Dyatlov Pass Sequel - All Our Passing Nights [Chapter 3/?]
Title: Dyatlov Pass - All Our Passing Nights.
Author: x_carnivale_x
Pairing: Bam/Ville, et all.
Rating: R/NC17. for mentions of sex, violence, gore, and horror.
Summary: That is not dead which can eternal lie. And with strange aeons, even death may die.
Author's Notes: This chapter shows Bam's first dream, along with a good old angst-carnival. Do expect a lot of that for the remainder of this fic. It goes up and down, honestly, varying in horror and angst and sweet, but this chapter... it's sad. Also, as a reminder, for this story again I'll say Ville has a place in West Chester near Bam. Annnnd Bam has a cat and dog. Cat = Gabriel, Dog = Uriel. Cause well, animals are important here.
Previous Chapters: Chapter One // Chapter Two //
For those that want to read the original story, here is a link to the full story. [Starts at the last chapter, all previous chapters are linked.]
Dyatlov Pass - The Original
Bam endured the flight in silence - never sleeping, barely acknowledging those around him. He sat at the window, staring out calmly, watching the clouds rolling by and wondering when he would see the ground, when he could find the ground. He wondered what time it would be in West Chester. when they arrived. He watched over the lengthy flight as the sun began to fade from the sky, and he was exhausted, but never tired. He licked his lips and wrung his fingers together, glancing over at his friends in the seats next to him. He shivered and turned off the air conditioning that was blowing on him.
It was dark when they landed. The flight had been smooth and he wasn't sure if he was thankful for that or not. He was at least thankful to see a few city lights. They took a taxi back to Bam's house. He and his friends entered slowly and Bam noted how dark it was. He flipped on the front hall light and he heard the click-clacking of Uriel's nails on the hardwood. He smiled a small smile and crouched down as Uriel approached him. But about a foot away from Bam, the dog stopped, and Bam was confused. He called to him, patting his leg and the dog steadily, carefully, cautiously eased his way towards Bam. Ryan watched on silently. Uriel gingerly allowed Bam to touch him, and with a careful sniff, the dog seemed relieved and pressed into Bam more. Bam just held his scruffy body tight, burying his face against Uriel's head, and he petted him gently. He heard his friends entering the house behind him.
He stood gently and followed them to the living room. They stood silently, awkwardly. And Linde mumbled that April had been taking care of Uriel and Gabriel. He hung his head gently and he felt Uriel nosing his palm. He patted the dog's head lightly and looked up at Ryan, Linde, Mige, and Gas. Ryan cleared his throat.
"...Bam, I'm... I'm gunna be frank. I don't really feel comfortable leaving you alone tonight. Why don't you come stay with one of us? Or we could stay here..."
Bam saw Mige bite his lip and avoid eye contact and Gas merely scratched at the back of his head idly. Bam shook his head no.
"No."
"Bam..."
"Guys, please..." He licked his lips and swallowed, trying to force the lump in his throat down, trying to make sure his voice didn't crack. "I know why you would be nervous, but... I can't have this right now. I appreciate it... I do. But I can't be... I need to be alone for a bit."
Ryan sighed but Mige nodded understandingly.
"Alright man, we'll leave you be for tonight. But you have to promise me that you will call one of us if you need anything. Okay? Promise me."
"I promise."
"Cross your heart." he heard Linde mumble.
"...Cross my heart."
And hope to die. Bam thought bitterly.
::
They left with hugs and silence, and Bam was thankful for it. He moved steadily towards the living room again. He glance down at his small travel bag and unzipped it. He saw his cellphone resting gently on top of the clothes and he picked it up. It was out of battery. He wandered slowly towards his bedroom and plugged it in to the charger resting on his nightstand. He waited patiently for it to turn on and as it did, he sat lightly on the edge of the bed. He took a quick glance upward, eyes falling on the H.I.M poster residing on his bedroom ceiling and he cringed and glanced back down. When th phone finally came on, he opened up his message inbox, scrolling down through his texts. The last few had been from Ryan, or Mige, or hell even Novak. One from his mother, too. But he scrolled further and found Ville's old texts. He blinked sadly and opened one.
