New Horizons Part 2
On to Part 2 of New Horizons!
Part 1 here http://angelzfurys.livejournal.com/19495.html
Present
It took two days before the Ford family arrived. Two days of Jared agonizing over what he felt and what he should do. He had been upsetting Jensen with his mood swings and unusual silence as to what was going on. Off of Kim’s suggestion he had kept Jensen away from as much social media as possible and treated the halt in filming like a mini vacation. He knew that he wasn’t being fair to engage Jensen intimately when his mind was constantly elsewhere then on them like he had planned it to be. By the third day Jensen was a bit standoffish and had retreated to his own ‘room’ after breakfast. As much as it pained him that Jensen needed or wanted the space it was a blessing in disguise as he was set to meet with the lawyers and the Fords and have a talk with Colin. He had decided to be as honest as possible with all of them, something we wasn’t with Jensen and probably should have been. While he talked with Colin, Jensen was uncovering what Jared had been hiding.
Jared talked with the lawyers first giving them a list he had prepared earlier of names of women who might be Colin’s mother. It was embarrassing and he still felt some guilt over his past actions. Then he had met the Ford’s. Colin wasn’t really paying attention to him and his parents looked very angry and displeased but they agreed with the lawyers that Jared and Colin should have a little time to talk in private. Any plans for the future together or apart could be discussed afterward. The Ford’s ruffled Colin’s hair and patted his shoulders on the way out the door and the lawyers stayed silent, not offering anything to either Colin or Jared in the way of support or disappointment. A timer was set and left on a little table by the door limiting their time to talk.
Jared sat at the table and looked across it at Colin who was looking at everything but him. Either his parents or his lawyer must have told him then that he was his father before this meeting. He was unsure of how he felt about this. He had weighed the pros and cons of telling Colin himself or having been present when Colin was told. He hadn’t thought too much on the idea that Colin would be told before he even saw him again.
“So I guess you know why you were brought here?” He wanted to make sure Colin knew even though to him it was pretty obvious.
“Um, yeah I…my parents said that you were my…” Colin flushed and looked at him from under his lashes as his face was more in line with looking at the table, head hung and a shoulders high.
“That I am your father,” he decided to go with a more general term considering that Colin already had a ‘dad’ and he was not looking to replace the man that had raised Colin. “Do you want to talk about it?” He hoped that Colin would but he wouldn’t force the kid to discuss something that he was uncomfortable with or hated. As far as he knew Colin had had a great life so far and the revelation that at least one of his parents was alive and might be around was bound to bring up a lot of conflicting emotions. It had for Jared and with him being older he had more of a grip on his emotions being out of the teenage hormonal phase that made emotions worse. Also as an adult he had more control over his life then Colin as a minor would should someone else decide some things needed or didn’t need to be done or happen. He couldn’t imagine what the kid was thinking.
“Like what?” Colin lifted his head and actually looked at his face but not in the eyes.
“Whatever you want, I’ll listen,” he started before adding, “and if you don’t mind listening I could share some stuff.”
“Like what?” Colin asked again which he took as a sign Colin might be willing to talk and listen.
“I was just told that you were my son. I know it sounds lame and like an excuse or maybe kinda mean but I never even knew I had any kids. Your mother didn’t contact me when she was pregnant or after you were born. This is just as new to me as it is to you and I have no idea what to say really. So I guess anything you want to talk about or know I’d be willing to answer or whatever. And I know that you already have a family but I would like, if you are up to it, to know a little about you growing up. I already obviously know a few things and so do you about me from when you were here for filming. It could be kind of like that but now we just know that we have a little more in common than acting.”
They sat in silence for a minute before Colin placed his on the table and leaned forward a little. “So you knew my mother?” He sounded hopeful so his files must have been sealed and he didn’t know or his parents had decided not to tell him anything about her if there had been anything to tell.
“Well,” he blew out a breath in agitation and decided to be as honest as possible “I’m going to be honest and hope that you don’t hate me for it but not really. I was having a hard time around the time you would have been born and I did a lot of things that I shouldn’t have. I got mixed up in a lot of bad things and let’s just say that I was open to a lot of opportunities with women I shouldn’t have taken. Your mother and I didn’t have a relationship, we didn’t date, she was more probably just my partner for a night or two. I haven’t seen your adoption file so unfortunately I don’t know her name. I am so sorry if it makes you think any less of me that I can’t give you the answer but I won’t lie about it to you.”
“So you were what? Just experimenting with girls, sleeping around?” Colin’s face wrinkled up in disgust as he thought about it.
“Sort of, like I said I was in a bad spot and I was doing a lot of things I shouldn’t have. I went through something, today they would call it traumatizing and it messed me up mentally and emotionally and I had a lot of anger which I took out by rebelling against the limits that almost all parents set for their teenagers. If there was something that was off limits or that I wasn’t supposed to be doing I did it.” It was his turn to look down at the table now as he tried to sort out and store the emotions that were coming up. He had worked very hard to master them and keep his life on an even keel. He was putting everything he had learned about emotional control to the test.
“So what happened that you decided that having...” Colin hesitated for a second, “having sex was a good idea,” he finished. Colin was being pretty level headed and frank for being an eleven year old but then again kids were growing up so fast these days.
“I don’t think that would be a good topic for me to talk about right now,” he said and looked up at Colin again. “But I will tell you because I think that it is something you should know, or at least part of it is important, just not today. Sometime soon if, after all this, you still feel like talking to me about it in the future.”
They sat in silence for a few minutes each trying to digest the situation and the discussion.
“So where do we go from here?” Colin sounded both weary and hopeful.
“Well part of that is up to you and part of that is up to your parents because you’re still a minor. I would hope that we could talk again and that if you are willing I could get to know you better like I said before. It’s up to you but when you are comfortable I would like you to meet my parents. I don’t want to take over your life or replace your parents at all. You seem quite happy with them and I won’t do anything to jeopardize your life and relationship with them. I know that I am not really that much older then you so maybe someday we can build some kind of close relationship and maybe you could see me as like a cousin or something.” He hoped that Colin might consider him like a brother but he wasn’t going to say that and certainly wasn’t going to take on a fatherly role to Colin. He was under no illusion that that could turn out to be a horrible idea.
He stayed silent as Colin thought over his words and seemed to come up with some kind of conclusion.
“I do want to get to know you, and I think once I wrap my head around things a little more I would like you meet my grandparents. I’ll have to talk it over with my parents but they are kind of mad so maybe not right away. I guess if you are being so honest I can be too. I kind of like the idea of getting to know you as my biological father. I have always known I was adopted and I have had a few passing thoughts as to who my biological parents might be and all and now I know about you. My parents are not all that thrilled though and I can understand a little. But for what it’s worth I’ll do my best to get them to see it my way.”
“That’s all I can hope for and thank you,” he smiled at Colin. He was proud of the boy for how well he was taking this and for wanting to have his way when it would be so easy to just let the adults decide everything.
