I blame the Lunar Eclipse

[geekissexy23]

First I want to thank everyone and their awesome advice from my first post located here.

Things were OK for a little while, He spent most of his nights at school and I spent most of my days at work. We saw eachother at night, and I thought things were going OK for the most part, still some bickering, but we talked about a lot of things and I

Comments

[elizabethf]

Em, I realize we haven't been each other's favorite folks over the years so I don't know how you'll take my candor but it's not meant in any cruel fashion. But knowing both of you, especially T as well as I've known him over the years...I am stumped as to why in the world you two are even together in the first place. He's a sweet guy and mostly a good guy but he's immature as hell and I still see a good deal of immaturity in you as well and that really makes marriage, which is hard work even in the best of situations, even tougher. I can see why you're regretful for not waiting longer. I was shocked to hear you two had gotten married. But, the fact is that now you are and you have to somehow try to make it work because you both made some pretty heavy promises

[geekissexy23]

Do I know you? I'm sorry but I reallly don't remember your screen name

[elizabethf]

Beta's best friend. It was wandergirl and I changed it a couple of years back.

[geekissexy23]

Ah gotcha.

As for the post thanks- maybe you should call Tony and talk to him.

[elizabethf]

I haven't talked to Tony in almost two years now. His ex-gf tried to cheat and screw myself, my brokers and the buyers of her house in a real estate transaction and she was dangerously close to being sued by my broker's company as well as the buyers of her house. Since he was still with her then, I just separated myself completely because I couldn't take a chance on being anywhere near her after that point and I know he took that personally because he wanted to ignore the whole thing like it hadn't happened. We haven't spoken since. I know he recently reached out to my husband, who he's also known for years but then he floated away again. That's Tony for ya. I think he's genuine and sincere in the very moment, but those moments are fleeting and he turns his attention to whatever makes him feel better about himself next.

[ladyartemisa]

i dont think that would be any good as both of you are acting this way.

[ladyartemisa]

actually you mentioned something that i have been reading too. she is being very passive aggressive.
they are not communicating at all for whatever reason but they are giving each other these power struggles to get each other's attention.

[elizabethf]

I've known that behavior to be with her in the past, as she previously dated one of my dearest friends and I very well know that to be a part of her husband's behavior patterns as well. When two people are too busy struggling for power to the exclusion of all-else, then it's impossible to start to chip away at the issues and root of said power struggles.

[ladyartemisa]

i agree with you.
someone has to give and neither of them are doing it.
he seems to try and she says something to reaffirm her power, he leaves to try to reaffirm his and the cycle just keeps going on.

what they need other than just marriage counseling is individual counseling to let them figure out why they are so dead set on being like this, and to learn how to communicate without intentionally making the other feel bad.

[elizabethf]

Ayup!

He's also been in very similar positions in his previous relationships as well from what I've personally known the past 6-7 years. The way that they each react to certain situations totally counteracts each other in a very unproductive way. Having known both of them in years past (although as I admitted above, I haven't known her for the most recent 3-4 years beyond information that has been passed onto me third-party), they both do need some guidance separately. I haven't personally known either of them in any semblance of a healthy relationship. It's not realitic to think that either of them would be any good for the other without each of them having their emotional shit together. I KNOW he doesn't and I'm pretty confident that she doesn't either. Not a slam on either of them. They're not bad people and she's a nice girl and he's a good guy but the whole thing just really couldn't be anything but a mess.

[pancetta]

Couldn't you have emailed your comments to her? Airing real life information about someone else's relationships in an online forum isn't the nicest thing you could do, IMO.

[kanders]

I'm glad you made that comment. I was sort of cringing reading these comments from elizabethf. Maybe she'll delete them.

[pancetta]

And I'm glad I'm not the only one who thought this was grossly inappropriate.

[elizabethf]

She's the one that has it in a public forum in the first place. There's no information that I brought to light in this forum that she wasn't already apparently willing to discuss since it's out there on the table.