the other day i realized that i have never in my life felt attractive.
i have times where i feel pretty because i'm dolled up or having a good hair day, but i never feel attractive and there is a HUGE difference ( Read more... )

you know how you reach those low points in your life where you become so overwhelmed that all you can do is laugh and make a joke of it?
i've been hurled past that point.

fuck my life.
fuck every single aspect of it.

i feel like i'm reliving a shitty part of my history right now.

except this time it's much, much worse.
i'm completely unsatisfied with practically every single aspect of my life.

it sucks how one song can bring back feelings you told yourself weren't there anymore.

i miss you.
way more than i want to.
i wish we had met a couple years down the road.

&right when i thought it didn't matter.

i realized yesterday that devin is one of the best things that has ever come into my life.
and it scares the shit out of me.
this is the relationship that i've always wanted with someone. that kind of true relationship. and i don't know if i'm ready for it.

growing up is really hard fucking work.

it's depressing when being let down becomes an expectation.

i feel like i should say a lot more.
but there are too many things stopping me.
... mostly my own pride.

just once, i want to be the one on the receiving end of all of this.

i know it was entirely my fault.
i know it better than you, i promise.
and i can't even imagine how you feel.
i could never fully tell you how sorry i am.
i feel completely empty inside.

living with something someone else did is hard enough.
but living with something you did ( Read more... )

kendra told me tonight that i probably really need to see a therapist.
and the more i think about it, the more i think she's right.

something in my head isn't on straight.
i have fucked up point of views.
fucked up morals.
a fucked up outlook on things.

i'm to the point of having no idea who i am.
&past the point of that being acceptable.

i got my nose pierced today.

i got two rats today!!!!!!!
omgomgomgomgomgomg. i'm so fucking excited. i've wanted a rat since i was like eight years old... and devin got me TWO today!
jadlfkjaldkjfalkjgahjdflajkf they're the best things ever.

one looks almost exactly like this:

( Read more... )