As if on cue the timer on the table by the door went off and Colin’s parents and both his and the Ford’s lawyers came into the room. Arrangements were made for him to see Colin again and the Ford’s and their lawyer left. He thanked his lawyer for getting the Ford’s cooperation in letting him see Colin alone and left to go home. His parents had been contacted by the studio lawyer as well as his own and were expecting to see him late tomorrow. He had been in such shock at first he hadn’t called them and his lawyer had done so for him. He was grateful because he thought that if he had called them he might have just blurted out everything without thinking if they had heard the news or not and before he had all the facts.
Jared was unsure of how his parents would take the news. They had been as supportive as they could be when he was younger and just been taken out of New Horizons. They had been through so much and he had dragged them back into hell just as they were climbing out from dealing with Megan’s illness. In the end all their trials had brought them all closer but still, it had been a close thing that they had broken through to him at his most destructive phase. He was never really sure how his parents had done it, kept it all together and kept him from falling over the edge and doing something that he would never have come back from. He was having a hard enough time recently and he was an adult now. The studio had taken a break until everything with him and the Ford’s was sorted and the studio was flying them in tomorrow to see him at the filming site part of the process. He wanted to go over everything with them face to face, they deserved it after all. Also, he just had to get away from the studio and everyone looking at him and trying to ask questions or judging him since even though filming had stopped, working hadn’t and he and Jensen had been in for script readings. The studio had only had to fire four of the crew but the rest were very uneasy with him. Not that he could blame them, he’d just been outed for having sex way too young and knocking some woman up and then not knowing about the kid till he was literally right under his nose. He was sure that there were other rumors floating around as well but he couldn’t correct them if he didn’t know what they were and he wasn’t supposed to talk about it anyway until the studio lawyers put out a statement.
His parents had been arranged to come up since going out for him right now was almost impossible and he was going to see them the next day and then everyone was supposed to meet with lawyers and the media relations department so that press releases could be prepared for the media under any circumstances. He wasn’t too worried about the press. His uneasiness came from the meeting with his parents. It didn’t help that when he got home Jensen had been gone and when he had returned he had hardly interacted with Jared and spent the night in his ‘own’ room. In the morning Jared was up and off to the shooting site without seeing Jensen. His parents were brought to the small conference room set up in a trailer not too long after he had arrived and he was happy to get their hugs and support. His mother was the first one to speak after they had all finished exchanging hugs upon the lawyers leaving the room so they could talk privately first.
“Jared, honey is this about what the news is saying, about you having a child?”
His mother’s voice was soft and calm but he couldn’t look up from the table at her. Being here now made him feel like ha was young again and had just been confronted with what he had done wrong again. So he just nodded slightly instead and waited for what his parents would say.
“Is it true?” This time his father asked and he nodded again.
After a moment of silence as his parents waited him out because they knew that he couldn’t stay silent forever, he started. “I have a son, and he is not a baby, he’s a boy.” A little more silence passed and he tried not to fidget before going on, “he was conceived and born not too long after New Horizons.”
“Oh Jared,” his mother cried and came round to hug him, brushing her hand through his hair.
He gave into his need to be comforted and accepted and hugged her back, burying his face in her stomach. They stayed that way for a minute or two before she left him go and went back to her chair scooting it closer to him. He looked up from the table now and could look at them but not in the eyes.
“Does he know who you are?” His father asked, not sounding mad but worried.
“Yeah, I’ve….I’ve actually met him.” A small smile flits across his face before he is serious again. “He’s actually the kid who played the younger version of me on Supernatural, which is how it was discovered that he was my son.”
“Does his mother know then that you know about Colin being yours?” His mother bit her lip after she spoke, surprising Jared that she remembered Colin’s name from when he had mentioned him during filming. She would want to get to know Colin’s mother along with Colin, as he was her grandson and she was his family. Jared was unsure if she would get the chance but he hoped she would.
“Colin was adopted when he was a baby, it was a sealed adoption so neither of us know who his mother is.” Jared looked down again. His parents knew about his sleeping around of course, but it was still embarrassing and shameful that he didn’t know which of the girls he had slept with was Colin’s mother. The list of candidates wasn’t incredibly long but it was a list and Jared hadn’t really gotten all the names of the girls he had slept with. He had to hope that she was on the list or that by some miracle she might try and come forward now that so much time had passed. He knew that some women would try and come forward just for the claim to fame.
In the case that happened, if it hadn’t already, DNA tests would be taken for any serious claims and the rest would just be dismissed. This was all talked about when the lawyers returned to the room. Plans were made for when and where the press release would happen and what would be said. In the end, Jared had very little to do but to show up, confirm that he was a father and that he had been in touch with the child and was working things out. The media would be asked for privacy to let things settle and for the fans for support and that filming would begin again soon. He was also given the go ahead to tell Jensen if he didn’t already know so that he wasn’t caught off guard after the press release.
When Jared got home Jensen wasn’t there and he didn’t come home at night. Jared tried to call him but got his voicemail. He found out from Cliff that Jensen was staying at a hotel and no one would tell him which one.
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Jensen had been worried since filming had stopped and Jared had had his big secret meeting with the powers that be. Jared, who usually shared everything with him, was silent about it after. He figured that Jared might have gotten some bad news but he couldn’t figure out what. Jared had told him that his family was fine but that was about it. He had avoided the subject of the meeting and tried to distract Jensen whenever he tried to bring it up. At first he was okay with this but by day two he wanted answers and there was only so many times he could be distracted with sex, food or the dogs. Since Jared wasn’t going to give him any and everyone on the studio lot was avoiding talking about it he snooped for himself when he got the chance. What he found was at first funny until the third and fourth mention, then he got worried and his self-esteem took a hit and the doubt that was always in the back of his mind started to pick at his brain.
Jensen couldn’t believe that Jared had a child and he was tempted to deny it. Jared was gay just as he was and they had been together basically since the beginning of filming over three years ago. Which meant that the child had to be conceived right before filming started. He did not want to think about it being conceived while they were together but the thought hit him hard that it was possible. It confused Jensen because Jared had never said anything about a relationship when they had first met and filming had started. In fact, he was sure that Jared had told him that he hadn’t dated for a while. But then again dating wasn’t the same as sex and Jared could have had a one night stand. He himself could never really grasp the idea of a one night stand. If he was going to have sex with anyone he wanted to have some kind of relationship first. But then again he had problems with intimacy stemming from his past so his way of thinking and acting on his sexual desires was significantly different from everyone else’s.
Of course, he couldn’t really judge, after all he had a child too. That thought made him frightened as well as sad. He had no idea what had happened to his child, his parents had never told him other than that they got rid of it and that it had been alive when and where they left it. He hoped that wherever his child was that he was safe and healthy and cared for. He was unsure what he would do if his child ever found him or he found the child. It was easier to think that he hadn’t even had one and he had even tried at one point to convince himself it was true but that was long ago. Now he would deny it unless it stood staring him in the face.