"Dude. You won't believe this. I'm at GameStop and I swear there is a stripper trying to buy a $40 video game. With ones."
He smiled lightly and pressed the arrow for the next message.
"I think I'm going to have a tshirt made for you: World-Class Dumbass."
Next message.
"Gah man, my ears have been hurting all day."
He startled at the message and checked the date on it. January 19th. Ville had left in February. He furrowed his brow and let his tongue touch the tip of his upper canine. He flipped to an earlier one.
"You aren't mad, are you? I didn't mean it, man. I was just poking fun."
Bam tried to remember this text. He thought it was from when he and Ville went out to a club. Ville had made fun of Bam's dancing, and if Bam recalled just right, it had for some reason really bothered him. It could've been the alcohol, or Bam's perpetual [and surprising] sensitivity, or merely that he didn't want Ville to think poorly of him - he didn't know. He'd left the club early that night, leaving Ville behind. He couldn't really remember what he had sent back to Ville that night, if anything.
He was about to flip to the next message when he heard Uriel whimper quietly. The dog stood in the doorway to the bedroom and Bam just glanced up sadly and patted his leg for the dog to come in. Uriel strode in slowly and sat on the floor by Bam, letting his head rest lightly on Bam's thigh. Bam bit his lip and scruffed around the dog's ears.
"You're a good boy." He muttered. "...Do you miss Ville?"
Uriel whimpered quietly. Bam bit his lip and felt his eyes stinging again. He inhaled through his nose deeply and spoke, his voice no louder than a whisper.
"...Me too."
He glanced over at the clock. It was after midnight. He looked back down at Uriel and whispered again.
"Will you be okay for tonight?"
He didn't expect an answer, but he felt he should ask anyway. The dog made what seemed to Bam as a forgiving whine and Bam stood up, walking out of his bedroom towards his kitchen. He grabbed his animals' bowls and filled them with water and set them back down gently. Uriel took a gentle lap and looked up at Bam. Bam just shook his head and went back to the living room to grab his bag. He moved back to his bedroom, grabbing his phone and charger, and walked towards the front entrance of the house. Uriel followed him solemnly. Bam turned to him and crouched down again, petting him gently.
"I'm going to be back tomorrow morning, okay?" Uriel licked his face. Bam stood and left the house, locking the door soundly behind him. He walked slowly, but deliberately to his car, sliding in slowly and pausing for a moment once the engine had started. He shook his head and backed out, driving the few blocks down the road until he stared up at the front door of Ville's house. He parked, sliding out of his car with steady hesitancy, and walked gingerly up the steps towards the door and reached up to the door mantle, feeling around for the key Ville kept there. With a trembling hand, he slid the key in the lock and opened the door.
The house was dead silent and dark. All the lights turned off and he wondered how long it had been since someone had been in the house. Ville had left in February - it was mid-November now. At least, he was pretty sure it was November. It was cold enough outside to warrant the title of Fall, but it certainly wasn't cold by any means, and he was thankful for it. He wished it had been warmer out in the Pass. But he shook his head and glanced around the house. He flicked on a light switch, both happy and surprised to see that there was power, and walked in, seeing a pair of Ville's shoes by the wall. He sighed quietly and continued. He moved towards Ville's living room, and he noted that the place wasn't that dirty or dusty. He imagined that Ville's family, or their friends had been there at some point over the months, and had taken care of the place. It seemed just like Ville's mom to come to the States just to clean the house and to constantly make sure the electric bill was being paid. But the house seemed abandoned now and he hated the silence of it. He was used to the way that Ville's voice echoed down the hallway when Bam came over, yelling a greeting, or telling him with a laugh that it had taken him long enough to get there. He swallowed thickly and walked forward towards the stairs, ascending them in silence, his bag still slung over his shoulder.
