Dice Random Legacy 2.3
1.0 - 1.1 - 1.2
2.0 - 2.1 - 2.2
The Dice return! Last time, founder Rowan started flirting with heir Cole's girlfriend, Kathleen, resulting in a dramatic blowup from Cole that would have made Dr. Oppenheimer cover his eyes. Cole married Kathleen just before she gave birth to Aegon and the couple adopted Visenya. Rowan got blueballed by Bianca Crumplebottom three times before they finally made a home run; he then moved in with her away from a family that was universally death-glaring at him. Luna was just like "k I'm gonna go build awesome things over here." Aegon and Visenya aged into toddlers just as the update ended.
So we continue with Visenya doing cute things.
Rowan and his diddlings about town will be a frequent subject in this update.
I swear that Visenya is the happiest little squooshum. She never cries or gets mad, even when she's hungry or smelly. She's like the Golden Retriever of babies.
Luna: Aegon. Why do you have a phone. You are a baby, you can't even read status updates. Give me that.
Cole: But then I can't text him...
Luna:YOU ARE ALWAYS HOME. HE IS 2. JUST TALK AT HIM.
Cole: Okay, Aegon. Come on. You're doing really well. Let's do 's' sounds. Say 'bus' for me. 'Bus.'
Aegon: Is this schmuck for real?
Uhhh, he had about $7000 in cash when I moved him in with Bianca.
Cole: See? SEE? Man-child.
Visenya, of course, was much happier to oblige with learning to talk. I'm starting to think she's gonna turn out to be a doe-eyed cutie.
Dahlia Goodfellow: I might, though.
Rowan: eep
Luna: I have to teach you to use a potty because ~the Man~ doesn't want us pooping in the bushes outside. But you know what we say to the Man?
Aegon: *fart*
Luna: Exactly. I knew I was right to love you.
Kath seems to be having... work troubles.
Kathleen: ALL I WANT IS 15%! IS THAT SO HARD??
They don't get rich by giving it away, dear.
Luna loves serenading the children with her single skill point.
Because you're rich and won't stop dicking the locals?
Just some shots to show the Sim-CPA if they come around.
Kathleen: Okay, Marilyn. I'll do this for you one more time, but if you come back again with your dead face on, you've clearly done bad shit to the Coven and I'm not helping you any more. Capisci?
Cole: Thank you, honey. Now, where were we?
Kathleen: Being distracted from our son's birthday?
Cole: Right, yes.
Well, that's a new dimension of disturbing glitchcraft that I needed in my life. >_>
He pretty much looks exactly like Cole.
Visenya looks a little evil pre-makeover, but I like her traits.
Since they're both athletic, this is how they bond.
Aegon: I'm just saying, we're spending a lot of time on lower body, and almost none on upper body! If we don't do some core exercises, we'll bust our backs by 50!
Visenya: Why are you worried? You and Mom can just, like, whip up a potion to equally spread muscle mass, right?
Aegon: Well... yeah, but planks are more fun anyways.
House full of muscleheads god damn
Oh my gosh the little training wheels aaah ♥
Cole: Why do they have to make the font so tiny? I can't even read this. Aegon, does that say 'mildew' or 'enables'?
Aegon: It says 'get some new friggin' glasses,' Dad.
Visenya: Hey. Hey. Aegon. Hey. You should turn the bus into a limo while the driver's not looking.
Aegon: Visenya, that's not how it works. Also, no.
Visenya: You're no fun.
Paparazzo: 'Trashy Versace! Dice roll into the gutter? Exclusive dumpster-diving pics!'
Cole: Why don't you make yourself useful and find someone who'll hire a mostly-blind guy who can barely lift five kilos?
LUNAAA MY BB NO
HA HA HA HA whatever you say, random commentary.
Luna: I'm not even mad. Now all will respect my wisdom and authority.
Screw you, buddy.
Luna: Hey! Come back! I wanted to say I like your style!