There would be a scandal in that finding too, as he was young when his baby had been conceived and born. Maybe his and Jared’s child would have been born just a few years apart since he and Jared were close in age. Teenagers did experiment with sex at a young age and if left unchecked...well that was why shows like Teen Mom existed today and surely Jared would have tried experimenting with a girl at least once.
Still, he was curious and no one was giving him answers, including Jared. He might not have the right to know everything about Jared’s life but the fact that Jared had a child would affect him if he stayed in a relationship with Jared. Hell, it would most likely affect him if he ended the relationship, too. He need to know some of the facts so that he could make informed decisions about the future.
He knew that what he was doing was wrong on a moral level but after a restless night of thinking through all the pros and cons he decided to call Chris for help. Chris had been one of his first friends after he had left his parents’ house and sought help. He had been able to trust Chris enough to go with him to California and to start acting on his advice. Chris had been there for him through his nightmares and his victories. And in turn when he had gotten his life into some semblance of order he had repaid in kind when he could.
Chris had taken a different path then him at first and had met a lot of interesting people who did a lot of interesting things. One of those people just happened to be a P.I. who was a little shady. He called Chris and begged for the P.I.’s number. It took a lot of arguing to get the number from his friend and a promise to keep him in the loop on anything so that he could pick up the pieces after whatever needed to be done was finished. He suspected that Chris knew about the news of Jared’s child and that was why he didn’t want to hand over the P.I.’s number. Chris wouldn’t lecture him on what to do but he would give it to him when it was all over and when he was in a better place than he was now.
It took the rest of the day to get ahold of the P.I. and convince him to take the case. The P.I. promised to have some information by the end of the next day and more to follow as long as he was on the case. He’d have to pay quite a bit but he considered it money well spent if it could help him.
And it was, because three days later and a lot of avoiding Jared and even moving out into a hotel he had his answers and it just about stopped his world.
Colin! Colin Ford was Jared’s son! Colin was no baby in fact he was almost a preteen. Jared wasn’t that old and Colin wasn’t that young. Jared had to have been a child himself when Colin was born. The thoughts went round and round in his head and his stomach churned and he felt dizzy and nauseous. Something about those facts was so unsettling that it was tearing at his brain and his own memories of his younger transgressions were popping up and beginning to insert themselves into the thoughts of Jared and Colin. He tried to push his memories away and concentrate on Jared and Colin. He needed to decide what to do. He had been so busy going over everything the P.I. had given him that he only caught bits of the studio’s press release on the nightly news. The press and the fans were going wild over the fact that Jared had a child. Since the fans knew that Jared wasn’t married and hadn’t had a girlfriend in a while the word love child was in every rag tabloid around by the next mid-day. They were going to tear Jared’s life apart and they were going to find out about Colin. It was inevitable. This meant that they might find out about his and Jared’s relationship in the process. He couldn’t allow that, he loved Jared but he was not about to jump out of the closet yet. He had always been secretive as a teen and the one time he opened up he was punished being sent to New Horizons. After that he kept as much about himself under wraps as possible. Besides Jared the only people to know much about him were his best friends Chris and Danneel. He didn’t count his parents as he hadn’t seen them since the day after his eighteenth birthday.
He was planning to break up with Jared when the P.I. sent him a package by courier. He was just leaving his hotel room when the messenger arrived. He went back into his room to open the package as it was marked sensitive and open immediately by the P.I. in red ink. He only got into the third paragraph when the papers fell from his nerveless fingers.
Colin Ford was Jared’s son but that wasn’t all. Colin was also his son, his and Jared’s because Jared was the same as his first love Jared from New Horizons. Why he had never put it together he couldn’t fathom as now he could see it clearly in his mind. He barely managed to make it to the bathroom to throw up. When he finally felt that he could sit up straight and move about without throwing up he crawled back out to where he’d dropped the papers on his hands and knees. Putting the papers back in order he retreated to the bathroom just in case he needed the toilet again and sat with his back to the bathtub to read.
The P.I. had tracked the information about Jared having a child back to the lab where the DNA test had been done. He had found out that Colin Ford was Jared’s child and had gone on tracing Colin to find out about the mother. That was when he had come across the midwife who had delivered Colin. She was in prison for taking infants across state lines and providing fake documents for them so that they could be adopted. She had told only very few people where Colin had come from and never any details until the P.I. told her that the possible biological parents wanted to know. She had given up his family name saying she was very sorry, and the P.I. had gone from there.
The midwife who had helped him deliver his baby had taken the baby to Oklahoma and dropped it off at a hospital with its fake papers. From there he was taken to Tennessee where he was adopted by the Fords and named Colin. The Ford’s had told Colin that he was adopted but since he had been dropped off anonymously at the hospital with just the basic information about him there was nothing for him or his parents to look into even if they wanted to. The P.I. had even done a private DNA test using the samples on file from Jensen’s insurance (the same as Jared’s) and somehow getting a copy of Colin’s from the new medical facility that the WB studio was using for its medical insurance tests. He didn’t want to know how the P.I. had gotten ahold of those files, all that mattered was that he had and that he had run the tests.
Now with Jared being exposed as Colin’s father at least to him for now there was sure to be some digging from some other firm or what not by the press and they would find out as well. And if Jared’s past came to light there was sure to be a connection to him. They would test his DNA along with anyone else’s they could get ahold of from the boys at New Horizon once they got the math right. His relationship with Jared right now only made things look worse for them in his eyes. The fact that they had had some kind of relationship back then even if it was secretive, exploratory and eventually forced wouldn’t help the fact that even though they hadn’t recognized each other years later they had started a renewed relationship almost as soon as they had begun working together. He saw how it could all be twisted and turned to seem like they knew and didn’t care or that Colin had been a mistake. Granted, Colin kind of was a mistake because he hadn’t known that he was a male carrier and could get pregnant at the time. Of course, he hadn’t planned on having sex either, especially at that age and being where he was at the time. Plus even a century and a half after a genetic mutation allowed some select males to become pregnant and birth healthy babies they still weren’t all that accepted, even if their population was growing yearly.
******************
Jared was worried about Jensen who had been avoiding him since first learning about Colin. Well actually he didn’t know about Colin specifically just that Jared had a child. He was sure Jensen knew by now anyway it was his behavior that had started it all and he regretted not being honest with him from the start. First he had moved back into his old bedroom from before they had started their sexual relationship. Jensen had moved into a hotel four days ago and he missed him already with an ache that he didn’t think would go away any time soon.
