And if your heart should melt away

[bucky_cap]

Who: Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes
When: 3 AM Saturday
Where: Suite 8 common room
Summary: Another sleepless night for two old soldiers.
Rating: PG-13 for safety
Warnings: Possible talk of terrible Saw week things, grown men being heartbreakingly sad.

Comments

[bucky_cap]

Bucky pauses in the doorway to their room, staring out into the common room. He expected Steve to be there, of course, but it's still a minor relief when he sees that he really is. But that relief is quickly washed away as he takes in the man's posture, his body language, the pencil and paper in his lap. Bucky has never seen his partner cry before, and he isn't so loud as to make it obvious, but somehow, somehow he knows, and it makes his heart ache. The pain is worse than any physical pain he's ever endured

[bucky_cap]

"We all did. And we still are stubborn." Stubborn old soldiers, that's the two of them. He only hums his agreement about being thankful for the serum; sometimes he imagines it's more of a burden than a blessing, but some aspects of it were always a plus - like the improved healing. It helps Bucky think that maybe, hopefully, one day, Steve will be alright again.

He shakes his head slightly, giving Steve a very light punch in his good arm. "Don't apologize. Ain't your fault. It's not your job to help me sleep." A pause, and he glances over at him, expression softened a little. "I guess you couldn't sleep either."

[rogersthat]

Steve doesn't really complain or think much of it. It's just part of his life at this point. The weight. The expectations. He hasn't caved in from it yet. He doesn't think he'll ever let it.

"I know it isn't. But I'd be happy to know you're getting some." He looks away. "I haven't been sleeping well since the trip. It isn't a big deal."

[bucky_cap]

At least until it gets to be too much and he lets Bucky have the mantle of Captain America instead of taking it back for himself. Neither of them ever wanted it, somehow here they both ended up with it. Ironic.

"It's alright. I don't ever sleep very well, honestly." Nightmares are something he's used to, even from before he ended up here. "...I'm sorry. Anything I can do?"

[rogersthat]

Ironic indeed.

"I usually sleep decently enough to function." Which isn't saying much since he can function well with or without sleep. "I don't know. I suppose I wasn't sure what I was going to do but sit here." And you know, cry to himself.

[bucky_cap]

"You know I know that doesn't mean much," Bucky says quietly. He knows Steve better than anyone, which means he knows the effects of the serum pretty well by now. "...You don't have to do it alone." He slides his arm over Steve's shoulders to keep his best friend close, and glances down at their hands.

Steve has done so much for him. All he wants to do is try to give back, try to make it up to him for everything he's done to his best friend... He's not even really thinking about it when he starts to hum a quiet song, a Russian tune he remembers from the ballet in Moscow in the 50s. It worked with Dick once, maybe...

[rogersthat]

"I sleep enough." At least enough in his own terms. His sleeping habits aren't that bad when things are okay. "I didn't want to bother you. You seemed quite tired." And maybe he didn't want to give him more trouble.

He's leaning against Bucky lightly, not saying anything as he listens to him quietly. It's nice, despite everything going around them. The fact they're both up at a disgusting hour in the morning. It's still kind of nice.

[bucky_cap]

"No you don't." Not by normal people terms, anyway, not with all the stress and the awful things happening. "You never bother me. I get enough sleep."

Bucky just continues to hum quietly, letting his eyes slip closed as he leans back against Steve. It is kind of nice, a moment of peace in the heart of a storm. Now if only the other would fall asleep, because Bucky has no intention to do so until Steve is getting some rest.

[rogersthat]

"You can't say that. I don't get exhausted that often from lack of sleep." He sighs softly. "You seem so tired as of late. I don't know."

Steve is quiet, although he might have shifted a bit to get more comfortable. He presses his cheek against Bucky's shoulder, almost in an affectionate manner. He really should get sleep somehow.

[bucky_cap]

"Bullshit. What happened to 'I just want to sleep'?" He's on to you, Steve. He remembers the plane ride to the Channel Islands. "I think I'm always tired. But I can deal with it."

Bucky lets him, exhaling softly and leaning his head lightly against Steve's. They both really need some sleep.

My brain thought this would be a good idea at 3:30 AM. okok

[rogersthat]

"I've been getting sleep here." Kind of. Not as of late though. "More tired then usual then. It's been quite bad as of late."

It really does take Steve awhile to fall asleep, but he finally does. He probably leans all his weight against the other, no control over his body, and his breathing evens out and slows. That, and the fact that Steve shifted far enough that his head ended up on Bucky's lap somehow is probably a pretty good indication that he's fallen asleep. Well that's going to be awkward later.

It's always a good idea.

[bucky_cap]

Yeah, he doesn't believe that. Bucky knows they're both plagued with nightmares at night. He's no stranger to them, he's been having them since he was sixteen, since he killed his first man, but Steve... Well, he isn't sure just how often those images invade his friend's dreams.

Bucky stays awake, albeit only about halfway (he keeps dozing a bit), at least until Steve leans the rest of his weight on him and sinks into a laying position, head in his lap. He doesn't even stop to think about what anyone else might think if they saw them like this, Bucky just glances down at Steve for a moment, and then nods off himself.