And if your heart should melt away

[bucky_cap]

Who: Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes
When: 3 AM Saturday
Where: Suite 8 common room
Summary: Another sleepless night for two old soldiers.
Rating: PG-13 for safety
Warnings: Possible talk of terrible Saw week things, grown men being heartbreakingly sad.

Comments

[rogersthat]

He knew he could do this in the morning. Or whenever he wanted to. There wasn't a point in sitting in the common room at three in the morning with paper and a pencil. He had started writing at first, but quickly stopped

[bucky_cap]

Bucky pauses in the doorway to their room, staring out into the common room. He expected Steve to be there, of course, but it's still a minor relief when he sees that he really is. But that relief is quickly washed away as he takes in the man's posture, his body language, the pencil and paper in his lap. Bucky has never seen his partner cry before, and he isn't so loud as to make it obvious, but somehow, somehow he knows, and it makes his heart ache. The pain is worse than any physical pain he's ever endured

[rogersthat]

Steve immediately stiffens on contact. He knows that Bucky would be the only one up at this time and would be forward enough to give him such intimate contact. It's also why he stiffened up. Steve knew the other could read body language well. It would be dumb to assume that Bucky had no idea that he was in this state.

And he's ashamed of it. Because he knows Bucky must feel terrible about this all. And he doesn't want him to. Steve doesn't regret the choices that were made. He very much rather have Bucky alive then gone again. He just knew that the amount of stress had gotten the better of him.

"...You couldn't sleep?" His voice is calm. Leveled. He's already pulling himself up again. Steve was going to shrug off the fact that he was upset enough to shed tears. That he knew very well this wasn't the time to be playing strong.

But for Bucky, he just had to be. He wasn't even sure why at this point.

[bucky_cap]

Steve's personal space is the only personal space Bucky Barnes ever feels he can invade like this; after all, they've known each other for years. They've fought together, shared close spaces together. They even spent their leave time together, because who else was there? So of course he knows Steve is crying, just like he knows the other will try to push it down and pretend he's fine.

"No," he replies quietly, not moving just yet from where he stands, draped against Steve almost protectively, as if he wants to shield him from the world. Though they've always called themselves partners, equals, Steve is (usually) the older one, the wiser one, the more mature. He's always been the leader, the protector. Bucky only wishes the man would let him be there for him for a change.

"Don't try to pretend everything's fine. I know you better."