more SPN meta because I am ridiculous
On Dean's trust of Sam in 5.18-5.20
[this isn't nearly as smooth as I'd like it to be! But I thought I should post before the ep tomorrow while 5.20 is still on people's minds.]
When it comes to reading Dean's reaction in the alley after Sam kills Brady, which appeared to me to be at the least conflicted, I think there has been a definite shift from the Dean of the past. That Dean still felt he had to control and protect Sam from himself, emphasized in season 4 when the angels tell Dean to stop Sam from using his powers or they will, and in 5.04 when Dean brings Sam back into the fold after seeing Sam as Lucifer.
The shift is evident in what Dean said to Sam in the panic room and in the car at the end in 5.18, his challenge to Gabriel in 5.19, and his decision to bring Brady back to Sam and to stand back and let Sam choose how to deal with Brady in 5.20. These three episodes seem to suggest that Dean's detached somewhat from feeling responsible for controlling Sam's choices.
Under other circumstances, I would say this is a positive step for him.
However, given that this detachment appears to go hand in hand with Dean's depression and passivity, I'm not sure Dean believes completely that he's no longer responsible for Sam's choices. So far it reads to me as an expression of his exhaustion rather than a healthy change. So if Sam does say yes to Lucifer, I'm pretty sure Dean will still blame himself, no matter that he's paid lip service to the idea that Sam's an adult, responsible for his own choices.
Instead of reaching a healthy detachment, giving up his responsibility towards Sam in order to have a more equal and adult relationship, Dean went to the other extreme (at least as of 5.18): he believed it's impossible for him to save Sam, because Sam's fate is inevitable.
This explains why in 5.18, Dean appears to view the consequences of Sam's actions to be Dean's responsibility. Which is echoed in Dean's challenge to Gabriel in 5.19: asking whether Gabe "can't or won't" kill his brother -- Dean clearly believes one brother is responsible for what the other brother does, for taking him out if needed.
Even asking this question is a big shift from season 2, where "can't or won't" wasn't in the cards. If Dean believed he could save Sam, he would never have to face whether he should kill Sam, and if he didn't kill Sam, whether it was because he couldn't, or because he wouldn't.
By the panic room scene in 5.18, Dean has given up the idea that he can save Sam; but he's jumped to the conclusion that this is because it's too late, that Sam is unsaveable. That Sam will inevitably give in to Lucifer. This is typical of the black-or-white thinking of people who grow up in dysfunctional homes: there is no middle ground. Either Dean can save Sam, or Sam can't be saved.
Dean appears to have no concept that maybe Sam can be trusted to save himself.
So we've reached the inverse of Season 2: Dean's no longer making an effort to save his brother, he's preparing himself to kill him. Dean letting go of his role as Sam's rescuer, but retaining his (until now rejected) role as Sam's executioner, suggests to me that Dean to some extent has let go of the "hero" role but still believes he's only a weapon. If he can't be the hero and save his brother the scapegoat, all he has left is to be " daddy's little blunt instrument." All he has left is to be the sword that cuts Sam down.
He's still following the order John gave him in 2.01: if you can't save your brother, you'll have to kill him.
Dean's reasoning in the panic room scene is based almost entirely on the family roles he and Sam have played out their entire lives: Sam the scapegoat and Dean the hero, and how they correspond to their respective angelic vessels. From Dean's POV, in season 4 Sam embraced what he'd previously rejected: his demon blood and the powers it gave him. Trusted in a demon (Ruby) over his family (Dean), outright lied to Dean's face several times about it, fully gave in to his quest for vengeance against Lilith using any means necessary, and framed himself as strong and Dean as weak. Sam basically fulfilled most of Dean's fears, and despite some steps forward Dean's trust has never recovered. In big part because Dean has refused to talk much about what happened, instead avoiding the issue and cutting Sam off when he's attempted to broach the subject.
So none of those issues have been particularly resolved for Dean: see his remarks to Sam at the start of 5.18:
SAM
You know I have to stop you.
