he got home with his parents there was very little time to adjust. He was supposed to go back to school after a brief session with the lawyer to talk about the details of how he got to New Horizons and an over view of his time there. His family broke ties with his uncle when they learned that he had sent Jared to New Horizons deliberately. They had very little support after that as the rest of the family wasn’t told the reason for the friction behind the decision. On top of that his sister Megan was still sick. She was getting better but she still took up the majority of their parents’ attention. His parents were still fighting although nothing like before when Megan had first gotten sick and they were seeing some councilor for that. Josh had a girlfriend now and that took up his time.
He found that when he went back to school that he didn’t fit in and even though he had taken some study classes at New Horizons he was behind. His friends had either moved on or got on his nerves and as time passed he got more emotional and began to act out. It took a while for his parents to notice and by then he was well on his way down a very bad path. It would take a lot of time and outside help for him to get his life under control and for him to push the memories and emotions from New Horizons away. And even though he still harbored feelings for Jensen he pushed the memories of him away as well since some of those feelings were of guilt and that was what Jared wanted to erase.
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Present
It took just over a week after the P.I.’s bombshell before Jensen was confronted by Jared about their past and the fact that they shared Colin as a son. Jared had come to him alone one night and asked him to come back to the house to talk in private. When Jared had told Jensen he knew Jensen was Colin’s other father Jensen had looked so betrayed Jared wanted to take it back. But he pushed on and used logic to make Jensen realize that it was better for everyone concerned if the information was brought forward voluntarily. Jensen had been very emotional but had agreed to talk to him one on one before they shared anything with all the lawyers and the studio media relations team. Jared had begged Jensen to stay the night, in his old room of course and they could plan out the details in the morning, Jensen agreed. In the morning Jensen didn’t seem too angry anymore, in fact Jared thought Jensen was more resigned than anything. Jensen jumped right in starting off with why he had never come to Jared when he found out that Colin was Jared’s son that he himself had birthed. Jared apologized for not giving into his gut feelings and telling Jensen right away that Colin was his son instead of following the studio CEO and lawyers and keeping him out of the loop.
When Jared had called the studio CEO, lawyers and media team to tell them he wanted to talk about Colin’s mother they were reluctant to gather so many people until he mentioned he knew who it was and that they would be there. As he had agreed with Jensen the night before he left off on telling them the identity until the meeting. A meeting was set for a few hours later. He and Jensen were there early to talk some more in private and make sure that they were on the same page before revealing the big news.
“Jared, we were kids,” Jensen reasons looking dejected. “I hardly knew you, I didn’t know your last name, where I could find you. And after what happened to us if you would even want to see me.”
Jared reached out for Jensen then but stopped when Jensen wrapped his arms around his chest hugging himself in defense of touch. It was a step up from flinching in Jared’s eyes but not by much.
“I was messed up before that place and after…it was a lot worse. You were younger than me and I didn’t know what you’d do. There was no way we could have handled a baby at that age. And I didn’t want to take away any chance you had to maybe get yourself together and move on. I didn’t want you to always have a reminder of that time and possibly grow to be resentful of me if we were forced to be together.”
“I’m not one hundred percent sure but I think that it might have helped both of us if you had found some way to find me and tell me. I was messed up too, after, and maybe it might have kept me a little more grounded.”
“Or just sent you further off the reservation,” he shot back.
“That is a possibility but we’ll never know now. Now we have to concentrate on what we want to do. I’ve talked with Colin and so far he’s up for getting to know me and possibly hanging out when he gets comfortable. Before you think it I have no interest in becoming his dad, he already has one. But I want to get to know my son and he seems to be happy to connect to me and my family. I haven’t told him about the time I was at New Horizons because at the time I thought that he came from a partner I had after that place. However, I have to tell him that I was there and that he came from there and before you try to say anything about stopping me you should think on the fact that if I don’t tell him there is still a very high probability that he will find out anyway. In fact, I would lay odds that he does find out and I don’t want it to be from piecing it together himself after he does the math from the time line the news is sure to print.” Jared is talking very fast and he almost can’t take it all in.
