I had a dream last night that I was working as a secretary for a porn studio.  Because I couldn't tell my parents that I worked for a porn company, I told them I was pregnant and that when I left the house all the time it was to go to a clinic.  I would assume I told them that so they thought I was just getting daily abortions rather than ( Read more... )

Because my job requires me to be on an automatic dialer all day, I get to hear voicemail messages from across the country.  It's not as interesting as it sounds.  Really.  But if you don't believe me, I have compiled some statistics you might find less mind-numbing than I do ( Read more... )

And now, an open letter to Glenn Danzig ( Read more... )

Fuck twitter.  It's too easy to twitter rather than put any effort into writing anymore.  As a result, this journal (blog, for the more uncultured of you) has suffered.  To amend this problem, here are some quick anecdotes I've picked up (made up?) from work and life.  Work being more of what I'm doing than living.  And yes, you can have one ( Read more... )

me in the 8th grade:                http://ihategohip.livejournal.com

I don't know who this girl is or why she is trapped in time, but...what the fuck?

She even writes Hanson fan fiction.  IN THE YEAR 2009!!!

I think I need to go kill myself.

There is a commercial right now where a small child clicks his heels together and wishes for biscuits.

That's all I have to say.

( Read more... )

THE NOTE

"You get not ice cream," the mouth connected to the head connected to the neck that jutted mightily from his Sammy Hagar t-shirt said, adding,  "Your dad out-bowled you." 
He was a stranger outside the Jack in the Box and I had never bowled in my life, but it still hurt.

Since that hot summer day in 1992, I have not been able to eat ice ( Read more... )

1 ( Read more... )

Last night I dreamed about explaining Bernie Madoff's impact on the American economy and charitable foundations to anyone who would listen.  This is my second most mediocre dream of the month, right behind the one about moving to Minneapolis.  Although that was kind of cool because there was a sky ride that took you everywhere instead of a bus or ( Read more... )