vagueangel
in
__vam
Just Another Kid
Summary- Bam's known for a while that Ville has a little.. problem. But what happens when it starts getting out of control?
Rating- Mostly PG-13, but since it's me, there are NC-17 bits thrown in.
Caution- This is a bloody long story.
Right then... onward.
Chapters 1-5
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Sitting on the edge of the couch, Ville smiled gratefully as Bam sat and took his hand again. He watched anxiously as the doctor flipped through the forms he had just filled out.
“Ah, I spoke to you over the phone,” Jackson said, looking over the rim of his glasses at Bam. “The regression case, right?” Seeing him nod, the doctor sat back in his chair, looking at Ville. “Why don’t you tell me a bit of what happens when you’re altered?”
“Well, I don’t know.” Ville squeezed Bam’s hand tightly, wanting to be absolutely anywhere but in that office. “I don’t really remember. I just… I’m in one place, doing something, then all of a sudden I’ll be somewhere completely different.” He shrugged self consciously, staring and the carpet. “It’s just like losing time.”
Bam patted his knee. “Do you mind if I..?” He motioned towards the doctor. As Ville emphatically shook his head, he explained what he had seen over the past year.
Occasionally making notes, Jackson nodded as he listened. “Alright. And about how long has this been going on?”
Shrugging again, Ville still stared at the ground. “As far as I can remember, it happened a few times when I was seventeen or so, when I got my own flat. And then again a few years later.” He shook his head a bit. “I’m not sure, though. I could ring up my friend, if it’s important.”
Jackson smiled gently as the anxious gaze was finally turned to him. “It will help, to know when you’ve regressed in the past, so we can look at what was going on in your life at the time.” He glanced down at the folder again. “Tell me a bit about your family, childhood and such.”
As Ville began to talk softly, Bam kept a tight hold of his hand, now clasped in both of his. When Jackson asked about their relationship, he saw Ville’s hesitant look. “Go on, Vil. Tell him anything you want. It’s okay, babe.”
Ville hesitated again, only slightly. “We’ve been best friends for four years. We’ve been together for just over one.” His gaze returned to the carpet. “He’s always there for me, and I can tell him anything. Sometimes we fight, but it’s never anything a few hours to cool down won’t mend.” He glanced up at Bam and blushed. “He’s so very good to me. And that he’s been silently putting up with.. this, for a year…” His voice dropped to a whisper. “He’s the best thing in my life, and I love him so much.”
Making another note, Jackson smiled again. “That’s good. You’re going to need a lot of support.” He shut the folder and looked appraisingly at the two of them. “Let me tell you a little of what you’re up against.
“Almost anything can trigger a regression; a phrase, a memory, a visual cue, even a scent. Regression is most often the product of some trauma in childhood; something happens that you aren’t able to deal with, and your mind shuts off a section of itself, to bear the brunt of that pain. Sort of like there are two selves, the one who carries this burden and stays forever locked in that moment, in that age.. and the self that has little or no recollection of the event, the self the grows up and lives life.”
Pulling a face, Ville gripped Bam’s hand tighter. “Isn’t that like, schizophrenia? Have I got multiple personalities or something?”
“No,” Jackson reassured him quickly. “Self was maybe not the right word. The state of mind is altered. There’s a part of your mind that just hasn’t grown up. There is most likely one specific event you just couldn’t cope with. And once we figure out what it is, we can integrate that memory with your conscious mind, and everything will go back to normal.” He looked at Bam. “I hope you’re serious about this, because things usually get worse before they get better. He’ll act out in what seems like an irrational way. You’ve dealt with a lot, and very well.
“But aside from the hiding, he may start shutting down completely, going on the defensive.. Things that will seem completely out of line to you. Remember, in Ville’s mind, at the time, these actions are perfectly justifiable, the only thing he can consider doing. And Ville, don’t worry; some people are in this altered state perpetually. You seem to usually snap out of it after a few hours.”
Hardly aware of the tears in his eyes, Ville just nodded. “So, what do I do? I mean, can you give me some medication, or do I have to dredge through every memory I have, or…” He cut off, looking up at the doctor.
Jackson shook his head. “I can’t give you a pill that will magically make this go away. We’re going to have to go through a lot, to find out what is triggering this sort of reaction.” He pulled his planner closer. “Once we find that, it’s a surprisingly easy process to reintegrate your conscious self to your unconscious, to fill this emotional void somewhere in childhood.”
Ville took in the daunting words, and leaned into Bam, seeking support, physical and mental. “Okay,” he whispered. “What now? I mean, what do I do until then?” He bit his lip hard. “How do I stop it?
Giving him a sympathetic look, Jackson shook his head. “You don’t. Right now, we make another appointment, and after that another, until we find out what’s causing your regressions. Until then…”
Bam spoke up then, after remaining silent since his explanation of Ville’s behavior. “Is there anything I can do? When he gets like that, I mean.” He gently rubbed Ville’s back. “Is there something I can do or say to help him?”
“Just be there. You seem to be doing a good job.” Jackson dug through the mass of papers on his desk. “I can give you the names of several support groups, for both you and Ville. But otherwise, it’s going to take time.”
