(no subject)
Title: Patient Forgiveness
Author: myforgottenpain
Rating: R for content
Pairing: Vam all the way!
Summary: When Bam and Ville finally are given a chance to be together, will they be able to make the life they always wanted?
Disclaimer: I don’t own anything connected to HIM, Ville Valo, or Bam Margera. Nor do I imply that in reality they are anything but friends. I, however, could not pass up a great idea for a fan fiction!
Warnings: Angsty in the beginning, but it will get better! I swear!
Authors Notes: I'm still pulling this story together, so hopefully it will work well with me posting it before its done. I've only rewritten this story like... eight times...
additional warning You might want some tissues handy...
“There you are.” Katri said softly as she moved through the NICU. She placed her hand on the side of the incubator, gazing at the baby in it. “Little boy Margera. Daddy and papa haven’t decided on names yet? I’m sure they will think of something nice.”
She looked into the incubator next to it and to the little boy’s twin brother. “You too little guy… just hang in there.” She whispered putting her other hand on his incubator.
“I know you don’t really know who I am… but…I want you to know I did the best I could. I tried as hard as I could to make sure you would come out healthy.” Katri said as a tear ran down her cheek. “I talked to the nurses; I made sure they will keep checking your blood sugar. They said they wouldn’t forget.”
She pulled her hands away long enough to brush her tears away. “They said your blood sugar has been really good so far and you’re breathing well too. They said you’ll probably get to go home soon little Baby A Margera. Your daddy and poppa are going to love you so much.”
“Don’t think I forgot about you little Baby B Margera. No one could ever forget about you, especially not me. You came out backwards… I wasn’t sure we could get you out for a while there. But I kept pushing and pushing and finally… there you were.” She paused again when she felt like her emotions were getting the better of her. “They said if you had been as big as your brother that they wouldn’t have been able to get you out like that. You were so beautiful and I just wanted to hold you both… but they showed you to your fathers and then you were gone.”
“They said your blood sugar was a little low Baby B Margera… they said they had to help you with that…. And I wanted to say I was sorry. I’m so sorry… I’m sorry I was so weak. They… they said your breathing isn’t as good as your brother, that’s why they have you on that CPAP machine. As soon as you get a little stronger that will go away, then you can go home with your brother and your fathers will love you both so much.”
“But you’re doing really well little Baby A & B… usually twins aren’t as big as you two. You both weighed almost twelve pounds together! That’s about six pounds each… that’s a good weight for little babies. And you waited so patiently to come into this world, thirty seven weeks… that’s a long time to be patient.” Katri said, gazing at the babies in the little plastic cribs. “Now your daddies have to be patient for just a little bit longer, to make sure you are healthy enough to come home with them.”
A small smile appeared on her lips, “Your daddy stayed up all night and day with you while I slept… he fell asleep on your papa… my brother… who had stayed up with him. I think they finally went home to get a shower. I’m sure they will be back soon… they are so happy that you are here now. They have waited…so long to be a family. I…. will miss seeing you guys grow up… but I know you will be in good hands.”
Katri slowly backed away from the incubators, shaking her head as more tears came down her cheeks. “I can’t do this… I can’t do this…” She turned and hurried from the room.
****
“Daddy’s here boys.” Bam said as loudly as he dared too as they walked into the NICU, which was pretty much just above a whisper despite the bright smile on his face. He hurried over to the twins and gazed in on them. “They are beautiful…”
“Hey little guys… we have your room all ready for when you can come home.” Ville said as he stopped next to Bam, placing one hand on Bam’s back, the other on the incubator he was standing in front of.
“And we have names for you too. We were going to ask your aunt about them, but she wasn’t in her room. I can’t wait for you to meet her, she is a wonderful person and we all love her very much… especially your Godfather Ryan.”
“They are both wonderful people and we are so happy they are in your lives.” Ville said softly as he gazed at their son’s. “We owe them both so much.”
“As soon as we can find them, we’ll introduce you the right way.” Bam said softly, pulling out a new label to put over the title baby A, and replaced it with Esa Valo-Margera.
Ville waited until Bam was done and then removed baby B and replaced it with Niklas Valo-Margera.
“Little Esa and little Niklas… I’m your father Bam Margera, but I would prefer it if you called me daddy. All your bad genes you can blame on me. And this… this is your papa Ville Valo. See we took both of our last names and put them together… because you’re from both of us. All your good genes you got from him.” Bam said, smiling when Ville rolled his eyes.