He had a theory on why Jensen was avoiding him and it made him sad. Jensen was strictly gay in his sexual orientation and identity where as he was bi with stronger inclinations towards men. In fact he hadn’t been with a woman since his teens, granted he wasn’t that old but still. They were both in the closet but Jensen was so far back you could enter Narnia, go to the farthest house from the human entrance and find him in the back of the closet at that house. He knew that it had to do with something in Jensen’s past and he hadn’t pried because he had his own skeletons. There had been quite a few times when he wished he had but it wouldn’t have been good at that point in their relationship. Jensen did let things slip from time to time and what he did know wasn’t pretty. With Supernatural going strong and the close guarantee that they would have at least two more years to work together he hoped that their relationship would have become more stable and that he would have the time to get Jensen to open up to him further and also in his public life. But all that had fallen apart and besides work they didn’t speak and the tension was just beginning to show to everyone on set to those not closest to them who saw it from the start.
But the more Jensen pulled away the more frustrated and depressed about it he got. Jensen had been his support for the past two and a half years and it had only been stronger the longer they were together. Jensen didn’t seem to be fairing any better which was just doubling his feelings of guilt and depression. It wasn’t like he could call up his friends and talk about it either with the press hounding them and their relationship situation and he wasn’t ready to open up to his parents about it either since he had just told them he had a child. He couldn’t even tell Sandy who knew he was seeing someone, she just didn’t know it was Jensen.
He had gotten suspicious of Jensen’s behavior when he’d started to get sealed mail that needed a signature and when he’d moved out into a hotel and stopped answering his calls. He had gotten Chad, who had come up to support him, to keep an eye an Jensen after plying him with much alcohol and a promise to let him in on some very big secrets, mainly who his child was. Chad had told him that Jensen had hired a P.I. and he in turn had gotten his lawyers to get someone to watch the P.I.
It seemed as if the universe had gone crazy and there was no way to stop it. He had a feeling that something bigger was going on than he could see and figure out and he was right. The P.I. had sent a courier package to Jensen around lunch time and now by late evening he had that same information. Granted the information had probably been obtained in a not quite legal manner and cost a lot but Jared just had to know what Jensen was up to with his P.I. He sat down to read the papers as recent past experience with getting news could be life changing and he had no plans to fall down from weak knees, suspecting the papers had something to do with his past and connection to Colin. He would have told Jensen about Colin if he had bothered to ask and it hurt that he had likely hired a P.I. to find out instead of asking. He took a deep breath to steel himself before letting it out and opening the package.
It took him two times reading through the papers to figure out exactly what he was reading and how everything connected. Then it was like he had stepped into an alternate universe or fallen down the rabbit hole into Wonderland. He would have to call a meeting with the lawyers and his family and Colin’s family and Jensen and the studio execs as soon as the world stopped spinning and he could stand because right at the moment he couldn’t move if his life depended on it. All he could do was sit and clutch the papers he’d read and try to keep breathing and his heart from exploding.
Instead of his heart, Jared's world had exploded. Not shook up, not turned upside down, not shattered, exploded. He couldn't get a moment’s peace to himself since the news had run with the story of him having a child and everyone was calling for him from a list a mile long including network execs, his family, his lawyers, reporters, friends, and old costars. He still hadn't processed the information himself so how was he supposed to talk to anyone else about it? The fact that even his own son wanted answers that he couldn't give was going to drive him crazy if he couldn't just have a moment to breathe and process the news. And now the last bombshell that Jensen was Colin’s other parent was just too much.
He had talked with his therapist and his lawyer and his family and gone over the list of possible mothers for Colin again and again the past few days and nothing had seemed to be solid. Something at the back of his mind kept bugging him and he had a gut feeling the list was not complete. So he decided to make a list of all his sexual partners that he could think of male and female. He was almost done when it hit him like a bolt of lightning, he got a headache just thinking why he hadn’t considered the name that was flashing in him mind. The boy from New Horizons…his very first sexual partner…a boy named…Jensen! He hadn’t given that complete list over to anyone, keeping it to himself. Now it seemed irrelevant with the papers from the P.I. The answer had just been provided. His lawyer and the studios lawyers would be pleased to not have to go looking for any of the girls he’d remembered but not so thrilled when they found out why or who had replaced the list he had first provided.
When he could think with some semblance of reason again he intended to call the necessary people but he didn’t. Instead he went to a bookshelf in the living room and looked for the most recent photo album. The crew was constantly taking pictures and handing out photos of people to keep and share with family. He flipped through the pages with a goal in mind. Late October was when Colin had been on set to shoot the “A Very Supernatural Christmas” episode. One of the costume women had taken photos of the cast and had taken one of him and Jensen with the boys playing their younger character selves. When he found it he ripped it out of the book and went to sit on the couch.
Jared couldn’t stop staring at the picture in front of him. It was of him and Jensen with Colin and Ridge sandwiched between them, arms around shoulders, all smiles for the camera. Colin had been hired because he looked so much like himself. And he could admit Colin looked like him when he was a boy himself. There was a little of Jensen in him too, he could see it now that he knew what he was looking for. A son. All these years he had been unaware that he’d had a son and then when finding out to actually know the boy. If he hadn’t been in such a state of shock that he was a father he might have actually taken a moment to think of Colin’s mother. Or, as the case was, other father. Jared had been so messed up from his experiences at the camp that he’d done a lot of things he wasn’t proud of and that no child should be doing. But do them he did and on that list was the fact that he had, for a while at least thrown himself into sex. Boys and girls alike, mostly older. When his family and his lawyer had finally gotten him to lesson his obsession and shock to try and think when and where he had come into contact with Colin’s mother he had immediately excluded all the boy’s he’d slept with. Even though it was possible for men to become pregnant they were very few in number even with a world population of over seven billion. The number of male carriers as men who could become pregnant were growing but they were still a rare enough thing that there was still a lot of prejudice against them or they were just ignored when possible.
He should have included the boys from the start and it was coming back to bite him in the ass that he hadn’t. The network lawyers and CEO’s were going to have a field day with this news. He didn’t want to share it but he knew that he had to. If he didn’t and it got out to the press there would be hell to pay. Another worry was how he was he going to let Jensen know that he knew Jensen was Colin’s other parent. Jensen had the information but he doubted that Jensen would step forward any time soon. In fact, he was sure that if Jensen got his way no one would ever know. He had learned along the way of getting Jensen comfortable with him and their relationship that Jensen had some serious body image issues besides his emotional and relationship issues. He suspected that if Jensen could run away right now until the whole mess with his child was out of the press he would.
It all stemmed from their time at New Horizons which, now that he thought about it, might become a bit of a problem too. Because there had to be a record of him being there around the time that Colin was conceived and it didn’t take a genius to do the math when they figured out what age he was when Colin was born. He figured that was another thing he’d have to tell the lawyers and the media relations department. One way or another the news about New Horizons was bound to set off a new media frenzy. The nature of the camp was bound to be news but the fact that he was here not counting Jensen would be bad. The press figured that Colin had a mother and if, when, they learned that he had been sent to a camp to ‘fix’ gays…well that opened a new can of worms. One where finding out that Colin could have two fathers and not a father and mother was pretty much guaranteed.