“C’mon, Vil. Please?” Bam gave him puppy dog eyes, sighing in frustration as his boyfriend shook his head stubbornly. “Dude, seriously. It’s just Dunn and Novak. We’re gonna skate for a while and go out for a beer or something.”
Ville shook his head again, leaning on the railing of the deck. “I’d really rather not, sweetheart. I don’t feel up to it.” He looked out over the yard, willing Bam to drop it, knowing he wouldn’t.
Getting up as Ville turned away from him, Bam stood next to him. “Don’t be such a pussy. I won’t even bug you to skate. You can just sit and smoke like a fuckin chimney.” Slipping an arm around his waist, Bam smiled.
“I said no.”
“Why the hell not?”
Taking a long drag off his cigarette, Ville sighed. “What if something happens while we’re out? I just don’t feel comfortable.” He felt Bam stiffen beside him and put out his cigarette. “Bammie, please-“
“So, you’re just gonna be some kind of shut in?” Bam frowned up at him. “If something happens, I’ll be there. I’ll get you away.”
“Unless you’re too drunk.”
Bam let go of him, shaking his head. “You can’t be some sort of recluse, Ville. That’s just stupid.” He reached up to take Ville’s chin, bringing their gaze together. “We won’t stay long, baby. Please?”
Hearing the sounds of a car, Novak’s loud ‘uh-huh!’, Ville leaned in to kiss Bam softly. “I’m sorry, sweetheart.” He slipped into the house quickly.
Novak and Dunn made their way onto the deck, just missing Ville. Grinning, turning perpetually sleepy blue eyes to Bam, Novak clapped him on the back.
“Yo, life partner. Where’s the girlfriend?”
“Quit calling him that, dick.” Bam punched Dunn lightly, getting a harder one in return. “What’s up, guys?” As they each held up their decks, he grinned. “Let me go get my board. Be right back.”
Running inside, Bam burst into his room. He frowned a bit at the sight of Ville curled up on the bed, headphones on, scribbling into a notebook. Grabbing his favorite deck, he sat on the bed.
Ville jumped a bit, sliding the headphones down to his neck. He looked up at Bam expectantly. When there was only silence, he sighed. “When you’re going out, come tell me. Maybe I’ll join. I just.. need some time to myself.”
“Okay. I only thought you might have some fun.” Bam shrugged and leaned down to kiss Ville’s cheek. “You know where we’ll be.”
“Have fun, love.” Ville watched Bam bound out of the room and slipped his headphones back on. He continued scribbling furiously for a few minutes before hurling the notebook across the room. The Discman followed, and he lay in the middle of the bed, hands over his face, trying to calm down.
Rating- Mostly PG-13, but since it's me, there are NC-17 bits thrown in.
Caution- This is a bloody long story.
Right then... onward.
Chapters 1-5
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Sitting on the edge of the couch, Ville smiled gratefully as Bam sat and took his hand again. He watched anxiously as the doctor flipped through the forms he had just filled out.
“Ah, I spoke to you over the phone,” Jackson said, looking over the rim of his glasses at Bam. “The regression case, right?” Seeing him nod, the doctor sat back in his chair, looking at Ville. “Why don’t you tell me a bit of what happens when you’re altered?”
“Well, I don’t know.” Ville squeezed Bam’s hand tightly, wanting to be absolutely anywhere but in that office. “I don’t really remember. I just… I’m in one place, doing something, then all of a sudden I’ll be somewhere completely different.” He shrugged self consciously, staring and the carpet. “It’s just like losing time.”
Bam patted his knee. “Do you mind if I..?” He motioned towards the doctor. As Ville emphatically shook his head, he explained what he had seen over the past year.
Occasionally making notes, Jackson nodded as he listened. “Alright. And about how long has this been going on?”
Shrugging again, Ville still stared at the ground. “As far as I can remember, it happened a few times when I was seventeen or so, when I got my own flat. And then again a few years later.” He shook his head a bit. “I’m not sure, though. I could ring up my friend, if it’s important.”
Jackson smiled gently as the anxious gaze was finally turned to him. “It will help, to know when you’ve regressed in the past, so we can look at what was going on in your life at the time.” He glanced down at the folder again. “Tell me a bit about your family, childhood and such.”
As Ville began to talk softly, Bam kept a tight hold of his hand, now clasped in both of his. When Jackson asked about their relationship, he saw Ville’s hesitant look. “Go on, Vil. Tell him anything you want. It’s okay, babe.”
Ville hesitated again, only slightly. “We’ve been best friends for four years. We’ve been together for just over one.” His gaze returned to the carpet. “He’s always there for me, and I can tell him anything. Sometimes we fight, but it’s never anything a few hours to cool down won’t mend.” He glanced up at Bam and blushed. “He’s so very good to me. And that he’s been silently putting up with.. this, for a year…” His voice dropped to a whisper. “He’s the best thing in my life, and I love him so much.”
Making another note, Jackson smiled again. “That’s good. You’re going to need a lot of support.” He shut the folder and looked appraisingly at the two of them. “Let me tell you a little of what you’re up against.