“You have lots of good genes Bammie…” Ville said softly, kissing him on the cheek.
“Blue jeans maybe.” Bam mumbled, chuckling when Ville tickled him.
“You always look fabulous in blue jeans baby.” Ville said, kissing him gently.
“The doctor will be in to see you both soon and then we’ll find out how you’re doing. We can’t wait to take you both home. It’ won’t be much longer Esa and Niklas…. We promise… we’ll be home before you know it.” Bam said to the babies, anxious to hold them and feed them.
****
“Hey Katri…” Ryan stopped in the doorway, feeling a wave of horror unlike anything he had ever felt before as he watched the nurse make the bed with fresh linen. “Where is she?”
“Who?”
“The woman who was here…” Ryan asked as he came into the room. “Where is Katariina Valo?!”
“She checked out this morning. I don’t know where she went too.” The nurse answered as she went about her duties.
Panic rushed him, freezing his body for a moment before he could turn and run out of the building. Where could she have gone? Why didn’t she say anything? She didn’t even say good bye to him…
He tried calling her cell phone and got no answer. He tried calling back at the house, but no one was there. One thought rang in his head. She must have gone to the airport to wait for the first plane out of America.
Some snow was falling gently to the ground when he pulled out of the parking lot. April and Phil had made it safely along with Jess and his family; bringing with them a whole parade of balloons and gifts for their newest members of their family.
“Please let me get there…. Please…. Don’t let it be too late.” Ryan chanted to himself. He drove as quickly as he dared too to the airport. Once he got there, he rushed through the crowd of anxious prospective passengers, searching frantically for any sign of Katri.
Just when it seemed like he might as well give up, he saw her. She was standing next to a row of chairs, wearing an over sized shirt that left her looking even more fragile than she already was. He started repeating her name, slowly getting louder as he made his way to her.
She turned when he was a few feet away from her, her eyes filled with sadness as she frowned, “What are you doing here?!”
“Looking for you… what are you doing here?” Ryan asked as he stopped in front of her.
“You shouldn’t be here Ryan.” Katri said, putting her hand over her mouth as she turned away from him.
“Why not? Where else should I be?” Ryan asked as he followed Katri, trying to look at her directly.
“Bam needs you right now.”
“You need someone right now Katri. Why are you leaving? I thought…I thought you liked it here with us.” Ryan said as he lowered his voice, able to calm down his emotions long enough to say the last part gently.
“I do.” Katri whispered, fighting the urge to cry.
“Then stay…” Ryan whispered, reaching out to touch her.
Katri shook her head as she moved away from Ryan. “I can’t Ry…I’m sorry…I have to go.”
“Please don’t go…” Ryan pleaded.
“I can’t Ryan…I can’t do it. I…. it’s just too much.” Katri whispered, wrapping her arms around herself as she tried to battle the demons that were ragging inside of her.
“So that’s your answer? You’re going to run away….?” Ryan asked.
“It’s not that simple! I don’t have a choice!” Katri yelled.
“It is that simple! If you want to stay you should stay!” Ryan yelled back.
“Don’t you think I would if I could?” Katri cried, her voice becoming horse because of the tears she was crying.
“There is nothing stopping you from staying. No one wants you to go.” Ryan said, a few tears making it down his cheeks.
“There is no reason for me to be here now. Ville and Bam have their boys and I should just go…” Katri said softly.
“Is it because of the boys? Are you upset because of them? They are going to be fine. The doctor said that they are some of the healthiest twins he has seen in a long time…”
“No they are not. They are in the NICU because they are sick Ryan.” Katri said. “They are sick because of me….”
“No… no… they are fine. I’m sure it will only be a matter of time before they get to go home.” Ryan said softly.
“No… there is something wrong with them and there is nothing I can do to help them.” Katri said softly.
“I’m sure the nurses will take care of them.” Ryan answered just as softly. “You should stay; we need all the help we can get with those two.”
“No… I will never be able to let go of them completely unless I cut ties with them…. I don’t want to get confused over my role in their lives.” Katri said softly. “It was hard enough letting them go… I don’t want to watch as Bam and Ville raise them. Not yet at least… it hurts so much just thinking about how much I wanted to hold them back there… to take care of them…”
“Please don’t go.” Ryan whispered, more tears filling his eyes. “You are needed here.”
