SG-1 Fic: Eroding Away the Mountains
I committed SG-1 fic. I suppose it was only a matter of time.
Title Eroding Away the Mountains
Author abyssinia4077
Fandom Stargate SG-1
Genre Gen, Sam and Daniel friendship with bonus team interaction
Rating/Warning PG. Spoilers through end of season 5. Mention of canon character death.
Disclaimer MGM (and others) owns these characters and the Stargate universe. I just play with them.
Word Count 8592
Acknowledgements Big thanks to aurora_novarum, foreverseenstar, and vipersweb for beta work and hiyacynth for last minute grammar advice.
Summary
In every walk with nature one receives far more than he seeks. - John Muir
Sam shifts awkwardly on the concrete step and rings the doorbell again. Colonel O'Neill has gone fishing for the weekend, taking Kawalsky's ashes with him, but Sam knows Dr. Jackson has been staying in the colonel's spare room. He'd mumbled something about the official records still listing him as dead making it difficult to get a lease and the Mountain rooms being too confining after the wide-open desert.
She's turning to go, giving up her errand as foolish, when he finally opens the door and blinks at her myopically with his glasses on top of his head. He's barefoot in faded sweatpants and a blue t-shirt that declares "I'd rather be fishing" and she wonders if he owns any clothing beyond the robe he wore back from Abydos and his mission BDUs.
She says, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have bothered you," at the same time he says, "Captain Carter, I'm afraid Jack isn't here."
"Oh, no, I know he's fishing," she stammers. "Actually I came to see you, but you're probably busy. I'll leave."
"No, no, come in." He pauses for a minute before stepping aside so she can actually come through the door. "I was, uh, reading. Jack has a year's worth of Newsweek magazines and I thought I'd see what I missed while I was gone." His smile is still a little shy, as if nervous she might declare him a geek for wanting to brush up on recent history.
"Oh. NASA sent another probe to Mars, Atlanta hosted the Olympics, there was a really good Star Trek movie, some people in Scotland cloned a sheep and, um, I think the Packers won the Super Bowl," she tells him, checking out the colonel's house. She's a little excited to see the poster of Mars on the wall and the model of an Apollo capsule on the bar.
He nods at her and she's convinced that if she asks him three days from now, he'll be able to tell her exactly what she'd said. Suddenly she's completely sure she has nothing to offer this man. She may have developed the dialing program and she can almost explain some of the physics behind how the gate works, but he translated the symbols, stepped through into the unknown, helped kill a Goa'uld without any military training, and lived for a year on an alien planet. Now he's returned to Earth, which must seem just as alien, and his wife is lost to the stars and an alien parasite. Dr. Jackson always seemed a little larger than life back when she'd read the mission reports and thought he was dead, but now he stands in front of her wearing rumpled sweatpants and a confused smile, and she feels more nervous than she had for her doctoral defense.
Sam is about to excuse herself and actually leave when he pulls his glasses down onto his face and moves to the fridge. "Would you like something to drink? Jack's got beer if you want, though it's, ah, a little early I guess. Um, soda? Orange juice?" She catches a glimpse around his shoulder and sees a few cans on the top shelf with some cheese and a package of ham - exactly what she'd expect from the colonel's fridge. But the bottom shelves are overflowing with fruits and vegetables - peppers, apples, broccoli, something she thinks might be a cactus.
"Water would be great," she tells him. "That's, uh, more vegetables than you usually see in an Air Force officer's refrigerator."
"That would be my fault," he admits as he fills two glasses at the sink. She thinks there is a certain reverence to his movement, as if after a year in a primitive desert internal plumbing is a special magic. "I went to the store and, after Abydos, the produce aisle was a little too exciting. Jack was mad I forgot the hot dogs he'd requested but the colors…the variety..." He trails off and flashes her another of those shy smiles. "It's been a while. Of course, now I don’t know how I'll eat it all before it spoils."
"Bring it to SGC," she suggests, following him into the living room. "Might even get the marines to eat some vegetables if the cafeteria food is bad enough."
"Maybe," he laughs. "So, to what do I owe the pleasure of your company, Captain Carter? I'm not exactly exciting."
"Call me Sam," she says. Dr. Jackson doesn't seem like the kind of man she needs the formal titles of "doctor" or "captain" to keep the respect of, or even the kind for whom such titles automatically garner respect.
"Only if you call me Daniel." He offers a genuine smile this time, like she found the magic password for some secret club. She wonders if she'll ever call the colonel by his first name the way Daniel does so freely. Probably not.
"I can do that." Sam leans back into the colonel's couch cushions but doesn't go as far as Daniel, who puts his feet up on the coffee table which is, she notices, overflowing with issues of Newsweek. "Actually, I was wondering if you wanted to go hiking. Colorado is beautiful this time of year, and I just moved back here, and I thought you were newer here than I was…"
She's grateful that he stops her before she can work up to a full babble. "I'd love to. Just let me find some shoes." He leaves her sitting awkwardly in the colonel's living room to rummage somewhere in the back of the house, calling behind him, "Why don't you grab some stuff from the fridge for lunch? I know there are plenty of apples."
Sam already has cheese and bread in the car, but rummaging gives her something to do and it sounds like Daniel is excited about his food. By the time he comes back to the kitchen, sweats swapped for his BDUs and new sneakers on his feet, she's grabbed two apples, some carrots, and a carton of strawberries she suspects will go bad soon and shoved them into a plastic bag she found under the sink. "Do you have a coat or something?" she asks, amused he's still wearing the fishing shirt. "It can get cold up in the mountains."
"I'll borrow one of Jack's," he says, grabbing something blue that looks potentially waterproof from the hall closet as he follows her out the door.
Daniel keeps his face pressed to the window most of the drive up into the mountains, reminding Sam of her niece when Mark let her take the girl for a day. She picks a trail she remembers from her Academy days - one that leads to a pond and climbs high without ever being too steep, because she isn't sure how well Daniel will handle the altitude.
She shouldn't have worried. He talks her ear off most of the way up, finding enough breath for the hike and a rambling lecture about the Native American tribes of the region. He tells her about his first dig in college, when he uncovered human remains in New Mexico and misidentified a fake Navajo pot made in the late 19th century as an authentic pre-Columbian artifact. Possibly remembering she's an astrophysicist, he occasionally transitions into the cosmology of the tribes and how they tracked the stars. Sam nods, asks questions, and tells him about modern methods for studying the universe.
Soon they get high enough that the trees have started changing color for fall. Periodically he stops talking and she looks back to find him staring in open-mouthed wonder at a particularly gorgeous aspen splashed with red and gold or those bushes where a deep purple mixes with vibrant greens. He eats it all in with eyes that have spent too long seeing only the tans and grays of a desert and she watches him silently each time he pauses, not wanting to break the spell. When they finally reach the small pond he gives a long, appreciative whistle.
They settle on a log near the edge of the crystal-clear water and watch tiny fish zip towards crumbs of bread Daniel tosses onto the surface. By the end of lunch their fingers are dyed red with strawberry juice and Sam's tongue echoes with the sharp taste of cheddar. Daniel leans back onto his elbows, face to the sky, and Sam doesn't warn him about burning quickly at high elevations because his smile is more radiant than the sun.
"Sha're would love it here," he sighs.
"We'll take her here after we find her," Sam tells him and right then there is no doubt in her mind that they will find Sha're because the world is too perfect to consider the alternative. And, because he seems open and happy, she dares to ask, "Tell me about her."
Daniel looks at her with a blue-eyed intensity that catches her breath in her throat. "Sha're was the best thing that ever happened to me. If my whole life before was a storm, Sha're was the rainbow that came after and made it all worth it. She accepted who I was, kept me grounded, and showed me infinite patience. She was fierce and brave, full of wonder and love…" His voice trails off and for a minute Sam is worried she probed into painful memories but he smiles at her instead. "She'd like you, Sam, and I think you'd like her."
"I'm sure I will," she says and turns to put the lunch leftovers back into her pack. The sudden splash of freezing water on her back makes her shout, and she turns to find Daniel grinning mischievously, arms reaching into the pond for another handful. By the time the fight is over Daniel has toppled head first into the pond and Sam isn't much drier. He shakes his head, hair much longer than military regulation sending droplets flying, and Sam ducks, pushing him away.
By the time they reach the car the sun has mostly dried them off so Sam doesn't have to dig in her trunk on the off chance of finding some blankets or towels to protect the seats. They stop on the way home for burritos because Daniel says it's been too long since he had Mexican food and the colonel has been feeding him pizza, hot dogs, and potato chips. The sun dips below the horizon as they eat outdoors, only leaving when the desert chill seeps into the night.
When Sam pulls into the colonel's driveway Daniel thanks her, promising to be a willing hiking partner in the future, obviously grateful for the company. He pauses in the door to wave to her before disappearing into the dark house and she waits for a light to turn on before backing out. Driving home she finally believes this stargate thing might really work out for her.
===<***>===
After Daniel finds and loses Sha're, gains and loses a step-son, and Sam nearly loses and finally finds her father, they decide to climb Pike's Peak. Teal'c is with his family, and the colonel declines their invitation, saying he climbs enough on missions. Sam thinks it's probably for the best because neither of them seems in the mood for wisecracks and the path is strenuous and filled with enough weekend warriors that they can't talk freely anyway.
When they reach the top Daniel flops onto his back, raising a tiny dust cloud, and flings an arm over his eyes. Sam sits next to him and digs through her pack, throwing a granola bar onto his stomach where it rises and falls with each breath. "I think Jack had the right idea," he wheezes. "We do this enough off-world."
Sam ignores him and starts peeling an orange. It's been weeks since she ate something that wasn't field rations, cafeteria food, or that stuff the Tok'ra fed them, longer since she's actually cooked. When she opened her fridge this morning the vegetable crisper boasted what was probably five new species of mold, but the orange was miraculously untouched. Daniel sits up, decides the chocolate chip granola bar is acceptable, and stuffs the wrapper into his pocket before taking a bite.
"Do you ever feel like leaving something like that lying around?" she asks, pointing to his pocket. "So some future archaeologist can find it?"