DEAN
Yeah, well, you can try. Just remember: You’re not all hopped up on demon blood this time.
Reading between the lines of what Dean says in the panic room in 5.18, I see the wounds of season 4 still festering:
DEAN
I don’t know whether it’s gonna be demon blood or some other demon chick or what, but…I do know they're gonna find a way to turn you.
SAM
So you’re saying I’m not strong enough.
DEAN
You’re angry, you’re self-righteous. Lucifer's gonna wear you to the prom, man. It's just a matter of time.
SAM
Don't say that to me. Not you...of all people.
DEAN
I don’t want to. But it’s the truth. And when Satan takes you over, there's got to be somebody there to fight him, and it ain't gonna be that kid. So, it's got to be me.
His words are full of inevitability, as if the decision has already been made, as if Sam has already said yes. Dean has sunk back into believing their roles are inescapable, something he'd previously been the one to protest in the face of Sam's self-doubt. Despite his lip service to Free Will at the beginning of the season, Dean is squarely in the territory of Destiny here. And if Sam is destined to be the monster, Dean is destined to be the sword that takes the monster down.
To Dean, the apocalypse has already happened: in Season 4, when he couldn't stop Sam from using his powers, or from lying to Dean about it. Sam might have inadvertently opened the last seal, but Dean failed to save Sam from himself -- and that was far more destructive to him personally than the release of Lucifer. It's that, the broken trust with Sam and Dean's inability to do anything to stop it, that I believe has (among other stressors) fueled Dean's spiral of depression in season 5 and the deepening of the passivity he displayed on and off in season 4.
Because he called Sam back prematurely in 5.04 out of fear, and because he's managed to avoid really airing his grievances, Dean's never let himself consider the possibility that Sam has been trying to change in the aftermath of season 4; he's unable to recognize that Sam's not the same person in s5 as he was in s4.
He comes close at the end of 5.18, in the car:
Just...let me say this. I don't know if it's being a big brother or what, but to me, you've always been this snot-nosed kid that I've had to keep on the straight and narrow. I think we both know that that's not you anymore. I mean, hell, if you're grown-up enough to find faith in me…the least I can do is return the favor.
But I think he's clearly struggling with this in episode 5.20. He brings Brady back to Sam and tells Sam it's because he trusts him; but there's a real air of testing to these scenes, which indicates to me that Dean doesn't yet fully trust Sam -- and by locking Dean in the bathroom, Sam shows he doesn't fully trust Dean not to interfere, and possibly doesn't trust his own self-control either.
By bringing Brady back for Sam to confront, I think Dean shows he's let go of some of his need to protect Sam, but he hasn't let go of worrying about the consequences. He stands back in the alley at the end and lets Sam deal with Brady, but again this felt like a test of Sam to me, and I'm not sure Sam passed whatever test Dean had set. I'm not even sure Dean knows that's what he was doing.
But his expression in the reaction shots and when Sam stalks past him doesn't read to me like detachment from or even agreement with what happened, though I don't think he cared much about Brady's death. Possibly Dean was reacting to the things Brady said to Sam, and Sam's response; possibly he's just feeling for Sam, for the betrayal Sam learned about and Brady's role in Jess's death. I'm not sure, but I can't shake that vibe of testing Sam that I get.
But given the way previous episodes have ended on equally ambiguous expressions from Dean when he has disagreed with something and failed to say so (avoidance through silence is one of Dean's specialities), I don't think the issue of trust has been resolved for Dean.
I think when Dean can both show trust in Sam without testing him (or waiting for the other shoe to drop), and stop believing the consequences of Sam's actions are Dean's responsibility, then he'll be much farther on the way to treating Sam as an adult and an equal. I just don't think he's there yet.
[just as a courtesy, let's not rehash the season 4 debates in comments, okay? I'm cool if you disagree with my take on how Dean viewed Sam in season 4, but I really don't want to get dragged into the usual debates about whether or not Sam was OOC in s4, about whether he was justified in his actions or not, etc, etc, etc. It's not relevant to this meta, really. I only bring it up because Dean is so clearly still reacting to it in 5.18.]