“No I’m not… Bam and Ville have all the help they need. I’m sure they will make wonderful parents…”
“I need you…” Ryan cried, cutting her off. “Don’t you see? I need you here.”
Katri cried more, “Please don’t do this to me Ryan… I can’t do this right now.”
“Please don’t go…” Ryan asked again.
“I don’t want to leave you.” Katri whispered.
“Then don’t… stay here with me.”
“Come with me.”
“What?” Ryan asked, “Is this an ultimatum or a request?”
Katri crossed her arms again, “I can’t stay….but you could come with me.”
Ryan gazed at her for a moment; he could see the pain and the fear in her eyes. He knew suddenly what was happening. “Is this what broke you and Luka up?”
“Don’t bring Luka into this Ryan. He has nothing to do with us.”
“He has everything to do with this. Is that what you said to him the last time you talked to one another? Come with me or never see me again?” Ryan asked.
“That’s not fair Ryan… you don’t know what was going on in my life then.”
“But I do know what is going on now….” Ryan studied her face for a moment, “Is this what you do… when something gets too hard for you to bear? You run from it?”
“This isn’t fair…” Katri mumbled, turning away from him.
For a moment Ryan just watched her, remembering what he had talked about with the man in the hospital. He wondered if he should fight Katri on her decision to leave, or let her go. He was so torn, realizing how she could very well have a legitimate reason for wanting to go. That didn’t stop it from hurting, the thought that he would never see her again.
A voice above them announced that another plane was boarding and he knew right away it must have been hers. He watched her gather up her bag and turn to leave, feeling like it was a dream. Even when he reached out and grabbed her hand, it didn’t seem real. “Katri.”
She put up no resistance when he stopped her, but didn’t look at him, even when he came closer she kept her eyes on the floor. “I’m so sorry…I hurt you just like I hurt Luka…” She whispered as tears slid down her cheeks.
“Shhh…” Ryan hushed her gently leaning in to kiss her gently on the cheek. “You will always have a home right here…” He whispered to her, picking up the hand he was holding so he could press it against his chest, over his heart. “Whenever you want it.”
Her fingers gripped the fabric of his shirt, as she pressed her body against his. She wanted to say something, tell him how much she wanted to stay in his embrace as he wrapped his arms around her. But the voice came back over the loud speaker and in a blur of reality she found herself joining the other passengers in line to leave America.
****
Something wasn’t right…. April thought to herself as she looked around the room. She counted and recounted the heads of the people around her, finally realizing who was missing. The answer to the missing person seemed easy enough; she knew right where to find him.
Excusing herself from her sons, their friends, and the others who had come to visit the twins; she walked down to Katri’s room, as surprised as the man who had been there before her that Katri was not in her room. She asked the nurse who was in there, where she went and was given the same news. She had checked herself out.
After figuring out who was going to go with who she took her PT Cruiser on a little trip home. She pulled into the driveway concerned for the man she had always considered another son. She walked carefully into the house, not sure what to expect. After a bit of investigation she found him in the pirate bar, or at least what was left of it.
Ryan was drinking straight from a bottle of whiskey. His cheeks flushed and damp with what could be sweat or tears.
“We missed you at the hospital.” April said softly, taking a seat at what use to be the bar.
“Things keep changing Ape…” Ryan said softly. “Everyone is moving on with their lives but me.”
April felt his heart break for the other man, “That’s not true Ryan…”
“No… no it is. Bam is tearing down the pirate bar… he doesn’t want the twins to be around it, plus he feels like there is no use in having it since Ville and him dried up.” Ryan said before taking another long drink from his bottle.
“Those are all good things Ryan. He just wants to make a good home for his children.” April said softly.
“There’s no room for me here anymore.”
“Don’t say that Ryan. There will always be a place for you here.”
“If you say so.” Ryan said softly, hanging his head while propping it against the bottle he was still clutching.
“Who did Bam ask to be the Godfather of his children? Huh Ryan? Answer me that?” April said a little more sternly. “He didn’t ask Dico did he?”
“That would be crazy!”
“He didn’t ask Rake, or Novak, or even Johnny Knoxville! He asked you Ryan. And there is a reason he did, because he knew above everyone else…. He could trust you to take care of his children.” She stopped for a moment, drawing in a breath. “But this isn’t about Bam is it Ry?”
