My heart is never fuller than when I drink or when I'm off my meds. Only when I'm off the juice I don't feel so strongly and when I'm off my meds I keep trying to kill myself. I'm a bit drunk right now, but it makes me feel so good. I absolutely love everybody in this moment. Why isn't reality this sweet? Perhaps reality was this sweet once ( Read more... )

I drew this yesterday in basically one sitting. I found it crazy shocking it came out this well. I am utterly pleased with myself. (Now the problem is coloring...I'm so bad at color and light.)

( Black Swan )

He would later tell me that he noticed me the second I walked through the door. Watched me circle the bar, again, again, searching. Saw my hands shuffle through my purse as I paid for a beer, saw me slide a hand under my skirt as I balanced a chilled bottle in the other, as I took an empty booth. He would explain how he had debated whether to ( Read more... )

Dunno if anybody knew, but today was National Ice Cream Day.

I celebrated it.

I haven't done art in so long, I'd forgotten how to do it. Having had surgery and being bed-ridden for 2 weeks (no alcohol for 2 whole weeks!!!), popping pain pills that didn't do the trick and being generally miserable, I turned to art (you can only watch so many wild police video shows before you get bored). Drew this in my ample spare time ( Read more... )

I'm in a depression upswing (finally, after months of misery), and I finally paid my bills from last month and cleaned my apartment and did my laundry and started doing homework again. I even washed my car. It became such a bright red after washing that Mari wasn't sure she was tailing the right car ( Read more... )

Watched two hawks dive for squirrels outside the grad room window this afternoon. The sun was setting and the hawks were so big and beautiful they looked like white owls. The squirrel they were hunting made it, after fifteen minutes of incredible flips and turns and sprints. Those poor, beautiful birds are going to die of starvation. Although, ( Read more... )

Forget the diamonds.

BRING ME FINE WINE

Ah, one of those days when I want to shatter into a million pieces and fly out across the universe and hopefully evolve into something more useful and clean. One of those days when I feel like a pretty piece of oblivion could be my finest lover ever. Shouldn't I follow the genes glowing along the rails of that yellow brick runway and crashdive ( Read more... )

It was below freezing outside when I crawled out of bed this morning, which may be why the tears wouldn't form when I got the phone call. It wasn't an actual conversation, just a message on my cellphone. I could tell by the way Mom spoke so slowly and carefully, by the slight quiver in her voice, that something bad had happened to somebody good ( Read more... )