“Almost anything can trigger a regression; a phrase, a memory, a visual cue, even a scent. Regression is most often the product of some trauma in childhood; something happens that you aren’t able to deal with, and your mind shuts off a section of itself, to bear the brunt of that pain. Sort of like there are two selves, the one who carries this burden and stays forever locked in that moment, in that age.. and the self that has little or no recollection of the event, the self the grows up and lives life.”
Pulling a face, Ville gripped Bam’s hand tighter. “Isn’t that like, schizophrenia? Have I got multiple personalities or something?”
“No,” Jackson reassured him quickly. “Self was maybe not the right word. The state of mind is altered. There’s a part of your mind that just hasn’t grown up. There is most likely one specific event you just couldn’t cope with. And once we figure out what it is, we can integrate that memory with your conscious mind, and everything will go back to normal.” He looked at Bam. “I hope you’re serious about this, because things usually get worse before they get better. He’ll act out in what seems like an irrational way. You’ve dealt with a lot, and very well.
“But aside from the hiding, he may start shutting down completely, going on the defensive.. Things that will seem completely out of line to you. Remember, in Ville’s mind, at the time, these actions are perfectly justifiable, the only thing he can consider doing. And Ville, don’t worry; some people are in this altered state perpetually. You seem to usually snap out of it after a few hours.”
Hardly aware of the tears in his eyes, Ville just nodded. “So, what do I do? I mean, can you give me some medication, or do I have to dredge through every memory I have, or…” He cut off, looking up at the doctor.
Jackson shook his head. “I can’t give you a pill that will magically make this go away. We’re going to have to go through a lot, to find out what is triggering this sort of reaction.” He pulled his planner closer. “Once we find that, it’s a surprisingly easy process to reintegrate your conscious self to your unconscious, to fill this emotional void somewhere in childhood.”
Ville took in the daunting words, and leaned into Bam, seeking support, physical and mental. “Okay,” he whispered. “What now? I mean, what do I do until then?” He bit his lip hard. “How do I stop it?
Giving him a sympathetic look, Jackson shook his head. “You don’t. Right now, we make another appointment, and after that another, until we find out what’s causing your regressions. Until then…”
Bam spoke up then, after remaining silent since his explanation of Ville’s behavior. “Is there anything I can do? When he gets like that, I mean.” He gently rubbed Ville’s back. “Is there something I can do or say to help him?”
“Just be there. You seem to be doing a good job.” Jackson dug through the mass of papers on his desk. “I can give you the names of several support groups, for both you and Ville. But otherwise, it’s going to take time.”
“C’mon, Vil. Please?” Bam gave him puppy dog eyes, sighing in frustration as his boyfriend shook his head stubbornly. “Dude, seriously. It’s just Dunn and Novak. We’re gonna skate for a while and go out for a beer or something.”
Ville shook his head again, leaning on the railing of the deck. “I’d really rather not, sweetheart. I don’t feel up to it.” He looked out over the yard, willing Bam to drop it, knowing he wouldn’t.
Getting up as Ville turned away from him, Bam stood next to him. “Don’t be such a pussy. I won’t even bug you to skate. You can just sit and smoke like a fuckin chimney.” Slipping an arm around his waist, Bam smiled.
“I said no.”
“Why the hell not?”
Taking a long drag off his cigarette, Ville sighed. “What if something happens while we’re out? I just don’t feel comfortable.” He felt Bam stiffen beside him and put out his cigarette. “Bammie, please-“
“So, you’re just gonna be some kind of shut in?” Bam frowned up at him. “If something happens, I’ll be there. I’ll get you away.”
“Unless you’re too drunk.”
Bam let go of him, shaking his head. “You can’t be some sort of recluse, Ville. That’s just stupid.” He reached up to take Ville’s chin, bringing their gaze together. “We won’t stay long, baby. Please?”
Hearing the sounds of a car, Novak’s loud ‘uh-huh!’, Ville leaned in to kiss Bam softly. “I’m sorry, sweetheart.” He slipped into the house quickly.
Novak and Dunn made their way onto the deck, just missing Ville. Grinning, turning perpetually sleepy blue eyes to Bam, Novak clapped him on the back.
“Yo, life partner. Where’s the girlfriend?”
“Quit calling him that, dick.” Bam punched Dunn lightly, getting a harder one in return. “What’s up, guys?” As they each held up their decks, he grinned. “Let me go get my board. Be right back.”
Running inside, Bam burst into his room. He frowned a bit at the sight of Ville curled up on the bed, headphones on, scribbling into a notebook. Grabbing his favorite deck, he sat on the bed.
Ville jumped a bit, sliding the headphones down to his neck. He looked up at Bam expectantly. When there was only silence, he sighed. “When you’re going out, come tell me. Maybe I’ll join. I just.. need some time to myself.”
“Okay. I only thought you might have some fun.” Bam shrugged and leaned down to kiss Ville’s cheek. “You know where we’ll be.”
“Have fun, love.” Ville watched Bam bound out of the room and slipped his headphones back on. He continued scribbling furiously for a few minutes before hurling the notebook across the room. The Discman followed, and he lay in the middle of the bed, hands over his face, trying to calm down.