His lip trembled as he shook his head. “No…”
“Ryan…” April whispered, putting her hand on his back.
“I miss her so much.” Ryan croaked, letting go of the bottle as he laid his head on the bar top.
“I know you do baby…” April said as she wrapped her arms around his shoulders.
“It hurts…. It feels like my heart is crumbling inside of me.”
“Don’t give up sweetheart… things will be better.” April said, rubbing his back, trying to comfort him. “You did the right thing. It would never have worked if you had forced her to stay.”
“I could have gone with her.” Ryan mumbled.
“Some how I think that would have made things worse.” April said, giving him a firm hug. “No Ry… you did the right thing. You let her go.”
“It doesn’t feel like the right thing to do.” Ryan whispered.
“I have a feeling it will be in the long run.”
Ryan sat up and looked at April, “Do… do you think she’ll come back?”
April smiled and wiped his tears away. “I think so.”
______________________
*NICU: Neonatal Intensive Care Unit
*CPAP: Is a machine that helps the baby breath. It's not as intrusive as a tube would be, more of a mask over the nose and mouth. I think with babies, they just lay it near the face, so it blows the oxygen on them, but I could be wrong on that one.
On a side note I would like to say I have done a lot of research for this chapter as well... Because of Katri having Gestational Diabetes, they would have automatically checked the twins to make sure there blood sugar was no affected by her condition. And I actually found an article about a woman who had twins who' total weight was 18 lbs! She beat out the previous record (in England) by a few ounces. So its possible to have semi decent sized twins. And I think I stuck to a pretty typical time frame for her to go into labor. :D
http://vammyluv.livejournal.com/6942.html
http://community.livejournal.com/__vam/3747285.html
http://community.livejournal.com/__vam/3747900.html
http://community.livejournal.com/__vam/3750463.html
http://community.livejournal.com/__vam/3752018.html
http://community.livejournal.com/__vam/3752942.html?view=53081838
http://community.livejournal.com/__vam/3768079.html?view=53262863#t53262863
http://community.livejournal.com/__vam/3771615.html?view=53305311#t53305311
http://community.livejournal.com/__vam/3773309.html?view=53313661#t53313661
http://community.livejournal.com/__vam/3774885.html?view=53355173#t53355173
Author: myforgottenpain
Rating: R for content
Pairing: Vam all the way!
Summary: When Bam and Ville finally are given a chance to be together, will they be able to make the life they always wanted?
Disclaimer: I don’t own anything connected to HIM, Ville Valo, or Bam Margera. Nor do I imply that in reality they are anything but friends. I, however, could not pass up a great idea for a fan fiction!
Warnings: Angsty in the beginning, but it will get better! I swear!
Authors Notes: I'm still pulling this story together, so hopefully it will work well with me posting it before its done. I've only rewritten this story like... eight times...
additional warning You might want some tissues handy...
“There you are.” Katri said softly as she moved through the NICU. She placed her hand on the side of the incubator, gazing at the baby in it. “Little boy Margera. Daddy and papa haven’t decided on names yet? I’m sure they will think of something nice.”
She looked into the incubator next to it and to the little boy’s twin brother. “You too little guy… just hang in there.” She whispered putting her other hand on his incubator.
“I know you don’t really know who I am… but…I want you to know I did the best I could. I tried as hard as I could to make sure you would come out healthy.” Katri said as a tear ran down her cheek. “I talked to the nurses; I made sure they will keep checking your blood sugar. They said they wouldn’t forget.”
She pulled her hands away long enough to brush her tears away. “They said your blood sugar has been really good so far and you’re breathing well too. They said you’ll probably get to go home soon little Baby A Margera. Your daddy and poppa are going to love you so much.”
“Don’t think I forgot about you little Baby B Margera. No one could ever forget about you, especially not me. You came out backwards… I wasn’t sure we could get you out for a while there. But I kept pushing and pushing and finally… there you were.” She paused again when she felt like her emotions were getting the better of her. “They said if you had been as big as your brother that they wouldn’t have been able to get you out like that. You were so beautiful and I just wanted to hold you both… but they showed you to your fathers and then you were gone.”
“They said your blood sugar was a little low Baby B Margera… they said they had to help you with that…. And I wanted to say I was sorry. I’m so sorry… I’m sorry I was so weak. They… they said your breathing isn’t as good as your brother, that’s why they have you on that CPAP machine. As soon as you get a little stronger that will go away, then you can go home with your brother and your fathers will love you both so much.”