The door to Ville's bedroom was shut, and he could only hold the knob at first. Part of him didn't even want to turn it. But he breathed deeply and forced himself to twist the knob. He pushed the door open gently and stepped into the dark room. He went to turn on the light, but he found he didn't need it. The lights from the city and the moon outside lit up the room just enough to be able to see. Ville's bed was made, and Bam stared at the pristine way the pillows were placed at the head of the bed. Ville had always told Bam that his method of "making" his bed was laughable at best. Bam had just told Ville he was too uptight and that his OCD would drive him crazy one day. Ville said it worked for him - Bam would never have admitted to him that it did work for him.
He walked into the room, his nose sensing a very faint, distant, almost nonexistent smell of cologne and he felt his stomach twist up. He wondered how the smell still lingered at all. He kept moving towards the bed and sat his bag down on it, unzipping it and taking out his phone and charger. He felt around behind Ville's nightstand and plugged it in, hearing his phone beep, affirming it was charging. He set it gently on the nightstand next to a dog-earred copy of House of Leaves. Bam sighed quietly - he loved that book, it was really the only book he'd ever truly enjoyed. But it looked as if Ville had never finished it. He found that painful and appropriate, given the circumstances. He almost let himself think more about the book, but shook his head quickly, as a sudden onslaught of relevancy crept up on him, and he told himself to not think about it. He glanced around the room again, looking at the drapes and the array of paintings on the wall, and he mused at how he'd always marveled at what good taste Ville had. Bam was uncouth, really, and tended to prefer posters.
He let his eyes fall on the sliding door of Ville's closet. It was partially open and Bam couldn't help but walk over to it. He flicked the switch on the wall and saw a light come on behind the door and he slid it open fully. It was only half-full, seeing as Ville didn't live their all the time. But it smelled of Ville, in a way that invaded Bam's senses, and made him weak at the knees and he barely felt he could stand. Normally he would have commented on the disgustingly ridiculous amount of scarves Ville owned, but right now all he could do was stare. He was crying again and he hated it. He stepped forward a little more and reached his arm out to let his fingertips brush against the sleeves of a few of the shirts. He gripped the hem of one and stepped even closer, once again only wanting to feel them and smell them, and he let his body collapse slightly into the row of shirts. He sobbed loudly and he couldn't stand that he did. At least no one could hear him. His breath choked and his eyes fucking hurt and he felt a sickening twist in the pit of his stomach and he wanted to scream. But he didn't. Instead he clenched his teeth together and forced himself to stand up again. He had to mentally tell his hands to let go of the clothing and stumbled back lightly. He heard his phone buzz against the bedstand. He wandered over slowly and picked it up, seeing it was a text from Ryan.
"Are you okay?"
And he honestly didn't know what to say. So he lied to him instead.
"Yes."
He set the phone down gently, but as he did it buzzed again.
"It's okay not to be, man..."
Bam didn't want to lie again. So he just closed the phone and set it down and trudged over towards the bathroom attached to Ville's room. He flicked the lights on and turned towards the mirror, staring at himself emptily, and for a split second, he wanted to disappear. He shook his head and turned towards the shower, steadily wandering over to it and slipping his shirt off. He turned the knobs gently, testing to see if the water would even come on. It did, and it was brown at first - a sign of unused pipes - and he waited, his fingers resting under it gently once it had gone clear. He felt the water go warm, and he pulled the lever for the shower. At first, nothing came out, and he sighed quietly when the shower-head spurted slowly, water steadily increasing in pressure out of it. He stripped completely, silently and stepped in. He washed his hair and body slowly, feeling quietly relieved to just feel clean, even if only for the time being, and his brain was alight with the scents he'd grown so used to associating with Ville. They smelled good.