Daniel pulls out the wrapper and examines it, squinting as the silvery foil flashes the sunlight into his eyes. "If they didn't already know English, the words wouldn't help them much. But this much writing on something as simple as a food wrapper implies literacy isn't limited to the upper class. The material is obviously engineered and indicates a degree of technological sophistication. Also, the fact that we have food this processed, this portable, means we've advanced to the point where the act of food gathering doesn't take most of our resources and we can devote time to study and development. But, no, I don't feel like littering so someone can know we had granola bars. There'll be enough saved copies of magazines and commercials for them to know Quaker Oats existed."
Sam loves this about him. She looks at a new artifact and tries to backwards-engineer it, determine what it's made of, how it works, but Daniel looks at something and backwards-engineers the people who made it, the culture it came from. "Do you miss it?" she asks him.
"I miss a lot of things," he says, and she knows he's purposely misunderstanding her.
"I mean archaeology. Going on digs and finding new things about ancient civilizations," she insists, not letting it drop.
"How many archaeologists get to actually meet those ancient civilizations? And anyway, I couldn't really go back now, knowing how much we believe is wrong, but if I tell anyone the Air Force will shoot me," he tells her, and she can hear the regret in his voice. She knows how he feels, how hard it is to keep everything she's learned secret from the science community.
Sam thinks about asking if he'd rather be on one of the SGC teams that doesn't do first contact, one of the teams who can go back to a planet and spend weeks digging into ruins, exploring cultures. She knows he reads all the reports, and she's seen his face when he begs Colonel O'Neill for one more day in an ancient temple, the excitement the occasional times the colonel grants his request. She isn't sure she wants to know the answer. Instead she stands up, shoulders her pack, and reaches her hand out to help Daniel up.
Daniel straddles too many worlds - no longer just an archaeologist but not quite a soldier, not yet anyway. Sam notices new muscles on him, feels their power as she pulls him to his feet. He's not an expert marksman, but he can wield a weapon, can take point and cover their six, and if he isn't as quick to draw as the others, he can handle himself in the field. As she follows him down the mountain she sees a new awareness, new fluidity to his movements. Every few steps his right hand brushes his thigh, unconsciously reaching down to stabilize the Berretta he usually carries not fully strapped down.
Most of the way down they find a field blooming with wildflowers that remind Sam of the ones Daniel brought her after Jolinar died. She'd hung them all around her living room to dry because she couldn't remember the last time anyone had given her flowers. Her hands drag over a few, fingering their petals and, on a whim, she picks two of them and runs ahead to stick them in Daniel's hair before turning right to run into the field.
He charges after her, tackling her and shoving a fistful of flowers down the back of her shirt. They roll on the ground, wrestling and laughing and luckily not finding any bees until Daniel starts sneezing his head off. Sam pulls him to his feet, apologizing, and drags him back to the trail where she tries to brush the pollen away from his face without causing more sneezes.
"I'm sorry, Daniel. I wasn't thinking," Sam says, laughing a bit and deciding not to mention the flowers that are still stuck in his hair while she tries to shake petals out of her shirt.
"It's okay," he says between sneezes, digging a handkerchief out of his pocket. After a minute he leads them back down the trail again and Sam thinks they're both walking a bit lighter.
"Hey," she calls, "what are you bringing to the colonel's solstice party?"
"I'm still surprised Jack knows what a solstice is, much less is planning a party for it," Daniel answers.
"He does know how to use his telescope, Daniel. Anyway, I think it's really just an excuse to drink beer and fire up the grill."
"You know, solstice celebrations are some of the oldest holidays. Even the most ancient of Earth cultures celebrated the solstice, and most of the people we've found through the stargate have something similar," Daniel tells her. "Recognizing the importance of the sun, any sun, seems universal among human cultures."
"What was the one on Abydos like?" Sam asks.
"It was a two day celebration. Though it was different the year I was there, since I did help kill their sun god. The women spent an entire week preparing food, the men hunted, and the children helped clean and decorate the village. I, uh, wasn't very good at hunting so they let me help in the village instead," Daniel admits.
"That was nice of them," Sam comments. "So what did you do?"
"The first day was one long feast. Any children born since the last solstice were presented and given their proper names in the morning. In late afternoon the village separated with women on one end and men on the other. Children who had reached their thirteenth year were initiated as adults. Sha're wouldn't tell me what happened on the women's side, but the men's side involved lots of chanting, face paint, and moonshine. As the sun set everyone gathered together and told stories, eating and drinking until they could no longer stay awake."
"What kinds of stories?"
"Tales of their history, and of heroes. Skaara's impression of Jack was priceless," Daniel laughs. "The next morning everyone woke before dawn to welcome the sun and fasted until night fall, accompanying the sun on its longest stay of the year. That evening, at the end of the first feast of the new sun-year, any newly married couples were brought forth and blessed with long life and, uh, fertility and, uh..." Daniel's neck turns bright red and Sam can only imagine how much he must be blushing. "It was a night I'll never forget."
"I bet," Sam jokes, elbowing him in the ribs. "Maybe you should suggest some Abydonian traditions for the colonel's party? Anderson's wife had a baby a month ago and Cooper on SG-9 got married. Think the colonel will go for it?"
"Uh, maybe not all of it," Daniel coughs. "You're as bad as Sha're."
"What? Why?" she asks, curious and a little flattered. She always loves the reverence in his voice the rare times Daniel really talks about his wife.
"She was fascinated by Earth's holidays, well Earth in general. She couldn't believe there was a place with so many different people, different religions, gods, and traditions. She wanted me to teach her all the holidays."
"All as in?" Sam asks. She's not sure she could even list off all the holidays celebrated in America.
"All of them. Some of them were easy, but try explaining Santa Claus to someone who has never seen a chimney or try Flag Day."
"You taught her Flag Day?" Sam couldn't even remember which month it fell in.
"Not just taught. Celebrated at her insistence. Every Earth holiday I could think of from Diwali to Purim to Martin Luther King Day to Valentine's Day. We were pretty busy and rather creative at times."
"I bet," Sam says. "Sounds like fun."
"It was." The wistful, lost tone she's been hearing more and more since his recent visit to Abydos creeps into Daniel's voice, and Sam hates the realization that a small part of him is starting to lose hope, to accept Abydos as his past but not his future. She tries hard not to think that if he doesn't return to Abydos, he'll always be there when she needs him. Tries hard not to feel jealous of the life Daniel longs to reclaim.
Two weeks later the colonel hosts his solstice party with one arm still in a sling from the trinium arrow. He complains to anyone who'll listen how hard it is to grill perfect burgers one handed until Teal'c actually ties him to a chair on his deck and Siler puts another beer in his good hand. Daniel holds Anderson's baby boy to the sun, bestowing the traditional Abydonian blessings for good health and courage, and they tell stories long into the night. Cooper's widow doesn't attend.
===<***>===
Colonel O'Neill is in a mood after they kill their latest Goa'uld. Something about smiting a god, even a minor deity, always leaves him a bit manic. He bursts into Sam's lab where Daniel is translating something and Sam is cautiously poking at a recent acquisition that has already knocked three engineers unconscious for five hours. His shout of, "Let's take Teal'c to the Garden of the Gods!" causes Daniel to spill coffee on his manuscript and Sam to insert her screwdriver into the wrong slot.
Five hours later she blinks awake in the infirmary. The colonel and Daniel are sitting across from her, O'Neill playing with a bag of saline and looking slightly guilty, and Daniel grinning broadly when he sees her open her eyes. "Hey there," Daniel says to her. "Jack says he's sorry for startling you."
"I bet," Sam remarks, starting to sit up but falling back down when the room decides to spin. "Colonel? You said something about hiking?"
"Not hiking, Carter. Garden of the Gods!" he announces, as though that explains everything. "We've gotten so good at killing them, I want to celebrate on their turf."
"Right, sir." Sam can't help smiling. He's turned down every previous hiking offer and it would be good for them to do something together that doesn't involve alien planets or government cover-ups. Though, given their luck lately, they'll probably visit the day some Goa'uld decides to reclaim the Kissing Camels. "Can it wait until tomorrow? I'm a little, um, fried."
"Sure, Carter, just take it easy," O'Neill smiles, clapping a hand on her shoulder. "Gotta go tell Teal'c."
Daniel's eyes widen as the colonel practically prances out of the infirmary and he looks warily at Sam. "Uh, Sam, you're okay, right? Because I think I should go find Teal'c before Jack tries to explain where we're going." Sam smiles and waves him off, sinking into the pillow and knowing Janet will make sure she gets a few more hours of undisturbed sleep.
The next morning she pulls in front of Daniel's apartment at ten because neither of them is eager to ride in the backseat of the colonel's truck. Daniel looks a little surprised when he sees her motorcycle rather than her Volvo, but he takes the offered helmet and slides in behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist. She doesn't ask if he's closing his eyes.
Sam takes the curves tight but not too fast and eventually Daniel's arms loosen a bit around her waist and he figures out how to lean into the turns. Teal'c and the colonel are already waiting when they pull into the main lot, and Teal'c looks decidedly uncomfortable for reasons Sam thinks have nothing to do with his Hawaiian shirt or straw hat. Daniel had told her about Teal'c's confusion over going to a garden belonging to gods, trying to convince the Jaffa that the gods would not attack and he couldn't bring his staff weapon.
"Morning, campers." O'Neill grins at them and Sam suspects they're in for an interesting day. "Ready for some excitement?"
"Uh, Jack, aren't we just going to hike around and look at the rocks?" Daniel asks, catching Sam's eyes and raising an eyebrow at her. "You don't usually find that exciting."
"Colonel O'Neill says we will be riding horses," Teal'c tells them, distaste clear in his voice.
"A trail ride? Is that a good idea?" Sam can't help asking. She knows she's comfortable on a horse - has been since the year her dad was stationed in Texas and her mom softened the blow of leaving a school Sam had really liked by giving in to her daughter's plea for riding lessons. But she's never heard the others mention any such experience.