“But you’re doing really well little Baby A & B… usually twins aren’t as big as you two. You both weighed almost twelve pounds together! That’s about six pounds each… that’s a good weight for little babies. And you waited so patiently to come into this world, thirty seven weeks… that’s a long time to be patient.” Katri said, gazing at the babies in the little plastic cribs. “Now your daddies have to be patient for just a little bit longer, to make sure you are healthy enough to come home with them.”
A small smile appeared on her lips, “Your daddy stayed up all night and day with you while I slept… he fell asleep on your papa… my brother… who had stayed up with him. I think they finally went home to get a shower. I’m sure they will be back soon… they are so happy that you are here now. They have waited…so long to be a family. I…. will miss seeing you guys grow up… but I know you will be in good hands.”
Katri slowly backed away from the incubators, shaking her head as more tears came down her cheeks. “I can’t do this… I can’t do this…” She turned and hurried from the room.
****
“Daddy’s here boys.” Bam said as loudly as he dared too as they walked into the NICU, which was pretty much just above a whisper despite the bright smile on his face. He hurried over to the twins and gazed in on them. “They are beautiful…”
“Hey little guys… we have your room all ready for when you can come home.” Ville said as he stopped next to Bam, placing one hand on Bam’s back, the other on the incubator he was standing in front of.
“And we have names for you too. We were going to ask your aunt about them, but she wasn’t in her room. I can’t wait for you to meet her, she is a wonderful person and we all love her very much… especially your Godfather Ryan.”
“They are both wonderful people and we are so happy they are in your lives.” Ville said softly as he gazed at their son’s. “We owe them both so much.”
“As soon as we can find them, we’ll introduce you the right way.” Bam said softly, pulling out a new label to put over the title baby A, and replaced it with Esa Valo-Margera.
Ville waited until Bam was done and then removed baby B and replaced it with Niklas Valo-Margera.
“Little Esa and little Niklas… I’m your father Bam Margera, but I would prefer it if you called me daddy. All your bad genes you can blame on me. And this… this is your papa Ville Valo. See we took both of our last names and put them together… because you’re from both of us. All your good genes you got from him.” Bam said, smiling when Ville rolled his eyes.
“You have lots of good genes Bammie…” Ville said softly, kissing him on the cheek.
“Blue jeans maybe.” Bam mumbled, chuckling when Ville tickled him.
“You always look fabulous in blue jeans baby.” Ville said, kissing him gently.
“The doctor will be in to see you both soon and then we’ll find out how you’re doing. We can’t wait to take you both home. It’ won’t be much longer Esa and Niklas…. We promise… we’ll be home before you know it.” Bam said to the babies, anxious to hold them and feed them.
****
“Hey Katri…” Ryan stopped in the doorway, feeling a wave of horror unlike anything he had ever felt before as he watched the nurse make the bed with fresh linen. “Where is she?”
“Who?”
“The woman who was here…” Ryan asked as he came into the room. “Where is Katariina Valo?!”
“She checked out this morning. I don’t know where she went too.” The nurse answered as she went about her duties.
Panic rushed him, freezing his body for a moment before he could turn and run out of the building. Where could she have gone? Why didn’t she say anything? She didn’t even say good bye to him…
He tried calling her cell phone and got no answer. He tried calling back at the house, but no one was there. One thought rang in his head. She must have gone to the airport to wait for the first plane out of America.
Some snow was falling gently to the ground when he pulled out of the parking lot. April and Phil had made it safely along with Jess and his family; bringing with them a whole parade of balloons and gifts for their newest members of their family.
“Please let me get there…. Please…. Don’t let it be too late.” Ryan chanted to himself. He drove as quickly as he dared too to the airport. Once he got there, he rushed through the crowd of anxious prospective passengers, searching frantically for any sign of Katri.
Just when it seemed like he might as well give up, he saw her. She was standing next to a row of chairs, wearing an over sized shirt that left her looking even more fragile than she already was. He started repeating her name, slowly getting louder as he made his way to her.
She turned when he was a few feet away from her, her eyes filled with sadness as she frowned, “What are you doing here?!”
“Looking for you… what are you doing here?” Ryan asked as he stopped in front of her.
“You shouldn’t be here Ryan.” Katri said, putting her hand over her mouth as she turned away from him.