He rubbed his shoulders firmly, trying to force his muscles to relax and he ran his hands across his neck and to his nape where he felt itchy suddenly. And he scratched deliberately until it started to sting, but the itch wouldn't go away. He tried to ignore it and slowly shut off the water. He wondered who was paying for the bills here. Probably still coming straight out of Ville's bank account. He grabbed a towel and dabbed his face and body, wrapping it around himself and stepping out gingerly. He moved back over to the sink and mirror - it was fogged over now and Bam didn't want to wipe it away. Instead he let his finger write Ville's name in the condensation and he stared at it blankly. He left the bathroom without another word, drying himself more and moved towards Ville's dresser. He opened a few drawers and grabbed a pair of sweatpants and and old, large tshirt [because Ville always had too-big shirts]. He slipped them on slightly and inhaled deeply before running the towel over his hair again. He let it fall to the floor, for once not caring to put it up - Ville wouldn't have cared - and walked to Ville's bed, pulling back the covers and lying down against the pillows, half lying down, half sitting up. He turned to his left side and pulled his knees more closely towards him and grabbed his phone gently. He couldn't help himself as he let his thumb press the number 2 on the keypad, pulling up Ville's number on his speed dial, and pressing send. He listened to it ring, somewhat surprised that it rang at all; once, twice, three times, until it clicked and went to voicemail.
"Hey this is Ville, leave me a message."
He pressed end before the voicemail could beep for him to start talking. He looked around and wondered where Ville's phone might be. His lips pressed into a firm line and he let his eyes return to his phone, pressing send once again.
Ringing once, twice, three times.
"Hey this is Ville, leave me a message."
End.
Send.
Once. Twice. Three times.
"Hey this is Ville, leave me a message."
He curled up even tighter, grabbing one of Ville's pillows and clinging it to his chest. He put his phone on speaker. End. Send. Once, twice, three times.
"Hey this is Ville, leave me a message."
He bit his lip and pressed it again.
"Hey this is Ville, leave m-"
Bam fell asleep before he could finish it.
::
When Bam opened his eyes, it was light outside and for a moment he wondered what time it was. But he decided not to care as he stared at Ville's face. He was still in Ville's bed and Ville laid across from him, his eyes open, a quiet, knowing grin on his lips. Bam sighed and tilted his head, pressing his hair and the side of his face a little more deeply into the gentle cushion of the pillow. He looked up at Ville's eyes and could see the sun lighting them up, and they looked meadow green, with tendrils of calm and tranquility floating over them. Bam let himself smile slightly too as he felt Ville's hand rest on his neck. Bam put his hand over Ville's and let his fingers run across his knuckles.
"I'm so glad you're here." Ville muttered quietly.
"Me too." said Bam as he brought Ville's hand to his lips, kissing the tips of his fingers lightly.
"I missed you."
Bam swallowed and stared at Ville, letting his lips soften into a calm line.
"Where've you been?" Bam asked with concern and curiosity. And Ville's brow just furrowed slightly and Bam licked his lips.
"I don't rightly know." Ville mumbled quietly. Bam glanced away from his face and made an affirming noise. He heard Ville swallow and felt the calloused pads of his fingers brushing against the stubble on his cheek, then through the dark locks on his forehead. Ville spoke again.
"I found a bird." Bam didn't pay the comment any mind. He just pressed his cheek further into Ville's palm, letting his eyes slip closed gently.
"A bird, huh?"
"Yeah, it's over there." Ville said placidly, almost serenely, and Bam opened his eyes to see Ville motion backwards with his head, indicating something behind him. Bam let his brows furrow and he raised his head to look. Against the wall he saw a dead, bloody, gutted [white now red] bird hanging from a string. He gasped loudly and he felt his limbs pushing him up and away roughly as he yelled.
"Jesus fucking Christ!"
He fumbled and lost his balance and before he knew it he was on the floor, feeling the sensation of bile burning his throat as he coughed loudly.
He awoke with a start to an empty bed, panting heavily and gripping his chest and the pillow. He realized quickly that it was light outside and he was still facing the nightstand. He turned his body over quickly, looking over at the empty space in the bed and he sighed, turning back to stare at the wall across from him. He brushed a hand over his eyes and sat up, slowly moving his legs to hang off the side of the bed. He stood with a stretch and he felt tired. Very tired. He leant down to the nightstand and unplugged his phone, holding it gently in his palm, and hesitantly, he opened a text message to send to Mige.
"Where is he buried?".
[Chapter Three Cut]
AGH GODDAMN THAT CHAPTER BUMS ME OUT.
But on the bright side, Bam is out of Finland and finally back in West Chester.
Reviews? yes, please.