She shouldn't have worried. Much. Daniel mounts with ease, probably experienced from riding at digs in the middle of nowhere. The colonel looks comfortable in his saddle, but he has that way of wrapping the world around his will, making everything fit around him rather than molding himself into a new situation the way she or Daniel would. Teal'c eyes his mount warily and sits so stiffly in the saddle Sam winces at how sore he'll be by the end, but he doesn't fall off.
Their guide prattles happily about the geological events that created the park and the Native American tribes who inhabited the area. Several times she catches Daniel restrain himself from correcting her and several more times she has to keep herself from laughing at one of the colonel's wise-ass remarks. Teal'c silently radiates discontent the entire ride.
"Well, that was boring," O'Neill comments when it's over.
"It was your idea, sir," Sam points out. "What did you expect?"
"Something exciting," He looks around. "C'mon, let's go."
"Where are we going now?" Teal'c asks.
The colonel looks up from digging a backpack out of the cab of his truck. "To see the Siamese Twins."
The Twins are the formation furthest from them and Daniel spends the first part of the easy walk explaining everything the guide got wrong earlier until O'Neill finally threatens to muzzle him, informing the archaeologist that they're not here for work. Daniel shoots a dark look at the back of his head and Sam's heart misses a beat when he drops back to walk behind her.
Things haven't been right between them since the colonel went undercover to stop Maybourne's operation, and she'd hoped today they could leave it behind. General Hammond kept the team inactive while O'Neill testified, and the colonel apologized every way he could, including buying every round at O'Malley's for a month. Sam knew Daniel had understood and mostly forgiven him, but something prickly still sometimes rears between the two men. For his part, Colonel O'Neill doesn't seem to quite understand what is really wrong to offer the right apology. Sam isn't sure she knows herself.
Daniel is silent the rest of the hike. It's a different silence than he had for days after Sha're died, more locking them out than locking himself in. When they reach the Twins Sam looks through the window to Pike's Peak, imagines she can look back in time and see two figures running into a field of flowers. Daniel edges in next to her, knee pushing into her thigh in the cramped space, and she points out the mountain.
"Feels like forever ago that we climbed it," she tells him softly.
"Yeah," he says, reaching a hand to briefly squeeze her shoulder.
"We've changed a lot. I thought I was tired then," she says. "But so much has happened…" Hathor. Daniel in a padded white room. Sha're's death at Teal'c's hands. A trip to Hell and back. Colonel O'Neill lost on a planet with a buried gate.
O'Neill interrupts whatever response Daniel might have made. "Hey, kids, get down here. This is a team outing - no wandering off until after the party."
Sam turns and puts a hand to her mouth when she sees the red and white-checkered blanket lying on top of a fairly flat rock and Teal'c spreading out an impressive lunch. "Your god's garden is very strange, O'Neill," Teal'c comments, raising an eyebrow at a container of potato salad.
"Why is that?" Daniel asks, sliding off the rock to help.
"As gods, the Goa'uld have always favored temples and palaces filled with gold and other displays of wealth," Teal'c observes. "From my studies of Earth your religions are similarly eager to build elaborate places to worship your gods. But this simple park of eroded rocks you attribute to being the work of gods."
"Think of it as evidence of the power, beauty, and potential of a benevolent god," Daniel explains. "Humans can work gold and build temples, but only a god could create nature and weather and combine their forces to produce a place like this. Many humans find natural phenomena to be evidence of a divine presence, of the wonders a god can create and the love given humans by letting us experience it. You have to admit there is something amazing about the formations."
"I do not. They are simply the work of wind and water over long periods of time." Teal'c raises an eyebrow. "I will admit they are pleasing to the eye."
"Uh, Colonel?" Sam asks, holding up the bottles she finds in the bottom of the pack where she's been digging out the rest of their lunch. "Aren't there rules against alcohol here?"
"You know me and rules, Carter." He raises an eyebrow at her. "Besides, see the labels?" Sam checks and grins. He'd carefully scraped the labels off the bottles and replaced them with white stickers on which he'd written 'root beer' in block lettering. "I even brought ginger ale for Teal'c."
Lunch is good and when they are full there is still more food on the blanket - when the colonel makes lunch, he really makes lunch. Sam can feel the beer spreading a warmth through her limbs, hear the slight slur in Daniel's words as the alcohol surges in his blood, and see the colonel sway slightly where he sits. Teal'c calmly sips his ginger ale and quizzes Daniel about the gods who made the garden, and Sam is grateful the colonel chooses not to interrupt the conversation.
She is lying down, hands over a full stomach and head against the colonel's thigh when Teal'c asks, "Daniel Jackson, do you believe in any of these gods?"
"Uh, Teal'c, that's a difficult question," Daniel says and Sam rises onto her elbows to squint at Daniel, curious of the answer. For all their encounters with the religions of others, personal philosophy has rarely come up. "By the time I was eight I knew the stories of several ancient pantheons and could describe the more common modern religions. You could say that instead of my parents raising me in one religion, they raised me in all of them."
"But did you believe in any of them?" Sam asks, curiosity getting the better of her.
"I think I believed in a higher power. I mean, if every single culture in Earth's history believed in something, maybe they were on the right track. And there are remarkable coincidences - you can find similar stories and personalities in the gods of cultures who could never have interacted. Of course, since the Goa'uld changed everything I thought I knew, maybe those similarities aren't quite as miraculous." Daniel looks pensive a minute and then seems to remember the original question. "But in any single religion? Not really. Some of my foster parents tried taking me to church, but I could never really believe in a specific god."
"Colonel O'Neill? Were you also raised with so many gods?" Teal'c asks.
"I was raised in Minnesota, Teal'c." The colonel takes a large swallow, finishing the bottle and reaching for another, and Sam makes a mental note to make sure Teal'c drives the truck home. Then she wonders if she might have to store her bike on the truck bed and hitch a ride herself.
"Why does that explain your belief?" Teal'c asks.
"There's three givens about growing up in Minnesota," O'Neill tells Teal'c.
"Lutefisk?" Daniel asks, earning a dark look from the colonel.
"Okay, four," O'Neill declares. "Stinky, fermented fish. Ice hockey. Fishing year round. And being dragged to the Lutheran church down the block every Sunday morning."
"So you worshipped a god named Lutheran?" Teal'c asks, and Sam has to dodge out of the way from the beer the colonel spits out.
"No, Teal'c. Lutheranism is a branch of Christianity - remember when I told you how Christianity comes in many forms?" Daniel jumps in to explain the origins of Lutheranism, and Sam can feel Colonel O'Neill rolling his eyes.
"The religions on your world are very strange. I do not understand a god allowing his followers to split into so many groups," Teal'c comments after Daniel finishes. "O'Neill? You believe in this Lutheranism?"
"I wouldn't say that. I didn't understand as a kid and when I got older, let's just say each time I thought I didn't believe anymore I found new reasons to not believe. Sara dragged me to church but I haven't been inside one since Charlie…" A shadow crosses over his face so suddenly Sam expects to see rain clouds in the blue sky above their heads. The colonel pushes violently to his feet and aims the rest of his words over their heads. "I kill false gods for a living now and if there is a real god, he's a bastard. If he's mad that I don't follow him, he can't do anything to me. I've already escaped from Hell once."
After a pause the colonel throws his beer bottle to shatter on the rocks below. He looks down at his empty hands, mutters, "Ah, hell," and climbs down to gather up the pieces. Daniel exchanges a look with Sam and follows the colonel, grabbing an empty potato chip bag for the fragments.
"I did not intend to upset Colonel O'Neill," Teal'c comments and Sam shakes her head.
"Don't worry about it, Teal'c, it isn't you he's angry with," Sam says, gathering the food to put away. She doesn't think they'll be here much longer. "You're going to have to drive the colonel's truck home, Teal'c." Teal'c nods assent and helps her pack up the leftovers.
The walk back to the truck is a quiet affair, though more amicable than Sam had feared. When they reach the parking lot Sam makes sure Teal'c has the keys. She and Daniel elect to stay a while longer rather than cramming themselves into the cab.
As they walk along the paths Sam idly watches the other tourists, trying to guess who they are and what brought them here today. She wonders what anyone thought of her team earlier. Finally, she works up the nerve to ask Daniel the question that has been eating at her. "Daniel, what's going on with you and the colonel?"
Daniel looks at her and guides her to a less crowded area of the park. "Do you remember what I said when Hammond told us Makepeace would be our new C.O.?"
"That I should command SG-1? Because, Daniel, I'm flattered by your faith in me but General Hammond made the correct choice," Sam says. Makepeace may have turned out rotten, but the front-line unit needed to be lead by someone of appropriate rank and Makepeace certainly had enough experience.
"No. When I said I never trusted Jack's command," Daniel tells her quietly.
"Oh."
"I didn't realize it was true until I said it out loud. But, Sam, I believed him. Even on Tollana when he was ripping the device from the wall I was furious at him, but I wasn't surprised. I believed his decisions, believed him capable of turning the way he did, and I believed that our friendship meant nothing to him." Daniel's voice is quiet and a little raw.
"But, Daniel, you know it was all a lie so he could go undercover. You know it was the only way to catch Maybourne's organization," Sam explains. She doesn't know all the details of what happened when Daniel drew the short straw and visited O'Neill's house but she'll never forget the hurt look on his face when he showed up at her door afterwards.
"The best lies are those based on a kernel of truth," Daniel tells her. "I trust Jack with my life and I trust him to do all he can to protect Earth. To do what he thinks is best. But I don't always trust him to know what is actually best and, sometimes, I don't know if he trusts me."
"I don't know if he can ever completely trust anyone," Sam admits. She reaches an arm around his back and he places an arm around her shoulders as they walk back to the motorcycle in silence. "Maybe Thor," she comments when they're almost there, earning herself an amused laugh.
===<***>===
Sam almost doesn't answer the knock on the door. Letting herself fall into a horizontal stargate to topple head over heels onto SGC's ramp is high on her list of things she never wants to do again, and she has the fractured collarbone and no-longer-dislocated shoulder to prove it. After two days in the infirmary and debriefings with the general, Janet had driven her home and ordered her a week of rest. She insisted Sam shouldn't drive, operate lab equipment, or harass Colonel O'Neill with only one working arm and strong painkillers in her system. For once Sam doesn't mind the doctor's orders.