“Why not? Where else should I be?” Ryan asked as he followed Katri, trying to look at her directly.
“Bam needs you right now.”
“You need someone right now Katri. Why are you leaving? I thought…I thought you liked it here with us.” Ryan said as he lowered his voice, able to calm down his emotions long enough to say the last part gently.
“I do.” Katri whispered, fighting the urge to cry.
“Then stay…” Ryan whispered, reaching out to touch her.
Katri shook her head as she moved away from Ryan. “I can’t Ry…I’m sorry…I have to go.”
“Please don’t go…” Ryan pleaded.
“I can’t Ryan…I can’t do it. I…. it’s just too much.” Katri whispered, wrapping her arms around herself as she tried to battle the demons that were ragging inside of her.
“So that’s your answer? You’re going to run away….?” Ryan asked.
“It’s not that simple! I don’t have a choice!” Katri yelled.
“It is that simple! If you want to stay you should stay!” Ryan yelled back.
“Don’t you think I would if I could?” Katri cried, her voice becoming horse because of the tears she was crying.
“There is nothing stopping you from staying. No one wants you to go.” Ryan said, a few tears making it down his cheeks.
“There is no reason for me to be here now. Ville and Bam have their boys and I should just go…” Katri said softly.
“Is it because of the boys? Are you upset because of them? They are going to be fine. The doctor said that they are some of the healthiest twins he has seen in a long time…”
“No they are not. They are in the NICU because they are sick Ryan.” Katri said. “They are sick because of me….”
“No… no… they are fine. I’m sure it will only be a matter of time before they get to go home.” Ryan said softly.
“No… there is something wrong with them and there is nothing I can do to help them.” Katri said softly.
“I’m sure the nurses will take care of them.” Ryan answered just as softly. “You should stay; we need all the help we can get with those two.”
“No… I will never be able to let go of them completely unless I cut ties with them…. I don’t want to get confused over my role in their lives.” Katri said softly. “It was hard enough letting them go… I don’t want to watch as Bam and Ville raise them. Not yet at least… it hurts so much just thinking about how much I wanted to hold them back there… to take care of them…”
“Please don’t go.” Ryan whispered, more tears filling his eyes. “You are needed here.”
“No I’m not… Bam and Ville have all the help they need. I’m sure they will make wonderful parents…”
“I need you…” Ryan cried, cutting her off. “Don’t you see? I need you here.”
Katri cried more, “Please don’t do this to me Ryan… I can’t do this right now.”
“Please don’t go…” Ryan asked again.
“I don’t want to leave you.” Katri whispered.
“Then don’t… stay here with me.”
“Come with me.”
“What?” Ryan asked, “Is this an ultimatum or a request?”
Katri crossed her arms again, “I can’t stay….but you could come with me.”
Ryan gazed at her for a moment; he could see the pain and the fear in her eyes. He knew suddenly what was happening. “Is this what broke you and Luka up?”
“Don’t bring Luka into this Ryan. He has nothing to do with us.”
“He has everything to do with this. Is that what you said to him the last time you talked to one another? Come with me or never see me again?” Ryan asked.
“That’s not fair Ryan… you don’t know what was going on in my life then.”
“But I do know what is going on now….” Ryan studied her face for a moment, “Is this what you do… when something gets too hard for you to bear? You run from it?”
“This isn’t fair…” Katri mumbled, turning away from him.
For a moment Ryan just watched her, remembering what he had talked about with the man in the hospital. He wondered if he should fight Katri on her decision to leave, or let her go. He was so torn, realizing how she could very well have a legitimate reason for wanting to go. That didn’t stop it from hurting, the thought that he would never see her again.
A voice above them announced that another plane was boarding and he knew right away it must have been hers. He watched her gather up her bag and turn to leave, feeling like it was a dream. Even when he reached out and grabbed her hand, it didn’t seem real. “Katri.”
She put up no resistance when he stopped her, but didn’t look at him, even when he came closer she kept her eyes on the floor. “I’m so sorry…I hurt you just like I hurt Luka…” She whispered as tears slid down her cheeks.
“Shhh…” Ryan hushed her gently leaning in to kiss her gently on the cheek. “You will always have a home right here…” He whispered to her, picking up the hand he was holding so he could press it against his chest, over his heart. “Whenever you want it.”