Do you want more? Are you intrigued? Bummed out? How ya doin, kiddos?
Love.
[Pandora]
Author: x_carnivale_x
Pairing: Bam/Ville, et all.
Rating: R/NC17. for mentions of sex, violence, gore, and horror.
Summary: That is not dead which can eternal lie. And with strange aeons, even death may die.
Author's Notes: This chapter shows Bam's first dream, along with a good old angst-carnival. Do expect a lot of that for the remainder of this fic. It goes up and down, honestly, varying in horror and angst and sweet, but this chapter... it's sad. Also, as a reminder, for this story again I'll say Ville has a place in West Chester near Bam. Annnnd Bam has a cat and dog. Cat = Gabriel, Dog = Uriel. Cause well, animals are important here.
Previous Chapters: Chapter One // Chapter Two //
For those that want to read the original story, here is a link to the full story. [Starts at the last chapter, all previous chapters are linked.]
Dyatlov Pass - The Original
Bam endured the flight in silence - never sleeping, barely acknowledging those around him. He sat at the window, staring out calmly, watching the clouds rolling by and wondering when he would see the ground, when he could find the ground. He wondered what time it would be in West Chester. when they arrived. He watched over the lengthy flight as the sun began to fade from the sky, and he was exhausted, but never tired. He licked his lips and wrung his fingers together, glancing over at his friends in the seats next to him. He shivered and turned off the air conditioning that was blowing on him.
It was dark when they landed. The flight had been smooth and he wasn't sure if he was thankful for that or not. He was at least thankful to see a few city lights. They took a taxi back to Bam's house. He and his friends entered slowly and Bam noted how dark it was. He flipped on the front hall light and he heard the click-clacking of Uriel's nails on the hardwood. He smiled a small smile and crouched down as Uriel approached him. But about a foot away from Bam, the dog stopped, and Bam was confused. He called to him, patting his leg and the dog steadily, carefully, cautiously eased his way towards Bam. Ryan watched on silently. Uriel gingerly allowed Bam to touch him, and with a careful sniff, the dog seemed relieved and pressed into Bam more. Bam just held his scruffy body tight, burying his face against Uriel's head, and he petted him gently. He heard his friends entering the house behind him.
He stood gently and followed them to the living room. They stood silently, awkwardly. And Linde mumbled that April had been taking care of Uriel and Gabriel. He hung his head gently and he felt Uriel nosing his palm. He patted the dog's head lightly and looked up at Ryan, Linde, Mige, and Gas. Ryan cleared his throat.
"...Bam, I'm... I'm gunna be frank. I don't really feel comfortable leaving you alone tonight. Why don't you come stay with one of us? Or we could stay here..."
Bam saw Mige bite his lip and avoid eye contact and Gas merely scratched at the back of his head idly. Bam shook his head no.
"No."
"Bam..."
"Guys, please..." He licked his lips and swallowed, trying to force the lump in his throat down, trying to make sure his voice didn't crack. "I know why you would be nervous, but... I can't have this right now. I appreciate it... I do. But I can't be... I need to be alone for a bit."
Ryan sighed but Mige nodded understandingly.
"Alright man, we'll leave you be for tonight. But you have to promise me that you will call one of us if you need anything. Okay? Promise me."
"I promise."
"Cross your heart." he heard Linde mumble.
"...Cross my heart."
And hope to die. Bam thought bitterly.
::
They left with hugs and silence, and Bam was thankful for it. He moved steadily towards the living room again. He glance down at his small travel bag and unzipped it. He saw his cellphone resting gently on top of the clothes and he picked it up. It was out of battery. He wandered slowly towards his bedroom and plugged it in to the charger resting on his nightstand. He waited patiently for it to turn on and as it did, he sat lightly on the edge of the bed. He took a quick glance upward, eyes falling on the H.I.M poster residing on his bedroom ceiling and he cringed and glanced back down. When th phone finally came on, he opened up his message inbox, scrolling down through his texts. The last few had been from Ryan, or Mige, or hell even Novak. One from his mother, too. But he scrolled further and found Ville's old texts. He blinked sadly and opened one.