******************
Part 1 here http://angelzfurys.livejournal.com/19495.html
Present
It took two days before the Ford family arrived. Two days of Jared agonizing over what he felt and what he should do. He had been upsetting Jensen with his mood swings and unusual silence as to what was going on. Off of Kim’s suggestion he had kept Jensen away from as much social media as possible and treated the halt in filming like a mini vacation. He knew that he wasn’t being fair to engage Jensen intimately when his mind was constantly elsewhere then on them like he had planned it to be. By the third day Jensen was a bit standoffish and had retreated to his own ‘room’ after breakfast. As much as it pained him that Jensen needed or wanted the space it was a blessing in disguise as he was set to meet with the lawyers and the Fords and have a talk with Colin. He had decided to be as honest as possible with all of them, something we wasn’t with Jensen and probably should have been. While he talked with Colin, Jensen was uncovering what Jared had been hiding.
Jared talked with the lawyers first giving them a list he had prepared earlier of names of women who might be Colin’s mother. It was embarrassing and he still felt some guilt over his past actions. Then he had met the Ford’s. Colin wasn’t really paying attention to him and his parents looked very angry and displeased but they agreed with the lawyers that Jared and Colin should have a little time to talk in private. Any plans for the future together or apart could be discussed afterward. The Ford’s ruffled Colin’s hair and patted his shoulders on the way out the door and the lawyers stayed silent, not offering anything to either Colin or Jared in the way of support or disappointment. A timer was set and left on a little table by the door limiting their time to talk.
Jared sat at the table and looked across it at Colin who was looking at everything but him. Either his parents or his lawyer must have told him then that he was his father before this meeting. He was unsure of how he felt about this. He had weighed the pros and cons of telling Colin himself or having been present when Colin was told. He hadn’t thought too much on the idea that Colin would be told before he even saw him again.
“So I guess you know why you were brought here?” He wanted to make sure Colin knew even though to him it was pretty obvious.
“Um, yeah I…my parents said that you were my…” Colin flushed and looked at him from under his lashes as his face was more in line with looking at the table, head hung and a shoulders high.
“That I am your father,” he decided to go with a more general term considering that Colin already had a ‘dad’ and he was not looking to replace the man that had raised Colin. “Do you want to talk about it?” He hoped that Colin would but he wouldn’t force the kid to discuss something that he was uncomfortable with or hated. As far as he knew Colin had had a great life so far and the revelation that at least one of his parents was alive and might be around was bound to bring up a lot of conflicting emotions. It had for Jared and with him being older he had more of a grip on his emotions being out of the teenage hormonal phase that made emotions worse. Also as an adult he had more control over his life then Colin as a minor would should someone else decide some things needed or didn’t need to be done or happen. He couldn’t imagine what the kid was thinking.
“Like what?” Colin lifted his head and actually looked at his face but not in the eyes.
“Whatever you want, I’ll listen,” he started before adding, “and if you don’t mind listening I could share some stuff.”
“Like what?” Colin asked again which he took as a sign Colin might be willing to talk and listen.
“I was just told that you were my son. I know it sounds lame and like an excuse or maybe kinda mean but I never even knew I had any kids. Your mother didn’t contact me when she was pregnant or after you were born. This is just as new to me as it is to you and I have no idea what to say really. So I guess anything you want to talk about or know I’d be willing to answer or whatever. And I know that you already have a family but I would like, if you are up to it, to know a little about you growing up. I already obviously know a few things and so do you about me from when you were here for filming. It could be kind of like that but now we just know that we have a little more in common than acting.”
They sat in silence for a minute before Colin placed his on the table and leaned forward a little. “So you knew my mother?” He sounded hopeful so his files must have been sealed and he didn’t know or his parents had decided not to tell him anything about her if there had been anything to tell.
“Well,” he blew out a breath in agitation and decided to be as honest as possible “I’m going to be honest and hope that you don’t hate me for it but not really. I was having a hard time around the time you would have been born and I did a lot of things that I shouldn’t have. I got mixed up in a lot of bad things and let’s just say that I was open to a lot of opportunities with women I shouldn’t have taken. Your mother and I didn’t have a relationship, we didn’t date, she was more probably just my partner for a night or two. I haven’t seen your adoption file so unfortunately I don’t know her name. I am so sorry if it makes you think any less of me that I can’t give you the answer but I won’t lie about it to you.”
“So you were what? Just experimenting with girls, sleeping around?” Colin’s face wrinkled up in disgust as he thought about it.
“Sort of, like I said I was in a bad spot and I was doing a lot of things I shouldn’t have. I went through something, today they would call it traumatizing and it messed me up mentally and emotionally and I had a lot of anger which I took out by rebelling against the limits that almost all parents set for their teenagers. If there was something that was off limits or that I wasn’t supposed to be doing I did it.” It was his turn to look down at the table now as he tried to sort out and store the emotions that were coming up. He had worked very hard to master them and keep his life on an even keel. He was putting everything he had learned about emotional control to the test.
“So what happened that you decided that having...” Colin hesitated for a second, “having sex was a good idea,” he finished. Colin was being pretty level headed and frank for being an eleven year old but then again kids were growing up so fast these days.
“I don’t think that would be a good topic for me to talk about right now,” he said and looked up at Colin again. “But I will tell you because I think that it is something you should know, or at least part of it is important, just not today. Sometime soon if, after all this, you still feel like talking to me about it in the future.”
They sat in silence for a few minutes each trying to digest the situation and the discussion.
“So where do we go from here?” Colin sounded both weary and hopeful.
“Well part of that is up to you and part of that is up to your parents because you’re still a minor. I would hope that we could talk again and that if you are willing I could get to know you better like I said before. It’s up to you but when you are comfortable I would like you to meet my parents. I don’t want to take over your life or replace your parents at all. You seem quite happy with them and I won’t do anything to jeopardize your life and relationship with them. I know that I am not really that much older then you so maybe someday we can build some kind of close relationship and maybe you could see me as like a cousin or something.” He hoped that Colin might consider him like a brother but he wasn’t going to say that and certainly wasn’t going to take on a fatherly role to Colin. He was under no illusion that that could turn out to be a horrible idea.
He stayed silent as Colin thought over his words and seemed to come up with some kind of conclusion.
“I do want to get to know you, and I think once I wrap my head around things a little more I would like you meet my grandparents. I’ll have to talk it over with my parents but they are kind of mad so maybe not right away. I guess if you are being so honest I can be too. I kind of like the idea of getting to know you as my biological father. I have always known I was adopted and I have had a few passing thoughts as to who my biological parents might be and all and now I know about you. My parents are not all that thrilled though and I can understand a little. But for what it’s worth I’ll do my best to get them to see it my way.”
“That’s all I can hope for and thank you,” he smiled at Colin. He was proud of the boy for how well he was taking this and for wanting to have his way when it would be so easy to just let the adults decide everything.
