Comments | _marriedlife_: I blame the Lunar Eclipse

geekissexy23 in _marriedlife_

I blame the Lunar Eclipse

Feb 21, 2008 13:19

First I want to thank everyone and their awesome advice from my first post located here.

Things were OK for a little while, He spent most of his nights at school and I spent most of my days at work. We saw eachother at night, and I thought things were going OK for the most part, still some bickering, but we talked about a lot of things and I ( Read more... )

Comments 125

ladyartemisa February 22 2008, 02:20:04 UTC

" I am going to call the marriage councelor tomorrow and move in with my Mom for a while" I said back to him "OK no problem, just do me a favor and find out what she has available and LET ME KNOW before you book anything with her. I have a couple of things planned for Saturday and I would like to attend them, I haven't seen my brother in a month."

if my husband had said that to me i would not have called a counselor. i would have called a lawyer.
that was really bad.

geekissexy23 February 22 2008, 02:22:24 UTC

He already told me he was moving out- that was the worst thing he could have done to me. He wanted me to go and meet pple and visit my famiy and I was the one PUSHING and PUSHING for counceling, even after his attitide and behavior I still pushed. But like i said I am from puerto Rico and things i say do not come out as intended

ladyartemisa February 22 2008, 02:24:40 UTC

what does being from puerto rico have anything to do with it?
i am kind of curious since i am latin.

geekissexy23 February 22 2008, 02:32:39 UTC

The way I speak to him, and the way I try to convey my feelings he dosen't understand and he takes a lot of things literally, and when I try to explain it to him since he is from very very deep south and country, its extremely difficult and the damage is already done. He says that I have an attitude yet all of my family ans hispanic friends from NY says I am always so quite and no where near like how they are and or how they get when they are upset. It's a clash of cultures almost. In the begining he liked it, he liked seeing the fire and the passion, but then he didn't, and as the problems continued, the communication became more and more difficult due to the way I say things and mean them. Does that make sense? I have rained back on my "Attitude" that he hates and it still seems to kind of go no where

Thread 6

foreverbeingnow February 22 2008, 02:33:30 UTC

i just wanted to chime in and say, it sounds like you're going through a lot (obviously) and that doesn't make you necessarily want to jump into the sack. So I get you on that.

I'm pretty much feelin ya on all of this. I've been there. I don't see you as "withholding" sex, if you don't want to, you don't want to. Its unfair to you to think any different.

Maybe you do need some time apart, maybe it will strengthen you in some way. It could be a catalyst to so many things. Sometimes the only way to resolve things is removing yourself from the situation.

Good Luck with everything. Marriage is hard, especially when both of you are hardheaded. It means nothing like you love each other less, sometimes it means you love each other more in some way. Being annoyed with someone...at least you still care. You're not apathetic about it. Theres still something there (unless its just because you're clinging to history, but it doesn't sound like it. idk)
♥

geekissexy23 February 22 2008, 02:35:16 UTC

thanks so much =) I think this might be good, the him moving out. We wont be down eachothers throat so much in a way? Thanks for the chimeing

(The comment has been removed)

geekissexy23 February 22 2008, 02:50:00 UTC

He goes to school full time- at night

The original deal was for him to Substitute teach but he never tried to get the recmmendations he needed so he never got it

elizabethf February 22 2008, 02:39:01 UTC

Em, I realize we haven't been each other's favorite folks over the years so I don't know how you'll take my candor but it's not meant in any cruel fashion. But knowing both of you, especially T as well as I've known him over the years...I am stumped as to why in the world you two are even together in the first place. He's a sweet guy and mostly a good guy but he's immature as hell and I still see a good deal of immaturity in you as well and that really makes marriage, which is hard work even in the best of situations, even tougher. I can see why you're regretful for not waiting longer. I was shocked to hear you two had gotten married. But, the fact is that now you are and you have to somehow try to make it work because you both made some pretty heavy promises ( ... )

geekissexy23 February 22 2008, 02:41:44 UTC

Do I know you? I'm sorry but I reallly don't remember your screen name

elizabethf February 22 2008, 02:44:52 UTC

Beta's best friend. It was wandergirl and I changed it a couple of years back.

geekissexy23 February 22 2008, 02:45:48 UTC

Ah gotcha.

As for the post thanks- maybe you should call Tony and talk to him.

Thread 14

dulyoncourt February 22 2008, 02:56:30 UTC

I am thinking that your husband needs someone to talk him into sense.

If my husband resents me, it must be because of something that I do. How can he say that he can't fix the resentment or problems?!

For example :
A: "I hate staying home"
B: "Ok, baby if you want to go out, we go out but I don't want to go to a bar or club."
NOT
"That is not MY problem!"

You are both a unit now. What is your problem is his problem, what are his problems are your problems. That what this means. It means that you are a TEAM. Us against the world, united. HTF does it make sense that it's not his problem that you have issues. It's both of your issuses or you both wouldn't be in this situation now.

I say both of you go to that counseling and decide for sure if it's worth fighting for. But I would definitly set ground rules. He sounds like a spoilt brat saying, "I don't care about what you want! MEMEMEMEMEMEME!"

snowbitch February 22 2008, 04:54:11 UTC

But what if your husband resents you because he moved over to your country because of you? What if he resents you for things that was already mutually agreed upon before you were married?

Is it then his problem to fix or your problem to fix? Yes, it takes two to work in a marriage but when one is resentful of all of that... that person needs to work it out before anything else.

P/S: You know that I moved half way across the planet for my husband. I have been in that position. So I do know how it feels but..., let it get in way of my marriage?

dulyoncourt February 22 2008, 06:58:14 UTC

Actually, if I had resented my husband for making me move, he would turn around and say, "Ok, so now what do you think we should do? Go back?" That means we both have to work it out. It's still not MY problem, it's our problem.

If you resent your husband for making you move half way across the planet, would he just tell you, "That is YOUR problem?" If he did, would you marry him in the first place?

snowbitch February 22 2008, 04:46:42 UTC

I am sorry to say this but... from both of your posts, it does sound as if you do resent him and that may be a major obstacle in your marriage if that is true and you don't do anything about it.

After the letter and last night's conversation? I would definitely go for counselling, more than ever. However, that depends on you, do you love him enough to want to go through all that and make the relationship work?