[this isn't nearly as smooth as I'd like it to be! But I thought I should post before the ep tomorrow while 5.20 is still on people's minds.]
When it comes to reading Dean's reaction in the alley after Sam kills Brady, which appeared to me to be at the least conflicted, I think there has been a definite shift from the Dean of the past. That Dean still felt he had to control and protect Sam from himself, emphasized in season 4 when the angels tell Dean to stop Sam from using his powers or they will, and in 5.04 when Dean brings Sam back into the fold after seeing Sam as Lucifer.
The shift is evident in what Dean said to Sam in the panic room and in the car at the end in 5.18, his challenge to Gabriel in 5.19, and his decision to bring Brady back to Sam and to stand back and let Sam choose how to deal with Brady in 5.20. These three episodes seem to suggest that Dean's detached somewhat from feeling responsible for controlling Sam's choices.
Under other circumstances, I would say this is a positive step for him.
However, given that this detachment appears to go hand in hand with Dean's depression and passivity, I'm not sure Dean believes completely that he's no longer responsible for Sam's choices. So far it reads to me as an expression of his exhaustion rather than a healthy change. So if Sam does say yes to Lucifer, I'm pretty sure Dean will still blame himself, no matter that he's paid lip service to the idea that Sam's an adult, responsible for his own choices.
Instead of reaching a healthy detachment, giving up his responsibility towards Sam in order to have a more equal and adult relationship, Dean went to the other extreme (at least as of 5.18): he believed it's impossible for him to save Sam, because Sam's fate is inevitable.
This explains why in 5.18, Dean appears to view the consequences of Sam's actions to be Dean's responsibility. Which is echoed in Dean's challenge to Gabriel in 5.19: asking whether Gabe "can't or won't" kill his brother -- Dean clearly believes one brother is responsible for what the other brother does, for taking him out if needed.
Even asking this question is a big shift from season 2, where "can't or won't" wasn't in the cards. If Dean believed he could save Sam, he would never have to face whether he should kill Sam, and if he didn't kill Sam, whether it was because he couldn't, or because he wouldn't.
By the panic room scene in 5.18, Dean has given up the idea that he can save Sam; but he's jumped to the conclusion that this is because it's too late, that Sam is unsaveable. That Sam will inevitably give in to Lucifer. This is typical of the black-or-white thinking of people who grow up in dysfunctional homes: there is no middle ground. Either Dean can save Sam, or Sam can't be saved.
Dean appears to have no concept that maybe Sam can be trusted to save himself.
So we've reached the inverse of Season 2: Dean's no longer making an effort to save his brother, he's preparing himself to kill him. Dean letting go of his role as Sam's rescuer, but retaining his (until now rejected) role as Sam's executioner, suggests to me that Dean to some extent has let go of the "hero" role but still believes he's only a weapon. If he can't be the hero and save his brother the scapegoat, all he has left is to be " daddy's little blunt instrument." All he has left is to be the sword that cuts Sam down.
He's still following the order John gave him in 2.01: if you can't save your brother, you'll have to kill him.
Dean's reasoning in the panic room scene is based almost entirely on the family roles he and Sam have played out their entire lives: Sam the scapegoat and Dean the hero, and how they correspond to their respective angelic vessels. From Dean's POV, in season 4 Sam embraced what he'd previously rejected: his demon blood and the powers it gave him. Trusted in a demon (Ruby) over his family (Dean), outright lied to Dean's face several times about it, fully gave in to his quest for vengeance against Lilith using any means necessary, and framed himself as strong and Dean as weak. Sam basically fulfilled most of Dean's fears, and despite some steps forward Dean's trust has never recovered. In big part because Dean has refused to talk much about what happened, instead avoiding the issue and cutting Sam off when he's attempted to broach the subject.
So none of those issues have been particularly resolved for Dean: see his remarks to Sam at the start of 5.18:
SAM
You know I have to stop you.
DEAN
Yeah, well, you can try. Just remember: You’re not all hopped up on demon blood this time.
