(no subject)
Title: Patient Forgiveness
Author: myforgottenpain
Rating: R for content
Pairing: Vam all the way!
Summary: When Bam and Ville finally are given a chance to be together, will they be able to make the life they always wanted?
Disclaimer: I don’t own anything connected to HIM, Ville Valo, or Bam Margera. Nor do I imply that in reality they are anything but friends. I, however, could not pass up a great idea for a fan fiction!
Warnings: Angsty in the beginning, but it will get better! I swear!
Authors Notes: I'm still pulling this story together, so hopefully it will work well with me posting it before its done. I've only rewritten this story like... eight times...
kallisarvoinen= precious
äiti= mother
http://www.collectiblestoday.com/ct/product/prdid-1602735001.jsp?cm_ven=Shopping&cm_cat=PriceGrabber&cm_pla=Direct&cm_ite=1602735001-Lenox+2008+Baby%27s+First#
Bam chuckled as he watched Esa. “You don't say!”
Esa bounced up and down, babbling happily as he tried to balance his ball on Bam's head. It of course would not stay and kept rolling off. He would only laugh more as Bam caught it and handed it back to him.
“So you think that is the answer to the countries dependency on foreign oil?” Bam asked, nodding thoughtfully at the gurgling noises his son made and the serious expression on the baby's face that seemed to reflect the topic so well. “No... no...I agree with you one hundred percent. I told you I would get you a meeting with the UN as soon as possible... I keep getting their voice mail...”
Ville chuckled from the other side of the couch. “What are you two talking about?”
Bam looked to Ville and shrugged, “War, politics, organic verse free range... you know.. the usual.”
As if to back up what his father had said, Esa cried happily and waved his arm at his papa.
“Oh really? I had no idea you felt so strongly about those issues.” Ville said, chuckling with Bam. He smiled as he wrapped his arm around Niklas, putting his hand on his son's butt to help him up on the couch. “How about you Niklas? What do you think we should do to fight global warming?”
Niklas gazed at his papa for a moment. before handing him one of those little kid cardboard books.
“That's an excellent idea Niklas...” Ville said as he took the book from him. “We should all educate ourselves by reading....” He paused as he looked at the front of the book. “Pat the Bunny.” He smiled as Niklas laid down next to him, so his head was on his chest, thumb stuck in his mouth.
Esa's eyes went wide when he saw his brother and papa, and immediately crawled over his dada so he could see what was going on. When that wasn't enough, he flopped onto Niklas, which made his twin cry in protest.
In an attempt to stop the growing conflict, Ville moved Esa to his other side, so they could both look at the book. The peace did not last long since the twins were distracted by each other now.
“Who wants a snack! I bet I know two big boys who are ready for a snack.” April came into the living room, shaking the box of animal crackers. The twins looked up, wide-eyed with excitement at the thought of a treat.
Abandoning their parents, the boys where soon crawling after April in the hopes of getting their hands on that box of animal crackers.
“I'm number one until it comes to animal shaped cookies.” Ville said with a slight shake of his head.
Bam chuckled as he reached out for Ville's hand. “Awww..I still love you more than animal crackers.”
Ville smiled as let Bam pull him up and over to his side of the couch. He snuggled against his lovers side and smiled softly. “For now... I'm sure if they had been the kind with frosting and sprinkles you would have been right there behind the babies.”
“Oooo.... do we have any of those?” Bam joked as he wrapped his arms around Ville, kissing his head.
“I'll pretend like I didn't hear that.” Ville muttered, which made Bam laugh.
“I'm just joking babe... you are much higher on my list than some cookies.” He moved so he could lay down next to his partner. “But since I have you here safe and sound in my arms... I was going to ask you something.”
Ville smiled softly at Bam, enjoying the way the younger man was playing with his hair. “What would that be?” He asked as he ran his fingers along the skaters back.
“Well..it's not a direct question, more wanting to make sure you were alright?”
“Why wouldn't I be alright?” Ville asked as he propped himself up.