"Dude. You won't believe this. I'm at GameStop and I swear there is a stripper trying to buy a $40 video game. With ones."
He smiled lightly and pressed the arrow for the next message.
"I think I'm going to have a tshirt made for you: World-Class Dumbass."
Next message.
"Gah man, my ears have been hurting all day."
He startled at the message and checked the date on it. January 19th. Ville had left in February. He furrowed his brow and let his tongue touch the tip of his upper canine. He flipped to an earlier one.
"You aren't mad, are you? I didn't mean it, man. I was just poking fun."
Bam tried to remember this text. He thought it was from when he and Ville went out to a club. Ville had made fun of Bam's dancing, and if Bam recalled just right, it had for some reason really bothered him. It could've been the alcohol, or Bam's perpetual [and surprising] sensitivity, or merely that he didn't want Ville to think poorly of him - he didn't know. He'd left the club early that night, leaving Ville behind. He couldn't really remember what he had sent back to Ville that night, if anything.
He was about to flip to the next message when he heard Uriel whimper quietly. The dog stood in the doorway to the bedroom and Bam just glanced up sadly and patted his leg for the dog to come in. Uriel strode in slowly and sat on the floor by Bam, letting his head rest lightly on Bam's thigh. Bam bit his lip and scruffed around the dog's ears.
"You're a good boy." He muttered. "...Do you miss Ville?"
Uriel whimpered quietly. Bam bit his lip and felt his eyes stinging again. He inhaled through his nose deeply and spoke, his voice no louder than a whisper.
"...Me too."
He glanced over at the clock. It was after midnight. He looked back down at Uriel and whispered again.
"Will you be okay for tonight?"
He didn't expect an answer, but he felt he should ask anyway. The dog made what seemed to Bam as a forgiving whine and Bam stood up, walking out of his bedroom towards his kitchen. He grabbed his animals' bowls and filled them with water and set them back down gently. Uriel took a gentle lap and looked up at Bam. Bam just shook his head and went back to the living room to grab his bag. He moved back to his bedroom, grabbing his phone and charger, and walked towards the front entrance of the house. Uriel followed him solemnly. Bam turned to him and crouched down again, petting him gently.
"I'm going to be back tomorrow morning, okay?" Uriel licked his face. Bam stood and left the house, locking the door soundly behind him. He walked slowly, but deliberately to his car, sliding in slowly and pausing for a moment once the engine had started. He shook his head and backed out, driving the few blocks down the road until he stared up at the front door of Ville's house. He parked, sliding out of his car with steady hesitancy, and walked gingerly up the steps towards the door and reached up to the door mantle, feeling around for the key Ville kept there. With a trembling hand, he slid the key in the lock and opened the door.
The house was dead silent and dark. All the lights turned off and he wondered how long it had been since someone had been in the house. Ville had left in February - it was mid-November now. At least, he was pretty sure it was November. It was cold enough outside to warrant the title of Fall, but it certainly wasn't cold by any means, and he was thankful for it. He wished it had been warmer out in the Pass. But he shook his head and glanced around the house. He flicked on a light switch, both happy and surprised to see that there was power, and walked in, seeing a pair of Ville's shoes by the wall. He sighed quietly and continued. He moved towards Ville's living room, and he noted that the place wasn't that dirty or dusty. He imagined that Ville's family, or their friends had been there at some point over the months, and had taken care of the place. It seemed just like Ville's mom to come to the States just to clean the house and to constantly make sure the electric bill was being paid. But the house seemed abandoned now and he hated the silence of it. He was used to the way that Ville's voice echoed down the hallway when Bam came over, yelling a greeting, or telling him with a laugh that it had taken him long enough to get there. He swallowed thickly and walked forward towards the stairs, ascending them in silence, his bag still slung over his shoulder.
The door to Ville's bedroom was shut, and he could only hold the knob at first. Part of him didn't even want to turn it. But he breathed deeply and forced himself to twist the knob. He pushed the door open gently and stepped into the dark room. He went to turn on the light, but he found he didn't need it. The lights from the city and the moon outside lit up the room just enough to be able to see. Ville's bed was made, and Bam stared at the pristine way the pillows were placed at the head of the bed. Ville had always told Bam that his method of "making" his bed was laughable at best. Bam had just told Ville he was too uptight and that his OCD would drive him crazy one day. Ville said it worked for him - Bam would never have admitted to him that it did work for him.