If it weren’t for the fact that he knows Jared so well and has gotten used to the various ways he talks he wouldn’t be able to process this verbal overload. He still has to take a moment after Jared is done talking to get his mind to come up with all the connections he needs to respond.
“I know that I have issues with all of this and that logically you would have lots too but I just can’t do this Jared. I spent a long time trying to get rid of those memories and all the shit that went with them. I don’t want to think about any of this.” He knows he probably sounds a little like a whiney child but he can’t help it.
“Hey, I don’t really want to go through this either and dig up those memories but I have to and so do you. It’s not just about you or me or us anymore it’s about Colin. It’s a lot of years too late but we have a kid and we have to act like the adults we are.”
Jared is right but he still doesn’t have to like it. He remains silent for a while and Jared must take that as a sign that they are done with the topic and ready for the firing squad which has been waiting a few minutes outside. Jared went over to the door of the conference room to let everyone in and he walks to the far end of the room and faces away from the people coming in trying to delay the revealing of the past as long as possible.
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Jared knew that confronting Jensen with all the lawyers and studio people behind him wasn’t a good idea or bound to be a pleasant conversation but he didn’t really have a choice. Jensen was going to need to talk but he hoped that by being there and going first he could smooth some things over as much as possible. He was glad that he had gotten to talk to Jensen first. He had wanted to know why Jensen hadn’t come to him after what he had learned about his ties with Colin and himself. He got some answers, but not enough for his liking. However, it would have to do because Jensen stopped talking not long after just starting to open up.
Jensen was just as uncooperative if not more so with all the lawyers present and getting information that was relevant from him was like pulling teeth from a hungry and angry tiger. When the lawyers seemed satisfied enough they left with a promise to come back and ask more questions before giving a press release. Both he and Jensen sighed with relief when the door was closed behind the last lawyer.
“You are most likely talked out for today but I am hoping to ask just a few more questions.” He was tired and his voice reflected it but he tried to add some forcefulness so that Jensen would hear that he meant that he wanted the answers sooner rather than later and by that he meant now.
Jensen just stared at him for a moment before finally shrugging his shoulders in defeat. “What?”
“How did you end up at New Horizons anyway? My uncle sent me to New Horizons when I was staying with him when Megan was sick.”
Jared’s hands were in fists at the memory. Even after all this time and the therapy he still hated the man and would probably beat the shit out of him if he ran into him any time soon. “My parents didn’t have the best relationship with him but there was nowhere else for me to go and they though that I would at least be safe there.” He hoped that being open and giving Jensen some of his own background first would help him in telling him. The plan worked and after a bit Jensen answered him.
“My...” Jensen took a deep breath and exhaled before closing his eyes and going on. “My parents sent me to New Horizons after they found they couldn’t confine me as they wished upon learning that I was gay. However, when I got back to them after the raid on New Horizons they had figured it out by then.” A tear came out from the corner of his eye and rolled down his check as he went on. “I never left the house and hardly was let out of my room until after Colin was born, even then it was still bad. I left as soon as I could when I turned eighteen. I had been earning their trust by pretending that after Colin was born all the things that made me gay were leaving me. Like having Colin had loosened the hold the gay sickness had on me.”
“Having Colin must have been hard but how could you not fight for him, did you plan on giving him up the whole time? I think it would be awfully hard to pretend that he was the root of all your problems at the time and that if you got rid of him you got rid of the problems.” He would never know exactly how he would have felt having a child so young after all that he’d been through but he would like to have imagined that he would have seen it and like to have kept it and fought for it. It took Jensen a moment to answer and when he did he didn’t look at him.
“I never saw him, I didn’t even know that he was a he until the day after he was born,” Jensen smiled bitterly. “I found his birth information in the morning, it had gotten under my bed somehow and I hid it so that my parents wouldn’t find it. All I knew was that my son was born appearing healthy on September 12th at 8:43 in the evening. I didn’t get to hold him or name him or anything like that, he was covered right after birth and taken away. I did want to keep him but I had no choice and as a minor there was nothing I could do and besides that I was pretty much a prisoner in my own home.”