As if on cue the timer on the table by the door went off and Colin’s parents and both his and the Ford’s lawyers came into the room. Arrangements were made for him to see Colin again and the Ford’s and their lawyer left. He thanked his lawyer for getting the Ford’s cooperation in letting him see Colin alone and left to go home. His parents had been contacted by the studio lawyer as well as his own and were expecting to see him late tomorrow. He had been in such shock at first he hadn’t called them and his lawyer had done so for him. He was grateful because he thought that if he had called them he might have just blurted out everything without thinking if they had heard the news or not and before he had all the facts.
Jared was unsure of how his parents would take the news. They had been as supportive as they could be when he was younger and just been taken out of New Horizons. They had been through so much and he had dragged them back into hell just as they were climbing out from dealing with Megan’s illness. In the end all their trials had brought them all closer but still, it had been a close thing that they had broken through to him at his most destructive phase. He was never really sure how his parents had done it, kept it all together and kept him from falling over the edge and doing something that he would never have come back from. He was having a hard enough time recently and he was an adult now. The studio had taken a break until everything with him and the Ford’s was sorted and the studio was flying them in tomorrow to see him at the filming site part of the process. He wanted to go over everything with them face to face, they deserved it after all. Also, he just had to get away from the studio and everyone looking at him and trying to ask questions or judging him since even though filming had stopped, working hadn’t and he and Jensen had been in for script readings. The studio had only had to fire four of the crew but the rest were very uneasy with him. Not that he could blame them, he’d just been outed for having sex way too young and knocking some woman up and then not knowing about the kid till he was literally right under his nose. He was sure that there were other rumors floating around as well but he couldn’t correct them if he didn’t know what they were and he wasn’t supposed to talk about it anyway until the studio lawyers put out a statement.
His parents had been arranged to come up since going out for him right now was almost impossible and he was going to see them the next day and then everyone was supposed to meet with lawyers and the media relations department so that press releases could be prepared for the media under any circumstances. He wasn’t too worried about the press. His uneasiness came from the meeting with his parents. It didn’t help that when he got home Jensen had been gone and when he had returned he had hardly interacted with Jared and spent the night in his ‘own’ room. In the morning Jared was up and off to the shooting site without seeing Jensen. His parents were brought to the small conference room set up in a trailer not too long after he had arrived and he was happy to get their hugs and support. His mother was the first one to speak after they had all finished exchanging hugs upon the lawyers leaving the room so they could talk privately first.
“Jared, honey is this about what the news is saying, about you having a child?”
His mother’s voice was soft and calm but he couldn’t look up from the table at her. Being here now made him feel like ha was young again and had just been confronted with what he had done wrong again. So he just nodded slightly instead and waited for what his parents would say.
“Is it true?” This time his father asked and he nodded again.
After a moment of silence as his parents waited him out because they knew that he couldn’t stay silent forever, he started. “I have a son, and he is not a baby, he’s a boy.” A little more silence passed and he tried not to fidget before going on, “he was conceived and born not too long after New Horizons.”
“Oh Jared,” his mother cried and came round to hug him, brushing her hand through his hair.
He gave into his need to be comforted and accepted and hugged her back, burying his face in her stomach. They stayed that way for a minute or two before she left him go and went back to her chair scooting it closer to him. He looked up from the table now and could look at them but not in the eyes.
“Does he know who you are?” His father asked, not sounding mad but worried.
“Yeah, I’ve….I’ve actually met him.” A small smile flits across his face before he is serious again. “He’s actually the kid who played the younger version of me on Supernatural, which is how it was discovered that he was my son.”
“Does his mother know then that you know about Colin being yours?” His mother bit her lip after she spoke, surprising Jared that she remembered Colin’s name from when he had mentioned him during filming. She would want to get to know Colin’s mother along with Colin, as he was her grandson and she was his family. Jared was unsure if she would get the chance but he hoped she would.
“Colin was adopted when he was a baby, it was a sealed adoption so neither of us know who his mother is.” Jared looked down again. His parents knew about his sleeping around of course, but it was still embarrassing and shameful that he didn’t know which of the girls he had slept with was Colin’s mother. The list of candidates wasn’t incredibly long but it was a list and Jared hadn’t really gotten all the names of the girls he had slept with. He had to hope that she was on the list or that by some miracle she might try and come forward now that so much time had passed. He knew that some women would try and come forward just for the claim to fame.
In the case that happened, if it hadn’t already, DNA tests would be taken for any serious claims and the rest would just be dismissed. This was all talked about when the lawyers returned to the room. Plans were made for when and where the press release would happen and what would be said. In the end, Jared had very little to do but to show up, confirm that he was a father and that he had been in touch with the child and was working things out. The media would be asked for privacy to let things settle and for the fans for support and that filming would begin again soon. He was also given the go ahead to tell Jensen if he didn’t already know so that he wasn’t caught off guard after the press release.
When Jared got home Jensen wasn’t there and he didn’t come home at night. Jared tried to call him but got his voicemail. He found out from Cliff that Jensen was staying at a hotel and no one would tell him which one.
******************
Jensen had been worried since filming had stopped and Jared had had his big secret meeting with the powers that be. Jared, who usually shared everything with him, was silent about it after. He figured that Jared might have gotten some bad news but he couldn’t figure out what. Jared had told him that his family was fine but that was about it. He had avoided the subject of the meeting and tried to distract Jensen whenever he tried to bring it up. At first he was okay with this but by day two he wanted answers and there was only so many times he could be distracted with sex, food or the dogs. Since Jared wasn’t going to give him any and everyone on the studio lot was avoiding talking about it he snooped for himself when he got the chance. What he found was at first funny until the third and fourth mention, then he got worried and his self-esteem took a hit and the doubt that was always in the back of his mind started to pick at his brain.
Jensen couldn’t believe that Jared had a child and he was tempted to deny it. Jared was gay just as he was and they had been together basically since the beginning of filming over three years ago. Which meant that the child had to be conceived right before filming started. He did not want to think about it being conceived while they were together but the thought hit him hard that it was possible. It confused Jensen because Jared had never said anything about a relationship when they had first met and filming had started. In fact, he was sure that Jared had told him that he hadn’t dated for a while. But then again dating wasn’t the same as sex and Jared could have had a one night stand. He himself could never really grasp the idea of a one night stand. If he was going to have sex with anyone he wanted to have some kind of relationship first. But then again he had problems with intimacy stemming from his past so his way of thinking and acting on his sexual desires was significantly different from everyone else’s.
Of course, he couldn’t really judge, after all he had a child too. That thought made him frightened as well as sad. He had no idea what had happened to his child, his parents had never told him other than that they got rid of it and that it had been alive when and where they left it. He hoped that wherever his child was that he was safe and healthy and cared for. He was unsure what he would do if his child ever found him or he found the child. It was easier to think that he hadn’t even had one and he had even tried at one point to convince himself it was true but that was long ago. Now he would deny it unless it stood staring him in the face.