Bam shrugged, “You and Katri have been rehashing some seriously deep shit... and I just wanted to make sure that you were handling it alright.”
Ville smiled, “Thank you... while my first insist is to tell you not worry about it... I know why I can't keep saying that. I know I need to accept and look for your support... and I appreciate knowing that its there.”
“It is.” Bam said softly, leaning in to kiss Ville. “Whenever you want it.”
Ville returned the kiss and was about to say something just as sweet back to Bam, when Jesse came into the room.
“Oh I'm sorry...”
“It's alright Jesse.” Ville said as he sat up. “What do you need?”
“I just wanted to talk to you, but it can wait until later.” Jesse said as he started to leave the room.
“It's alright.” Ville leaned in and kissed Bam, “I'll catch up with you later alright?”
“Of course...” Bam smiled as he watched Ville get up, go and get his jacket, and step outside with his brother.
****
The air was cool outside, the ground white with newly fallen snow. For a moment Ville could not help but reflect on how pristine it looked, when compared to previous winters. There had been a time with this very lawn would have been covered in tire tracks, empty beer cans, and the scrawled 'writing' of men attempting to write their name with their urine.
Times had changed now and the snow was practically untouched, since all the excitement had moved into the house and the growing children. The coming years would find the lawn once more wreaked, this time with the foot prints of the boys and eventually their own friends. The yard would be theirs, to laugh and run and play in, to fill with toys and let their dreams become reality.
He couldn't wait to watch his son's grow, even now as he worried about what would happen to them as adults.
“I didn't mean to disturb you...” Jesse said as he walked up to Ville.
“It's alright... are you ok?”
Jesse nodded as he started walking down the dirt drive way. “I'm fine...I've just been talking a lot with Mrs. Rintala... about the stuff she has been talking to you guys about.”
Ville nodded, watching his younger brother with concern. “Yes...”
“I just...” Jesse stopped and turned to his brother. “I just felt like I never really thanked you is all.”
“Thanked me?” Ville asked in an honestly confused manner.
“For everything really... for taking care of me when I was little... for defending me... for taking on so much just to make me happy...”
Ville cut him off there, pulling Jesse in for a hug. “Stop it...” He whispered to his sibling. “I didn't do that because I had too... I did it because I wanted too.”
“You shouldn't have had too.” Jesse whispered back.
“But it happened.... and I do not regret anything that happened. It would be easy to blame papa for what he did. To hate him for hurting us, but that would be the easy road. I did that for too long, drowning myself in alcohol to forget the pain of never knowing a father the way everyone else did. For having to be a parent when I was just a child myself. Hating the fact that I felt like I could never do enough to protect you.”
“Ville...” Jesse gasped. “You did so much for me... you protected me so much that I was blind for so long to your pain. Yours and Katri's... all I could do was think about my own stupid plans. I should have seen how badly you suffered.. and yet no matter what you were always there...”
“In other words... you came out like a normal person would. To strive for your own hopes and dreams did not make you a selfish person Jesse. You had every right to go for what you wanted and get away from them.”
“But even as you were trying to find your own freedom you stayed and helped me with mine.” Jesse protested, tears shimmering in his dark brown eyes.
Wrapping his arm around Jesse, they walked a little further. “I will let you in on a little secret Jesse.” Ville started softly, causing his brother to look at him. “I was not free... for a long time after that.”
“Really? Even when you got away from papa and momma?”
Ville shook his head, “Being away from them...on the road with the band... did not free me from them any more than it freed Katri when she left for India and parts unknown.”
Jesse thought for a moment, “I never really thought about it like that.”
“Which does not make you a bad person. You were but a baby when most of this was happening, how were you suppose to know?” Ville asked.
“I know now!” Jesse protected which made Ville chuckled.
“And are you standing by, doing nothing, when you see us in so much pain?” Ville asked.
“I'm trying not too anyways.”