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Part 1 here http://angelzfurys.livejournal.com/19495.html
Part 2 here http://angelzfurys.livejournal.com/19713.html
1995
It was the end of the year when everything went wrong and Jensen would never forget how such a beautiful day could go so horribly bad. They had been granted a day of rest for all the progress they had made and because the start of added school work was to be coupled with their regular lessons now that Christmas was over. He and Jared had decided to go for a walk around the edge of the property as there were some trees and it could be considered a kind of nature walk. Part of the property was secluded from the main part by a large grove of trees. You wouldn’t be able to see who was there unless you got real close. He had planned to use that alone time with Jared to try some kissing which Jared had introduced him to just the week before, after one of their morning jerk off sessions.
Russell, one of New Horizon’s lead councilors, and their main councilor, had caught them sharing a kiss and was furious. He had hit Jared and pushed Jensen away when he’d tried to help Jared. Now he was before them holding a large branch and threatening them. More specifically, he was threatening Jensen.
“You just can’t be redeemed can you, I could turn you in but I think I’ll help you. If you want to be a degenerate sinner you might as well go all the way. You can share in your sin together or I can do it for you.” Russell waved the stick at him.
“You’re crazy!” Jared placed himself between Jensen and Russell.
He could see that Russell meant business and he feared what would happen if the directors of New Horizons found out. He didn’t know if he could take more of the electric shocks and ice baths and restriction to his privates and guilt trips. He was sure that there could be worse things they could do him. He really didn’t want to experience any more than he was subjected to now. Also he didn’t want Jared to have to go through the torture as well.
“Just do what he wants Jared, please,” Jensen tugged at Jared’s arm trying to get Jared to look at him and not Russell and the branch he’d picked up.
“No, I can’t let him tell and I won’t do that to you or let him.” Jared kept his eyes on Russell and the stick.
“It’s okay Jared.” He knew that he would have to convince Jared he wanted it. “Russell is right. I am bad because I do want it. I have been leading you along because I thought you were an easy target to give me what I wanted.” It hurt him to repeat Russell’s stinging and twisted words, to pretend to agree but the alternative was worse in his mind.
“You really want…” Jared started looking at him with a hurt and confused expression.
“Yes I want it.” The ‘I want you’ part he kept to himself because he hoped that Jared would get it and he didn’t want Russell to know just how much he loved Jared that he would be willing to give himself to only Jared. Both Jared and Russell started at him before Russell took a step towards him. Jared flinched and pulled him close and glared at Russell.
“Fine, we’ll do it.” Jared started pulling at his t-shirt to take it off with an angry manner that suggested he wasn’t as fine with it as he said he was.
After Russell gave him a hard glare he started to get undressed like Jared. Even though Jared had seen him naked in both in the showers and in their bunk house this was embarrassing for him. Because of what they were about to do he was very aware of his body. He could hardly look at Jared when he was done and he couldn’t appreciate Jared’s body now like he had in the bunk house.
“On your knees, you’re on top Jared” Russell sneered Jared’s name as he directed them.
He got down onto his knees and he began to shiver but not from the cold. He didn’t want to do this but he would, and he most certainly didn’t want Russell to watch. His breathing picked up and his heart raced as Jared got behind him and started touching him. There was no way that this was going to be pleasurable like the times they jerked off in the bunk house in the late nights and early mornings. He wanted to get up and run when he felt Jared at his entrance but he couldn’t he was too scared to move. He had only a moment to think that Jared’s penis felt slimy before it began to push in.
It hurt and tears sprang to his eyes and he tried hard not to cry as the burn increased as Jared pushed farther into him. He knew that in the end he wouldn’t succeed in keeping quiet but he would do his best not to let Jared or that bastard Russell know just how bad it was. He didn’t want Jared to feel bad or stop because he feared that Russell would follow through on his threat of using the branch. There was no doubt in his mind that it would hurt a lot worse and he was sure Russell would make sure of it.
It didn’t last too long as the mood was forced and no matter how good it may have felt for Jared it was too much. Jared pulled out as soon as he could when he had finished and started gathering their cloths.
“Enjoyed it, didn’t you? Well there will be a price to pay later for your disgusting ways. Maybe this will set you straight.” Russell tossed the stick away angrily and turned to leave. “There is no way you could say anything to the directors without damning yourselves and perhaps you have learned a lesson but I’ll be watching you just the same.” He walked off back to the main area of the camp.