He walked into the room, his nose sensing a very faint, distant, almost nonexistent smell of cologne and he felt his stomach twist up. He wondered how the smell still lingered at all. He kept moving towards the bed and sat his bag down on it, unzipping it and taking out his phone and charger. He felt around behind Ville's nightstand and plugged it in, hearing his phone beep, affirming it was charging. He set it gently on the nightstand next to a dog-earred copy of House of Leaves. Bam sighed quietly - he loved that book, it was really the only book he'd ever truly enjoyed. But it looked as if Ville had never finished it. He found that painful and appropriate, given the circumstances. He almost let himself think more about the book, but shook his head quickly, as a sudden onslaught of relevancy crept up on him, and he told himself to not think about it. He glanced around the room again, looking at the drapes and the array of paintings on the wall, and he mused at how he'd always marveled at what good taste Ville had. Bam was uncouth, really, and tended to prefer posters.
He let his eyes fall on the sliding door of Ville's closet. It was partially open and Bam couldn't help but walk over to it. He flicked the switch on the wall and saw a light come on behind the door and he slid it open fully. It was only half-full, seeing as Ville didn't live their all the time. But it smelled of Ville, in a way that invaded Bam's senses, and made him weak at the knees and he barely felt he could stand. Normally he would have commented on the disgustingly ridiculous amount of scarves Ville owned, but right now all he could do was stare. He was crying again and he hated it. He stepped forward a little more and reached his arm out to let his fingertips brush against the sleeves of a few of the shirts. He gripped the hem of one and stepped even closer, once again only wanting to feel them and smell them, and he let his body collapse slightly into the row of shirts. He sobbed loudly and he couldn't stand that he did. At least no one could hear him. His breath choked and his eyes fucking hurt and he felt a sickening twist in the pit of his stomach and he wanted to scream. But he didn't. Instead he clenched his teeth together and forced himself to stand up again. He had to mentally tell his hands to let go of the clothing and stumbled back lightly. He heard his phone buzz against the bedstand. He wandered over slowly and picked it up, seeing it was a text from Ryan.
"Are you okay?"
And he honestly didn't know what to say. So he lied to him instead.
"Yes."
He set the phone down gently, but as he did it buzzed again.
"It's okay not to be, man..."
Bam didn't want to lie again. So he just closed the phone and set it down and trudged over towards the bathroom attached to Ville's room. He flicked the lights on and turned towards the mirror, staring at himself emptily, and for a split second, he wanted to disappear. He shook his head and turned towards the shower, steadily wandering over to it and slipping his shirt off. He turned the knobs gently, testing to see if the water would even come on. It did, and it was brown at first - a sign of unused pipes - and he waited, his fingers resting under it gently once it had gone clear. He felt the water go warm, and he pulled the lever for the shower. At first, nothing came out, and he sighed quietly when the shower-head spurted slowly, water steadily increasing in pressure out of it. He stripped completely, silently and stepped in. He washed his hair and body slowly, feeling quietly relieved to just feel clean, even if only for the time being, and his brain was alight with the scents he'd grown so used to associating with Ville. They smelled good.
He rubbed his shoulders firmly, trying to force his muscles to relax and he ran his hands across his neck and to his nape where he felt itchy suddenly. And he scratched deliberately until it started to sting, but the itch wouldn't go away. He tried to ignore it and slowly shut off the water. He wondered who was paying for the bills here. Probably still coming straight out of Ville's bank account. He grabbed a towel and dabbed his face and body, wrapping it around himself and stepping out gingerly. He moved back over to the sink and mirror - it was fogged over now and Bam didn't want to wipe it away. Instead he let his finger write Ville's name in the condensation and he stared at it blankly. He left the bathroom without another word, drying himself more and moved towards Ville's dresser. He opened a few drawers and grabbed a pair of sweatpants and and old, large tshirt [because Ville always had too-big shirts]. He slipped them on slightly and inhaled deeply before running the towel over his hair again. He let it fall to the floor, for once not caring to put it up - Ville wouldn't have cared - and walked to Ville's bed, pulling back the covers and lying down against the pillows, half lying down, half sitting up. He turned to his left side and pulled his knees more closely towards him and grabbed his phone gently. He couldn't help himself as he let his thumb press the number 2 on the keypad, pulling up Ville's number on his speed dial, and pressing send. He listened to it ring, somewhat surprised that it rang at all; once, twice, three times, until it clicked and went to voicemail.