When the knock comes again, louder this time, Sam grunts and levers herself off the couch, calling out, "Whatever movie you brought this time, I'm not in the mood," as she pads to the door. Janet has been stopping by each morning on her way to the Mountain, and Sam is grateful because even simple things like putting on a bra are proving difficult. But a visitor in the afternoon or evening guarantees the colonel, usually with Teal'c in tow, with greasy take-out food and a cheesy movie.
"I didn't bring a movie," Daniel's voice calls through the door. "Are you in the mood for lunch instead?"
Sam smiles as she hurries to open the door. "Daniel! I thought you were still off-world excavating that temple. Come on in. Uh, sorry about the mess." She kicks some shoes aside and closes the door to her bedroom as they pass.
"I think that planet was made entirely of pollen," Daniel explains. "I came back to SGC for some stronger anti-histamines and Janet said you might need some cheering up. So I brought lunch." He shrugs like a shy schoolboy and holds up a bag of sub sandwiches.
Sam starts clearing off the table but turns to ask Daniel, "Is it nice outside?" She feels cold and brittle and doesn't know how much she can blame on the pills and how much on the constant stress, on not being able to recover from one catastrophe before she faces the next. Joe Faxon has joined the list of people she couldn't save and no absolution from above can stop Colonel O'Neill's oft repeated 'we don't leave our people behind' from circling her thoughts.
"Better than the planet I was on this morning," he tells her and she can see sunlight streaming through the window behind him. The thawing potential of its warmth is too promising to resist.
"I haven't really been outside in days. Can we make this a picnic?" He nods and leads her out to his car.
They drive to the nearest public park, and Daniel pulls a blanket from his trunk for the ground before handing her a sandwich. They eat in silence, watching people on the trails running or pushing strollers. A group of kids accidentally throws a Frisbee right onto Daniel's lap, and Sam laughs as they debate which of them is brave enough to retrieve it before Daniel finally takes pity on them and tosses it back.
Sam leans against Daniel, letting him support her weight, and nods to the people on the walkway. "Do you ever just want to tell them?"
"Tell them what?" he asks her and she can feel the vibrations of his voice pass from his chest into her back.
"Everything. The stargate. The real origin of the pyramids. How often the Earth's almost been destroyed. So many good people have died saving this planet and nobody knows their names," she says quietly. "We can't even tell their families how they died, just that they served their country bravely."
"You know we can't tell them," he says, but she can hear an echo of regret in his voice.
"But don't you ever want to?" she insists. "Don't you ever imagine grabbing a microphone at a Rockies game, or writing a letter to the New York Times, or just going to a park on a Saturday afternoon and shouting to anyone who'll listen? The stargate is common knowledge on most of the planets we visit, but we have to keep everything secret at home. Nobody knows what we do."
"The last time I tried telling a roomful of academics that Egypt's pyramids didn't originate the way they thought I ended up talking to an empty room," he tells her, and she remembers Catherine's story of the first time she met Daniel. "And you know why it's a secret. I like to think that someday we can tell the world, that they'll know our story. Whether we'll still be around to tell it…" He shrugs.
"I know," Sam allows. "Sometimes I feel like I spend so much time saving the world I never get to live in it. I mean, I love what we do and I could never give it up. It's just, some days I look at people when I go to the store or the library, and I want their lives - ordinary and boring and blissfully ignorant of everything that's out there."
He's quiet for a long minute and she can almost feel him thinking about an endless desert and the life he nearly had. "That's the price for being a hero."
"What?"
"Look at the stories, Sam. Superman, Batman, Spiderman - they all get to save the world but in exchange they never get to entirely be part of it. You see the same theme in myths and folktales. It's the price we pay," he explains.
"Do you really think we're heroes?" Sam has never really considered it. She just takes each day, each challenge, and tries to make everything work out okay. "Look how often we've almost failed."
"I didn't say we were good at it," he says, startling a laugh out of her. "Well, Teal'c might be. Or Bra'tac."
"Definitely Bra'tac," she agrees, hugging her arm around herself.
He idly rubs his hand along her bicep and says, "I've got something for you," handing her a small object wrapped in tissue paper. "I made it for your birthday, but I think maybe you could use it now."
He helps her open it and she holds back a laugh at the cover on the small book - an array of Marvel superheroes, each with a tiny SGC patch pasted on their shoulder, as though Daniel had known they would have this conversation. She opens to find an album filled with photos.
It starts with one of Catherine and Ernest, finally together after fifty long years, and a picture of a younger Daniel and Colonel O'Neill with a handful of serious-looking soldiers - the first team to visit Abydos. Daniel looks like he's about to sneeze. She turns the pages to find photo after photo of SGC staff, all carefully taken to not betray any secrets. Sergeant Harriman sits at his computer, General Hammond smiles behind his desk, and Rothman and Nyan examine some artifact in Daniel's hands. She finds a photo from when she took her dad to see Mark, after they killed Seth, and one of Teal'c tying O'Neill to his chair at the colonel's solstice party.
She starts to feel the prick of tears in her eyes when she turns the page to find photos of when they first met the Tollan. There's one of Omac and Colonel O'Neill in what looks like the beginnings of a Wild West standoff opposite one of her and Narim talking on Narim's bunk while her cat prowls between them. A few tears escape when she turns the page to find her and Martouf talking on the top of a sand dune. She knows this must have been from the first time they met the Tok'ra but she can't remember when Daniel could have snapped the picture.
By the end of the book she's found nearly everyone she's worked with over the years - some of them now dead, some moved on, but plenty still around and saving the planet as best they can. The last photo is of SG-1 caught smiling after one of those rare missions where everything went better than expected.
"Oh, Daniel, this is wonderful," she says quietly, rubbing any moisture out of her eyes. She turns to smile at him, and he wraps his arms around her in a gentle hug, mindful of her shoulder.
"You might not be able to tell the world," he whispers in her ear. "But there are a lot of people who will never forget."
Daniel is still at her house that night when Teal'c and the colonel show up with spaghetti and all three Indiana Jones movies. Daniel protests that archaeologists' lives aren't nearly as exciting as the movies make it seem until the colonel raises an eyebrow at him and Daniel realizes what he's saying and gives it up.
Daniel falls asleep during the monkey brains and Sam shoos the colonel and Teal'c away after Indy manages to rescue the girl and the credits roll. Daniel looks too peaceful on her couch so she lays a blanket over him and lets him sleep. He doesn't wake up until she starts her coffee maker the next morning.
===<***>===
After Daniel dies, ascends, leaves them, abandons them, Janet takes Sam into her office, closes her door, and they both sit on the floor and cry. Later Sam finds Colonel O'Neill in the office he rarely uses, slams the door, and yells at him until she's hoarse and has shown enough insubordination to be demoted back to cadet. He gets up from his desk to envelope her in a bear hug when she finally stops to breathe, and she beats him futilely with her fists until she finds more tears. The shoulder of his shirt is soaked before she looks up into tired eyes that are dry as a desert.
She spends a day buried in her lab, throwing herself into several projects at once in a desperate search for distraction that refuses to come. There are half a dozen excuses to not have a memorial service, from not knowing which of many possible rituals Daniel would want to not knowing if he's really gone. Sam thinks Daniel would have reminded them that the rituals are more for those left behind than for the missing, but she has no strength to argue. After midnight her dad pulls her out of her lab and drives her home.
He stays three days, and suddenly she's a kid again and her mother has just died. Not healing Daniel is no more his fault than her mother's accident was, but there are the same awkward silences and hurt looks and eventually Selmak says they have to return to the Tok'ra. She rattles around the empty house, tries cleaning until she runs across the photo album Daniel gave her, and then gives up and gets her motorcycle out of the garage.
Sam takes every curve a little too fast on the thankfully empty roads and, before she realizes where she's headed, she's at the first trailhead she'd taken Daniel to years and years ago. She hasn't been back since and she thinks maybe they were saving it as somewhere to take Sha're and, with that no longer possible, it became some vaguely holy ground neither thought about. Or, more likely, they were too busy fighting the Goa'uld.
The trail calls to her as she parks the bike, whispering of a time before the universe had beaten away at her urge to explore. She takes the path quickly, nearly running, and avoids the patches of snow that haven't yet melted in the spring thaw. Every curve resonates with memories of Daniel, and his lost words vibrate in her skull by the time she reaches the pond, out of breath. She flings herself onto her back and watches the sky as dark clouds roll in, echoing her mood.
Storms in Colorado often arrive sudden and fierce and this one is no exception as a once sunny day turns dark. She should seek shelter or lower ground, but stubbornly remains as the wind begins to whip through the bushes. Her only concession to the storm is to sit up and wrap her arms around her knees, huddling into the smallest ball she can manage. Soon the heavens split to release driving rain, drumming into the pond and onto her skull, and the thunder rumbles deep within her.
The rain soaks her to the bone in an instant and she hugs her jacket tight, as though without it she'll fall apart. The smell of ozone, pounding of rain, and roar of thunder batter away at her, slowly eroding her edges until she feels exposed to the world. By the time she realizes she is shouting into the storm - cursing and questioning, begging and wondering - she has said all she needs and she can't tell if the moisture on her cheeks is due only to the rain.
The storm quiets as she does, clouds leaving as quickly as they came, and beams from the sun make the ground smoke with evaporating water. She looks up to see a rainbow stretch across the sky, colored light curving over ancient mountains. Exhausted, she smiles slightly and whispers, "I miss you, Daniel," at the sky, pulling her jacket tighter.
If she's learned anything over the past five years, over all the years of her life, it's that the universe never pauses for you to catch up. Whatever happened yesterday, tomorrow will still come, because even time loops don't last forever, and she has responsibilities that can't be ignored. So she'll go back to the Mountain, her lab, and a job she loves, even when it hurts. She will cheer on Cassie at her soccer games and bite her tongue at the grocery store when she wants to tell everyone about the people who have died so they can fight over the closest parking space.
She knows eventually it will get easier. Eventually she'll be able to accept, even understand the colonel's decision, and maybe even find a way to forgive Jonas, to make him feel welcome. Daniel taught her a strength that has nothing to do with power or weapons and she knows that whatever may be next, she won't be facing it alone.