He got dressed as quickly as his sore body would permit and tried to stem the flow of tears that had been running down his face since the moment Jared had been fully inside him.
Jensen had been left to stumble back to his bunk house with Jared trying to help but afraid to touch him. After everything that had happened in the months that he had been here he just wanted it all to be over and he didn’t care what fell into that category of all. He didn’t know what to think anymore so he just let his mind go blank and started working on auto pilot. He and Jared made it back to the bunk house and he tipped himself into bed. He was so uncoordinated as his body began to shut down when he was face down on his mattress that Jared had to cover him up with his blankets. He had flinched when Jared had placed his hand on his shoulder and wanted to cry but he seemed to have used up all his tears earlier and instead just closed his eyes and lay. It wasn’t long until he was pulled down into the blackness of unconsciousness so deep if he had nightmares he didn’t wake and didn’t remember them.
When he finally did wake he felt horrible and feverish and was in a daze. Jared was there, he could hear him and feel his light touch from time to time. He was sure he drifted in and out during the day, not able to pull the world into focus. The counselors came in at one point and there was an argument but he was too out of it to pay attention. That night he slept fitfully and the next day someone came to care for him. When he was finally able to be awake and somewhat back in focus the night after that Jared was gone and no one would talk to him about it. For two more days he was sick and had to be watched but after that he was returned to the normal routine of the place.
Jared was a forbidden topic and he refused to talk about what had happened to him. He was still a bit sore and had a hard time going to the bathroom. It was about a week later when he was reaching his limit to when he felt he had to do something when New Horizons was raided by the police and a bunch of social workers. He thought that things would get better but he wasn’t as right as he thought. Sure getting away from the hell hole New Horizons was made it look like there was light at the end of the tunnel but in reality it was out of the frying pan and into the fire. After two days of being questioned again and again and a doctor’s checkup he was sent home to his parents.
He was kept in confinement of his parents’ home and it was almost as bad as New Horizons. But it got worse when after two months of being at home he got sick. He had no idea what was going on and he started to have mini panic attacks that maybe something serious was wrong and he was going to die. But his mother, who had at first been nervous and in his dreams maybe scared for him, figured it out after almost two weeks. She made his father watch him as he peed on a stick-like device and give it to her. Ten minutes later he found out that he was pregnant and was confined to his room. He would come to spend the rest of his pregnancy in his room or the bathroom with the very rare trip to the kitchen.
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Jared felt like the worst thing that existed for the moment and he didn’t see how he could ever make it right again. He had hurt his friend, his love in such a way he was nauseous and probably would have thrown up if he wasn’t using his mind to think of what to do now instead of dwelling on what had just happened. He had raped the one person he cared about besides his mother, father, brother and sister. He had been forced to do it by the very counselors who were supposed to be stopping them from having any feelings or thoughts to do something like that with another male minus the force.
Russell had been a thorn in his side ever since he got here and Jared had had a theory. He had never brought up this theory with Jensen for two reasons. First, because at first he was unsure of Jensen’s feelings towards the whole ‘gay is a disease and you could get better’ thing and second, when his feelings for Jensen began to turn into love and they grew closer together he was unsure how Jensen would take it and if it made him sound like a jealous teenage girl. He had suspected that Russell wasn’t quite the reformed success story that New Horizons thought him to be. That Russell was still in fact very much into boys and had a thing for Jensen. Russell saw Jared as competition and a threat and made Jensen all the more a temptation to Russell.
He watched over Jensen and tried to help him as best he could that night and the next day. Some councilors arrived when he and Jensen failed to show up for their lessons and he got into a huge fight with them. Jensen was so out of it that he didn’t seem to know what was going on and he hated that everything was making Jensen agitated and panicky. He was removed from the bunk house when he’d finally told them what Russell had made him do. He was sure that he was going to be punished but he was saved from that when his parents showed up with a lawyer that evening. His parents were so angry that he couldn’t get much of a word in with them while they argued with the directors of New Horizons. In the end his parents took him home that night. He never got to say goodbye to Jensen or even get his things, a counselor did that as his parents, the lawyer and New Horizons directors made the final arrangements and handed over papers.