There would be a scandal in that finding too, as he was young when his baby had been conceived and born. Maybe his and Jared’s child would have been born just a few years apart since he and Jared were close in age. Teenagers did experiment with sex at a young age and if left unchecked...well that was why shows like Teen Mom existed today and surely Jared would have tried experimenting with a girl at least once.
Still, he was curious and no one was giving him answers, including Jared. He might not have the right to know everything about Jared’s life but the fact that Jared had a child would affect him if he stayed in a relationship with Jared. Hell, it would most likely affect him if he ended the relationship, too. He need to know some of the facts so that he could make informed decisions about the future.
He knew that what he was doing was wrong on a moral level but after a restless night of thinking through all the pros and cons he decided to call Chris for help. Chris had been one of his first friends after he had left his parents’ house and sought help. He had been able to trust Chris enough to go with him to California and to start acting on his advice. Chris had been there for him through his nightmares and his victories. And in turn when he had gotten his life into some semblance of order he had repaid in kind when he could.
Chris had taken a different path then him at first and had met a lot of interesting people who did a lot of interesting things. One of those people just happened to be a P.I. who was a little shady. He called Chris and begged for the P.I.’s number. It took a lot of arguing to get the number from his friend and a promise to keep him in the loop on anything so that he could pick up the pieces after whatever needed to be done was finished. He suspected that Chris knew about the news of Jared’s child and that was why he didn’t want to hand over the P.I.’s number. Chris wouldn’t lecture him on what to do but he would give it to him when it was all over and when he was in a better place than he was now.
It took the rest of the day to get ahold of the P.I. and convince him to take the case. The P.I. promised to have some information by the end of the next day and more to follow as long as he was on the case. He’d have to pay quite a bit but he considered it money well spent if it could help him.
And it was, because three days later and a lot of avoiding Jared and even moving out into a hotel he had his answers and it just about stopped his world.
Colin! Colin Ford was Jared’s son! Colin was no baby in fact he was almost a preteen. Jared wasn’t that old and Colin wasn’t that young. Jared had to have been a child himself when Colin was born. The thoughts went round and round in his head and his stomach churned and he felt dizzy and nauseous. Something about those facts was so unsettling that it was tearing at his brain and his own memories of his younger transgressions were popping up and beginning to insert themselves into the thoughts of Jared and Colin. He tried to push his memories away and concentrate on Jared and Colin. He needed to decide what to do. He had been so busy going over everything the P.I. had given him that he only caught bits of the studio’s press release on the nightly news. The press and the fans were going wild over the fact that Jared had a child. Since the fans knew that Jared wasn’t married and hadn’t had a girlfriend in a while the word love child was in every rag tabloid around by the next mid-day. They were going to tear Jared’s life apart and they were going to find out about Colin. It was inevitable. This meant that they might find out about his and Jared’s relationship in the process. He couldn’t allow that, he loved Jared but he was not about to jump out of the closet yet. He had always been secretive as a teen and the one time he opened up he was punished being sent to New Horizons. After that he kept as much about himself under wraps as possible. Besides Jared the only people to know much about him were his best friends Chris and Danneel. He didn’t count his parents as he hadn’t seen them since the day after his eighteenth birthday.
He was planning to break up with Jared when the P.I. sent him a package by courier. He was just leaving his hotel room when the messenger arrived. He went back into his room to open the package as it was marked sensitive and open immediately by the P.I. in red ink. He only got into the third paragraph when the papers fell from his nerveless fingers.
Colin Ford was Jared’s son but that wasn’t all. Colin was also his son, his and Jared’s because Jared was the same as his first love Jared from New Horizons. Why he had never put it together he couldn’t fathom as now he could see it clearly in his mind. He barely managed to make it to the bathroom to throw up. When he finally felt that he could sit up straight and move about without throwing up he crawled back out to where he’d dropped the papers on his hands and knees. Putting the papers back in order he retreated to the bathroom just in case he needed the toilet again and sat with his back to the bathtub to read.
The P.I. had tracked the information about Jared having a child back to the lab where the DNA test had been done. He had found out that Colin Ford was Jared’s child and had gone on tracing Colin to find out about the mother. That was when he had come across the midwife who had delivered Colin. She was in prison for taking infants across state lines and providing fake documents for them so that they could be adopted. She had told only very few people where Colin had come from and never any details until the P.I. told her that the possible biological parents wanted to know. She had given up his family name saying she was very sorry, and the P.I. had gone from there.
The midwife who had helped him deliver his baby had taken the baby to Oklahoma and dropped it off at a hospital with its fake papers. From there he was taken to Tennessee where he was adopted by the Fords and named Colin. The Ford’s had told Colin that he was adopted but since he had been dropped off anonymously at the hospital with just the basic information about him there was nothing for him or his parents to look into even if they wanted to. The P.I. had even done a private DNA test using the samples on file from Jensen’s insurance (the same as Jared’s) and somehow getting a copy of Colin’s from the new medical facility that the WB studio was using for its medical insurance tests. He didn’t want to know how the P.I. had gotten ahold of those files, all that mattered was that he had and that he had run the tests.
Now with Jared being exposed as Colin’s father at least to him for now there was sure to be some digging from some other firm or what not by the press and they would find out as well. And if Jared’s past came to light there was sure to be a connection to him. They would test his DNA along with anyone else’s they could get ahold of from the boys at New Horizon once they got the math right. His relationship with Jared right now only made things look worse for them in his eyes. The fact that they had had some kind of relationship back then even if it was secretive, exploratory and eventually forced wouldn’t help the fact that even though they hadn’t recognized each other years later they had started a renewed relationship almost as soon as they had begun working together. He saw how it could all be twisted and turned to seem like they knew and didn’t care or that Colin had been a mistake. Granted, Colin kind of was a mistake because he hadn’t known that he was a male carrier and could get pregnant at the time. Of course, he hadn’t planned on having sex either, especially at that age and being where he was at the time. Plus even a century and a half after a genetic mutation allowed some select males to become pregnant and birth healthy babies they still weren’t all that accepted, even if their population was growing yearly.
******************
Jared was worried about Jensen who had been avoiding him since first learning about Colin. Well actually he didn’t know about Colin specifically just that Jared had a child. He was sure Jensen knew by now anyway it was his behavior that had started it all and he regretted not being honest with him from the start. First he had moved back into his old bedroom from before they had started their sexual relationship. Jensen had moved into a hotel four days ago and he missed him already with an ache that he didn’t think would go away any time soon.