~end~
Title Eroding Away the Mountains
Author abyssinia4077
Fandom Stargate SG-1
Genre Gen, Sam and Daniel friendship with bonus team interaction
Rating/Warning PG. Spoilers through end of season 5. Mention of canon character death.
Disclaimer MGM (and others) owns these characters and the Stargate universe. I just play with them.
Word Count 8592
Acknowledgements Big thanks to aurora_novarum, foreverseenstar, and vipersweb for beta work and hiyacynth for last minute grammar advice.
Summary
In every walk with nature one receives far more than he seeks. - John Muir
Sam shifts awkwardly on the concrete step and rings the doorbell again. Colonel O'Neill has gone fishing for the weekend, taking Kawalsky's ashes with him, but Sam knows Dr. Jackson has been staying in the colonel's spare room. He'd mumbled something about the official records still listing him as dead making it difficult to get a lease and the Mountain rooms being too confining after the wide-open desert.
She's turning to go, giving up her errand as foolish, when he finally opens the door and blinks at her myopically with his glasses on top of his head. He's barefoot in faded sweatpants and a blue t-shirt that declares "I'd rather be fishing" and she wonders if he owns any clothing beyond the robe he wore back from Abydos and his mission BDUs.
She says, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have bothered you," at the same time he says, "Captain Carter, I'm afraid Jack isn't here."
"Oh, no, I know he's fishing," she stammers. "Actually I came to see you, but you're probably busy. I'll leave."
"No, no, come in." He pauses for a minute before stepping aside so she can actually come through the door. "I was, uh, reading. Jack has a year's worth of Newsweek magazines and I thought I'd see what I missed while I was gone." His smile is still a little shy, as if nervous she might declare him a geek for wanting to brush up on recent history.
"Oh. NASA sent another probe to Mars, Atlanta hosted the Olympics, there was a really good Star Trek movie, some people in Scotland cloned a sheep and, um, I think the Packers won the Super Bowl," she tells him, checking out the colonel's house. She's a little excited to see the poster of Mars on the wall and the model of an Apollo capsule on the bar.
He nods at her and she's convinced that if she asks him three days from now, he'll be able to tell her exactly what she'd said. Suddenly she's completely sure she has nothing to offer this man. She may have developed the dialing program and she can almost explain some of the physics behind how the gate works, but he translated the symbols, stepped through into the unknown, helped kill a Goa'uld without any military training, and lived for a year on an alien planet. Now he's returned to Earth, which must seem just as alien, and his wife is lost to the stars and an alien parasite. Dr. Jackson always seemed a little larger than life back when she'd read the mission reports and thought he was dead, but now he stands in front of her wearing rumpled sweatpants and a confused smile, and she feels more nervous than she had for her doctoral defense.
Sam is about to excuse herself and actually leave when he pulls his glasses down onto his face and moves to the fridge. "Would you like something to drink? Jack's got beer if you want, though it's, ah, a little early I guess. Um, soda? Orange juice?" She catches a glimpse around his shoulder and sees a few cans on the top shelf with some cheese and a package of ham - exactly what she'd expect from the colonel's fridge. But the bottom shelves are overflowing with fruits and vegetables - peppers, apples, broccoli, something she thinks might be a cactus.
"Water would be great," she tells him. "That's, uh, more vegetables than you usually see in an Air Force officer's refrigerator."
"That would be my fault," he admits as he fills two glasses at the sink. She thinks there is a certain reverence to his movement, as if after a year in a primitive desert internal plumbing is a special magic. "I went to the store and, after Abydos, the produce aisle was a little too exciting. Jack was mad I forgot the hot dogs he'd requested but the colors…the variety..." He trails off and flashes her another of those shy smiles. "It's been a while. Of course, now I don’t know how I'll eat it all before it spoils."
"Bring it to SGC," she suggests, following him into the living room. "Might even get the marines to eat some vegetables if the cafeteria food is bad enough."
"Maybe," he laughs. "So, to what do I owe the pleasure of your company, Captain Carter? I'm not exactly exciting."
"Call me Sam," she says. Dr. Jackson doesn't seem like the kind of man she needs the formal titles of "doctor" or "captain" to keep the respect of, or even the kind for whom such titles automatically garner respect.
"Only if you call me Daniel." He offers a genuine smile this time, like she found the magic password for some secret club. She wonders if she'll ever call the colonel by his first name the way Daniel does so freely. Probably not.
"I can do that." Sam leans back into the colonel's couch cushions but doesn't go as far as Daniel, who puts his feet up on the coffee table which is, she notices, overflowing with issues of Newsweek. "Actually, I was wondering if you wanted to go hiking. Colorado is beautiful this time of year, and I just moved back here, and I thought you were newer here than I was…"
She's grateful that he stops her before she can work up to a full babble. "I'd love to. Just let me find some shoes." He leaves her sitting awkwardly in the colonel's living room to rummage somewhere in the back of the house, calling behind him, "Why don't you grab some stuff from the fridge for lunch? I know there are plenty of apples."
Sam already has cheese and bread in the car, but rummaging gives her something to do and it sounds like Daniel is excited about his food. By the time he comes back to the kitchen, sweats swapped for his BDUs and new sneakers on his feet, she's grabbed two apples, some carrots, and a carton of strawberries she suspects will go bad soon and shoved them into a plastic bag she found under the sink. "Do you have a coat or something?" she asks, amused he's still wearing the fishing shirt. "It can get cold up in the mountains."
"I'll borrow one of Jack's," he says, grabbing something blue that looks potentially waterproof from the hall closet as he follows her out the door.
Daniel keeps his face pressed to the window most of the drive up into the mountains, reminding Sam of her niece when Mark let her take the girl for a day. She picks a trail she remembers from her Academy days - one that leads to a pond and climbs high without ever being too steep, because she isn't sure how well Daniel will handle the altitude.
She shouldn't have worried. He talks her ear off most of the way up, finding enough breath for the hike and a rambling lecture about the Native American tribes of the region. He tells her about his first dig in college, when he uncovered human remains in New Mexico and misidentified a fake Navajo pot made in the late 19th century as an authentic pre-Columbian artifact. Possibly remembering she's an astrophysicist, he occasionally transitions into the cosmology of the tribes and how they tracked the stars. Sam nods, asks questions, and tells him about modern methods for studying the universe.
Soon they get high enough that the trees have started changing color for fall. Periodically he stops talking and she looks back to find him staring in open-mouthed wonder at a particularly gorgeous aspen splashed with red and gold or those bushes where a deep purple mixes with vibrant greens. He eats it all in with eyes that have spent too long seeing only the tans and grays of a desert and she watches him silently each time he pauses, not wanting to break the spell. When they finally reach the small pond he gives a long, appreciative whistle.
They settle on a log near the edge of the crystal-clear water and watch tiny fish zip towards crumbs of bread Daniel tosses onto the surface. By the end of lunch their fingers are dyed red with strawberry juice and Sam's tongue echoes with the sharp taste of cheddar. Daniel leans back onto his elbows, face to the sky, and Sam doesn't warn him about burning quickly at high elevations because his smile is more radiant than the sun.
"Sha're would love it here," he sighs.
"We'll take her here after we find her," Sam tells him and right then there is no doubt in her mind that they will find Sha're because the world is too perfect to consider the alternative. And, because he seems open and happy, she dares to ask, "Tell me about her."
Daniel looks at her with a blue-eyed intensity that catches her breath in her throat. "Sha're was the best thing that ever happened to me. If my whole life before was a storm, Sha're was the rainbow that came after and made it all worth it. She accepted who I was, kept me grounded, and showed me infinite patience. She was fierce and brave, full of wonder and love…" His voice trails off and for a minute Sam is worried she probed into painful memories but he smiles at her instead. "She'd like you, Sam, and I think you'd like her."
"I'm sure I will," she says and turns to put the lunch leftovers back into her pack. The sudden splash of freezing water on her back makes her shout, and she turns to find Daniel grinning mischievously, arms reaching into the pond for another handful. By the time the fight is over Daniel has toppled head first into the pond and Sam isn't much drier. He shakes his head, hair much longer than military regulation sending droplets flying, and Sam ducks, pushing him away.
By the time they reach the car the sun has mostly dried them off so Sam doesn't have to dig in her trunk on the off chance of finding some blankets or towels to protect the seats. They stop on the way home for burritos because Daniel says it's been too long since he had Mexican food and the colonel has been feeding him pizza, hot dogs, and potato chips. The sun dips below the horizon as they eat outdoors, only leaving when the desert chill seeps into the night.
When Sam pulls into the colonel's driveway Daniel thanks her, promising to be a willing hiking partner in the future, obviously grateful for the company. He pauses in the door to wave to her before disappearing into the dark house and she waits for a light to turn on before backing out. Driving home she finally believes this stargate thing might really work out for her.
===<***>===
After Daniel finds and loses Sha're, gains and loses a step-son, and Sam nearly loses and finally finds her father, they decide to climb Pike's Peak. Teal'c is with his family, and the colonel declines their invitation, saying he climbs enough on missions. Sam thinks it's probably for the best because neither of them seems in the mood for wisecracks and the path is strenuous and filled with enough weekend warriors that they can't talk freely anyway.
When they reach the top Daniel flops onto his back, raising a tiny dust cloud, and flings an arm over his eyes. Sam sits next to him and digs through her pack, throwing a granola bar onto his stomach where it rises and falls with each breath. "I think Jack had the right idea," he wheezes. "We do this enough off-world."
Sam ignores him and starts peeling an orange. It's been weeks since she ate something that wasn't field rations, cafeteria food, or that stuff the Tok'ra fed them, longer since she's actually cooked. When she opened her fridge this morning the vegetable crisper boasted what was probably five new species of mold, but the orange was miraculously untouched. Daniel sits up, decides the chocolate chip granola bar is acceptable, and stuffs the wrapper into his pocket before taking a bite.
"Do you ever feel like leaving something like that lying around?" she asks, pointing to his pocket. "So some future archaeologist can find it?"