“Then I couldn't ask for anything more.” Ville said, stopping again so he could look at his brother. “I would have gladly taken a hundred broken legs, broken ribs, and broken dreams, to know you were safe and happy. Seeing you grow up unafraid of laughing, or having fun, of being yourself was all I ever wanted. Knowing you left there with but a few less scars than the ones I carried with Katri, was more then I could ever have hoped for.”
“I am who I am today because of you and Mrs. Rintala. You taught me how to be a man.” Jesse said, standing straighter.
“And I could say the same. You taught me what it was like to love something outside of you so much, that you would be willing to suffer anything in order to keep them safe.” Ville said. “I knew.... when I did leave you finally... you would be a strong enough person not to let the demons that haunt our parents, drag you down as well.”
“And I won't... I promise you Ville.”
“Good... then as far I am concerned, we are even.”
****
April ran around the room kissing grandchildren and making sure everyone was ready, before she ran over to her husband. She wrapped her arms around him as best as she could, squeezing him which made him laugh.
Bam chuckled at his mother, propping Esa on his hip. The little boy rubbed his eyes, sucking on his binky. He walked over to Ville, taking the older man's hand in his own.
Ville was holding Niklas; he smiled down at Bam before leaning in to exchange a quick kiss, before turning their attention to the grand Christmas tree before them.
Katri made her way through the crowd of people, wrapping her arms around Ryan when she found him. They exchanged a semi deep kiss, as he wrapped his arms around her. They lingered close to each other, heads resting against one another as they looked in the same direction as everyone else.
Jesse and Mali kept getting into “slap fights” which they had just picked up from Jess and some of his friends. Mrs. Rintala was constantly scolding them all in a gentle and at times playful manner, trying to get them to calm down. But Jesse was like a four year old hyped on Halloween candy and he kept poking and prodding Mali until she couldn't help but tickle him, making them scuffle around, barely able to contain their own amusement.
When it seemed like they got everyone's attention as best as they could, they sang a few Christmas carols, followed by 'Happy Birthday' for Niklas and Esa.
The celebration included hanging two new ordainments on the tree. They were 'Baby's First Christmas” ordainment's (see link), shaped like tiny rattles with a ribbon on top, accented in 24K gold trim with little hears and stars on them. They got one for each of the boys.
Next, everyone moved into the kitchen for the birthday party itself. Much to April's dismay, they had not gone all out on decorations and supplies. Which had shocked Phil more then disappointed him, he was sure Bam would have wanted to go all out at least.
“I almost did... but they won't remember any of this. So I'll save all that excitement for when they are older and will appreciate it more.” He had explained.
That did not stop him from pulling out his video camera to take footage of the twins diving into their first cake. Which had been cupcakes that April lovingly made for them herself. Esa had bright, orange colored frosting smeared all over his head and into his hair. Niklas had turned into a little lime green blob from his own frosting.
The adults laughed and took pictures as they enjoyed some of the cake and other holiday goodies.
Unknowingly the twins stayed up later than they had become use too, which became quite evident when they got fussy. Their parents scooped them up and took them to their room, gently washing away the food, changing their diapers and putting them in nice, warm, pajamas. The twins were asleep before their heads hit the pillows.
Deciding they had done enough for one day, Bam and Ville had also went to bed, looking forward to sleeping in since the twins would be tired from today.
“We did it Bammie...” Ville said as he laid back in bed.
“We did what?” Bam asked, crawling in next to him.
“We got through the first year.”
Bam smiled, “We did didn't we?”
“Yeah... we did.”
Bam grinned, “And you only got a few new gray hairs.” He pointed to spots next to the older man's temples where he was turning gray.
Ville tried to frown at him in a disapproving manner as he batted Bam's hand away, “Those are all from you. They have nothing to do with the boys.”
Bam chuckled as he slid in closer to Ville, wrapping his arms around him. “Is everything alright with Jesse?” Bam asked, kissing Ville's neck a few times before resting against it.
“Yeah... he was just feeling guilty over what happened before.” Ville said softly, relaxing in his lovers embrace.
“Is he alright now?”
“Yes, I explained to him that it was something out of all of our controls... we all did the best we could to survive it.”