"Hey this is Ville, leave me a message."
He pressed end before the voicemail could beep for him to start talking. He looked around and wondered where Ville's phone might be. His lips pressed into a firm line and he let his eyes return to his phone, pressing send once again.
Ringing once, twice, three times.
"Hey this is Ville, leave me a message."
End.
Send.
Once. Twice. Three times.
"Hey this is Ville, leave me a message."
He curled up even tighter, grabbing one of Ville's pillows and clinging it to his chest. He put his phone on speaker. End. Send. Once, twice, three times.
"Hey this is Ville, leave me a message."
He bit his lip and pressed it again.
"Hey this is Ville, leave m-"
Bam fell asleep before he could finish it.
::
When Bam opened his eyes, it was light outside and for a moment he wondered what time it was. But he decided not to care as he stared at Ville's face. He was still in Ville's bed and Ville laid across from him, his eyes open, a quiet, knowing grin on his lips. Bam sighed and tilted his head, pressing his hair and the side of his face a little more deeply into the gentle cushion of the pillow. He looked up at Ville's eyes and could see the sun lighting them up, and they looked meadow green, with tendrils of calm and tranquility floating over them. Bam let himself smile slightly too as he felt Ville's hand rest on his neck. Bam put his hand over Ville's and let his fingers run across his knuckles.
"I'm so glad you're here." Ville muttered quietly.
"Me too." said Bam as he brought Ville's hand to his lips, kissing the tips of his fingers lightly.
"I missed you."
Bam swallowed and stared at Ville, letting his lips soften into a calm line.
"Where've you been?" Bam asked with concern and curiosity. And Ville's brow just furrowed slightly and Bam licked his lips.
"I don't rightly know." Ville mumbled quietly. Bam glanced away from his face and made an affirming noise. He heard Ville swallow and felt the calloused pads of his fingers brushing against the stubble on his cheek, then through the dark locks on his forehead. Ville spoke again.
"I found a bird." Bam didn't pay the comment any mind. He just pressed his cheek further into Ville's palm, letting his eyes slip closed gently.
"A bird, huh?"
"Yeah, it's over there." Ville said placidly, almost serenely, and Bam opened his eyes to see Ville motion backwards with his head, indicating something behind him. Bam let his brows furrow and he raised his head to look. Against the wall he saw a dead, bloody, gutted [white now red] bird hanging from a string. He gasped loudly and he felt his limbs pushing him up and away roughly as he yelled.
"Jesus fucking Christ!"
He fumbled and lost his balance and before he knew it he was on the floor, feeling the sensation of bile burning his throat as he coughed loudly.
He awoke with a start to an empty bed, panting heavily and gripping his chest and the pillow. He realized quickly that it was light outside and he was still facing the nightstand. He turned his body over quickly, looking over at the empty space in the bed and he sighed, turning back to stare at the wall across from him. He brushed a hand over his eyes and sat up, slowly moving his legs to hang off the side of the bed. He stood with a stretch and he felt tired. Very tired. He leant down to the nightstand and unplugged his phone, holding it gently in his palm, and hesitantly, he opened a text message to send to Mige.
"Where is he buried?".
[Chapter Three Cut]
AGH GODDAMN THAT CHAPTER BUMS ME OUT.
But on the bright side, Bam is out of Finland and finally back in West Chester.
Reviews? yes, please.
Do you want more? Are you intrigued? Bummed out? How ya doin, kiddos?
Love.
[Pandora]