Daniel pulls out the wrapper and examines it, squinting as the silvery foil flashes the sunlight into his eyes. "If they didn't already know English, the words wouldn't help them much. But this much writing on something as simple as a food wrapper implies literacy isn't limited to the upper class. The material is obviously engineered and indicates a degree of technological sophistication. Also, the fact that we have food this processed, this portable, means we've advanced to the point where the act of food gathering doesn't take most of our resources and we can devote time to study and development. But, no, I don't feel like littering so someone can know we had granola bars. There'll be enough saved copies of magazines and commercials for them to know Quaker Oats existed."
Sam loves this about him. She looks at a new artifact and tries to backwards-engineer it, determine what it's made of, how it works, but Daniel looks at something and backwards-engineers the people who made it, the culture it came from. "Do you miss it?" she asks him.
"I miss a lot of things," he says, and she knows he's purposely misunderstanding her.
"I mean archaeology. Going on digs and finding new things about ancient civilizations," she insists, not letting it drop.
"How many archaeologists get to actually meet those ancient civilizations? And anyway, I couldn't really go back now, knowing how much we believe is wrong, but if I tell anyone the Air Force will shoot me," he tells her, and she can hear the regret in his voice. She knows how he feels, how hard it is to keep everything she's learned secret from the science community.
Sam thinks about asking if he'd rather be on one of the SGC teams that doesn't do first contact, one of the teams who can go back to a planet and spend weeks digging into ruins, exploring cultures. She knows he reads all the reports, and she's seen his face when he begs Colonel O'Neill for one more day in an ancient temple, the excitement the occasional times the colonel grants his request. She isn't sure she wants to know the answer. Instead she stands up, shoulders her pack, and reaches her hand out to help Daniel up.
Daniel straddles too many worlds - no longer just an archaeologist but not quite a soldier, not yet anyway. Sam notices new muscles on him, feels their power as she pulls him to his feet. He's not an expert marksman, but he can wield a weapon, can take point and cover their six, and if he isn't as quick to draw as the others, he can handle himself in the field. As she follows him down the mountain she sees a new awareness, new fluidity to his movements. Every few steps his right hand brushes his thigh, unconsciously reaching down to stabilize the Berretta he usually carries not fully strapped down.
Most of the way down they find a field blooming with wildflowers that remind Sam of the ones Daniel brought her after Jolinar died. She'd hung them all around her living room to dry because she couldn't remember the last time anyone had given her flowers. Her hands drag over a few, fingering their petals and, on a whim, she picks two of them and runs ahead to stick them in Daniel's hair before turning right to run into the field.
He charges after her, tackling her and shoving a fistful of flowers down the back of her shirt. They roll on the ground, wrestling and laughing and luckily not finding any bees until Daniel starts sneezing his head off. Sam pulls him to his feet, apologizing, and drags him back to the trail where she tries to brush the pollen away from his face without causing more sneezes.
"I'm sorry, Daniel. I wasn't thinking," Sam says, laughing a bit and deciding not to mention the flowers that are still stuck in his hair while she tries to shake petals out of her shirt.
"It's okay," he says between sneezes, digging a handkerchief out of his pocket. After a minute he leads them back down the trail again and Sam thinks they're both walking a bit lighter.
"Hey," she calls, "what are you bringing to the colonel's solstice party?"
"I'm still surprised Jack knows what a solstice is, much less is planning a party for it," Daniel answers.
"He does know how to use his telescope, Daniel. Anyway, I think it's really just an excuse to drink beer and fire up the grill."
"You know, solstice celebrations are some of the oldest holidays. Even the most ancient of Earth cultures celebrated the solstice, and most of the people we've found through the stargate have something similar," Daniel tells her. "Recognizing the importance of the sun, any sun, seems universal among human cultures."
"What was the one on Abydos like?" Sam asks.
"It was a two day celebration. Though it was different the year I was there, since I did help kill their sun god. The women spent an entire week preparing food, the men hunted, and the children helped clean and decorate the village. I, uh, wasn't very good at hunting so they let me help in the village instead," Daniel admits.
"That was nice of them," Sam comments. "So what did you do?"
"The first day was one long feast. Any children born since the last solstice were presented and given their proper names in the morning. In late afternoon the village separated with women on one end and men on the other. Children who had reached their thirteenth year were initiated as adults. Sha're wouldn't tell me what happened on the women's side, but the men's side involved lots of chanting, face paint, and moonshine. As the sun set everyone gathered together and told stories, eating and drinking until they could no longer stay awake."
"What kinds of stories?"
"Tales of their history, and of heroes. Skaara's impression of Jack was priceless," Daniel laughs. "The next morning everyone woke before dawn to welcome the sun and fasted until night fall, accompanying the sun on its longest stay of the year. That evening, at the end of the first feast of the new sun-year, any newly married couples were brought forth and blessed with long life and, uh, fertility and, uh..." Daniel's neck turns bright red and Sam can only imagine how much he must be blushing. "It was a night I'll never forget."
"I bet," Sam jokes, elbowing him in the ribs. "Maybe you should suggest some Abydonian traditions for the colonel's party? Anderson's wife had a baby a month ago and Cooper on SG-9 got married. Think the colonel will go for it?"
"Uh, maybe not all of it," Daniel coughs. "You're as bad as Sha're."
"What? Why?" she asks, curious and a little flattered. She always loves the reverence in his voice the rare times Daniel really talks about his wife.
"She was fascinated by Earth's holidays, well Earth in general. She couldn't believe there was a place with so many different people, different religions, gods, and traditions. She wanted me to teach her all the holidays."
"All as in?" Sam asks. She's not sure she could even list off all the holidays celebrated in America.
"All of them. Some of them were easy, but try explaining Santa Claus to someone who has never seen a chimney or try Flag Day."
"You taught her Flag Day?" Sam couldn't even remember which month it fell in.
"Not just taught. Celebrated at her insistence. Every Earth holiday I could think of from Diwali to Purim to Martin Luther King Day to Valentine's Day. We were pretty busy and rather creative at times."
"I bet," Sam says. "Sounds like fun."
"It was." The wistful, lost tone she's been hearing more and more since his recent visit to Abydos creeps into Daniel's voice, and Sam hates the realization that a small part of him is starting to lose hope, to accept Abydos as his past but not his future. She tries hard not to think that if he doesn't return to Abydos, he'll always be there when she needs him. Tries hard not to feel jealous of the life Daniel longs to reclaim.
Two weeks later the colonel hosts his solstice party with one arm still in a sling from the trinium arrow. He complains to anyone who'll listen how hard it is to grill perfect burgers one handed until Teal'c actually ties him to a chair on his deck and Siler puts another beer in his good hand. Daniel holds Anderson's baby boy to the sun, bestowing the traditional Abydonian blessings for good health and courage, and they tell stories long into the night. Cooper's widow doesn't attend.
===<***>===
Colonel O'Neill is in a mood after they kill their latest Goa'uld. Something about smiting a god, even a minor deity, always leaves him a bit manic. He bursts into Sam's lab where Daniel is translating something and Sam is cautiously poking at a recent acquisition that has already knocked three engineers unconscious for five hours. His shout of, "Let's take Teal'c to the Garden of the Gods!" causes Daniel to spill coffee on his manuscript and Sam to insert her screwdriver into the wrong slot.
Five hours later she blinks awake in the infirmary. The colonel and Daniel are sitting across from her, O'Neill playing with a bag of saline and looking slightly guilty, and Daniel grinning broadly when he sees her open her eyes. "Hey there," Daniel says to her. "Jack says he's sorry for startling you."
"I bet," Sam remarks, starting to sit up but falling back down when the room decides to spin. "Colonel? You said something about hiking?"
"Not hiking, Carter. Garden of the Gods!" he announces, as though that explains everything. "We've gotten so good at killing them, I want to celebrate on their turf."
"Right, sir." Sam can't help smiling. He's turned down every previous hiking offer and it would be good for them to do something together that doesn't involve alien planets or government cover-ups. Though, given their luck lately, they'll probably visit the day some Goa'uld decides to reclaim the Kissing Camels. "Can it wait until tomorrow? I'm a little, um, fried."
"Sure, Carter, just take it easy," O'Neill smiles, clapping a hand on her shoulder. "Gotta go tell Teal'c."
Daniel's eyes widen as the colonel practically prances out of the infirmary and he looks warily at Sam. "Uh, Sam, you're okay, right? Because I think I should go find Teal'c before Jack tries to explain where we're going." Sam smiles and waves him off, sinking into the pillow and knowing Janet will make sure she gets a few more hours of undisturbed sleep.
The next morning she pulls in front of Daniel's apartment at ten because neither of them is eager to ride in the backseat of the colonel's truck. Daniel looks a little surprised when he sees her motorcycle rather than her Volvo, but he takes the offered helmet and slides in behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist. She doesn't ask if he's closing his eyes.
Sam takes the curves tight but not too fast and eventually Daniel's arms loosen a bit around her waist and he figures out how to lean into the turns. Teal'c and the colonel are already waiting when they pull into the main lot, and Teal'c looks decidedly uncomfortable for reasons Sam thinks have nothing to do with his Hawaiian shirt or straw hat. Daniel had told her about Teal'c's confusion over going to a garden belonging to gods, trying to convince the Jaffa that the gods would not attack and he couldn't bring his staff weapon.
"Morning, campers." O'Neill grins at them and Sam suspects they're in for an interesting day. "Ready for some excitement?"
"Uh, Jack, aren't we just going to hike around and look at the rocks?" Daniel asks, catching Sam's eyes and raising an eyebrow at her. "You don't usually find that exciting."
"Colonel O'Neill says we will be riding horses," Teal'c tells them, distaste clear in his voice.
"A trail ride? Is that a good idea?" Sam can't help asking. She knows she's comfortable on a horse - has been since the year her dad was stationed in Texas and her mom softened the blow of leaving a school Sam had really liked by giving in to her daughter's plea for riding lessons. But she's never heard the others mention any such experience.
She shouldn't have worried. Much. Daniel mounts with ease, probably experienced from riding at digs in the middle of nowhere. The colonel looks comfortable in his saddle, but he has that way of wrapping the world around his will, making everything fit around him rather than molding himself into a new situation the way she or Daniel would. Teal'c eyes his mount warily and sits so stiffly in the saddle Sam winces at how sore he'll be by the end, but he doesn't fall off.