“Did that make him feel better?”
“I think so...” Ville paused for a second and added, “I hope so anyways.”
“Are you sure you are alright?” Bam asked, touching Ville gently on the chest and stomach in a comforting manner.
“Yes.”
“Is there anything you would like to tell me?”
Ville was silent for a moment before he said “I came out to Mrs. Rintala...”
“What?” Bam asked as he sat up, looking down at his lover.
“When I was about fifteen.” Ville continued, “I... told her that I didn't think I was like other boys.”
“What did she say?”
“She said that its alright to be different... that everyone is unique.”
Bam chuckled a little, “And...?”
“I told her that I was really different and she wanted to know how, so I told her that I didn't like girls. She said it was alright, that I would some day.”
“And....” Bam stressed, wanting to hear the rest now.
“I said I didn't think I could like girls like that. I... I cried as I promised her I would... I would make myself like girls just like everyone else if it would make her happy. I would do anything just as long as she didn't hate me.”
Bam's heart dropped into his stomach as he asked, “What did she say?”
“She told me I was stupid for thinking she would love me for anything less than who I really was.”
Bam's smile returned and he snuggled against the older man once more. “She really is a saint.”
“She is...”
“How much longer is she, Jesse, and Mali staying?”
“Just another day or two. They have to get back to Finland.”
“Awww....” Bam pouted, “I'll miss them.”
“We all will.”
****
“It's so sad to see you go.” April was saying to Jesse, Mali, and Mrs. Rintala as they prepared to go back to Finland. “You will have to come back.”
“We would be honored too.” Jesse said as he opened the car door for Mali.
“Yes because I'm sure there are some embarrassing stories you have forgotten to tell about me.” Katri joked as she hugged her family close.
“Maybe one or two.” Mrs. Rintala whispered, kissing her on the cheek. “You have come so far kallisarvoinen* don't turn back now.”
“I won't äiti* Alli…” Katri promised as she went to hug her brother.
“Continue taking such good care of her. She has always been so fragile... and yet... she seems like she is getting stronger now.” Mrs. Rintala said as she hugged Ryan.
“I'm doing the best I can for her. She really means the world to me.” Ryan answered as he returned the hug.
“She knows... and I'm sure she cares about you just as much.” Mrs. Rintala released Ryan so she could hug Ville tightly. She ran her hand over his hair and just held him tightly for a moment. They gazed at one another for a moment as she touched his cheek, whispering I love you's before she turned to Bam. “I have something for you.”
“For me?” Bam asked, following her away from the car.
“Yes, for you.” She stopped and pulled from her purse a single picture, picking up his hand she put the photo in it, pressing it against his chest. “For twenty three years... I had watched Ville either pretend to smile, or not smile at all. I know that you know things of Ville's past that no one else knows or understands. But I want you to know, that when he was with you, was the first time I had ever seen him smile and really mean it. Just being near you, made him so happy that even his eyes showed it. You were able to... breath life into the ashes of his soul. You saved his life... in a way not even I could.”
Bam felt tears build up in his eyes as he looked to the picture in his hand. It had been from the first few days of their friendship, before they had fallen in love with each other. Despite that, he could see what she meant... that his smile was real, because it showed in his eyes.
“Thank you.” She cut in, pulling Bam in for a hug. “He says I saved his life from his parents... that may be true... but I think you gave him his life back. You helped him learn to love himself and who he was... and that is a gift beyond any kind of repayment.”
Bam let out a dry laugh, “I have to admit...I did it for selfish reasons. I loved him so much... I just wanted him to love me as much.”
“And he does... he loves you and your family so much.”
“Well you are part of this family now... bad reputation and all.” Bam joked, making her laugh.
“I consider it an honor to know you and your family. I look forward to our next visit.”