Her fingers gripped the fabric of his shirt, as she pressed her body against his. She wanted to say something, tell him how much she wanted to stay in his embrace as he wrapped his arms around her. But the voice came back over the loud speaker and in a blur of reality she found herself joining the other passengers in line to leave America.
****
Something wasn’t right…. April thought to herself as she looked around the room. She counted and recounted the heads of the people around her, finally realizing who was missing. The answer to the missing person seemed easy enough; she knew right where to find him.
Excusing herself from her sons, their friends, and the others who had come to visit the twins; she walked down to Katri’s room, as surprised as the man who had been there before her that Katri was not in her room. She asked the nurse who was in there, where she went and was given the same news. She had checked herself out.
After figuring out who was going to go with who she took her PT Cruiser on a little trip home. She pulled into the driveway concerned for the man she had always considered another son. She walked carefully into the house, not sure what to expect. After a bit of investigation she found him in the pirate bar, or at least what was left of it.
Ryan was drinking straight from a bottle of whiskey. His cheeks flushed and damp with what could be sweat or tears.
“We missed you at the hospital.” April said softly, taking a seat at what use to be the bar.
“Things keep changing Ape…” Ryan said softly. “Everyone is moving on with their lives but me.”
April felt his heart break for the other man, “That’s not true Ryan…”
“No… no it is. Bam is tearing down the pirate bar… he doesn’t want the twins to be around it, plus he feels like there is no use in having it since Ville and him dried up.” Ryan said before taking another long drink from his bottle.
“Those are all good things Ryan. He just wants to make a good home for his children.” April said softly.
“There’s no room for me here anymore.”
“Don’t say that Ryan. There will always be a place for you here.”
“If you say so.” Ryan said softly, hanging his head while propping it against the bottle he was still clutching.
“Who did Bam ask to be the Godfather of his children? Huh Ryan? Answer me that?” April said a little more sternly. “He didn’t ask Dico did he?”
“That would be crazy!”
“He didn’t ask Rake, or Novak, or even Johnny Knoxville! He asked you Ryan. And there is a reason he did, because he knew above everyone else…. He could trust you to take care of his children.” She stopped for a moment, drawing in a breath. “But this isn’t about Bam is it Ry?”
His lip trembled as he shook his head. “No…”
“Ryan…” April whispered, putting her hand on his back.
“I miss her so much.” Ryan croaked, letting go of the bottle as he laid his head on the bar top.
“I know you do baby…” April said as she wrapped her arms around his shoulders.
“It hurts…. It feels like my heart is crumbling inside of me.”
“Don’t give up sweetheart… things will be better.” April said, rubbing his back, trying to comfort him. “You did the right thing. It would never have worked if you had forced her to stay.”
“I could have gone with her.” Ryan mumbled.
“Some how I think that would have made things worse.” April said, giving him a firm hug. “No Ry… you did the right thing. You let her go.”
“It doesn’t feel like the right thing to do.” Ryan whispered.
“I have a feeling it will be in the long run.”
Ryan sat up and looked at April, “Do… do you think she’ll come back?”
April smiled and wiped his tears away. “I think so.”
______________________
*NICU: Neonatal Intensive Care Unit
*CPAP: Is a machine that helps the baby breath. It's not as intrusive as a tube would be, more of a mask over the nose and mouth. I think with babies, they just lay it near the face, so it blows the oxygen on them, but I could be wrong on that one.
On a side note I would like to say I have done a lot of research for this chapter as well... Because of Katri having Gestational Diabetes, they would have automatically checked the twins to make sure there blood sugar was no affected by her condition. And I actually found an article about a woman who had twins who' total weight was 18 lbs! She beat out the previous record (in England) by a few ounces. So its possible to have semi decent sized twins. And I think I stuck to a pretty typical time frame for her to go into labor. :D
http://vammyluv.livejournal.com/6942.html
http://community.livejournal.com/__vam/3747285.html
http://community.livejournal.com/__vam/3747900.html
http://community.livejournal.com/__vam/3750463.html
http://community.livejournal.com/__vam/3752018.html
http://community.livejournal.com/__vam/3752942.html?view=53081838
http://community.livejournal.com/__vam/3768079.html?view=53262863#t53262863
http://community.livejournal.com/__vam/3771615.html?view=53305311#t53305311
http://community.livejournal.com/__vam/3773309.html?view=53313661#t53313661
http://community.livejournal.com/__vam/3774885.html?view=53355173#t53355173