Their guide prattles happily about the geological events that created the park and the Native American tribes who inhabited the area. Several times she catches Daniel restrain himself from correcting her and several more times she has to keep herself from laughing at one of the colonel's wise-ass remarks. Teal'c silently radiates discontent the entire ride.
"Well, that was boring," O'Neill comments when it's over.
"It was your idea, sir," Sam points out. "What did you expect?"
"Something exciting," He looks around. "C'mon, let's go."
"Where are we going now?" Teal'c asks.
The colonel looks up from digging a backpack out of the cab of his truck. "To see the Siamese Twins."
The Twins are the formation furthest from them and Daniel spends the first part of the easy walk explaining everything the guide got wrong earlier until O'Neill finally threatens to muzzle him, informing the archaeologist that they're not here for work. Daniel shoots a dark look at the back of his head and Sam's heart misses a beat when he drops back to walk behind her.
Things haven't been right between them since the colonel went undercover to stop Maybourne's operation, and she'd hoped today they could leave it behind. General Hammond kept the team inactive while O'Neill testified, and the colonel apologized every way he could, including buying every round at O'Malley's for a month. Sam knew Daniel had understood and mostly forgiven him, but something prickly still sometimes rears between the two men. For his part, Colonel O'Neill doesn't seem to quite understand what is really wrong to offer the right apology. Sam isn't sure she knows herself.
Daniel is silent the rest of the hike. It's a different silence than he had for days after Sha're died, more locking them out than locking himself in. When they reach the Twins Sam looks through the window to Pike's Peak, imagines she can look back in time and see two figures running into a field of flowers. Daniel edges in next to her, knee pushing into her thigh in the cramped space, and she points out the mountain.
"Feels like forever ago that we climbed it," she tells him softly.
"Yeah," he says, reaching a hand to briefly squeeze her shoulder.
"We've changed a lot. I thought I was tired then," she says. "But so much has happened…" Hathor. Daniel in a padded white room. Sha're's death at Teal'c's hands. A trip to Hell and back. Colonel O'Neill lost on a planet with a buried gate.
O'Neill interrupts whatever response Daniel might have made. "Hey, kids, get down here. This is a team outing - no wandering off until after the party."
Sam turns and puts a hand to her mouth when she sees the red and white-checkered blanket lying on top of a fairly flat rock and Teal'c spreading out an impressive lunch. "Your god's garden is very strange, O'Neill," Teal'c comments, raising an eyebrow at a container of potato salad.
"Why is that?" Daniel asks, sliding off the rock to help.
"As gods, the Goa'uld have always favored temples and palaces filled with gold and other displays of wealth," Teal'c observes. "From my studies of Earth your religions are similarly eager to build elaborate places to worship your gods. But this simple park of eroded rocks you attribute to being the work of gods."
"Think of it as evidence of the power, beauty, and potential of a benevolent god," Daniel explains. "Humans can work gold and build temples, but only a god could create nature and weather and combine their forces to produce a place like this. Many humans find natural phenomena to be evidence of a divine presence, of the wonders a god can create and the love given humans by letting us experience it. You have to admit there is something amazing about the formations."
"I do not. They are simply the work of wind and water over long periods of time." Teal'c raises an eyebrow. "I will admit they are pleasing to the eye."
"Uh, Colonel?" Sam asks, holding up the bottles she finds in the bottom of the pack where she's been digging out the rest of their lunch. "Aren't there rules against alcohol here?"
"You know me and rules, Carter." He raises an eyebrow at her. "Besides, see the labels?" Sam checks and grins. He'd carefully scraped the labels off the bottles and replaced them with white stickers on which he'd written 'root beer' in block lettering. "I even brought ginger ale for Teal'c."
Lunch is good and when they are full there is still more food on the blanket - when the colonel makes lunch, he really makes lunch. Sam can feel the beer spreading a warmth through her limbs, hear the slight slur in Daniel's words as the alcohol surges in his blood, and see the colonel sway slightly where he sits. Teal'c calmly sips his ginger ale and quizzes Daniel about the gods who made the garden, and Sam is grateful the colonel chooses not to interrupt the conversation.
She is lying down, hands over a full stomach and head against the colonel's thigh when Teal'c asks, "Daniel Jackson, do you believe in any of these gods?"
"Uh, Teal'c, that's a difficult question," Daniel says and Sam rises onto her elbows to squint at Daniel, curious of the answer. For all their encounters with the religions of others, personal philosophy has rarely come up. "By the time I was eight I knew the stories of several ancient pantheons and could describe the more common modern religions. You could say that instead of my parents raising me in one religion, they raised me in all of them."
"But did you believe in any of them?" Sam asks, curiosity getting the better of her.
"I think I believed in a higher power. I mean, if every single culture in Earth's history believed in something, maybe they were on the right track. And there are remarkable coincidences - you can find similar stories and personalities in the gods of cultures who could never have interacted. Of course, since the Goa'uld changed everything I thought I knew, maybe those similarities aren't quite as miraculous." Daniel looks pensive a minute and then seems to remember the original question. "But in any single religion? Not really. Some of my foster parents tried taking me to church, but I could never really believe in a specific god."
"Colonel O'Neill? Were you also raised with so many gods?" Teal'c asks.
"I was raised in Minnesota, Teal'c." The colonel takes a large swallow, finishing the bottle and reaching for another, and Sam makes a mental note to make sure Teal'c drives the truck home. Then she wonders if she might have to store her bike on the truck bed and hitch a ride herself.
"Why does that explain your belief?" Teal'c asks.
"There's three givens about growing up in Minnesota," O'Neill tells Teal'c.
"Lutefisk?" Daniel asks, earning a dark look from the colonel.
"Okay, four," O'Neill declares. "Stinky, fermented fish. Ice hockey. Fishing year round. And being dragged to the Lutheran church down the block every Sunday morning."
"So you worshipped a god named Lutheran?" Teal'c asks, and Sam has to dodge out of the way from the beer the colonel spits out.
"No, Teal'c. Lutheranism is a branch of Christianity - remember when I told you how Christianity comes in many forms?" Daniel jumps in to explain the origins of Lutheranism, and Sam can feel Colonel O'Neill rolling his eyes.
"The religions on your world are very strange. I do not understand a god allowing his followers to split into so many groups," Teal'c comments after Daniel finishes. "O'Neill? You believe in this Lutheranism?"
"I wouldn't say that. I didn't understand as a kid and when I got older, let's just say each time I thought I didn't believe anymore I found new reasons to not believe. Sara dragged me to church but I haven't been inside one since Charlie…" A shadow crosses over his face so suddenly Sam expects to see rain clouds in the blue sky above their heads. The colonel pushes violently to his feet and aims the rest of his words over their heads. "I kill false gods for a living now and if there is a real god, he's a bastard. If he's mad that I don't follow him, he can't do anything to me. I've already escaped from Hell once."
After a pause the colonel throws his beer bottle to shatter on the rocks below. He looks down at his empty hands, mutters, "Ah, hell," and climbs down to gather up the pieces. Daniel exchanges a look with Sam and follows the colonel, grabbing an empty potato chip bag for the fragments.
"I did not intend to upset Colonel O'Neill," Teal'c comments and Sam shakes her head.
"Don't worry about it, Teal'c, it isn't you he's angry with," Sam says, gathering the food to put away. She doesn't think they'll be here much longer. "You're going to have to drive the colonel's truck home, Teal'c." Teal'c nods assent and helps her pack up the leftovers.
The walk back to the truck is a quiet affair, though more amicable than Sam had feared. When they reach the parking lot Sam makes sure Teal'c has the keys. She and Daniel elect to stay a while longer rather than cramming themselves into the cab.
As they walk along the paths Sam idly watches the other tourists, trying to guess who they are and what brought them here today. She wonders what anyone thought of her team earlier. Finally, she works up the nerve to ask Daniel the question that has been eating at her. "Daniel, what's going on with you and the colonel?"
Daniel looks at her and guides her to a less crowded area of the park. "Do you remember what I said when Hammond told us Makepeace would be our new C.O.?"
"That I should command SG-1? Because, Daniel, I'm flattered by your faith in me but General Hammond made the correct choice," Sam says. Makepeace may have turned out rotten, but the front-line unit needed to be lead by someone of appropriate rank and Makepeace certainly had enough experience.
"No. When I said I never trusted Jack's command," Daniel tells her quietly.
"Oh."
"I didn't realize it was true until I said it out loud. But, Sam, I believed him. Even on Tollana when he was ripping the device from the wall I was furious at him, but I wasn't surprised. I believed his decisions, believed him capable of turning the way he did, and I believed that our friendship meant nothing to him." Daniel's voice is quiet and a little raw.
"But, Daniel, you know it was all a lie so he could go undercover. You know it was the only way to catch Maybourne's organization," Sam explains. She doesn't know all the details of what happened when Daniel drew the short straw and visited O'Neill's house but she'll never forget the hurt look on his face when he showed up at her door afterwards.
"The best lies are those based on a kernel of truth," Daniel tells her. "I trust Jack with my life and I trust him to do all he can to protect Earth. To do what he thinks is best. But I don't always trust him to know what is actually best and, sometimes, I don't know if he trusts me."
"I don't know if he can ever completely trust anyone," Sam admits. She reaches an arm around his back and he places an arm around her shoulders as they walk back to the motorcycle in silence. "Maybe Thor," she comments when they're almost there, earning herself an amused laugh.
===<***>===
Sam almost doesn't answer the knock on the door. Letting herself fall into a horizontal stargate to topple head over heels onto SGC's ramp is high on her list of things she never wants to do again, and she has the fractured collarbone and no-longer-dislocated shoulder to prove it. After two days in the infirmary and debriefings with the general, Janet had driven her home and ordered her a week of rest. She insisted Sam shouldn't drive, operate lab equipment, or harass Colonel O'Neill with only one working arm and strong painkillers in her system. For once Sam doesn't mind the doctor's orders.