“So do we.”
http://vammyluv.livejournal.com/6942.html
http://vammyluv.livejournal.com/7203.html
http://vammyluv.livejournal.com/7425.html
http://community.livejournal.com/__vam/3794391.html?view=53653719#t53653719
http://community.livejournal.com/__vam/3795659.html?view=53710795#t53710795
http://community.livejournal.com/__vam/3799376.html?view=53775440#t53775440
http://community.livejournal.com/__vam/3800966.html?view=53795206#t53795206
Author: myforgottenpain
Rating: R for content
Pairing: Vam all the way!
Summary: When Bam and Ville finally are given a chance to be together, will they be able to make the life they always wanted?
Disclaimer: I don’t own anything connected to HIM, Ville Valo, or Bam Margera. Nor do I imply that in reality they are anything but friends. I, however, could not pass up a great idea for a fan fiction!
Warnings: Angsty in the beginning, but it will get better! I swear!
Authors Notes: I'm still pulling this story together, so hopefully it will work well with me posting it before its done. I've only rewritten this story like... eight times...
kallisarvoinen= precious
äiti= mother
http://www.collectiblestoday.com/ct/product/prdid-1602735001.jsp?cm_ven=Shopping&cm_cat=PriceGrabber&cm_pla=Direct&cm_ite=1602735001-Lenox+2008+Baby%27s+First#
Bam chuckled as he watched Esa. “You don't say!”
Esa bounced up and down, babbling happily as he tried to balance his ball on Bam's head. It of course would not stay and kept rolling off. He would only laugh more as Bam caught it and handed it back to him.
“So you think that is the answer to the countries dependency on foreign oil?” Bam asked, nodding thoughtfully at the gurgling noises his son made and the serious expression on the baby's face that seemed to reflect the topic so well. “No... no...I agree with you one hundred percent. I told you I would get you a meeting with the UN as soon as possible... I keep getting their voice mail...”
Ville chuckled from the other side of the couch. “What are you two talking about?”
Bam looked to Ville and shrugged, “War, politics, organic verse free range... you know.. the usual.”
As if to back up what his father had said, Esa cried happily and waved his arm at his papa.
“Oh really? I had no idea you felt so strongly about those issues.” Ville said, chuckling with Bam. He smiled as he wrapped his arm around Niklas, putting his hand on his son's butt to help him up on the couch. “How about you Niklas? What do you think we should do to fight global warming?”
Niklas gazed at his papa for a moment. before handing him one of those little kid cardboard books.
“That's an excellent idea Niklas...” Ville said as he took the book from him. “We should all educate ourselves by reading....” He paused as he looked at the front of the book. “Pat the Bunny.” He smiled as Niklas laid down next to him, so his head was on his chest, thumb stuck in his mouth.
Esa's eyes went wide when he saw his brother and papa, and immediately crawled over his dada so he could see what was going on. When that wasn't enough, he flopped onto Niklas, which made his twin cry in protest.
In an attempt to stop the growing conflict, Ville moved Esa to his other side, so they could both look at the book. The peace did not last long since the twins were distracted by each other now.
“Who wants a snack! I bet I know two big boys who are ready for a snack.” April came into the living room, shaking the box of animal crackers. The twins looked up, wide-eyed with excitement at the thought of a treat.
Abandoning their parents, the boys where soon crawling after April in the hopes of getting their hands on that box of animal crackers.
“I'm number one until it comes to animal shaped cookies.” Ville said with a slight shake of his head.
Bam chuckled as he reached out for Ville's hand. “Awww..I still love you more than animal crackers.”
Ville smiled as let Bam pull him up and over to his side of the couch. He snuggled against his lovers side and smiled softly. “For now... I'm sure if they had been the kind with frosting and sprinkles you would have been right there behind the babies.”
“Oooo.... do we have any of those?” Bam joked as he wrapped his arms around Ville, kissing his head.
“I'll pretend like I didn't hear that.” Ville muttered, which made Bam laugh.
“I'm just joking babe... you are much higher on my list than some cookies.” He moved so he could lay down next to his partner. “But since I have you here safe and sound in my arms... I was going to ask you something.”
Ville smiled softly at Bam, enjoying the way the younger man was playing with his hair. “What would that be?” He asked as he ran his fingers along the skaters back.
