i have decided to abandon this journal. one reason being i do not like the way i have been writing lately. & i need to start over & attempt to change that. another reason is, i do not want certain people knowing certain aspects of my life any longer, so im taking my writing to another place, one which most of you will never find. one last reason ( ( Read more... )

note to self: mcdonalds is never a good idea. i would not reccommend that establishment to the starving children in india. blah. more importanly, jarhead is a good movie. i learned that tonight. i also learned not to let puppies jump from your lap when seated on a bench one foot or higher off the ground. it just does not end nicely. especially not ( Read more... )

i keep debating whether to start over with a new journal or not. i dont like the way i write in this one. it doesnt sound like me & all i do is repeat the same nonsense over & over & over again. i have the slight urge to read through old journals, however that might invoke something in me that i just shouldnt be dealing with right now. plus, i dont ( Read more... )

things are awkward to say the least. im at the college right now, updating from one of their computers. im killing time. i just saw kelly & we barely said a word to eachother. it felt so....none other than AWKWARD. & awkward is a strange word to use describing communication bewteen two best friends. im not letting it get to me much, i just wish we ( Read more... )

plans for this weekend completely fell through, thus making me upset. no angie. it was sad. she went to boston with her roommate instead & had a good time, so im glad for that at least. im hoping with all of me that this thursday i can visit her at mcleans. it would be good for me to get a feel for the place anyway, since im most likely going there ( Read more... )

this is my second drug related subject line entry. aside from that ( Read more... )

im quite an uncharacteristically happy girl right now. despite a few downers that is. i just took my sleeping pills so im about to zonk out, but before that, i figured id update. angie & i talked on the phone for about forty minutes tonight. that made me smile. for those of you who dont know the whole sob story, we were friends over a year ago. & ( Read more... )

everything feels different than it did a year or two ago, & i must say i do not like it one bit. i miss that dreamy sort of state i was always in. i miss the beauty i could find in anything. i used to write constantly. successfully. i dont anymore & its the saddest part of my life, i think. im living in too much reality. my mind cant take it. im ( Read more... )

it has become apparent to me that in order to accomplish virtually anything in this life of mine i need to at least begin to overcome this illness that i was [probably rightfully] stricken with. im at a loss for what else to do, however. i have a therapist, a psychiatrist, i take all of my meds when they should be taken, i go to dbt [though i see ( Read more... )

i need someone. the stars would be a lot less lonely knowing your eyes are there too.