...of an old married couple. they live in a retirement park far far away from their children. One day they decide to go to the doctor's office, as old people are wont to do. When they return home, husband asks, "Wife, where are your house keys?" In the house- where are husband's keys? On the key ring with the car keys which are at the body shop ( Read more... )

Today I caught my brother singing and dancing to "Mamma Mia!"

I think I have the most amazing brother ever.

Right now, wherever you are, whatever you're doing, I hope you have something to make you smile.

King: I HAZ PORK. EAT IT ( Read more... )

Sometime last week we were talking about a passage in the Gospel of John in Religion, where Phillistines confront Jesus about healing a guy on the Sabbath. For those of you who are not Christian or have not had Catholic school forced upon you, it goes something like this.

Guy: I've been lame for 37 years!
Jesus: Get up and walk.
Guy: *gets up and ( Read more... )

Today, hopefully, maybe, I made a difference in someone's life.

God, what a feeling. Waking up at 5:30 AM (that's about an hour and a half of lost sleep, y'all), driving down to the local Boys & Girls club to set up, and then...

...and then yelling and screaming and waving my arms with a big group of fellow gold-clad leaders, I tear bleary-eyed and ( Read more... )

The first dog I ever loved died today in California. My own doggie had a little crush on him, and I think she knows. She's been in an "I need love naow plz" mood all day.

RIP, Maxx.

Dear Sara,

When it's midnight and you're working on that collage for Health and the bottle of glue explodes on you and you think "Eh, I can just spread it around and glue stuff on", think again.

Now both you and your desk need a good scrubbing.

Remember this.

Love,
Your Self

Dear Girl In History ( Read more... )

Me: Ugh, this school year's gonna be difficult.

Dad: Y'know, the doctors at Woodstock were all white-coated, wearing ties, the whole thing. They weren't prepared for things like LSD trips and stuff. So they had this guy come in who was tripping on acid, and they were all like, "Just breathe, meditate, inner eye," everything like that, and it wasn't ( Read more... )