“Well..it's not a direct question, more wanting to make sure you were alright?”
“Why wouldn't I be alright?” Ville asked as he propped himself up.
Bam shrugged, “You and Katri have been rehashing some seriously deep shit... and I just wanted to make sure that you were handling it alright.”
Ville smiled, “Thank you... while my first insist is to tell you not worry about it... I know why I can't keep saying that. I know I need to accept and look for your support... and I appreciate knowing that its there.”
“It is.” Bam said softly, leaning in to kiss Ville. “Whenever you want it.”
Ville returned the kiss and was about to say something just as sweet back to Bam, when Jesse came into the room.
“Oh I'm sorry...”
“It's alright Jesse.” Ville said as he sat up. “What do you need?”
“I just wanted to talk to you, but it can wait until later.” Jesse said as he started to leave the room.
“It's alright.” Ville leaned in and kissed Bam, “I'll catch up with you later alright?”
“Of course...” Bam smiled as he watched Ville get up, go and get his jacket, and step outside with his brother.
****
The air was cool outside, the ground white with newly fallen snow. For a moment Ville could not help but reflect on how pristine it looked, when compared to previous winters. There had been a time with this very lawn would have been covered in tire tracks, empty beer cans, and the scrawled 'writing' of men attempting to write their name with their urine.
Times had changed now and the snow was practically untouched, since all the excitement had moved into the house and the growing children. The coming years would find the lawn once more wreaked, this time with the foot prints of the boys and eventually their own friends. The yard would be theirs, to laugh and run and play in, to fill with toys and let their dreams become reality.
He couldn't wait to watch his son's grow, even now as he worried about what would happen to them as adults.
“I didn't mean to disturb you...” Jesse said as he walked up to Ville.
“It's alright... are you ok?”
Jesse nodded as he started walking down the dirt drive way. “I'm fine...I've just been talking a lot with Mrs. Rintala... about the stuff she has been talking to you guys about.”
Ville nodded, watching his younger brother with concern. “Yes...”
“I just...” Jesse stopped and turned to his brother. “I just felt like I never really thanked you is all.”
“Thanked me?” Ville asked in an honestly confused manner.
“For everything really... for taking care of me when I was little... for defending me... for taking on so much just to make me happy...”
Ville cut him off there, pulling Jesse in for a hug. “Stop it...” He whispered to his sibling. “I didn't do that because I had too... I did it because I wanted too.”
“You shouldn't have had too.” Jesse whispered back.
“But it happened.... and I do not regret anything that happened. It would be easy to blame papa for what he did. To hate him for hurting us, but that would be the easy road. I did that for too long, drowning myself in alcohol to forget the pain of never knowing a father the way everyone else did. For having to be a parent when I was just a child myself. Hating the fact that I felt like I could never do enough to protect you.”
“Ville...” Jesse gasped. “You did so much for me... you protected me so much that I was blind for so long to your pain. Yours and Katri's... all I could do was think about my own stupid plans. I should have seen how badly you suffered.. and yet no matter what you were always there...”
“In other words... you came out like a normal person would. To strive for your own hopes and dreams did not make you a selfish person Jesse. You had every right to go for what you wanted and get away from them.”
“But even as you were trying to find your own freedom you stayed and helped me with mine.” Jesse protested, tears shimmering in his dark brown eyes.
Wrapping his arm around Jesse, they walked a little further. “I will let you in on a little secret Jesse.” Ville started softly, causing his brother to look at him. “I was not free... for a long time after that.”
“Really? Even when you got away from papa and momma?”
Ville shook his head, “Being away from them...on the road with the band... did not free me from them any more than it freed Katri when she left for India and parts unknown.”
Jesse thought for a moment, “I never really thought about it like that.”
“Which does not make you a bad person. You were but a baby when most of this was happening, how were you suppose to know?” Ville asked.
“I know now!” Jesse protected which made Ville chuckled.
“And are you standing by, doing nothing, when you see us in so much pain?” Ville asked.
