It seems unusual to come to a group of people I barely know for advice on a situation, but I trust Aeo's opinions and judgments of (most) people
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I think you're probably right on targetiq2hi4uokFebruary 26 2003, 14:39:20 UTC
and more insightful than you realised when you said you thought it might be a pattern. Often we react to hurtful experiences by learning bad methods of coping with it, and even after the hurtful experience has passed, the learned behaviours can be really difficult to "un-learn" on our own. It would not be in the least shameful if you decided to talk to a therapist about this kind of thing....I did, and it changed my life, and I'm not ashamed of it. Often an objective third party with whom you also have the promise of confidentiality can help you gain a tremendous amount of insight into who you are, and why you do the things you do, and sometimes, even though its scary, face the things in yourself you don't like and learn to move past them. Don't give up hope! We are all pulling for you and Aeo...he obviously loves you a lot. :D
I think part of the answer may lie in your previous post about the breakup of your parents marriage, which was at least in part due to your father's infidelity. There is a bit in the bible about the sins of the fathers being visited on their children, and to a certain extent that rings true in your relationships. Not having a strong parental role model can twist our perceptions of what a good relationship can be like
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Hello:) Rather than trying to understand you since I have only gained a glimpse of who you are, I do know that you and aeo love each other truely. You are good for each other in so many ways. I'm sure that the way you are sexually adds even greater to your relationship and makes you even more of a soulmate. It is part of you, however it was learned or drawn out of you. However, when considering marriage and embarking on years of that kind of commitment you will find that love does change. It isn't so much of an all consuming passion and it becomes more of a comraderie/partnership. Yes, you are still amazingly in love and can keep that spark between you but you have to compromise on a lot of issues. If your being with other people is not something aeo is comfortable with, even with the slightest hesitation than for the sake of your relationship you need to stop fighting him on the issue and sacrifice that part of you for a time. I'm sure as time goes by his feelings may change, you may learn more about yourself, and your feelings may
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You're asking the wrong people why you are doing what you're doing.
You're right, the only person who can really answer your question is you.
You might try rephrasing your question, such as: What is the real problem for which my sexual behavior is but a symptom?
Now, I can answer some variations of questions that might be asked in relation to your behavior. For instance: Why do you continue to engage in behavior that is hurtful to Aeo? Because whatever you are getting our of your behavior is more important to you. Simple as that.
I think the first step you need to take is admit that you do NOT love Aeo as completely as you think you do - or else you would NOT hurt him the way you have - and go from there.
Re: disagreementshangchiFebruary 27 2003, 08:00:49 UTC
And I must disagree that there are emotional/psychological circumstances for which a person is not responsible for their actions. Now, if she's suffering a physical disorder that you can ascribe her actions to, then she needs to get that treated. But, for the most part, people ARE responsible for their actions and need to take responsibility for their decisions, which is what I believe Aingael wants to do here.
She may, indeed, love him more than she's ever loved anyone else, but it is not the "complete" love she thinks it is. Part of the problem has to do with her love, or the lack of love, for herself. Without self-respect, self-regard, self-love, a person can't really love another in a constructive way
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FEELING INCOMPETENT:
anonymous
February 27 2003, 10:21:59 UTC
Okay, first I couldn't find the email. Sent it to the list. Then I found it, so I replied to you. But forgot that Yahoo! replies to the group. *argh* So then I do it a third time in and copy/paste your email. But then Yahoo! just goes to a white page. I try it a 4th time...the same thing.
I feel like a total IDIOT...please let me know if you received it.
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You're right, the only person who can really answer your question is you.
You might try rephrasing your question, such as: What is the real problem for which my sexual behavior is but a symptom?
Now, I can answer some variations of questions that might be asked in relation to your behavior. For instance: Why do you continue to engage in behavior that is hurtful to Aeo? Because whatever you are getting our of your behavior is more important to you. Simple as that.
I think the first step you need to take is admit that you do NOT love Aeo as completely as you think you do - or else you would NOT hurt him the way you have - and go from there.
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She may, indeed, love him more than she's ever loved anyone else, but it is not the "complete" love she thinks it is. Part of the problem has to do with her love, or the lack of love, for herself. Without self-respect, self-regard, self-love, a person can't really love another in a constructive way ( ... )
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Do you have an email I can send it too?
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Sincerely,
Jason "theSaj"
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I feel like a total IDIOT...please let me know if you received it.
Thanks
- Jason
jason@porthaven.com
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