When he got home with his parents there was very little time to adjust. He was supposed to go back to school after a brief session with the lawyer to talk about the details of how he got to New Horizons and an over view of his time there. His family broke ties with his uncle when they learned that he had sent Jared to New Horizons deliberately. They had very little support after that as the rest of the family wasn’t told the reason for the friction behind the decision. On top of that his sister Megan was still sick. She was getting better but she still took up the majority of their parents’ attention. His parents were still fighting although nothing like before when Megan had first gotten sick and they were seeing some councilor for that. Josh had a girlfriend now and that took up his time.
He found that when he went back to school that he didn’t fit in and even though he had taken some study classes at New Horizons he was behind. His friends had either moved on or got on his nerves and as time passed he got more emotional and began to act out. It took a while for his parents to notice and by then he was well on his way down a very bad path. It would take a lot of time and outside help for him to get his life under control and for him to push the memories and emotions from New Horizons away. And even though he still harbored feelings for Jensen he pushed the memories of him away as well since some of those feelings were of guilt and that was what Jared wanted to erase.
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Present
It took just over a week after the P.I.’s bombshell before Jensen was confronted by Jared about their past and the fact that they shared Colin as a son. Jared had come to him alone one night and asked him to come back to the house to talk in private. When Jared had told Jensen he knew Jensen was Colin’s other father Jensen had looked so betrayed Jared wanted to take it back. But he pushed on and used logic to make Jensen realize that it was better for everyone concerned if the information was brought forward voluntarily. Jensen had been very emotional but had agreed to talk to him one on one before they shared anything with all the lawyers and the studio media relations team. Jared had begged Jensen to stay the night, in his old room of course and they could plan out the details in the morning, Jensen agreed. In the morning Jensen didn’t seem too angry anymore, in fact Jared thought Jensen was more resigned than anything. Jensen jumped right in starting off with why he had never come to Jared when he found out that Colin was Jared’s son that he himself had birthed. Jared apologized for not giving into his gut feelings and telling Jensen right away that Colin was his son instead of following the studio CEO and lawyers and keeping him out of the loop.
When Jared had called the studio CEO, lawyers and media team to tell them he wanted to talk about Colin’s mother they were reluctant to gather so many people until he mentioned he knew who it was and that they would be there. As he had agreed with Jensen the night before he left off on telling them the identity until the meeting. A meeting was set for a few hours later. He and Jensen were there early to talk some more in private and make sure that they were on the same page before revealing the big news.
“Jared, we were kids,” Jensen reasons looking dejected. “I hardly knew you, I didn’t know your last name, where I could find you. And after what happened to us if you would even want to see me.”
Jared reached out for Jensen then but stopped when Jensen wrapped his arms around his chest hugging himself in defense of touch. It was a step up from flinching in Jared’s eyes but not by much.
“I was messed up before that place and after…it was a lot worse. You were younger than me and I didn’t know what you’d do. There was no way we could have handled a baby at that age. And I didn’t want to take away any chance you had to maybe get yourself together and move on. I didn’t want you to always have a reminder of that time and possibly grow to be resentful of me if we were forced to be together.”
“I’m not one hundred percent sure but I think that it might have helped both of us if you had found some way to find me and tell me. I was messed up too, after, and maybe it might have kept me a little more grounded.”
“Or just sent you further off the reservation,” he shot back.
“That is a possibility but we’ll never know now. Now we have to concentrate on what we want to do. I’ve talked with Colin and so far he’s up for getting to know me and possibly hanging out when he gets comfortable. Before you think it I have no interest in becoming his dad, he already has one. But I want to get to know my son and he seems to be happy to connect to me and my family. I haven’t told him about the time I was at New Horizons because at the time I thought that he came from a partner I had after that place. However, I have to tell him that I was there and that he came from there and before you try to say anything about stopping me you should think on the fact that if I don’t tell him there is still a very high probability that he will find out anyway. In fact, I would lay odds that he does find out and I don’t want it to be from piecing it together himself after he does the math from the time line the news is sure to print.” Jared is talking very fast and he almost can’t take it all in.