“I'm trying not too anyways.”
“Then I couldn't ask for anything more.” Ville said, stopping again so he could look at his brother. “I would have gladly taken a hundred broken legs, broken ribs, and broken dreams, to know you were safe and happy. Seeing you grow up unafraid of laughing, or having fun, of being yourself was all I ever wanted. Knowing you left there with but a few less scars than the ones I carried with Katri, was more then I could ever have hoped for.”
“I am who I am today because of you and Mrs. Rintala. You taught me how to be a man.” Jesse said, standing straighter.
“And I could say the same. You taught me what it was like to love something outside of you so much, that you would be willing to suffer anything in order to keep them safe.” Ville said. “I knew.... when I did leave you finally... you would be a strong enough person not to let the demons that haunt our parents, drag you down as well.”
“And I won't... I promise you Ville.”
“Good... then as far I am concerned, we are even.”
****
April ran around the room kissing grandchildren and making sure everyone was ready, before she ran over to her husband. She wrapped her arms around him as best as she could, squeezing him which made him laugh.
Bam chuckled at his mother, propping Esa on his hip. The little boy rubbed his eyes, sucking on his binky. He walked over to Ville, taking the older man's hand in his own.
Ville was holding Niklas; he smiled down at Bam before leaning in to exchange a quick kiss, before turning their attention to the grand Christmas tree before them.
Katri made her way through the crowd of people, wrapping her arms around Ryan when she found him. They exchanged a semi deep kiss, as he wrapped his arms around her. They lingered close to each other, heads resting against one another as they looked in the same direction as everyone else.
Jesse and Mali kept getting into “slap fights” which they had just picked up from Jess and some of his friends. Mrs. Rintala was constantly scolding them all in a gentle and at times playful manner, trying to get them to calm down. But Jesse was like a four year old hyped on Halloween candy and he kept poking and prodding Mali until she couldn't help but tickle him, making them scuffle around, barely able to contain their own amusement.
When it seemed like they got everyone's attention as best as they could, they sang a few Christmas carols, followed by 'Happy Birthday' for Niklas and Esa.
The celebration included hanging two new ordainments on the tree. They were 'Baby's First Christmas” ordainment's (see link), shaped like tiny rattles with a ribbon on top, accented in 24K gold trim with little hears and stars on them. They got one for each of the boys.
Next, everyone moved into the kitchen for the birthday party itself. Much to April's dismay, they had not gone all out on decorations and supplies. Which had shocked Phil more then disappointed him, he was sure Bam would have wanted to go all out at least.
“I almost did... but they won't remember any of this. So I'll save all that excitement for when they are older and will appreciate it more.” He had explained.
That did not stop him from pulling out his video camera to take footage of the twins diving into their first cake. Which had been cupcakes that April lovingly made for them herself. Esa had bright, orange colored frosting smeared all over his head and into his hair. Niklas had turned into a little lime green blob from his own frosting.
The adults laughed and took pictures as they enjoyed some of the cake and other holiday goodies.
Unknowingly the twins stayed up later than they had become use too, which became quite evident when they got fussy. Their parents scooped them up and took them to their room, gently washing away the food, changing their diapers and putting them in nice, warm, pajamas. The twins were asleep before their heads hit the pillows.
Deciding they had done enough for one day, Bam and Ville had also went to bed, looking forward to sleeping in since the twins would be tired from today.
“We did it Bammie...” Ville said as he laid back in bed.
“We did what?” Bam asked, crawling in next to him.
“We got through the first year.”
Bam smiled, “We did didn't we?”
“Yeah... we did.”
Bam grinned, “And you only got a few new gray hairs.” He pointed to spots next to the older man's temples where he was turning gray.
Ville tried to frown at him in a disapproving manner as he batted Bam's hand away, “Those are all from you. They have nothing to do with the boys.”
Bam chuckled as he slid in closer to Ville, wrapping his arms around him. “Is everything alright with Jesse?” Bam asked, kissing Ville's neck a few times before resting against it.