He had a theory on why Jensen was avoiding him and it made him sad. Jensen was strictly gay in his sexual orientation and identity where as he was bi with stronger inclinations towards men. In fact he hadn’t been with a woman since his teens, granted he wasn’t that old but still. They were both in the closet but Jensen was so far back you could enter Narnia, go to the farthest house from the human entrance and find him in the back of the closet at that house. He knew that it had to do with something in Jensen’s past and he hadn’t pried because he had his own skeletons. There had been quite a few times when he wished he had but it wouldn’t have been good at that point in their relationship. Jensen did let things slip from time to time and what he did know wasn’t pretty. With Supernatural going strong and the close guarantee that they would have at least two more years to work together he hoped that their relationship would have become more stable and that he would have the time to get Jensen to open up to him further and also in his public life. But all that had fallen apart and besides work they didn’t speak and the tension was just beginning to show to everyone on set to those not closest to them who saw it from the start.
But the more Jensen pulled away the more frustrated and depressed about it he got. Jensen had been his support for the past two and a half years and it had only been stronger the longer they were together. Jensen didn’t seem to be fairing any better which was just doubling his feelings of guilt and depression. It wasn’t like he could call up his friends and talk about it either with the press hounding them and their relationship situation and he wasn’t ready to open up to his parents about it either since he had just told them he had a child. He couldn’t even tell Sandy who knew he was seeing someone, she just didn’t know it was Jensen.
He had gotten suspicious of Jensen’s behavior when he’d started to get sealed mail that needed a signature and when he’d moved out into a hotel and stopped answering his calls. He had gotten Chad, who had come up to support him, to keep an eye an Jensen after plying him with much alcohol and a promise to let him in on some very big secrets, mainly who his child was. Chad had told him that Jensen had hired a P.I. and he in turn had gotten his lawyers to get someone to watch the P.I.
It seemed as if the universe had gone crazy and there was no way to stop it. He had a feeling that something bigger was going on than he could see and figure out and he was right. The P.I. had sent a courier package to Jensen around lunch time and now by late evening he had that same information. Granted the information had probably been obtained in a not quite legal manner and cost a lot but Jared just had to know what Jensen was up to with his P.I. He sat down to read the papers as recent past experience with getting news could be life changing and he had no plans to fall down from weak knees, suspecting the papers had something to do with his past and connection to Colin. He would have told Jensen about Colin if he had bothered to ask and it hurt that he had likely hired a P.I. to find out instead of asking. He took a deep breath to steel himself before letting it out and opening the package.
It took him two times reading through the papers to figure out exactly what he was reading and how everything connected. Then it was like he had stepped into an alternate universe or fallen down the rabbit hole into Wonderland. He would have to call a meeting with the lawyers and his family and Colin’s family and Jensen and the studio execs as soon as the world stopped spinning and he could stand because right at the moment he couldn’t move if his life depended on it. All he could do was sit and clutch the papers he’d read and try to keep breathing and his heart from exploding.
Instead of his heart, Jared's world had exploded. Not shook up, not turned upside down, not shattered, exploded. He couldn't get a moment’s peace to himself since the news had run with the story of him having a child and everyone was calling for him from a list a mile long including network execs, his family, his lawyers, reporters, friends, and old costars. He still hadn't processed the information himself so how was he supposed to talk to anyone else about it? The fact that even his own son wanted answers that he couldn't give was going to drive him crazy if he couldn't just have a moment to breathe and process the news. And now the last bombshell that Jensen was Colin’s other parent was just too much.
He had talked with his therapist and his lawyer and his family and gone over the list of possible mothers for Colin again and again the past few days and nothing had seemed to be solid. Something at the back of his mind kept bugging him and he had a gut feeling the list was not complete. So he decided to make a list of all his sexual partners that he could think of male and female. He was almost done when it hit him like a bolt of lightning, he got a headache just thinking why he hadn’t considered the name that was flashing in him mind. The boy from New Horizons…his very first sexual partner…a boy named…Jensen! He hadn’t given that complete list over to anyone, keeping it to himself. Now it seemed irrelevant with the papers from the P.I. The answer had just been provided. His lawyer and the studios lawyers would be pleased to not have to go looking for any of the girls he’d remembered but not so thrilled when they found out why or who had replaced the list he had first provided.
When he could think with some semblance of reason again he intended to call the necessary people but he didn’t. Instead he went to a bookshelf in the living room and looked for the most recent photo album. The crew was constantly taking pictures and handing out photos of people to keep and share with family. He flipped through the pages with a goal in mind. Late October was when Colin had been on set to shoot the “A Very Supernatural Christmas” episode. One of the costume women had taken photos of the cast and had taken one of him and Jensen with the boys playing their younger character selves. When he found it he ripped it out of the book and went to sit on the couch.
Jared couldn’t stop staring at the picture in front of him. It was of him and Jensen with Colin and Ridge sandwiched between them, arms around shoulders, all smiles for the camera. Colin had been hired because he looked so much like himself. And he could admit Colin looked like him when he was a boy himself. There was a little of Jensen in him too, he could see it now that he knew what he was looking for. A son. All these years he had been unaware that he’d had a son and then when finding out to actually know the boy. If he hadn’t been in such a state of shock that he was a father he might have actually taken a moment to think of Colin’s mother. Or, as the case was, other father. Jared had been so messed up from his experiences at the camp that he’d done a lot of things he wasn’t proud of and that no child should be doing. But do them he did and on that list was the fact that he had, for a while at least thrown himself into sex. Boys and girls alike, mostly older. When his family and his lawyer had finally gotten him to lesson his obsession and shock to try and think when and where he had come into contact with Colin’s mother he had immediately excluded all the boy’s he’d slept with. Even though it was possible for men to become pregnant they were very few in number even with a world population of over seven billion. The number of male carriers as men who could become pregnant were growing but they were still a rare enough thing that there was still a lot of prejudice against them or they were just ignored when possible.
He should have included the boys from the start and it was coming back to bite him in the ass that he hadn’t. The network lawyers and CEO’s were going to have a field day with this news. He didn’t want to share it but he knew that he had to. If he didn’t and it got out to the press there would be hell to pay. Another worry was how he was he going to let Jensen know that he knew Jensen was Colin’s other parent. Jensen had the information but he doubted that Jensen would step forward any time soon. In fact, he was sure that if Jensen got his way no one would ever know. He had learned along the way of getting Jensen comfortable with him and their relationship that Jensen had some serious body image issues besides his emotional and relationship issues. He suspected that if Jensen could run away right now until the whole mess with his child was out of the press he would.
It all stemmed from their time at New Horizons which, now that he thought about it, might become a bit of a problem too. Because there had to be a record of him being there around the time that Colin was conceived and it didn’t take a genius to do the math when they figured out what age he was when Colin was born. He figured that was another thing he’d have to tell the lawyers and the media relations department. One way or another the news about New Horizons was bound to set off a new media frenzy. The nature of the camp was bound to be news but the fact that he was here not counting Jensen would be bad. The press figured that Colin had a mother and if, when, they learned that he had been sent to a camp to ‘fix’ gays…well that opened a new can of worms. One where finding out that Colin could have two fathers and not a father and mother was pretty much guaranteed.
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