If it weren’t for the fact that he knows Jared so well and has gotten used to the various ways he talks he wouldn’t be able to process this verbal overload. He still has to take a moment after Jared is done talking to get his mind to come up with all the connections he needs to respond.
“I know that I have issues with all of this and that logically you would have lots too but I just can’t do this Jared. I spent a long time trying to get rid of those memories and all the shit that went with them. I don’t want to think about any of this.” He knows he probably sounds a little like a whiney child but he can’t help it.
“Hey, I don’t really want to go through this either and dig up those memories but I have to and so do you. It’s not just about you or me or us anymore it’s about Colin. It’s a lot of years too late but we have a kid and we have to act like the adults we are.”
Jared is right but he still doesn’t have to like it. He remains silent for a while and Jared must take that as a sign that they are done with the topic and ready for the firing squad which has been waiting a few minutes outside. Jared went over to the door of the conference room to let everyone in and he walks to the far end of the room and faces away from the people coming in trying to delay the revealing of the past as long as possible.
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Jared knew that confronting Jensen with all the lawyers and studio people behind him wasn’t a good idea or bound to be a pleasant conversation but he didn’t really have a choice. Jensen was going to need to talk but he hoped that by being there and going first he could smooth some things over as much as possible. He was glad that he had gotten to talk to Jensen first. He had wanted to know why Jensen hadn’t come to him after what he had learned about his ties with Colin and himself. He got some answers, but not enough for his liking. However, it would have to do because Jensen stopped talking not long after just starting to open up.
Jensen was just as uncooperative if not more so with all the lawyers present and getting information that was relevant from him was like pulling teeth from a hungry and angry tiger. When the lawyers seemed satisfied enough they left with a promise to come back and ask more questions before giving a press release. Both he and Jensen sighed with relief when the door was closed behind the last lawyer.
“You are most likely talked out for today but I am hoping to ask just a few more questions.” He was tired and his voice reflected it but he tried to add some forcefulness so that Jensen would hear that he meant that he wanted the answers sooner rather than later and by that he meant now.
Jensen just stared at him for a moment before finally shrugging his shoulders in defeat. “What?”
“How did you end up at New Horizons anyway? My uncle sent me to New Horizons when I was staying with him when Megan was sick.”
Jared’s hands were in fists at the memory. Even after all this time and the therapy he still hated the man and would probably beat the shit out of him if he ran into him any time soon. “My parents didn’t have the best relationship with him but there was nowhere else for me to go and they though that I would at least be safe there.” He hoped that being open and giving Jensen some of his own background first would help him in telling him. The plan worked and after a bit Jensen answered him.
“My...” Jensen took a deep breath and exhaled before closing his eyes and going on. “My parents sent me to New Horizons after they found they couldn’t confine me as they wished upon learning that I was gay. However, when I got back to them after the raid on New Horizons they had figured it out by then.” A tear came out from the corner of his eye and rolled down his check as he went on. “I never left the house and hardly was let out of my room until after Colin was born, even then it was still bad. I left as soon as I could when I turned eighteen. I had been earning their trust by pretending that after Colin was born all the things that made me gay were leaving me. Like having Colin had loosened the hold the gay sickness had on me.”
“Having Colin must have been hard but how could you not fight for him, did you plan on giving him up the whole time? I think it would be awfully hard to pretend that he was the root of all your problems at the time and that if you got rid of him you got rid of the problems.” He would never know exactly how he would have felt having a child so young after all that he’d been through but he would like to have imagined that he would have seen it and like to have kept it and fought for it. It took Jensen a moment to answer and when he did he didn’t look at him.
“I never saw him, I didn’t even know that he was a he until the day after he was born,” Jensen smiled bitterly. “I found his birth information in the morning, it had gotten under my bed somehow and I hid it so that my parents wouldn’t find it. All I knew was that my son was born appearing healthy on September 12th at 8:43 in the evening. I didn’t get to hold him or name him or anything like that, he was covered right after birth and taken away. I did want to keep him but I had no choice and as a minor there was nothing I could do and besides that I was pretty much a prisoner in my own home.”
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