Monday night, I'm staring at the bus floor wondering why it's blue, quietly judging myself for being on the bus at 7 at night from Uptown down to Lakeview, also realizing that I would like to grab a drink, but who to call? I am out of friends when a couple of them go out of town or have a hookup living with them for three days. I can go eat at ( Read more... )

It's quiet because of the snowfall. I'm sitting in bed with my dog lying next to me, both of us looking out the bedroom window at a pair of orange street lights directly outside. We can see powder, glitter really, blow sideways and up. But we cannot hear the wind. Everything is muffled by the snow, which by last check, is not even that much; ( Read more... )

Gay marriage legal in the U.S. I have never felt so divorced from myself. I feel comfortable. And dead.

Snowed in today. I sit here trying to sort through the anxiety of trying to get back on track--whatever that is. I don't know how I got here. I'm not sure if I've been efficient or lazy. Whatever it is, my days seem to not taste like anything. And now, my plan is to work harder and hope that things will fall back into place and I can ( Read more... )

False start.

I used to write. Maybe because I used to feel so much. All those feelings are climbing up again. I'm sure it's a good thing. But it's more scary. Here I am thinking about what I can do so that I won't regret anything, then I begin to realize that maybe I'm already regretting. I mean, maybe this is the time I'm supposed to be preparing for ( Read more... )

I only have what I want.

August 1st is always a memorable date for me. I've heard that the first day of August marks the first day of hardship so naturally, it's the day not to be wasteful. It's the day for conservation. It was also the day, when I was 9 or 10 years old, that I witnessed my aunt deny rice from our neighbor who came at her kitchen door at 5 in the ( Read more... )

The trees are very still.

In Seattle.