When the knock comes again, louder this time, Sam grunts and levers herself off the couch, calling out, "Whatever movie you brought this time, I'm not in the mood," as she pads to the door. Janet has been stopping by each morning on her way to the Mountain, and Sam is grateful because even simple things like putting on a bra are proving difficult. But a visitor in the afternoon or evening guarantees the colonel, usually with Teal'c in tow, with greasy take-out food and a cheesy movie.
"I didn't bring a movie," Daniel's voice calls through the door. "Are you in the mood for lunch instead?"
Sam smiles as she hurries to open the door. "Daniel! I thought you were still off-world excavating that temple. Come on in. Uh, sorry about the mess." She kicks some shoes aside and closes the door to her bedroom as they pass.
"I think that planet was made entirely of pollen," Daniel explains. "I came back to SGC for some stronger anti-histamines and Janet said you might need some cheering up. So I brought lunch." He shrugs like a shy schoolboy and holds up a bag of sub sandwiches.
Sam starts clearing off the table but turns to ask Daniel, "Is it nice outside?" She feels cold and brittle and doesn't know how much she can blame on the pills and how much on the constant stress, on not being able to recover from one catastrophe before she faces the next. Joe Faxon has joined the list of people she couldn't save and no absolution from above can stop Colonel O'Neill's oft repeated 'we don't leave our people behind' from circling her thoughts.
"Better than the planet I was on this morning," he tells her and she can see sunlight streaming through the window behind him. The thawing potential of its warmth is too promising to resist.
"I haven't really been outside in days. Can we make this a picnic?" He nods and leads her out to his car.
They drive to the nearest public park, and Daniel pulls a blanket from his trunk for the ground before handing her a sandwich. They eat in silence, watching people on the trails running or pushing strollers. A group of kids accidentally throws a Frisbee right onto Daniel's lap, and Sam laughs as they debate which of them is brave enough to retrieve it before Daniel finally takes pity on them and tosses it back.
Sam leans against Daniel, letting him support her weight, and nods to the people on the walkway. "Do you ever just want to tell them?"
"Tell them what?" he asks her and she can feel the vibrations of his voice pass from his chest into her back.
"Everything. The stargate. The real origin of the pyramids. How often the Earth's almost been destroyed. So many good people have died saving this planet and nobody knows their names," she says quietly. "We can't even tell their families how they died, just that they served their country bravely."
"You know we can't tell them," he says, but she can hear an echo of regret in his voice.
"But don't you ever want to?" she insists. "Don't you ever imagine grabbing a microphone at a Rockies game, or writing a letter to the New York Times, or just going to a park on a Saturday afternoon and shouting to anyone who'll listen? The stargate is common knowledge on most of the planets we visit, but we have to keep everything secret at home. Nobody knows what we do."
"The last time I tried telling a roomful of academics that Egypt's pyramids didn't originate the way they thought I ended up talking to an empty room," he tells her, and she remembers Catherine's story of the first time she met Daniel. "And you know why it's a secret. I like to think that someday we can tell the world, that they'll know our story. Whether we'll still be around to tell it…" He shrugs.
"I know," Sam allows. "Sometimes I feel like I spend so much time saving the world I never get to live in it. I mean, I love what we do and I could never give it up. It's just, some days I look at people when I go to the store or the library, and I want their lives - ordinary and boring and blissfully ignorant of everything that's out there."
He's quiet for a long minute and she can almost feel him thinking about an endless desert and the life he nearly had. "That's the price for being a hero."
"What?"
"Look at the stories, Sam. Superman, Batman, Spiderman - they all get to save the world but in exchange they never get to entirely be part of it. You see the same theme in myths and folktales. It's the price we pay," he explains.
"Do you really think we're heroes?" Sam has never really considered it. She just takes each day, each challenge, and tries to make everything work out okay. "Look how often we've almost failed."
"I didn't say we were good at it," he says, startling a laugh out of her. "Well, Teal'c might be. Or Bra'tac."
"Definitely Bra'tac," she agrees, hugging her arm around herself.
He idly rubs his hand along her bicep and says, "I've got something for you," handing her a small object wrapped in tissue paper. "I made it for your birthday, but I think maybe you could use it now."
He helps her open it and she holds back a laugh at the cover on the small book - an array of Marvel superheroes, each with a tiny SGC patch pasted on their shoulder, as though Daniel had known they would have this conversation. She opens to find an album filled with photos.
It starts with one of Catherine and Ernest, finally together after fifty long years, and a picture of a younger Daniel and Colonel O'Neill with a handful of serious-looking soldiers - the first team to visit Abydos. Daniel looks like he's about to sneeze. She turns the pages to find photo after photo of SGC staff, all carefully taken to not betray any secrets. Sergeant Harriman sits at his computer, General Hammond smiles behind his desk, and Rothman and Nyan examine some artifact in Daniel's hands. She finds a photo from when she took her dad to see Mark, after they killed Seth, and one of Teal'c tying O'Neill to his chair at the colonel's solstice party.
She starts to feel the prick of tears in her eyes when she turns the page to find photos of when they first met the Tollan. There's one of Omac and Colonel O'Neill in what looks like the beginnings of a Wild West standoff opposite one of her and Narim talking on Narim's bunk while her cat prowls between them. A few tears escape when she turns the page to find her and Martouf talking on the top of a sand dune. She knows this must have been from the first time they met the Tok'ra but she can't remember when Daniel could have snapped the picture.
By the end of the book she's found nearly everyone she's worked with over the years - some of them now dead, some moved on, but plenty still around and saving the planet as best they can. The last photo is of SG-1 caught smiling after one of those rare missions where everything went better than expected.
"Oh, Daniel, this is wonderful," she says quietly, rubbing any moisture out of her eyes. She turns to smile at him, and he wraps his arms around her in a gentle hug, mindful of her shoulder.
"You might not be able to tell the world," he whispers in her ear. "But there are a lot of people who will never forget."
Daniel is still at her house that night when Teal'c and the colonel show up with spaghetti and all three Indiana Jones movies. Daniel protests that archaeologists' lives aren't nearly as exciting as the movies make it seem until the colonel raises an eyebrow at him and Daniel realizes what he's saying and gives it up.
Daniel falls asleep during the monkey brains and Sam shoos the colonel and Teal'c away after Indy manages to rescue the girl and the credits roll. Daniel looks too peaceful on her couch so she lays a blanket over him and lets him sleep. He doesn't wake up until she starts her coffee maker the next morning.
===<***>===
After Daniel dies, ascends, leaves them, abandons them, Janet takes Sam into her office, closes her door, and they both sit on the floor and cry. Later Sam finds Colonel O'Neill in the office he rarely uses, slams the door, and yells at him until she's hoarse and has shown enough insubordination to be demoted back to cadet. He gets up from his desk to envelope her in a bear hug when she finally stops to breathe, and she beats him futilely with her fists until she finds more tears. The shoulder of his shirt is soaked before she looks up into tired eyes that are dry as a desert.
She spends a day buried in her lab, throwing herself into several projects at once in a desperate search for distraction that refuses to come. There are half a dozen excuses to not have a memorial service, from not knowing which of many possible rituals Daniel would want to not knowing if he's really gone. Sam thinks Daniel would have reminded them that the rituals are more for those left behind than for the missing, but she has no strength to argue. After midnight her dad pulls her out of her lab and drives her home.
He stays three days, and suddenly she's a kid again and her mother has just died. Not healing Daniel is no more his fault than her mother's accident was, but there are the same awkward silences and hurt looks and eventually Selmak says they have to return to the Tok'ra. She rattles around the empty house, tries cleaning until she runs across the photo album Daniel gave her, and then gives up and gets her motorcycle out of the garage.
Sam takes every curve a little too fast on the thankfully empty roads and, before she realizes where she's headed, she's at the first trailhead she'd taken Daniel to years and years ago. She hasn't been back since and she thinks maybe they were saving it as somewhere to take Sha're and, with that no longer possible, it became some vaguely holy ground neither thought about. Or, more likely, they were too busy fighting the Goa'uld.
The trail calls to her as she parks the bike, whispering of a time before the universe had beaten away at her urge to explore. She takes the path quickly, nearly running, and avoids the patches of snow that haven't yet melted in the spring thaw. Every curve resonates with memories of Daniel, and his lost words vibrate in her skull by the time she reaches the pond, out of breath. She flings herself onto her back and watches the sky as dark clouds roll in, echoing her mood.
Storms in Colorado often arrive sudden and fierce and this one is no exception as a once sunny day turns dark. She should seek shelter or lower ground, but stubbornly remains as the wind begins to whip through the bushes. Her only concession to the storm is to sit up and wrap her arms around her knees, huddling into the smallest ball she can manage. Soon the heavens split to release driving rain, drumming into the pond and onto her skull, and the thunder rumbles deep within her.
The rain soaks her to the bone in an instant and she hugs her jacket tight, as though without it she'll fall apart. The smell of ozone, pounding of rain, and roar of thunder batter away at her, slowly eroding her edges until she feels exposed to the world. By the time she realizes she is shouting into the storm - cursing and questioning, begging and wondering - she has said all she needs and she can't tell if the moisture on her cheeks is due only to the rain.
The storm quiets as she does, clouds leaving as quickly as they came, and beams from the sun make the ground smoke with evaporating water. She looks up to see a rainbow stretch across the sky, colored light curving over ancient mountains. Exhausted, she smiles slightly and whispers, "I miss you, Daniel," at the sky, pulling her jacket tighter.
If she's learned anything over the past five years, over all the years of her life, it's that the universe never pauses for you to catch up. Whatever happened yesterday, tomorrow will still come, because even time loops don't last forever, and she has responsibilities that can't be ignored. So she'll go back to the Mountain, her lab, and a job she loves, even when it hurts. She will cheer on Cassie at her soccer games and bite her tongue at the grocery store when she wants to tell everyone about the people who have died so they can fight over the closest parking space.
She knows eventually it will get easier. Eventually she'll be able to accept, even understand the colonel's decision, and maybe even find a way to forgive Jonas, to make him feel welcome. Daniel taught her a strength that has nothing to do with power or weapons and she knows that whatever may be next, she won't be facing it alone.
~end~