“Yeah... he was just feeling guilty over what happened before.” Ville said softly, relaxing in his lovers embrace.
“Is he alright now?”
“Yes, I explained to him that it was something out of all of our controls... we all did the best we could to survive it.”
“Did that make him feel better?”
“I think so...” Ville paused for a second and added, “I hope so anyways.”
“Are you sure you are alright?” Bam asked, touching Ville gently on the chest and stomach in a comforting manner.
“Yes.”
“Is there anything you would like to tell me?”
Ville was silent for a moment before he said “I came out to Mrs. Rintala...”
“What?” Bam asked as he sat up, looking down at his lover.
“When I was about fifteen.” Ville continued, “I... told her that I didn't think I was like other boys.”
“What did she say?”
“She said that its alright to be different... that everyone is unique.”
Bam chuckled a little, “And...?”
“I told her that I was really different and she wanted to know how, so I told her that I didn't like girls. She said it was alright, that I would some day.”
“And....” Bam stressed, wanting to hear the rest now.
“I said I didn't think I could like girls like that. I... I cried as I promised her I would... I would make myself like girls just like everyone else if it would make her happy. I would do anything just as long as she didn't hate me.”
Bam's heart dropped into his stomach as he asked, “What did she say?”
“She told me I was stupid for thinking she would love me for anything less than who I really was.”
Bam's smile returned and he snuggled against the older man once more. “She really is a saint.”
“She is...”
“How much longer is she, Jesse, and Mali staying?”
“Just another day or two. They have to get back to Finland.”
“Awww....” Bam pouted, “I'll miss them.”
“We all will.”
****
“It's so sad to see you go.” April was saying to Jesse, Mali, and Mrs. Rintala as they prepared to go back to Finland. “You will have to come back.”
“We would be honored too.” Jesse said as he opened the car door for Mali.
“Yes because I'm sure there are some embarrassing stories you have forgotten to tell about me.” Katri joked as she hugged her family close.
“Maybe one or two.” Mrs. Rintala whispered, kissing her on the cheek. “You have come so far kallisarvoinen* don't turn back now.”
“I won't äiti* Alli…” Katri promised as she went to hug her brother.
“Continue taking such good care of her. She has always been so fragile... and yet... she seems like she is getting stronger now.” Mrs. Rintala said as she hugged Ryan.
“I'm doing the best I can for her. She really means the world to me.” Ryan answered as he returned the hug.
“She knows... and I'm sure she cares about you just as much.” Mrs. Rintala released Ryan so she could hug Ville tightly. She ran her hand over his hair and just held him tightly for a moment. They gazed at one another for a moment as she touched his cheek, whispering I love you's before she turned to Bam. “I have something for you.”
“For me?” Bam asked, following her away from the car.
“Yes, for you.” She stopped and pulled from her purse a single picture, picking up his hand she put the photo in it, pressing it against his chest. “For twenty three years... I had watched Ville either pretend to smile, or not smile at all. I know that you know things of Ville's past that no one else knows or understands. But I want you to know, that when he was with you, was the first time I had ever seen him smile and really mean it. Just being near you, made him so happy that even his eyes showed it. You were able to... breath life into the ashes of his soul. You saved his life... in a way not even I could.”
Bam felt tears build up in his eyes as he looked to the picture in his hand. It had been from the first few days of their friendship, before they had fallen in love with each other. Despite that, he could see what she meant... that his smile was real, because it showed in his eyes.
“Thank you.” She cut in, pulling Bam in for a hug. “He says I saved his life from his parents... that may be true... but I think you gave him his life back. You helped him learn to love himself and who he was... and that is a gift beyond any kind of repayment.”
Bam let out a dry laugh, “I have to admit...I did it for selfish reasons. I loved him so much... I just wanted him to love me as much.”
“And he does... he loves you and your family so much.”
“Well you are part of this family now... bad reputation and all.” Bam joked, making her laugh.
“I consider it an honor to know you and your family. I look forward to our next visit.”
“So do we.”
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