I blame the Lunar Eclipse
First I want to thank everyone and their awesome advice from my first post located here.
Things were OK for a little while, He spent most of his nights at school and I spent most of my days at work. We saw eachother at night, and I thought things were going OK for the most part, still some bickering, but we talked about a lot of things and I thought things were OK.
So, I come home from work, and of course he's not home he's in class. What do I see on the coffee table? A note.
Almost a Dear Jane Letter. It started with, "as of tomorrow I will be looking for accomodations elsewhere..." I never told him to move out, or that I didn't want him there. On one occasion I said that if were only dating and not married then I would say "lets take a break from eachother for a while, but that is not the case since we are married."
In the letter he also said things like that he wants attention and he's not getting any, Along with a name and phone number of a marriage councelor. He ended the letter with saying that he wanted to work things out.
I was DEVASTATED. 1/2 was because a previous ex did the EXACT SAME THING, so it was dejavu x2 and the other half was because growing up in a hispanic household if a Man wants to leave, you let him leave. You do not stop him, because if he wants to leave then apparantly the relationship dosen't mean THAT much to him. So I was really hurt by his letter.
FF to last night/ I went out with a few friends b/c I just could NOT stay home- this was the First time I've gone out with friends in 2 months) I come home and we of course started to talk...
He said that I was forcing him out- which I was not- that I'm mean all the time- that he's not getting the attention that he wants, he wants to sleep with me and shower with me and do all the things we did before (NOT going to happen) and since he's not he feels hurt.
So the best way that I can, I explained to him my feelings, I tried to reason with him, I tried to not give him attitude or raise my voice- then he began to be VERY condesending saying "Well hunny don't think your shit don't stink"
O_o who still says that? I was in NO way shape or form saying things like that to him. He then began to say things like "Well you have your issues, I can't fix them. I can't fix that you resent me, or most of the problems you have with me." O_o So basically this is all my fault, and the problems we have have really nothing to do with him and everything to do with me? That's not quite fair IMHO.
After that comment - I felt like there was nothing left to say to him.
He leaves the room for a while and comes back in and says, " I am going to call the marriage councelor tomorrow and move in with my Mom for a while" I said back to him "OK no problem, just do me a favor and find out what she has available and LET ME KNOW before you book anything with her. I have a couple of things planned for Saturday and I would like to attend them, I haven't seen my brother in a month."
Immediately he became SO angry and SO mad saying that I was putting my going out with friends before the marriage-
For those of you that remember my previsous post I haven't left the house in months, I've been working in TRYING to gain some kind of hobby ans get out of the Apt. I literally Jumped out of my chair and just began attacking him I was so angry. One day he wanted me to go out and make friends and hang out with ppl, and the moment I do, My plans are not important, and I should drop EVERYTHING for him- I didn't think that was fair either. And I didn't say I WASN"T going to counceling or Was NOT going to go if she had an opening, but to just ask me before booking, to make me feel like I was important. He didn't bother to let me finish and just attacked me with this hurt look in his eyes.
So he's moving out sometime over the next few days, not TOTALLY moving out but like his clothes and books and things he uses on a daily basis.
At this point I feel like I am at a loss. I am not sure if many of you have been in this situation.
Is it a loss cause at this point? Is there reallly nothing else either of us can do? We are still going to try counceling but after that letter and last night's conversation, I am not sure if it is still worth it. What would you do? Or what have you done?
Thanks for letting me Vent
Xposted in
datinandrelatin
Things were OK for a little while, He spent most of his nights at school and I spent most of my days at work. We saw eachother at night, and I thought things were going OK for the most part, still some bickering, but we talked about a lot of things and I thought things were OK.
So, I come home from work, and of course he's not home he's in class. What do I see on the coffee table? A note.
Almost a Dear Jane Letter. It started with, "as of tomorrow I will be looking for accomodations elsewhere..." I never told him to move out, or that I didn't want him there. On one occasion I said that if were only dating and not married then I would say "lets take a break from eachother for a while, but that is not the case since we are married."
In the letter he also said things like that he wants attention and he's not getting any, Along with a name and phone number of a marriage councelor. He ended the letter with saying that he wanted to work things out.
I was DEVASTATED. 1/2 was because a previous ex did the EXACT SAME THING, so it was dejavu x2 and the other half was because growing up in a hispanic household if a Man wants to leave, you let him leave. You do not stop him, because if he wants to leave then apparantly the relationship dosen't mean THAT much to him. So I was really hurt by his letter.
FF to last night/ I went out with a few friends b/c I just could NOT stay home- this was the First time I've gone out with friends in 2 months) I come home and we of course started to talk...
He said that I was forcing him out- which I was not- that I'm mean all the time- that he's not getting the attention that he wants, he wants to sleep with me and shower with me and do all the things we did before (NOT going to happen) and since he's not he feels hurt.
So the best way that I can, I explained to him my feelings, I tried to reason with him, I tried to not give him attitude or raise my voice- then he began to be VERY condesending saying "Well hunny don't think your shit don't stink"
O_o who still says that? I was in NO way shape or form saying things like that to him. He then began to say things like "Well you have your issues, I can't fix them. I can't fix that you resent me, or most of the problems you have with me." O_o So basically this is all my fault, and the problems we have have really nothing to do with him and everything to do with me? That's not quite fair IMHO.
After that comment - I felt like there was nothing left to say to him.
He leaves the room for a while and comes back in and says, " I am going to call the marriage councelor tomorrow and move in with my Mom for a while" I said back to him "OK no problem, just do me a favor and find out what she has available and LET ME KNOW before you book anything with her. I have a couple of things planned for Saturday and I would like to attend them, I haven't seen my brother in a month."
Immediately he became SO angry and SO mad saying that I was putting my going out with friends before the marriage-
For those of you that remember my previsous post I haven't left the house in months, I've been working in TRYING to gain some kind of hobby ans get out of the Apt. I literally Jumped out of my chair and just began attacking him I was so angry. One day he wanted me to go out and make friends and hang out with ppl, and the moment I do, My plans are not important, and I should drop EVERYTHING for him- I didn't think that was fair either. And I didn't say I WASN"T going to counceling or Was NOT going to go if she had an opening, but to just ask me before booking, to make me feel like I was important. He didn't bother to let me finish and just attacked me with this hurt look in his eyes.
So he's moving out sometime over the next few days, not TOTALLY moving out but like his clothes and books and things he uses on a daily basis.
At this point I feel like I am at a loss. I am not sure if many of you have been in this situation.
Is it a loss cause at this point? Is there reallly nothing else either of us can do? We are still going to try counceling but after that letter and last night's conversation, I am not sure if it is still worth it. What would you do? Or what have you done?
Thanks for letting me Vent
Xposted in
datinandrelatin