Reading between the lines of what Dean says in the panic room in 5.18, I see the wounds of season 4 still festering:
DEAN
I don’t know whether it’s gonna be demon blood or some other demon chick or what, but…I do know they're gonna find a way to turn you.
SAM
So you’re saying I’m not strong enough.
DEAN
You’re angry, you’re self-righteous. Lucifer's gonna wear you to the prom, man. It's just a matter of time.
SAM
Don't say that to me. Not you...of all people.
DEAN
I don’t want to. But it’s the truth. And when Satan takes you over, there's got to be somebody there to fight him, and it ain't gonna be that kid. So, it's got to be me.
His words are full of inevitability, as if the decision has already been made, as if Sam has already said yes. Dean has sunk back into believing their roles are inescapable, something he'd previously been the one to protest in the face of Sam's self-doubt. Despite his lip service to Free Will at the beginning of the season, Dean is squarely in the territory of Destiny here. And if Sam is destined to be the monster, Dean is destined to be the sword that takes the monster down.
To Dean, the apocalypse has already happened: in Season 4, when he couldn't stop Sam from using his powers, or from lying to Dean about it. Sam might have inadvertently opened the last seal, but Dean failed to save Sam from himself -- and that was far more destructive to him personally than the release of Lucifer. It's that, the broken trust with Sam and Dean's inability to do anything to stop it, that I believe has (among other stressors) fueled Dean's spiral of depression in season 5 and the deepening of the passivity he displayed on and off in season 4.
Because he called Sam back prematurely in 5.04 out of fear, and because he's managed to avoid really airing his grievances, Dean's never let himself consider the possibility that Sam has been trying to change in the aftermath of season 4; he's unable to recognize that Sam's not the same person in s5 as he was in s4.
He comes close at the end of 5.18, in the car:
Just...let me say this. I don't know if it's being a big brother or what, but to me, you've always been this snot-nosed kid that I've had to keep on the straight and narrow. I think we both know that that's not you anymore. I mean, hell, if you're grown-up enough to find faith in me…the least I can do is return the favor.
But I think he's clearly struggling with this in episode 5.20. He brings Brady back to Sam and tells Sam it's because he trusts him; but there's a real air of testing to these scenes, which indicates to me that Dean doesn't yet fully trust Sam -- and by locking Dean in the bathroom, Sam shows he doesn't fully trust Dean not to interfere, and possibly doesn't trust his own self-control either.
By bringing Brady back for Sam to confront, I think Dean shows he's let go of some of his need to protect Sam, but he hasn't let go of worrying about the consequences. He stands back in the alley at the end and lets Sam deal with Brady, but again this felt like a test of Sam to me, and I'm not sure Sam passed whatever test Dean had set. I'm not even sure Dean knows that's what he was doing.
But his expression in the reaction shots and when Sam stalks past him doesn't read to me like detachment from or even agreement with what happened, though I don't think he cared much about Brady's death. Possibly Dean was reacting to the things Brady said to Sam, and Sam's response; possibly he's just feeling for Sam, for the betrayal Sam learned about and Brady's role in Jess's death. I'm not sure, but I can't shake that vibe of testing Sam that I get.
But given the way previous episodes have ended on equally ambiguous expressions from Dean when he has disagreed with something and failed to say so (avoidance through silence is one of Dean's specialities), I don't think the issue of trust has been resolved for Dean.
I think when Dean can both show trust in Sam without testing him (or waiting for the other shoe to drop), and stop believing the consequences of Sam's actions are Dean's responsibility, then he'll be much farther on the way to treating Sam as an adult and an equal. I just don't think he's there yet.
[just as a courtesy, let's not rehash the season 4 debates in comments, okay? I'm cool if you disagree with my take on how Dean viewed Sam in season 4, but I really don't want to get dragged into the usual debates about whether or not Sam was OOC in s4, about whether he was justified in his actions or not, etc, etc, etc. It's not relevant to this meta, really. I only bring it up because Dean is so clearly still reacting to it in 5.18.]