Luna: I'm not sure I want to share my style with such a lunkhead, though.
The system works.
Robber: OH HOORAY THE RICH WIN AGAIN
Police: Shut up, Leonard Cohen.
Kathleen then aged up into a huge crisis of a mid-life.
In which she dated a bunch of random guys she met on street corners.
Kathleen: Ooh! You look reasonably louse-free!
Kathleen: Hey, you're cute. Wanna see if we're compatible?
Terrance: Uhhh, lady, I'm married and you're clearly desperate.
Kathleen: Was it the wrinkles? It was totally the wrinkles oh god I'm a geriatric wreck
Wait... Rowan? Is that you?
Rowan: In the flesh, ladies.
...BAHAHAHA
Cole: I would, but you keep EVACUATING the second I show up on your step, even after I've showered and everything!
Aegon will often do his homework out by the pond where Visenya always is. So cute.
But then they grew up and their horrid transition outfits made them less cute. :(
Cole gets multiple calls like this every day.
Cole: For the last time, random neighbour, I. AM. MAR-RIED. Call back in a few days when I'm in the throes of a mid-life crisis, okay?
Makeovers! Visenya cleans up niiice.
Kathleen: When and where, Romeo?
Two minutes later...
Kathleen: Ooh, so close! Try again in an hour, babe.
Speaking of which, she went to the location for that date and... creeeeepy.
Kathleen: Gotta talk to Rowan about no-dumping areas. I just want to have a nice extramarital date and now I feel like I'm gonna get murdered by a hobo.
She wasn't. Instead, she met this Majora's Mask-looking motherfucker, who proved a reasonable consolation prize for being stood up by her date.
I so did.
Kathleen: You look like a very expensive birdie! I'm going to hug you and love you and make you my familiar. Hmm? What's that? As long as you're fed, you don't care? Good Tingle.
Aegon's mood swing wants: snub Visenya, pull pranks, dye hair. No others.
Visenya's mood swing wants: skip school, stay out late, get in fights, pull pranks, set traps. Yet only the former ever actually gets her in trouble.
Meanwhile, Cole's goal of being Awesome with a capital A continues to develop. (Recap: I'm making him max six skills. This makes two.)
Visenya: Please, Mom! I can't be grounded for prom! Look, I'm in my underwear in front of all my friends on the bus. You have to see I'm serious about this.
Kathleen: I dunno. They all seem more distracted by my gorgeous body...
Visenya: What chores?? Dad and Auntie Luna have automated the whole damn house! So unfair.
But she and Aegon did go to prom, where the acid apparently kicked in and both kids found significant others. (Albert is a ghost and kinda weird-looking, while Devin is a pretty cute girl. Forgot caps, sorry.)
SIX FERRETS IN YOUR TROUSERS. IT'S WHAT YOU DESERVE.
Visenya: AEGON. AEGON!
Aegon: I'm not casting a spell on anybody, Visenya.
Visenya: SHIT NO, I JUST WANT YOU TO FILM IT. Buy a new car with the ad fees.
I'd call her a wuss, but even I don't fuck with ghost chilis. And I don't fuck with putting them in curry.
Cole: hehehe white people
I bet he is going to have fun - making Aegon clean up every squished frog in the joint.
Cole: And to think: someday, all of this might be his.
BUT WILL IT?? It is time to decide... and I'd like your input! Who should take control of the family?
On the plus side, he's got those lovely golden eyes of his grandmother's and his traits could be useful. On the minus, we've had a good share of skinny dudes already and I can't see him doing too well if he rolls, say, five children and some ridiculous challenge.
She's got some really amusing traits and not looking exactly like her dad going for her. On the other hand, obviously, she's got none of the Dice genetics.
I'm not telling what I rolled for next gen's structure and challenges because I want it to be nice and, y'know, random.
Poll So...
Next time: the heir moves forward!
71 .PNGs and a .GIF. Swearing, robberies.